


Paths

by shannyfish



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: AU, Adopted Children, Alex Palmer, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arrow - Freeform, Arrow Family, Assassins & Hitmen, Atom - Freeform, Canary - Freeform, Children, Clara Palmer, Etta Palmer, F/M, Felicity Palmer, Five Years, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Future Fic, Gen, League of Assassins - Freeform, Liv Palmer, Palmer Technologies, Past Relationship(s), Post "The Climb", Pregnancy, Raylicity, Sara Diggle - Freeform, Sexual Content, Smut, SpeedyArsenal, Star City, Team Arrow, Team Flash referenced, dyla, olicity - Freeform, smoaknlance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-03-11 12:01:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 143,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3326582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shannyfish/pseuds/shannyfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place five years after "The Climb".  Oliver never returns after his duel with Ra's al Ghul and those who love him mourn his death, but move on with their lives.  But five years later, Oliver returns to a very different city.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Star City - The Future

“All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. However, a path without a heart is never enjoyable. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy — it does not make a warrior work at liking it; it makes for a joyful journey; as long as a man follows it, he is one with it.” ~ Carlos Castaneda

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Star City 2020**

 

It was late, but Felicity was determined to take her walk. Sometimes keeping in shape became a real challenge when you were a working mom. Ray was always using the home gym before she even wanted to think about being awake, but he was always there to climb into the shower with her. Felicity just couldn’t do the full on gym thing. She was more of the walking and exercise video type of person. The area where she lived was the safest in the whole city and even late at night with a two year old in a stroller, so why not use it to her advantage?

“Mama! Look!” 

Felicity stopped and crouched down next to the stroller as she looked in the direction that her daughter was pointing. “That’s Mommy and Daddy’s work,” she said with a smile.

“Pammer Tech,” Liv said.

“Palmer Technologies,” Felicity told her. “You are correct!” They only stopped for a moment before going back to their walk.

Five years had passed and Starling City had gone through a huge overhaul. Not only had it been rebranded as Star City, but it was all so much safer. Even the Glades had gone from a half demolished ghetto to a prosperous middle class district. The crime rate was almost as low as unemployment. It had also been named one of the top ten safest places to live the past two years in a row. Ray and Palmer Technologies had made all of that happen. Felicity had never imagined this was what her life would be like.

Felicity had finally married Ray, he’d proposed numerous times. It had taken her over two years for her to not only accept Oliver’s death, but also to allow herself to completely love another man. Now, they were happily married with four girls. They lived within walking distance of the company building in a huge penthouse suite. Ray had made sure that they all had the best of everything and Felicity couldn’t believe on a daily basis how phenomenal of a dad Ray was to their girls.

Pausing, Felicity suddenly felt like she was being followed. She looked around, but didn’t see anyone or anything out of the usual or suspicious. Her eyes moved upward along the building she was walking next to and her eyes suddenly widened, but when she blinked there was nothing there.

Tears ran down her face and she immediately started to dial Ray, her handsfree clip already in place. She felt like throwing up as she stared upward, but there was still no familiar silhouette which she had swore was just there moments before. 

A ghost.

“Felicity?”

She couldn’t breathe.

“Felicity?”

“H-h-hi,” she managed to force out.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

His tone was hitting concerned and pushing towards worried. It broke her out of her shock enough to speak again. “I-I um… I thought I saw someone…but it must have just been my imagination.” 

“But you’re okay?”

Sucking in a deep breath, Felicity started to push the stroller again. “Yeah…sorry…it just…startled me… I’m right around the corner.”

“Want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“If you’re not busy,” she said quietly.

“You know I’m never too busy for you,” Ray told her. They were both quiet for a moment. “Etta’s already in bed,” he spoke up to break the silence. “Clara and Alex are up reading.” There was a short pause. “Is Liv still awake?”

Felicity peeked at the blonde two year old in the stroller. “Sleepy, but awake.”

“Good,” Ray told her. “I wanted to read her that new book tonight.”

He was so sweet like that. Ray was the kind of dad that sat down and helped with homework, read books with the girls, colored pages of ponies and rainbows, played dress-up and tea party, and listened to all the school drama that seemed never ending. Felicity felt comforted just listening to his voice and thinking that home was just minutes away. 

“You still there?” Ray asked.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “I was just thinking about how lucky I am…”

“I’m really the one who’s lucky,” Ray told her, she could practically hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. “I have the best wife and the greatest girls… You five make me the happiest man in the world…”

Felicity was beaming. She got to their building and the doors were opened for her by the building’s doorman. Pushing Liv in the stroller through the doors, she smiled a bit brighter when she found Ray standing there in the lobby with the phone up to his ear. Both of them ended their call and quickly closed the distance between them. Felicity felt weight lifted off of her, all of the worry just dissipated. She’d almost forgotten why she’d even panicked. “Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi,” Ray echoed as he kissed her, his arm wrapping around her and holding her tight. After a moment, they walked to the elevator, pushing the stroller along as they went. Felicity honestly didn’t know how her life would have been different if she hadn’t chosen the path she had. Would she have been able to handle it? Felicity didn’t think that any other choice would have made her as happy as she was now with Ray and the girls. 

“Please tell me that after reading to Liv that you and I can crack open a bottle of wine,” Felicity said as they entered the elevator. Of course she was going to drink a huge bottle of water once she got home, but a glass of wine and just relaxing with her husband sounded so good. 

Ray pressed the button for the top floor. “I pulled out that cheap blue bottled stuff you love so much,” he told her before kissing her forehead. “AND I stopped and picked up something special for dessert for us on the way home.”

“Only for us?”

“I might have brought the girls home a box of those chocolate donuts for breakfast tomorrow that you hate them having,” Ray said slowly. He shrugged for a moment. “I figured occasionally it wouldn’t hurt them. Plus, we’ll get them on a sugar high and send them off to school…sounds like a win-win to me.”

He was right.

They had four girls: two, ten, thirteen, and fourteen. They were all really good kids, but sugar just tended to make them all bounce off the walls and talk a mile a minute. Plus, Felicity swore the sugar made the eldest two somehow end up having a more dramatic day (which she and Ray would later have to listen to when they got home). They really didn’t need sugar to help them in the drama department as it was.

“You’re right,” Felicity finally spoke up. “Plus, it’ll be a nice start to their Friday.”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

The elevator was moving upwards and Felicity couldn’t wait to be back in the comfort and safety of their home. She’d accepted that all she’d seen out there had been a flash of her imagination. Nothing more. It was just her mind playing a cruel trick on her. IT had been some time since hooded vigilantes had roamed rooftops.

“I can go put Liv down if you want to shower?” Ray suggested as they exited the elevator.

That sounded SO nice to her. It wasn’t that often where she or Ray were able to shower (or be in the bathroom at all for that matter) in peace without someone knocking on the door or trying to have a conversation through the door…or even having their phones blown up with texts that only seemed urgent to their teens. 

“You know,” Felicity said slowly as she continued to think about it. “I think I’ll sit with Liv and listen to that story…and then after, maybe you’ll be willing to wash my back?”

“You have one of those sponges on a stick,” Ray teased.

“Those things don’t quite reach all the right places.”

He leaned in and kissed her again. “Anything you want,” Ray told her. He moved to open the all weather cover and then unbuckled Liv from her stroller before unzipping her jacket before pulling it off. Ray pulled the blonde little girl out of the stroller and kissed her cheek. “How’s Daddy’s tiniest angel?” he asked. 

“Mama…me…walked!” Liv exclaimed.

“Oh, I know…” Ray told the two year old, he sounded like he was seriously invested in the conversation. 

“Pammer Tech!” Liv continued.

“Oh yeah? You saw the company, did you?” Ray continued as he carried her in the direction of her room with Felicity following after them. “Maybe I’ll have to come on your exciting walks with Mommy more often!”

“Et-tah!”

“Oh? You want us to bring Etta, too?” Ray shrugged. “Not sure she’s going to be up for that… I think she finds doing math more interesting.”

“Clar-rah!”

“And Clara?!” Ray exclaimed. 

Liv quickly added, “Al-ex!”

“Wow… I don’t know if we’re going to get Clara and Alex to give up reading time for walking… I’m pretty sure they both complain that we make them walk everywhere already. Not sure I’m willing to force them to walk more with you, me, and Mommy.”

Felicity just smiled as she listened to them. This was part of their nightly routine. Every night, Felicity would bathe Liv and then bundle her up and they’d go for their walk before coming home to the house be read to until she fell asleep. She helped Ray remove her shoes and socks before they tucked her into bed. Settling next to her youngest daughter on the bed, Felicity wrapped her arm around her and got comfortable. Ray sat on the edge of the bed on the other side with the new book he’d picked up for Liv. 

Each of the girls had their own room, even though she and Ray sometimes wondered if Clara and Alex really needed their own rooms. Liv’s was probably the most girly. It was pink with flowers and butterflies as its theme. She had a dress-up little wardrobe of fancy princess dresses and all of the accessories. Though, they certainly didn’t only expose her to those pretty pink princess-y things, even at two they were trying to introduce as many educational things as possible in order to further Liv’s knowledge base. With her already ahead of the average development curve, they wanted to make sure that they provided Liv with every opportunity now and in the future.

“New book!” Liv cheered as she clapped her hands together.

“This one is called ‘Where The Wild Things Are’,” Ray said and then started to make growling sounds, which only made Liv giggle. Suddenly his voice got quite serious. “The night that Max wore his wolf suit…and made mischief of one kind…and another.”

“Puppy!” Liv said as she pointed to the picture. 

By the end of the book, Liv had fallen asleep. She’d had a long day between daycare and playing at home with her older sisters plus the relaxing bath and walk…it was nice that she wasn’t fighting sleep or just super grumpy. Her falling asleep so peacefully always meant that she and Ray had a much better rest of the night. They kissed her and said their goodnights before leaving the room. 

Carefully, they closed Liv’s door until it was just to the one inch mark. There was a nightlight in her room, so they didn’t have to worry about her waking up and being scared or not being able to see. Liv normally stayed in bed, but they didn’t want one of the other kids to accidentally wake her. All along the hallway that contained all of the bedrooms were pictures of all of the kids. Pictures that spanned their whole lives and each bedroom door had their name on it. It was Felicity’s favorite part of the house because to her, it told a story, it told THEIR story. 

Peeking in on Etta, they found her fast asleep, her dark hair perfectly braided. Felicity was certain that one of the older girls had to have helped the ten year old with it, since she hadn’t mastered braiding quite yet. Etta could do high school level math, but she couldn’t braid her own hair. She definitely had a unique skill set. Her room was a light purple and the main theme in her room centered around her black and white zebra striped bed set. 

“Two down, two to go,” Ray whispered as they closed her door and made their way down the hall. 

Felicity just smiled as they moved on. The next room they opened belonged to Clara, it was dark and vacant. Her room had light pink walls with one black wall and it was decorated as a Paris theme. Even though they could pretty much go whenever they wanted whenever they wanted, they had the money, they hadn’t yet made it to Paris. What Clara didn’t know is that they already had a plan to go to Paris as a family for Clara’s fourteenth birthday. With no girls in that room, that meant that the eldest two were in Alex’s room. 

Sure enough, both girls were in pajamas while sitting on Alex’s bed reading. They were both reading completely different books, but they were quiet and happy. This was how they always were, when they weren’t talking a mile a minute they were content just to be in each other’s presence. Alex’s room was louder than the others, all of the walls were a clean white except one wall that was a splash of bright color in a teal/sky blue tone. One wall contained a collage of lime green and matching teal/sky blue colored frames with photographs. Neither girl acknowledged their presence, but this really wasn’t anything new. 

“Fifteen more minutes,” Felicity announced.

The girls suddenly looked over at them and were obviously not happy. They were never happy when their reading was interrupted. “But Mom!” Clara complained. 

“Can’t we have like another hour?” Alex requested.

“School tomorrow,” Ray reminded. “And you girls need your rest…”

“But I’m at the most exciting part!” Clara told them.

Felicity smiled. “And it’ll be just as exciting when you read it over breakfast.”

“I picked up chocolate donuts,” Ray brought up.

Both girls closed their books and looked even happier. “The kind that Mom doesn’t let us have?”

“Those are the ones!”

The girls squealed for a moment before hugging. “Okay, love you…sleep well and see you in the morning,” the girls said together. 

With that, they separated and Clara hugged them both quickly. “I love you guys!” Clara beamed before hurrying to her bedroom. 

Felicity smiled as she watched her hurry out. Clara was always the most affectionate one. She turned back to Alex and could tell that something was off. She moved to sit on the edge of Alex’s bed and looked back at Ray. “Do you mind if she and I talk for a couple of minutes?”

Ray nodded and smiled. “Okay…I’ll make sure Clara isn’t trying to sneak donuts and meet you in our room,” he said. “Night, Alex.”

“Night Dad,” Alex said with a smile.

They waited until Ray left and the door was closed before Felicity looked at their eldest. “What’s up?”

“You know you’re getting way too good with this whole…Mom…thing,” Alex said as she motioned in a circle to Felicity.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Felicity told her quickly and beamed a bit. She liked feeling like she was good at being a mom. Sometimes that was hard when you had two teenagers and a pre-teen. She figured that if she could survive that…then she could definitely survive having a toddler…because eventually Liv would be a teenager…and it was likely going to happen far too quickly.

Alex was quiet for a long moment. “I just… I feel like sometimes I take you guys for granted or something,” she explained. “I mean…Clara and Etta—“

“Hey, we are ONE family,” Felicity said quickly. “I don’t want you to forget that or think that I don’t love you just as much as I love Clara or Etta or Liv…” She pushed a stray strand of blonde hair away from Alex’s face. “You’re my daughter and nothing is ever going to change that…”

“You sure?”

“I’m positive.”

“What if I had purple hair?”

Felicity grinned. “Maybe purple streaks,” she told her. “I went through a…phase, I guess I might call it…thinking back…” She ran her fingers through her ponytail. “I had black hair and purple streaks…”

“Wow… Mom was a rebel…”

“But it wasn’t really who I was.”

“Why did you change?” 

Felicity thought about it for a moment. Her first response was going to be because of Cooper’s death, but she’d found out years later that Cooper actually hadn’t died. That had all been a lie. “Something bad happened… I realized that I wasn’t that bad girl persona that I had…” She smiled at the thought of it all. If that had never happened, she likely wouldn’t be there now. She would have a different life. “And I wouldn’t change that…”

“Okay, there HAVE to be pictures,” Alex said as she wrapped her arms around Felicity and laid her head on her shoulder. “Who do I need to call?”

“Oh no, no pictures…”

Alex practically squealed as she sat up and turned to look straight at Felicity. “Oh my god! Are you telling me that Dad hasn’t even seen them?”

She was going to regret telling Alex about this. She had just wanted to explain to her that hair didn’t make you who you were…and sort of instill in her that people changed and so did feelings. “No…or at least, he hasn’t said anything.”

“Nan has to have some!”

“We really don’t need them—“

“C’mon! We have NO pictures of you when you were little…”

“I was in college.”

“Excellent!” Alex enthused. “Now I’ll know the exact timeframe to ask for pictures from Nan for!” She grinned. “I’ll just tell her it’s for a school project…”

Felicity sighed. She knew that she shouldn’t be embarrassed or anything, but her past…was her past. There were a lot of moments and time periods that she was glad were over and gone. Some that had stained her life and others that had left her wounded. 

“Didn’t you write on the calendar that she’s visiting next week? Cuz…we all know how she is with technology… I think it took us like an hour last time to customize ringtones…” 

Her mother hadn’t changed at all. There was something endearing about it and some things that just drove Felicity crazy. Ray had actually offered to have her live with them when they’d first moved into the penthouse. That’s why he’d made sure it had at least five bedrooms. They’d planned on having Clara and Alex share a room, but her mother had turned down the offer. Felicity didn’t think that her mother could easily just give up working, or at least not just like that. 

“Okay, well… You can text Nan in the morning, but right now…bedtime,” Felicity told her.

“Mom?” Alex said as she climbed under her covers and reached to turn off the light. 

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

She smiled at her. “I love you too, Sweetheart.”

Ray was already in their room when she finally left Alex’s room. She took a few minutes to check again on the girls before checking their doors to make sure they were locked. They had an insane security system and the building was likely the safest in the whole city, but Felicity couldn’t help herself…she couldn’t sleep without checking for herself.

Maybe your past lives never left you.

Even Star City was no longer Starling City and the Glades, Felicity still remembered it. How it used to be. How the streets had been filled with blood. How Slade Wilson had set out an army of Mirakuru soldiers to take over the city. How Malcolm Merlyn had leveled half of the Glades with his Undertaking. How Ra’s al Ghul and the League of Assassins had laid siege to the city for a time. All of that was in the past, but sometimes…it felt like it was yesterday. 

She stopped in the living room and stared at a couple of pictures she’d put up when they’d first moved in, Felicity’s finger caressed the side of the frame and she tried to keep from crying at the memory. It was a picture of her, Oliver, and John. It had been back in the early days…they’d all been smiling in the picture, even Oliver. She missed them. The other picture beside it was John, Lyla, and Sara when she’d just been born. Another picture of their family, more current was right nearby. She missed them. And Roy. Roy had left when they’d all agreed to just disband things. Without Oliver, things just hadn’t been the same. They’d held together for a short while… Ray had even tried out his ATOM suit, but once Ra’s and the League had been banished from Starling City…it just wasn’t needed. The city transformed to Star City…and it was like a chapter of her life had just been slammed shut.

Ray had been there.

Felicity hadn’t been quite the same after Oliver hadn’t come back, she’d struggled, but Ray…and their family that had slowly formed…they’d changed everything for her. 

“Hey… You okay?”

Turning, she saw Ray standing at the edge of the room. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just—“

“You miss them…”

“Sometimes,” Felicity admitted as her fingers left the frame with her, John, and Oliver.

“Where are all of them? Maybe we could go for a visit?” Ray offered.

He was so sweet. Too sweet. “John’s overseas right now…they were moving around for his and Lyla’s jobs.”

“They work like for the military or something, right?”

Felicity nodded. They were both working for ARGUS and were located in Germany six months ago. That was the last e-mail she’d gotten. “Yeah.”

“And didn’t you say Oliver moved to China or something?”

It was a lie.  


 It was a huge lie.

“Someplace that sounds like panda something,” Felicity mumbled as she looked back at the picture. Oliver had left to go fight Ra’s al Ghul at some unknown to them location. It hadn’t been Nanda Parbat, but it might as well have been Atlantis for all they knew. His body had been unrecoverable and Felicity had never felt like she’d gotten real closure in regards to his death. 

“Panda something?”

Felicity looked back over at him and shrugged. “I haven’t heard from him since he moved… His cell number no longer works… Hasn’t ever returned e-mails. It’s like he dropped off the planet.”

“Like Roy?”

“I think he said he might be in Blüdhaven…”

“If you miss them so much, then why don’t we look them up tomorrow?”

She wanted to. 

Felicity wanted to think that she could type in their names and she’d get locations for all three men that she used to think of as ‘her guys’. The truth was, it was likely that none of them would ping any current residential addresses. “Maybe I’ll do that,” she said quietly and a bit sadly before she made her way over to him. Felicity linked her arms through his. “Let’s go to bed.”

Instead of just walking down the hall, though, Ray decided it was necessary to pick her up and carrying her down the hall to their bedroom. “I have things all ready for us…but we’re taking a shower first, right?”

Leaning in, Felicity kissed him as her hand rested on his cheek. “You’re the best husband.”

“I take it that I got that order correct.”

Felicity just stared at him for a long while. “You know how I always complain whenever you want us to randomly go on vacation for a week—“

“Month.”

“Two weeks?”

“Yes,” Ray said with a smile as they made it to their room.

“Let’s go… This weekend… Or just soon…” Felicity was hoping that getting away and having some family time somewhere else would take her mind off of the past. Most of the time, she was fine living in the present and really not even thinking about the past except here and there. She didn’t want to dwell on it, she couldn’t change it. That silhouette, though, had shaken her a bit and she couldn’t quite let it go.

“How about Switzerland?”

“I miss Switzerland.”

“We can figure out the details tomorrow,” Ray told her as he set her down in the bathroom. 

Felicity’s hands cupped his face and took him for another kiss as his hands ran along her body. Her eyes closed and she tried to shut out every other thought. Right now, she just had to focus on them and relaxing for the night so that she could sleep. A shower, dessert, wine, and time with her husband was definitely going to get her there. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Later That Night…**

 

Felicity’s hair was still damp against her bare shoulders, she was just wearing a light blue, short satin nightgown with white lace accents that had tiny string-like straps that held it in place. She was cuddling with Ray in bed as they ate the giant chocolate covered strawberries he’d brought home and drank the wine that she loved so much. It wasn’t expensive and it wasn’t the best kind, but it was just so good… It was a sparkling moscato and often she liked it better than the more expensive stuff. 

“So, were you sure about Switzerland?” Ray asked after a long silence.

She nodded. “We work a lot…and neither one of us take enough time for vacation. This time, we definitely need to make that time…just not more than two weeks…”

“We’ve been talking about going to Paris for Clara’s birthday in the fall…I was thinking that when we do that.” Ray paused for a moment. They were already in agreement about that trip. It would be a memorable birthday and it would be good for the whole family. “I think we should take two months off… Celebrate Clara’s birthday month in France and then go to London and celebrate Alex’s over there.”

“Two months?” Felicity asked and she thought that was a little silly. Though, as she thought about it, she knew that it wasn’t easy to really see everything and feel like they weren’t being rushed unless they took the time. 

“I’m sure I could find a way to make it somehow business orientated at one point, if that’s what you absolutely need to hear,” Ray told her.

She sighed. This was THEIR family and the two of them worked too much as it was. “No… You’re right… We need to do this… The girls are going to be fourteen and fifteen…and Alex…” She thought about whether it was appropriate or not to tell Ray about how Alex was feeling. “Alex is feeling like maybe she doesn’t belong so much… I think that’s why she’s been so quiet lately… Like maybe we don’t love her as much as Liv.”

Three years before, Felicity and Ray had been in Central City on business. They’d been attending an event for charity. Ray’s sister and brother-in-law had recently moved to Central City only a year before, so they all went. Something had happened… There had been a bomber. They had targeted the charity event, even though they’d caught the bomber…and Barry had saved as many as he could…the reasoning behind the devastation had never been explained.

That night, over two hundred people had lost their lives with only about fifty making it out alive. She and Ray had been lucky. Ray’s sister, Ella, and her husband, Paul, had both perished on site. They’d left behind Clara and Etta, in their will they’d asked Ray to take them. Their parents hadn’t been the only ones to die, though. Alex’s father, Bernard, had died as well and without any other family that was willing to take her. Clara had pled with him to take Alex, who had become her best friend in Central City. He and Felicity had been able to get legal arrangements in place for them to ‘foster’ Alex until the legal system and the orphaned girl could consider adoption; knowing Detective West and Barry in Central City along with Captain Lance and Laurel as a DA in Starling City Felicity was sure had helped vet them. It had taken a full year, but by then he and Felicity had decided to get married…and she LOVED those girls as if they were her own. She remembered the first week Ray had taken them in, she’d stayed with him and the girls…she’d made sure that they had everything and just been there… Liv had been born the year that they’d gotten married, but Felicity never ever thought of Alex, Clara, or Etta in any other way than as their girls. 

“Maybe we should do something special for them now?” Ray offered.

“Let’s do Switzerland in the next week for two weeks,” Felicity told him. “And then let’s plan on going somewhere with beaches…or a cruise that’s teen-friendly during the summer,” Felicity suggested. Alex and Clara were extremely well behaved and extremely good at understanding the importance of safety. All three of the older girls had taken self defense and retook the class every year. Felicity felt like it was important, no matter how safe Star City was.

“Isn’t there a spa that you three like?” Ray asked.

Felicity tilted her head. “And exclude Etta?”

“Can’t she go?”

“She’s not old enough, I don’t think…”

“Give me the number, I’ll make it happen.”

Felicity shook her head as a huge smile spread across her face. Sometimes it drove her crazy at how Ray used his power and his money to get what he wanted. He always did it for good, though, and for the good of their city. 

“What?” he asked with a smile.

“You spoil us…”

“I can’t spoil my girls? My wife?”

“It’s not that, it’s just that—“

“After two years being married, you still have a hard time…”

“I will probably ALWAYS have a hard time with it.”

Ray just smiled at her. “I was thinking that maybe your mom could come with us on some of these trips… Has she ever seen Paris or London before?”

“Only the versions in Las Vegas.”

“So, she definitely has to come…because those really don’t count,” Ray said slowly after cringing at her response.

Smiling, she sighed. “I’ll ask her…”

“Think of it this way, we’d have a built in babysitter, too.. If we ever wanted a night alone,” Ray pointed out. “Unless we want to bring along an assistant or a nanny person…or what other word have I heard them use?” He was quiet for a moment. “Au pair?”

“No…no need for any of that!”

Ray smiled. “So… We have plans, right?”

“Yes.”

“Spa for everyone except Liv. I’ll call it in,” he kissed her and just smiled at her. “You know… You’re Felicity Palmer. You could technically do the same thing I’m going to be doing…”

“But you’re so much better at it.”

“That’s true,” he admitted as he thought about it for a moment. “Okay, so spa before our Switzerland trip. A beach or cruise getaway this summer…and then two months between France and the UK in the fall?”

“Sounds right.”

“You know, I was even thinking that they might have some study programs aboard for the girls,” Ray told her.

“Oh yeah, I’ll let you bring that one up to the girls…” She grinned. “We’re going for your birthdays to experience the world…and also, I arranged for you to have school while we’re there.”

“They LOVE knowledge!”

“I know,” Felicity said. “But not ALL of the time.”

“Really?”

“They zone out all the time at dinner whenever you get really excited about a project and go on and on about it,” Felicity reminded. “Maybe we can find like something educational…or an online class or something. I’m sure their academy would have ideas or connections.”

“Good point.”

Ray pulled her close and kissed her again. “Okay…another glass of wine and then we both need to remember what sleep is.”

“Maybe we need a vacation for that.”

“I think it’s supposed to be called the weekend…”

“Parents don’t get weekends.”

“That explains so much,” he said with a smile as he played along.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	2. Oliver's Return

**Star City Rooftop - 2020**

 

Oliver stared out at a very changed city. It was night and he’d come home, feeling like somehow everything would be better. He didn’t know why. Before he’d left, it had been Starling City and they’d spent so many years trying to keep it intact, to keep hope alive. It had been five years… 

Five years.

He’d gone to fight Ra’s al Ghul…to kill him…to keep his sister and his city safe. Ra’s had nearly killed him. Maseo and Tatsu had saved him and somehow, somehow when he’d been found…Nyssa had talked to her father. Instead of killing him, Ra’s had decided that he’d just be indentured to the League…to Ra’s personally. He didn’t know WHY Nyssa had vouched for him, since she’d hated him and hadn’t let him forget how much she did. The deal had been that once Oliver found Sara’s killer and finally killed that person, THEN he could be released. 

Five years.

Oliver couldn’t kill his sister and it wasn’t Thea’s fault what she’d done. Malcolm Merlyn had been behind it all. He couldn’t risk that video coming to light, though. So, he’d taken those five years in hell, learning all he could from the League…from Ra’s…and then finally, he’d taken Merlyn’s life. Oliver had ensured that he’d destroyed the video evidence, having tortured Merlyn in ways that he was even ashamed of…but he had to be sure. He had to be certain. He’d sacrificed so much of his life, he just had to be certain that there was no way…no reason that Ra’s would think that it had been Thea that had killed Sara.

Five years.

He returned to Star City. Oliver remembered Ray Palmer’s vision so many years before. He was glad for it. Palmer Technologies (which had been Queen Consolidated) had done so much for the city…and the world. He’d just had to Google his hometown on the journey home in order to get caught up on the five years that he’d missed. He’d come home for those he loved…for those he cared about…even though he was certain that they’d all moved on. He had just needed to see it all for himself.

Five years.

John Diggle was still married to Lyla. They had another child, a boy. The family of four, though, was nowhere in Star City. He’d tried phone numbers for Diggle and Lyla’s cell phones, but none of them worked. He’d reached out to ARGUS, but no one would give him any information. He’d left a message for them telling them simply that Oliver was trying to contact them. He hadn’t wanted to say too much. 

Five years.

Felicity was married…to Ray Palmer. Oliver wasn’t surprised and as much as he wanted to be angry at the guy, he was happy for him…for both of them. From everything that he’d read…from the pictures he’d seen…they were happy and they’d both done so well in the last five years for the company and the city. They had four children, though Oliver wasn’t quite sure how that had happened, probably if he’d read more…it would have presented him with more information. Even though he was happy for her, his heart ached. 

Five years.

Five years before, right before he’d left her…to go face Ra’s…he’d told Felicity that he loved her…and that he’d come back. Oliver had wanted to come back to her so badly. He’d thought about it every day. Even though he’d been through hell at the hands of the League of Assassins and Ra’s al Ghul, Felicity had been the one who had gotten him through. He loved his sister and he’d done it all to keep her safe…to keep her alive, but it had been Felicity…her memory that had gotten him through it all. Her words…her voice in his head…and even hallucinations of her. After all of this time, though, he hadn’t expected her to just be waiting…thinking that he was still alive. Before he’d killed Merlyn, he’d admitted to returning to Starling City and telling his team that he was dead…he’d even presented the sword that Ra’s had run through him. How could they think anything different? How could he expect them to hold out for five years?

Five years. 

Both Thea and Roy, he’d been unable to find… He’d sort of hoped that Felicity could help him with that. She was always so good at finding information and she had been good at keeping their family together. He had a feeling that she would have tried to keep track of everyone even if none of them talked anymore or lived on the same continent. 

Five years.

Captain Lance was still in charge of the police department and even more decorated than he had been when he’d last been there. His daughter, Laurel, and moved away to take up office a District Attorney for Central City and had gotten married to Central City’s mayor. 

Five years.

Everyone had moved on. 

He was glad.

There was some peace in knowing that they had all lived even when they had thought that he’d died. That his crusade had been taken to the point that the city that he’d fought for and that it had been ultimately saved. Star City was beautiful…and more than he could have dreamt of. He just wished that so many that had been lost in the process could have seen it. 

His father.

His mother.

His best friend. 

They should have all seen it. Oliver suddenly wondered if that was why he’d found Merlyn so close to Nanda Parbat, if the fact that Star City was so perfect…the city that he had hoped for for nearly three decades. Ray Palmer had made strides in five years that Malcolm Merlyn couldn’t make happen in his lifetime. Oliver had heard the phase ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’ and he knew it was true. Merlyn had meant for things to be better in the world, but he hadn’t made them better…he’d turned down a dark path…and though he’d had glimmerings of redemption here and there…it wasn’t enough to make up for the over five hundred deaths that he was responsible for since Rebecca Merlyn’s death. Sometimes you had so much blood on your hands that you could never wash it off. 

Oliver felt like that. 

Felicity had shown him such a different way of life when she’d joined their little team. She’d shown him that there was more to life than crossing names off of a list, instead of killing in the name of justice, she taught him to live…to be a hero…and to know that there was always another way of doing things. For the past five years, he had to forget all of that. That didn’t mean that he didn’t think about what she’d think with each kill he had had to make. 

Too much blood.

On his way towards where he’d had the address for Felicity and Ray’s building, Oliver had spotted Felicity on a walk pushing a stroller. He’d followed her, jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Oliver was okay not talking to her, even if he wanted answers. It just didn’t seem right to just appear. It had been five years. She thought he was dead. In all honesty, he WAS dead…he’d lost so much with each kill that he’d made in the last five years. Oliver was certain that if he came face to face with her, all she’d see was a monster. 

Her loved her.

Five years hadn’t changed that.

He wanted so desperately to go down there, to hug her, to kiss her, to tell her that he hadn’t meant to be gone for so long…but then to tell her that she knew she was happy…but that he had to see her before finally walking away. The problem with that was that Oliver didn’t think he could just walk away from her. After five years…being a killer for Ra’s for that long…what did he do with his life now that he was released from the League? Oliver had a feeling that there was nothing for them there…or anywhere. He could always return to Nanda Parbat, but he wouldn’t be able to protect those he loved from there.

A new crusade.

The thought of checking to see if the Foundry still existed came to mind. He didn’t need much. He could sleep there, he’d done it before. Star City obviously didn’t need the Arrow, but maybe…just maybe he could be a guardian angel to those he cared about. They didn’t need to know that he was there, he just needed to make sure that they were okay. 

Suddenly, Felicity stopped and started to look around. Oliver pulled an arrow from his quiver and readied it on his bow as he took in the city streets directly below him. He was looking for a target that might be hunting his beloved Felicity. He didn’t see anyone that was suspicious in the slightest to him. That was when her eyes came upward in his direction. He stood straight up, freezing. Felicity’s bright blue eyes were wide and he could see them from the rooftop. Oliver wanted to go to her, but he knew it wasn’t right. He disappeared a blink later, falling to the rooftop flat on his stomach to keep out of her sight.

He slowed his breathing and just waited. 

God, he wanted her.

Oliver hated this.

Five years, he reminded himself.

Felicity was married, he thought. She had kids.

How he wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. Felicity was the only thing in the whole world that made him feel, but to cry in the way that he knew that he would have a lifetime ago would have been mourning a loss… Felicity wasn’t dead, but she’d moved on. He couldn’t have her. The angel that had gotten him through everything…she was gone to him. 

“I’m sorry,” he barely whispered as he thought about her. 

Maybe this was wrong.

Maybe he should have stayed in Nanda Parbat.

Maybe he didn’t deserve to live.

Obviously not happily.

He suddenly felt like he’d wasted so much of his life.

The first twenty-two years of his life he’d completely wasted away acting like he was entitled (even though he certainly was), he took responsibility, and took no steps to mature. He’d partied and slept with practically every girl he’d laid his eyes upon. Oliver had landed in jail and his family had had to bail him out more times than should have been necessary. He’d failed both of his parents…and he wished that he’d made them both proud. 

The next five years he’d spent trying to survive on Lian Yu…and then been Amanda Waller’s pawn in Hong Kong before he’d spent time in Russia with Anatoli. Those years, he’d done nothing, but attempt to survive. He’d learned to grow up because there was no other choice unless he wanted to give up and die. Oliver had found a crusade in that time away. 

He’d returned to Starling City and worked for three years on his crusade, one that had changed over the years. Oliver had begun as the Hood, a vigilante who just killed and crossed names off of a list. He turned into the Arrow, someone who tried his best not to kill…to find other options…and who eventually was seen as a hero even by Starling City Police. He’d lost a lot in those three years, but he always had Thea, Felicity, Diggle, and Roy. They were his legacy.

The last five years, he’d been used by Ra’s and the League. He’d done unspeakable things, but it had all been in service of keeping a secret. That Thea had killed Sara, that Malcolm Merlyn had drugged Thea and commanded her to do it…and had a video in order to use as leverage to keep himself alive. He’d been beaten, tortured, and forced to do things because he had to do everything he could in order to ensure that his sister wasn’t killed by Ra’s. He’d finally killed Merlyn, destroyed the evidence on Thea that Merlyn held, and had been released from that bond. 

Now…Oliver had a feeling that for the rest of his life that he would have to make amends. He’d told Felicity that he was going to come back to her…that he loved her… He’d failed Felicity. He’d failed himself. This wasn’t like those five years that he’d been shipwrecked… His love for Laurel then had been because that was all he’d had to cling to. When he’d been in Starling with Laurel, he hadn’t been able to commit because she really hadn’t been the one…she’d just been the one who had stuck around in spite of everything. Felicity, though, she was something completely different. 

Felicity.

The thought that had kept him going for five years.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Moving through the city had been strange for him. The Glades (it seemed no one called it that anymore) was just…unrecognizable. The most crime Oliver had witnessed and stopped had been a mugging. He’d dropped down into the alley and without word or action on his part, the man had handed the wallet back to the older man and apologized before running off.

“Who are you?” the older man asked as he shoved the wallet back into his jacket pocket.

At first, he thought about not responding. The he realized that the question was valid. He swallowed hard and his throat somehow still felt horribly dry. Who was he? Identity was not something that he’d considered over the last five years. He had been the name that Nyssa had given him and nothing else. Oliver Queen really had died all those years before. Nothing remained of his soul, it was forged and hardened in darkness. 

The man was waiting though, so Oliver replied quietly with the Arabic name he had been given. It was very unlikely that the older man would understand. Actually, Oliver was counting on him not understanding. Oliver turned to leave, but the man spoke again and his voice stilled him.

“What does that mean?”

Sighing and closing his eyes for a moment, he wondered if he should speak it. Was this really who he was now? “The Betrayer,” he said clearly before disappearing. He didn’t want to know the man’s response. His name in the League, it marked him for shame…the ONLY reason he had been released was because he’d followed through with his promise and had killed Malcolm Merlyn.

Five years.

All that time ago, he’d been called the Arrow (and before that they’d called him the Hood). Were those names his identity? He remembered that even after his time on Lian Yu, Hong Kong, and Moscow that he hadn’t felt like Oliver Queen when he’d finally stepped back into civilization. He especially hadn’t felt like Oliver Queen when he’d returned to Starling City. Seeing his mother and sister for the first time, he’d felt like a ghost.

He felt like a ghost now.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Moving through the middle class residential district that had once been home to the Glades, he he made his way towards Verdant….towards the Foundry. It had been five years, but he couldn’t help but hope that it still stood.

And it did.

It was the only thing in the whole city that could be considered abandoned. There was fencing that lined the perimeter, a large Palmer Technologies banner was attached around the fencing in order to conceal the untouched piece of property. It was likely the last thing that still held the name ‘Queen’ on it. 

Felicity.

Was the Foundry that he remembered still there? There was no question that he could break in, easily. Oliver moved closer, but couldn’t bring himself to enter the preserved area. His mind held only one thought. 

Felicity.

He knew where she lived and at the moment he was leaning towards not seeing her face to face. Deep down he felt like he had to see her…to know for sure that she was truly okay. Maybe he was hoping that her happiness was a facade even though he knew better deep down. No matter how unhappy he’d been when Ray Palmer had arrived originally, Oliver knew that he was a good man and always had treated Felicity well. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Somehow he’d ended back at the building that Felicity lived in. Oliver scanned it from the outside first, the glass made it impossible to see in from the outside. He was familiar with how these high-end residential buildings were constructed and he knew that they were in the penthouse. Oliver was certain that he could infiltrate the building and the penthouse, but he was trying to convince himself that he needed to stay away from her.

Felicity.

To honor Felicity and the love that he felt for her still, Oliver knew that he needed to let her be…to continue on her happy life and not be burdened by his return. Oliver wanted to stay there, to be close, to watch her like some kind of guardian angel. Felicity was going to be the last person who would hold his heart, but that didn’t mean that Oliver had to be with her. He could protect near Star City and just keep a close eye on her.

Felicity.

His body acted before he could really think anything clearly though. Oliver was stealthily making his way through the inside of the building. He was good at infiltrating almost like he was a ghost. He hadn’t needed to touch anyone who was on duty and he’d so far managed to avoid cameras. 

It was like Felicity was a magnet and he was drawn to her like a piece of metal, with no choice. He just HAD to see her. He kept going over the last time he’d seen her. Felicity had KNOWN that there was nothing she could say to stop him, he’d promised that he’d come back, he’d kissed her forehead, and he’d told her that he loved her. She had never verbally returned his words, but Oliver KNEW her feelings on the matter.

Still.

He felt like he needed to come back to her. Oliver was called The Betrayer, but he wouldn’t continue that. Even if she never saw him, Oliver didn’t think it would truly count…being back unless he actually was able to touch her and tell Felicity that he’d returned.

He loved her.

Oliver would ALWAYS love her.

Finally, he entered the penthouse and started to move around. It was beautiful, but somehow simple. None of the common areas had too much or looked gaudy. There were pictures everywhere. The family ones all looked so happy. 

Felicity looked happy.

He settled on a group of frames that had caught his attention. There was a picture of him with Felicity and Diggle, it brought a smile to his face. It almost hurt to smile, those were muscle he wasn’t used to using. It felt like a lifetime ago, all three of them seemed so happy. He was trying to place when the picture was taken, but couldn’t be sure as to when.

Next to it were pictures of Diggle’s family. Diggle seemed happy, he thought. Oliver was certain that John Diggle was an amazing father…and he still wanted to check in with him. Oliver wanted to do something for him, he felt like he owed him.

Nothing in their living area had anything to do with he company or personal achievements. He was certain that Ray would have received both, but maybe he was the kind of guy who kept work separate. Oliver moved down into a hallway and finding himself immediately stopping to look at the display on the wall, the opposite wall was filled with a similar display.

The wall had information painted on it. In the middle was the name ‘Henrietta Lenore’ with her birthdate underneath, it was surrounded by a collage of pictures during her life. Baby pictures, toddler pictures, first day of school, and everything in between.

Ten. 

Adopted.

Ray’s niece.

The wall told him everything except WHY. Felicity and Ray had adopted her…and likely the girl in one of the pictures that looked like the ten year old’s sister. On the bedroom door, he noticed that it was labeled ‘Etta’. It took him a moment, but he realized it was a shortening of the girl’s first name. He quietly opened the door and just peeked inside.

Oliver found it interesting to see how they all lived. As far as he could tell, Etta’s room looked normal to him. It was sort of refreshing. It didn’t seem like it or the rest of the penthouse was completely tech-ed out. He had almost expected it given that Felicity and Ray both lived there. 

Crossing the hall, he stopped to stare at the wall like he’d done with the last. The wall said that her name was ‘Clara Vivienne’. She looked so happy in all of her pictures and Oliver realized that most people probably didn’t think twice because Clara and Etta both looked so much like Ray, everyone assumed that they were his daughters no problem. He remembered from the family picture in the living room that the other two girls had blonde hair, so no one likely had a second thought about any of them.

Thirteen.

Like with the other room, he peeked inside, the door reading ‘Clara’. Oliver started to wonder what he really expected to find besides a perfectly tidied room and a sleeping child. He could tell that each room would definitely be personalized and somehow that surprised him. He didn’t know why. Maybe it was because it made it real. Because it meant that they weren’t this thrown together family, he was standing in a home. 

A real home. 

He closed the door and moved down the hall. The wall was explained the story of ‘Alexandra Rose’. She was older and blonde. He could see how she’d look like Felicity, but obviously she was too old (like the other teenager) to be Felicity’s biological child. It probably made it easier on the girls, though, that they looked like they COULD be Ray and Felicity’s. 

Fourteen.

Oliver glanced at the door and saw ‘Alex’ on that door. He looked back at the wall and smiled at the picture of Alex and Clara with their arms around each other. Maybe they were best friends? Clara and Etta were only in pictures of Alex when she was older. All of the other pictures were of Alex and who Oliver could only assume were her dad.

There was definitely a story there.

He peeked in and found a sleeping teenager and a room that seemed as bright as the girl’s personality as far as the pictures he’d seen on. Oliver closed the door a moment later and then crossed the hallway to the last child’s bedroom. This one was the littlest one that read ‘Liv’ on the door. On the wall though, it read ‘Olivia Meghan’ and had her birthdate.

Two.

Olivia.

Had Felicity named her because of him? Ray and Felicity looked so happy in all of the pictures and so did the older girls. There was even a picture of Diggle and his family over at what looked like Liv’s first birthday. His eyes teared up as he touched the frame lightly. That could have been him, he thought. It took him a moment before he opened the door to the little one’s room, his hand had been shaky as he’d opened it. He moved inside and towards the bed, Liv looked so tiny in the twin sized bed. The two year old was fast asleep with her arm around her doll as she slept. She had blonde hair that curled into ringlets and Oliver could see Felicity in her. Liv moved in her sleep, dislodging some of her blankets, which Oliver immediately fixed before backing away. 

He shouldn’t be in there.

Slowly and silently, he made his way out of the little girl’s bedroom. He held the doorknob after he’d closed it and then looked towards the final door. The only bedroom door he hadn’t opened yet. It was late, late enough that no one should be awake. It still made him nervous as he approached it. Everyone was asleep, he was certain, but maybe it was because he’d be finally seeing Felicity. 

Felicity.

Five years.

He loved her.

Standing in front of Ray and Felicity’s bedroom door, he kept reminding himself of so many things. Felicity thought he was dead. She’d moved on. She was married. Felicity was married to Ray. She loved Ray. They had children. They had this life that he wasn’t apart of. 

Felicity.

Oliver had kept this image of her in his head. He’d seen her so many times since he'd told her that he loved her five years before. The most prominent and happy image for him was when he’d first met her…the way she tilted her head…the way she spoke to him. He knew it was silly because there were so many other moments with Felicity, but there was something about that moment… That moment, she’d perhaps made him feel like he could live in that civilized world once again. 

Felicity.

She was his savior.

Oliver sucked in breath before opening the door and reminding himself of what he was likely to see… In the dark room, his eyes immediately went to the large bed in the middle. Ray had his arm wrapped around Felicity as she lay on her side and as much as he’d prepared himself to be angry or jealous or any other feeling…instead, he just moved to the side of the bed she was on and watched her for a moment. 

To him, Felicity didn’t look different. She looked the same. Sleeping like that she looked like an angel. Reaching out, he gently pushed hair away from her face and Oliver took some solace in realizing how happy she seemed even asleep. Though, why should she feel differently? She had the perfect life there with Ray. Oliver removed his hood and continued to stare at her for another moment before he had the courage to say the words he wanted to say. “I came home,” he barely whispered. “I came home for you.” She wouldn’t hear him, but he’d said it. He needed to say it. “I love you.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, his eyes closed, and he tried to hold onto that moment for a minute. 

He shouldn’t be there.

Oliver moved away from the bed, his eyes only on her. He couldn’t be here for her. He couldn’t be a part of her life. Felicity had Ray. She didn’t need Oliver Queen in her life. Not after five years. He pulled the hood back into place. He wasn’t Oliver Queen anymore, anyways, he was The Betrayer… He was a ghost and now…he told himself, he needed to be content with the rest of the time Ra’s al Ghul had allowed for him to live…for him to be out in the world protecting good people.

Leaving the bedroom, he made sure that he pulled the door shut, so that it was left the same way. He walked down the hallway and was nearly out of the penthouse when a light came on behind him and a small voice spoke out.

“Daddy?”

He froze. Oliver knew that he shouldn’t have, he should have taken the opportunity to just disappear. He’d been trained for that. The only problem was that he didn’t think he’d be able to make it out of the building fast enough. He turned ever so slightly to see which child it was. 

“Who are you?!”

Clara.

The happy teenager who seemed like nothing ever made her sad. She was standing there in the lit hallway in her pajamas. Oliver realized that she’d likely woken up to use the bathroom or to get a drink. 

He wanted to tell her that he was a ghost. 

The thought of scaring the little girl ran through his mind, Oliver didn’t want to scare Felicity’s girls, but before he could think of something to say. Something that would be appropriate and in which it wouldn’t alert Felicity that it had been him who had been there, Clara just started to scream.

“Mom! Dad! Help!” 

There was only one way out and he was sorry for having to result to taking that exit. Oliver grabbed an arrow from his quiver, pulled the bow from where he had it stowed and ran towards the window. He’d already heard Felicity and Ray calling out to Clara and he didn’t want to be there when they came through the door. 

He needed to be a ghost.

Oliver crashed through the window, bow and arrow ready, before he knew it was swinging to the nearest building. He hadn’t planned this. He hadn’t even thought about a Plan B. In the League, their Plan B when people saw them tended to be just killing them on a spot. That wasn’t an option. That wasn’t who he was. So, he did all he could do.

He ran.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	3. There Are Worse Things

“Are you all okay?!”

Felicity honestly didn’t know how to answer that question. It was the middle of the night and being woken from your sleep because your child was screaming because someone was in your home…it was almost unbelievable. Sure, there were still break-ins and minor crime in the city, but this was a high security building, there were people at the door and cameras and—it just shouldn’t have happened. Felicity had thrown on pajama pants and wrapped a robe around herself before the police had arrived, so that she’d be decent when their penthouse was overrun by men in blue.

“I—“ Felicity barely got out. 

Was she in shock?

His hands were on her shoulders and she felt tears rolling down her cheeks. “Where are the girls? Are the girls okay?” 

Felicity finally nodded. “They’re all okay, Quentin,” she whispered. “It was just…”

“Shocking?”

Felicity nodded again. 

“It’s been what? Three years since we’ve had men in masks and hoods in this city…and for the most part, those were the good guys,” Quentin told her. “Those were YOUR guys,” he added quietly.

They had been her guys.

Oliver.

Oh, Oliver.

More tears spilled from her cheeks.

Sara.

How she missed her sweet friend.

John.

Roy.

Thea.

They were all gone now. She’d been the only one who had stayed. Ray for a short while had been the ATOM, but it wasn’t the same. He wasn’t in for the full fledged crusade that Oliver had started. There were still secrets that Felicity had kept from Ray, including that Oliver had been the Arrow… That she’d loved Oliver. He knew that there had been someone in her past that she’d loved, that she’d lost him, but she’d never named names and he’d not pushed for it. 

He put his arm around her and guided her towards the bedrooms, Ray was off to the side talking to the officers that were there. All of the girls were in the back in her and Ray’s bedroom up on their bed. “There are my girls,” Quentin said as he entered the room.

“Grandpa!” the older girls exclaimed in unison.

“Papa!” Liv cheered.

Captain Quentin Lance had become even closer to Felicity over the past five years. He was very much like a father to her and like a grandfather to her girls. There was no difference in how he treated her from Laurel, except that he saw Felicity nearly every day and through Felicity he actually got to be a grandfather. The girls immediately went to Quentin, hugging him and some tears sprouting anew from them. Felicity moved back and just watched him with the girls.

“It was so scary!” Clara exclaimed. 

“Clara scream!” Liv declared as she held onto Quentin’s leg. “Wake me up!”

Felicity watched as Lance picked up her youngest and hugged her. “It’s okay, Little One. Grandpa’s here.”

“Clara scream loud.”

Lance looked over at Felicity. “You know if you guys want to come over to my place—“

“That’s sweet,” Felicity interrupted. “But I think we’d crowd you a bit too much. Ray’s already called someone he knows that can bring a piece of glass to replace the window.”

“Someone who’s twenty-four hours? You’ll have to forward me the number for that,” Lance commented. 

Felicity smiled. “No one’s hurt. That’s what’s important.”

“Anything missing?”

“No.”

“Curious.”

“It was a ninja,” Clara whispered.

“A ninja?” Felicity and Lance questioned at the same time. Felicity and Lance exchanged looks before looking at the thirteen year old. 

A ninja.

Someone in all black.

Felicity’s mind reeled and she reached out until her hand was against the dresser, to keep her steady. It had been enough years for the city rebuild, but that didn’t mean that Felicity had forgotten how the world used to be. “Come here, Clara,” Felicity said gently as she extended her arm. The girl was quiet as she walked to her and Felicity set her arm on her shoulder before crouching down, so that she was looking up into her dark eyes rather than down at her. “I need you to tell me more…”

“Like what?” Clara asked quietly, she almost seemed hesitant to look into her eyes.

“Was he wearing a mask?”

Felicity didn’t miss the look that Lance gave her. 

“He had like a hood but part of it covered his face, too, so only his eyes were showing,” Clara said very slowly, like she was trying to remember the details. She was quiet for a long moment before she added another thing. “I think he was sad.”

“You think he was sad?” Lance asked before she could. He seemed confused and so was Felicity with Clara’s statement. 

Clara looked over at Lance and then back to her. “His eyes…they were blue…he looked sad…”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Lance spoke up.

Felicity knew that his question was directed at her. She nodded for a moment. “The League…”

“He had a bow over his shoulder,” Clara said.

“A bow?” Felicity asked and had to stand up. She felt sick now. Not only was she thinking The League of Assassins, but she knew that Malcolm Merlyn was still out there… “The Dark Archer,” she whispered and had to turn away from them. Felicity wrapped her arm around her stomach and pulled in deep breaths to try to calm herself.

The Dark Archer.

Merlyn.

Why was he coming after them after all of this time? It had been some time since she’d seen him or better yet…since there’d been any sighting that matched the Dark Archer. She wanted to throw up. This couldn’t be possible. She knew that she had to tell Ray, but at the same time…she wanted to keep this one secret from him. But what if it cost them one of their kids? All she could think was that Ray was going to dust off his ATOM suit and take care of Merlyn. Felicity didn’t want to risk it. She didn’t want to lose anyone else.

“Felicity? Are you okay, Sweetheart?” Lance questioned. 

Sucking in a breath, she steadied herself and reminded herself that if the girls thought that she was losing it, then they’d only panic. “Yeah,” she said evenly before turning around. “I just got…lightheaded there for a moment…” Felicity put on a smile and hugged Clara, who now looked even more worried. “Why don’t you all get into Mommy’s bed?” she suggested as she looked at the others. 

Lance helped Felicity to get all four girls situated and tucked into the large bed. It was comforting to have them all in one place. “Do you girls mind if I borrow your Mom for a moment?”

“We’ll be okay,” Alex said confidently. She pulled Liv into her lap and the three older girls all got close together. 

They moved right outside of the bedroom door, but still so that Felicity could see them on the bed. “Maybe it was just a robber,” Felicity said quietly, but she didn’t even believe that.

“You know what it sounds like.”

“The League. Merlyn.”

“Is it?”

Felicity sighed and looked around. “I can try to bring up surrounding cameras and see if I can catch a glimpse of whoever it was,” she said slowly and almost hesitantly. “But if no one saw them enter the building, then it’s possible they were smart enough to avoid other cameras.”

“But he didn’t expect Clara to walk out—“

“And we’re just lucky he didn't hurt her…or worse,” she said and her eyes suddenly teared as her voice broke. God, she was terrified of what might be coming. They’d had some good years…and she just hoped that this wasn’t the end of it all.

“Hey,” Quentin said as he pulled her into his arms. “It’s going to be okay. The girls are fine. You and Ray are fine.”

“Felicity? You okay?” Ray asked.

She looked over to see that he’d crossed the room and looked concerned. Felicity had been trying so hard to keep it together. It had been so long since she’d needed to be brave like this. Taking a step away from Lance, she held out her hand to Ray, who immediately took it. “I’m okay… Just…tired…and stressed… I just need sleep.”

“They’re going to bring up the glass right now. The window will be replaced. It’ll just be about another hour and then it’ll be like nothing happened… They’re going to double security and put a car out front and officers at the door,” Ray explained. 

Felicity squeezed his hand. “What if it wasn’t random? What if it was a warning, Ray?” she asked quietly. 

“What are you suggesting?”

She had to tell him.

Fear filled her as she thought about what she was going to have to tell him and what it could mean for their future. “Clara said that he looked like a ninja.” She paused. “He wore black…and a hood, but his face for the most part was covered.”

“Merlyn? The League? Ra’s wouldn’t have—“

“I don’t know,” Felicity admitted quietly. “But I’m scared.”

Before she could go into full blown worry mode, Lance spoke up reminding her of something. “I thought you were going to hack into the local cameras and see if you could catch a glimpse of this guy?”

It had been nearly forgotten.

“Is it really considered hacking if you’re basically giving her permission?” Ray asked.

Felicity just smiled as she looked between them as she took a step to reach into the bedroom to grab her tablet before moving back to her husband’s side. It had been years since she’d actually hacked into something. Everything had been on the grid and part of her job or in being actually asked to help on a police case. So, it was a little odd to be hacking again, but her fingers flew over the touch screen like yesterday had been the last time she’d done it. She brought up cameras and scanned around at the times. Her breath caught as she stared at the picture on her screen. It was a still of the man in black that was flying out of their window.

“Can you scan ahead?” Ray questioned.

It took her a moment to collect herself and she played it like a video, but in slow motion. His head was always down and he was nearly completely covered in black, but one thing was for sure…he looked like a member of the League. Felicity couldn’t be certain that it was Merlyn, though. There was something different and yet something familiar. 

“There’s no way to tell who he is,” Felicity decided and sighed. She didn’t know whether she felt better or worse about that fact. Felicity was a mother now, she had to think of the lives of her children beyond anything else. That meant that she couldn’t even THINK about possibly taking action against whomever this was. Pushing the tablet into Lance’s hands, Felicity felt like that was what she had to do. “The girls are staying in our room tonight…I better go to them,” she told them.

That wasn’t her life anymore.

Once.

Five years before, she was all about Team Arrow. Felicity was completely and probably far too devoted to Oliver Queen and his crusade as the Arrow. They were a team…partners…a family…and something more…but that was all before he never came back. That was practically another lifetime. She wasn’t that person anymore. The city didn’t need that kind of saving. 

Still terrified of what and who was out there, for the first time in so many years, Felicity left Lance and Ray and walked into the bedroom without looking back at them. She wasn’t going to walk down that road again, she just couldn’t. All Felicity could think about was what she’d be putting at risk, the lives of her daughters. 

Nothing was more important than family. 

Sitting on the edge of her bed, she pulled the cover back and slid in next to Etta and wrapped her arms around the girls and pulled them close. Felicity looked towards Ray and Lance to find that Ray seemed to be sending the cops off and the man with the glass was finally entering the penthouse. She had no idea how they’d gotten the piece of glass in, but she wasn’t going to complain. 

Felicity’s fingers ran through Alex’s hair as they all leaned in together. Now Etta was practically asleep on Felicity while Liv was asleep on Alex and Clara was leaning against Alex. All she kept reminding herself was that her kids were okay. They were all safe and in the morning, she and Ray would go over how to make their penthouse more secure. There had to be some kind of system they could design in order to be an early warning trigger, something that not even someone from the League could disarm before it was triggered. 

“Mom?” Alex whispered.

“Yeah, Baby?” Felicity spoke up, she had been watching Ray the whole time. He’d been standing within sight and she could tell that he was frustrated as he watched over the window installer. 

“Are we safe?”

Felicity turned her head to look at her daughter. Never could Felicity ever remember her kids worrying about whether or not they were safe. The closest that she could remember was when Alex, Clara, and Etta’s parents had first died…they’d been worried that they’d be separated and that the judge wouldn’t okay their adoption. That wasn’t the same as worrying about being safe, though. It was just all she could think that was the closest to what Alex was worrying about. She pressed a kiss to Etta’s head, then Liv’s, then Alex’s, and finally she stretched to kiss the side of Clara’s head. “We’re safe,” she said and knew that it had to be true.

“Then why was that man here?” Clara asked in a whisper.

“I don’t know…but we’re going to find out,” Felicity said quietly. 

“Grandpa will let us know, right?” Alex questioned now.

Nodding, Felicity hoped that them knowing that would ease their fears. “He’s going to look into it. You know that between me, your dad, and Grandpa…we’re not going to let anything like this happen again.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I believe in people.”

Clara sighed. “Can you tell us a story about the Arrow?”

The Arrow.

Oliver.

She suddenly wished that the others had stuck around. That Diggle and Lyla weren’t overseas. That she knew where Roy was, she always liked to think that he went after Thea. No matter how much those two seemed to not be together, Felicity always felt like they’d end up back together. Not even the lies that Roy had told Thea could keep them apart, not when it had changed him for the better.

“Did I ever tell you about the Dark Archer?” Felicity asked.

“Was that guy who broke through our window the Dark Archer?”

“No,” she said confidently, but she honestly was unsure. That didn’t stop her story, though. Her girls still needed to believe in heroes, in people who were out there doing good and battling evil, even when they lived in the perfect city. “One night the Arrow faced the Dark Archer on a rooftop…”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“I told the girls that they didn’t have to go to school today,” Felicity told Ray as she entered the kitchen. Their day was normally so routine and none of it was. She’d hardly slept and she didn’t think Ray had slept either. She’d fallen asleep on the bed with the girls and Ray, she knew, had slept sitting up in the couch at the foot of their bed. Ray hadn't gotten up and done any of his workout routines and they’d both skipped their shower together. Felicity had pulled on whatever she’d pulled from the drawer and then gotten herself ready. The girls were getting ready while Liv continued to sleep through it all in the middle of her and Ray’s bed with pillows to keep her from falling off. 

“I’m sorry.”

His words surprised her. They weren’t words that she’d expected to hear. Felicity just stared at his back for a long moment before she moved towards him. He was staring at the coffee maker, all dressed in his suit though the jacket was hanging on the back of one of the chairs. She couldn’t think of one thing he needed to be sorry for. “Hey,” she whispered as her hand went down his arm. “You okay?” she asked as she hugged him from behind. 

They’d had a hard night. That was true, but that was all it had been. She couldn’t even tell that the glass had been replaced or that the original window had been broken to begin with. The new window was perfectly in place and all of the glass had been cleaned up. Ray had stayed up and made sure that that had all been done. Neither one of them had wanted the girls to wake up to any kind of mess, it looked like a normal morning. It didn’t feel like one, though.

“I failed you—“

“No,” she whispered quickly to cut him off. “That is one thing that you have never done.” Felicity took a step back and turned him around to face her. Her hands went to cup his face, she could see it on his face that he felt like he HAD failed them. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth. “You’ve never failed me…even when we were just friends…co-workers…you have always been here for me…even when I wasn’t able to tell you everything that was going on…” He’d never once pushed for more. Somehow even during Ray’s brief stint as the ATOM, Oliver’s identity as the Arrow had remained secret. There was just something about that secret, about Oliver, that Felicity felt like it just needed to be left unknown and in the past. “And the girls… You’ve been here for every one of us when we’ve needed you,” she reminded him. 

Ray was quiet and he almost seemed sadder. “There was a man in our home last night,” Ray said quietly and somberly. “An armed man—“

“We’re all okay…nothing was taken—“

“That’s not the point.”

“It could have happened to anyone.”

His eyes closed. “It shouldn’t…it shouldn’t have happened to us…”

Felicity suddenly knew what this was all about. It was about the fact that Ray had spent so many years rebranding Starling City to Star City and working for every moment each day to ensure that that dream stayed true. That meant that Star City stay at the top of all of the ‘safest city’ and ‘best place to live in’ charts. It was everything that he’d worked for in Anna’s memory. “You and I…we’ll take today off—“

“We can’t.”

“We ARE,” she insisted strongly yet not loudly. Ray seemed surprised. Felicity softened a moment later, it wasn’t a tone that she’d used with Ray in a long time. It was one that she’d once reserved solely for Oliver when he was being difficult. She took a moment to just breathe and make sure that he was understanding her as they stared at each other. “We’ll all stay home today… Tomorrow. Tomorrow, we can go into the office… We’ll look at our building’s security system and we’ll figure out a way to upgrade it. You and I, Ray. We’ll make it work, just like we always have.”

She believed in him.

Raising herself up on her tip toes, she kissed him after a moment. Something seemed to have changed in him, like he understood what she was telling him. It had been so long since Felicity had seen him take something so hard…to blame himself…to seem like the world was going to suddenly crash down around them. The last time had been when his sister and all those people had died… 

“It’s always darkest before the dawn, right?” she asked in a whisper as she stared at him. “And right now…I really don’t think things are so grim…”

Malcolm Merlyn.

The Undertaking.

Slade Wilson.

The Mirakuru Army.

Ra’s al Ghul.

The League of Assassins.

Danny Brickwell.

So many things that they’d thought that they’d never survive. At the time, all of those moments had been so dark… It had seemed like no one could be worse. That nothing could top what had just happened, and then something would. Felicity’s memory of dark times was filled with all of these ugly moments in the history and past of Starling City, right now…what they’d experienced…it was nothing compared to all of that. Felicity had a feeling that that was almost hard for people who hadn’t lived in the world that she’d lived in for all of those years with Oliver, Diggle, Sara, and Roy. Small things like this, they freaked out about because they were so used to how pristine and blissful their lives were now.

“You’re right,” Ray said finally, his tone quiet and calm, and then kissed her. 

Felicity smiled and lowered herself until her bare feet completely rested against the wooden floor. “I’m going to make the girls breakfast…will you pour me some coffee?” she asked as she straightened his tie.

“Of course,” he said quietly as he turned to do that. “Do you want some help with breakfast?”

“I was going to make eggs,” Felicity told him. 

“I have those horrible chocolate donuts you hate the girls having,” he reminded as he set them on the island counter. 

Felicity really did hate the girls eating those, but after the night before, she really didn’t care. They still needed something more substantial in their stomachs. She opened the box and snagged one of the mini chocolate donuts and then popped it into her mouth. Ray laughed and she turned to her husband. “What?” she asked with her mouth still full.

“I thought that they were horrible?”

“Oh, they are,” she insisted and took a moment to actually chew and swallow. Sometimes chocolate and starch just helped. “But right now…I better understand the appeal of them…” 

“I’ll run and buy another box if you want,” Ray half teased.

Felicity smiled and shook her head. “Not necessary, but thank you,” she told him and got to work on making eggs for the girls. She got everything she needed out and in no time, she had the beginnings of scrambled eggs. Ray had been watching her, she could see him out of the corner of her eye. When Ray turned his head, Felicity shoved another tiny donut into her mouth. God, she was going to need more chocolate and starch today. Maybe she should send Ray to the store and she thought about it for a moment.

“Someone take a picture of Mom!” Alex announced and the girls giggled.

Caught by surprised, Felicity almost choked on the donut. Everyone laughed more, but she recovered a moment later. “They’re still bad for you,” she finally said. I took Felicity a moment, but she realized that all three girls that were currently stealing donuts from the box were dressed in their school uniforms. She had told them that they didn’t have to go to school and she hadn’t expected them to decide otherwise. “Wait…why are you in your uniforms?”

“Because I have that big history paper that’s due today,” Alex informed them. Even though everyone had seemed shaken up when Felicity had put all the girls into her and Ray’s bed, Alex seemed just fine right now. She wasn’t normally a bouncy type of happy, she just was more of a content kind of happy. 

“We can call your school and explain,” Ray spoke up before Felicity could get anything out. 

Clara, who was their super glowing happy child, was practically bouncing. “I have a math test. I’m going to ace it.”

“And I just want to see my friends,” Etta told them. 

“You’re all sure?” Felicity questioned as she worked on the scrambled eggs in the pan. “Because your dad’s right… We can call and explain things. Your paper, I’m sure, could be turned in electronically. Clara, your math test could be taken before or after school another day and Etta…you can always see your friends AFTER school later.”

“I like to watch Mr. Wilkinson read the papers while he has us silently read,” Alex spoke up.

“How do you even know if it’s yours he’s reading? Isn’t it all printed single sided on white paper?” Ray questioned as he stood next to Felicity as he sipped his coffee.

“She’s a ninja…but not like that one I saw last night,” Clara said. “She’s just really sneaky…”

Alex just smiled for a moment. “I have a doodle that I draw on ALL of my papers…sort of like my own stamp. I put it in the top corner of all of my papers—“

“With a bright green marker!” Clara exclaimed. “It bleeds through the paper enough to see through the other side of the page!”

Felicity wasn’t surprised, but she was impressed. “And you just like to see how he responds while he’s reading your paper?” she questioned. It was genius, but she wasn’t surprised. She’d noticed since she the girls had come to be with them that Alex was always the one who was trying not to burden them in any way, she never asked them for anything (Clara was the one who always ended up asking for things for them both), and she definitely always seemed to be seeking approval and validation from adults in her life. Felicity made a mental note to try to have some time with Alex later on. She and Ray had already talked about her spending time with the girls, but it was always important to have one on one time. 

“Oh-kay… I guess I can see how that could be satisfying,” Ray said slowly.

“As for my test,” Clara brought up. “I would rather do it today. I get too nervous when I have to take tests alone in a room…it’s way too much pressure.”

“You’re not really going to MAKE us stay home, are you?” Alex asked.

Felicity sighed. “No.”

“But if you all decide that you want us to pick you up early,” Ray told them. “You know we will.”

“Grandpa’s going to catch the creep, so we really don’t have anything to worry about, right?” Alex questioned. “I mean, why would anyone want to sneak into our house anyways?”

So many reasons.

Felicity’s brain couldn’t stop thinking of reasons. 

“Eggs are ready,” she forced herself to concentrate on as she dished up plates for the girls. “I don’t want arguing. You could all use the protein, especially if you’re going to school.” All of the girls made faces, but they took their plates. She knew that she should eat something, but Felicity just couldn’t bring herself to eat eggs right now. “I’m going to go check on Liv,” she said excusing herself. 

The excuse was valid, but it was still an excuse. The two year old was big enough that she could easily crawl from her and Ray’s bed and make her way out to find them. Of course knowing Liv, it was more likely that she was trying on one of her necklaces, bracelets, or trying to walk around in heels. Felicity swore that she was never like that when she was tiny, but there was just something about all of it that her daughter loved, though…dressing up was something that they hadn’t discouraged. Felicity just always thought it was different, Ray just always blamed it on her and how she dressed up for work. Currently, Felicity only owned one pair of jeans. She wore dresses pretty much everyday, so to Ray it apparently made perfect sense.

Liv was still asleep in the middle of the bed and instead of doing something productive like checking her e-mails, Felicity crawled into bed and curled up with her blonde curly haired baby. She closed her eyes and tried to think of happy times and to just concentrate on that. Her brain was still thinking of all the many reasons why someone would come after her family. All of it just made her feel sick. Their girls were innocents in all of this and she hated that something that she may have been involved with in her past or even Ray…might have brought that person in black to their home.

The League.

That’s what she kept going back to.

It had to be the League.

Eventually she fell asleep. There was just something so peaceful laying there alongside Liv, plus she was exhausted and stressed.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“Felicity…”

“Mama…”

It took her a moment, but her eyes opened and she found Liv sitting there staring at her and Ray sitting on the edge of the bed behind their daughter. Liv, Felicity realized, was fully dressed and ready for the day. That wasn’t how Liv had been when she’d fallen asleep next to her. How long had she been asleep?

“You’re exhausted,” Ray whispered. “But you really need to eat something…something other than chocolate donuts.”

Felicity stared at him for a moment as she propped herself up on her elbows. “What time is it?”

“After noon.”

“Mama! Applesauce?” Liv asked as she leaned in and squeezed Felicity’s cheeks with her little hands. “Hungry. Mama hungry?”

“I suppose I could eat,” Felicity said slowly and leaned forward to press a kiss against her daughter’s cheek. She looked over at Ray. “The girls get to school okay?”

“Quentin came by and walked them to school and then called me to let me know that he’d walked them each to their first class,” Ray explained. “It’s a good thing those girls love him so much or else I think they’d have been rather annoyed.”

Felicity sat up and pulled Liv into her arms, hugging her. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Ray immediately said as he scooted towards her and pushed her hair back away from her face. “You needed the sleep.”

“You needed the sleep, too,” Felicity argued quietly.

He shrugged. “I’ll sleep better once I know that no one will ever get into our home unannounced again.”

She knew he was telling the truth.

They’d agreed to work on this problem tomorrow, but Felicity knew that Ray wouldn’t sleep if they put it off. The girls hadn’t put off going to school, so she figured that maybe this was something that they needed to do today too. “Why don’t we go out for lunch? We’ll take the tablets and figure something out?” Felicity suggested. 

“I take my ‘puter, Mama,” Liv said.

“You can bring whatever is going to make you happy, Angel,” Ray told Liv as he pulled her from Felicity’s arms. 

Slowly, Felicity climbed out of the bed and straightened her dress. She moved to step into a pair of heels and to take a moment to check her hair and make-up, since she had slept like that. As she stared at her reflection, she stopped for a moment to stare at herself. Sometimes she wondered if she’d changed more than she realized since she’d moved from Las Vegas and finishing MIT to take a job at Queen Consolidated. 

“Ready?”

“Yeah,” Felicity whispered. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	4. The Moments Are Worth the Pain

**Foundry 2020**

 

Everything he remembered was still intact. It almost hurt more. Everything had been covered with care, double layered, one layer of thick plastic and then a layer of painter’s canvas. Even the cases that housed the suits were covered. Absolutely everything was covered and protected. Oliver, though, was surprised when he started to uncover things and he found that the bows and arrows were still in the case they had been instead of packed away in a box and stacked for storage. Oliver pulled back the canvas and plastic sheeting to reveal that the Arrow and Arsenal costumes were both in place inside of their plastic homes. 

What had happened to Roy?

Where was he?

Felicity had had pictures of Diggle, but nothing with Roy. She was the type of person to keep tabs on everyone, that included Roy. So what happened? What had happened in those five years he had been gone? Had he been killed? The suit looked pristine. 

Moving down the line, he checked the case that they’d put in to hold Barry’s suit while he was in town. The only resident in the case was the metal form. It was then that he noticed the small metal label on the bottom of the door. Oliver crouched down to read that it was labeled ‘Flash’. Upon further inspection of the first two, they were respectively labeled ‘Arrow’ and ‘Arsenal’. He turned around, trying to take in the Foundry, looking for differences and his eyes came upon them when he realized that there were two cases covered that hadn’t been there five years before.

Laurel?

Diggle?

When the covers were pulled from both cases, though, Oliver was a little confused. The suits weren’t ones that he’d expected to find there. Oliver had expected to find Laurel’s Black Canary suit, even though he had never agreed on her taking up that mantle. Instead, he found Sara’s suit cased there with the label ‘Canary’ at the bottom. Sara’s bo staff and a couple of other Canary items sat in the bottom of the glass case. The other case housed a suit that Oliver didn’t recognize at all. It was labeled ‘ATOM’ and from the tech armored appearance, he was fairly sure that it was a suit that Ray Palmer had made. 

Moving to the computer, he took a deep breath as he removed the covers from it. He could still picture Felicity so vividly sitting in front of the currently unpowered monitor. He sat down in the chair and held his breath as he flipped the power. Oliver had truthfully been shocked that there was any power that still worked in the Foundry. At first he’d wondered if Felicity came to the Foundry, but with everything covered up, he had doubted it.

Once the computer was powered on and finally connected to the internet, he started with a search of ‘Roy Harper’. Nothing came up. That was definitely frustrating. There were other names that he wanted to search, but he forced himself not to type those names. He didn’t want to be disappointed again when nothing came up. He really needed to find another way of getting the information. 

Felicity.

No, he couldn’t go to her. Not now. Not with what knew. Oliver didn’t want to interrupt the life that she’d created in his absence. He didn’t want to wish for something that was impossible. Felicity was with Ray, they had children, they were a family…and he wasn’t a part of that. In her world, he was dead. She’d mourned his loss and it wouldn’t be fair to show up after five years and expect anything different. 

He sat there for a minute, just staring at the screen before he realized that his fingers were slowly caressing each key. Oliver was remembering all of the times he watched Felicity type on those keys. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that he couldn’t even tell her face to face (while she was awake) that he was home, that he’d missed her, and that he still loved her…that that love was what got him through five years of hell at the hands of Ra’s al Ghul. That he’d come home because of her. 

This…

Moments that he remembered.

Like Felicity sitting at that chair, typing away, was all he had to cling to. 

He couldn’t be apart of her life.

Rubbing his hands over his face and without realizing that he could still do it, he sobbed at the thought that all he was left with were his memories. She was alive in the world and this was for the best, he knew that, but it was still difficult…it was agonizing. What could he do, though? Even IF Felicity wasn’t married with kids and happy with her life, would he have shown himself to her? He had lived as the Betrayer for five years. He’d done things that he hadn’t done for years, but had been forced to do so. 

He was not a man.

He was a monster. 

He was no better than Malcolm Merlyn.

Yet another reason why he couldn’t go to her.

Five years before, he hadn’t returned from a duel to the death with Ra’s al Ghul. Everyone assumed he had died. Malcolm Merlyn had even told him, before Oliver had killed him, that he’d taken the sword Ra’s had killed him with and told his team that he was dead…his body unrecoverable. Five years. That was more than enough time for people to mourn and move on. It was only right to let the people that he cared about to remember him before Ra’s and the League had turned him into the Betrayer.

Better, but not easy.

Oliver looked over at the glass case that held his green costume and hood. That was another life. He wasn’t the Arrow anymore. He couldn’t be. The Arrow had a team, a family…partners. He was all alone. He was a ghost. He had betrayed everything that he’d stood for as the Arrow. There was no going back. Oliver knew that he didn’t deserve to take back up that mantle. He was the Betrayer…and there was no coming back from that. Too much blood on his hands.

He had to make amends.

To repent.

The only way he knew how to do that was to act like a guardian angel to those he loved. Which meant knowing where they all were. He knew where Felicity was. He knew that she was safe. He knew that she was happy, married, and had kids. She didn’t need him there. 

John Diggle.

Diggle was somewhere…Oliver thought about simply e-mailing him and checking in, but no matter how much he made Diggle promise…Oliver knew that he’d tell Felicity. John Diggle had acted as he conscious for so long… As much as Oliver wanted to talk to him. To see what he knew, he just couldn’t do it. Felicity was happy and in the pictures…Diggle, Lyla, and their kids seemed so happy. He wouldn’t interrupt their family no more than he’d try to do further with Felicity’s.

Roy.

Thea.

Lance.

Laurel.

They were all names of people that had once counted on him. He needed to check on all of them. Laurel and her father, he realized, were most likely the easiest to search and come up with something. Taking only a moment, he immediately found something on both of them. Captain Lance was still in charge of Starling City Police Department. He seemed to work well with Palmer Technologies in order to keep the peace in the city. That was good, he thought. Laurel came up in Central City, when he scrolled back in the archives enough he found that she’d left a few years back to work as DA in Central City. She was successful and he hoped she was happy. She deserved that.

Thea.

He couldn’t bring himself to type in her name. Fear for what would come up. He knew that she was still out there alive, Merlyn had said that he’d seen her right before he had killed her, but that didn’t tell him anything. Did Thea even want to see him? How would she react? Thea had lost everything in life. She’d lost the only father she’d known, she’d lost the father she didn’t know she had, she’d lost a brother she’d not known she’d had, she’d lost her mother…and she’d lost him far too many times. Was it selfish to want to see her? 

Was it just better for everyone if he stayed dead to everyone?

A ghost?

Walter.

He realized that besides Felicity and Lance…that Walter might still be around. He’d know about Thea and Lance might know about both Thea and Roy. Of course, Lance had never been Oliver Queen’s biggest fan. Oliver honestly didn’t know what they did about him just not coming back. He quickly typed in his name and as far as he could see there was no record of his death. Did they just tell those who had to know and hold out hope? Did they just not want to explain it to the world? 

Walter.

Oliver typed in ‘Walter Steele’ into his search. He found that he was now the CEO of Star City National Bank (apparently Palmer had even gotten the bank to change their name when he managed to change the city’s name). Walter had always been a good man. Even when Oliver came home to find him married to his mother, he knew deep down that he was a good man and it was painfully evident how much he truly loved and cared for his mother and sister. Walter’s divorce to his mother was never going to change how much Walter cared for Thea, he’d raised her through the most difficult years of her life. 

How was he going to do this, though?

Would the world remember Oliver Queen? Could he just walk around Star City even though he was supposed to be dead and gone? Malcolm Merlyn had done it before and Oliver was still surprised that that had never turned heads. He didn’t think he looked that different now. His body was a host to more scars and he was incredibly scruffy, but there was no doubt in his mind that Walter would recognize him. But should he go that route? He didn’t want to scare him by appearing in his home. 

He had to figure out how to make it work with the way the world had become.

Who was he?

Who was he going to be to that world?

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Star City National Bank**

 

The one thing he had going for him, besides his training, was that he still had some money stashed. He’d put on jeans, a black t-shirt, black hoodie, and a Rockets hat. He kept his head down and worked his magic at being invisible. Bank security had nothing on him with all of the training he’d received between Lian Yu, ARGUS, the Bratva, and the League of Assassins. That wasn’t to mention his familiarity with the building and having been the Arrow in Starling City for so long. 

He knew that Walter was up in his office and that there was only one person that he had to get past in order to get to Walter, his assistant. Oliver knew that he could manage that. He’d called from an inside line and used the name of one of the security guards he’d passed and told Walter’s assistant that they needed her down in the lobby. The woman sounded young and hadn’t asked any questions. 

Once he knew it was clear, Oliver made his way to Walter’s office. It was the end of the day and Oliver had counted on Walter not having any late meetings. He was about to open the door to Walter’s office when he heard a very familiar voice that caused him to panic and hide. He was quick, but didn’t go far. 

“You really need to come over for dinner soon.”

“You know that I’d be more than happy to do that,” Walter said as his and Felicity’s voices got closer to where Oliver was hiding. “I don’t get to see any of you nearly enough.”

“That means that you work too much.”

“You’re correct, I’m afraid.”

“Balance is a hard thing,” Felicity sympathized.

Oliver peeked from where he was hiding to see Felicity’s back as she stood there talking to Walter right outside of his office. She was wearing a blue dress, her coat was slung over her arm. Her hair was down and curly and he wondered if she ever wore her hair up like she had before. It hit him that at her home, the only pictures with her hair up had been older pictures, one with him and Diggle. It was just curious to him. 

“Maybe I need to come over and arrange your schedule, so that you have a little more social time,” Felicity teased.

“I might just take you up on that offer,” Walter told her with a smile. “But I’m afraid that balancing a life was much easier when I had a family.”

Felicity didn’t respond right away, but when she did her voice was quiet and almost sad. “You DO have a family, Walter,” Felicity said as she reached out to touch his shoulder.

“I appreciate that, I do.”

“The girls miss you,” Felicity told him and hugged him. “I hope to see you next week for dinner.” She pulled away. “Don’t make me hack into your calendar and rearrange things remotely…for your own good, of course.”

He beamed in response and let out a little laugh. “Of course.” Walter frowned suddenly. “Though last time Clara and Alex I think had a bet on whether or not they could get me to read them ‘Harry Potter’.”

Felicity’s voice seemed so much cheery all of the sudden. “I’m not going to lie. I wouldn’t mind listening to you read ‘Harry Potter’ either…”

“I used to read to Thea…”

“Have you heard from her lately?”

Oliver’s interest peaked even more now. He waited and just hoped that they said something that would give him some kind of lead. Maybe he wouldn’t have to reveal himself at all. There was always a possibility that Walter would reveal his presence in Star City to Felicity. He really didn’t want that, but at the same time…he was fairly sure that he could reason with Walter.

“No.”

“I’m sure she’s okay.”

“I hope so.”

Silence.

“Next week. Dinner. Promise?” Felicity asked, breaking the silence. 

“I will do my best.”

“I’m taking that as a promise…or else I’ll just come and get you myself,” Felicity told him. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. 

“You know you can call me, right?” Walter questioned.

Felicity stilled. 

“I know,” she responded quietly.

“I know that you have Ray, but if you ever want to talk… I’m here for you.”

“And I’m here for you,” Felicity reminded him softly.

They were both quiet for another moment before Felicity turned and headed away. Walter, Oliver noticed, watched her as she went and didn’t head back to his office until Felicity was gone. Oliver had thought about following him back, but he waited an extra moment to ensure that Felicity was really gone. He’d seen her have her coat and purse, so he was fairly sure that she had everything. 

Moving to the doorway, he closed and locked the door behind him. He’d kept his head down at every turn on his way up there. No cameras were going to get anything more than what he wanted them to see. No one else would know that he was alive. 

“Hello, Walter,” Oliver said.

Walter looked up, he seemed surprised. He just sat there for a moment and Oliver wondered if he was trying to figure out if he should believe his eyes or his ears. He didn't remove the hat, but he did look directly at the older man. He seemed to be trying to process what to say. So, Oliver just waited. He understood what a shock it must have been and Walter probably was wondering why Felicity hadn’t mentioned him since she had just been there.

“Thea…she said that she feared you were lost at sea again,” Walter said slowly in his perfect voice.    
There was something almost soothing about Walter’s British accent, maybe it was because of how proper he was and how he cared about Thea and even Oliver (even though Walter hadn’t HAD to do it). “I was lost…for a long time…”

“Felicity was just here—“

“I saw,” Oliver said quickly. “I didn’t want her to see me.”

“Why not?”

“She has a life… A new life…”

Walter was quiet for a moment. “I had a feeling that when Ray queried about Felicity’s past loves if you were the one that she seemed to be grieving for.”

“We were never—“

“It was clear your feelings for each other, even though it seemed like neither one of you were brave enough to act on them,” Walter explained.

“Love is a dangerous thing.”

“But it’s worth it.”

That sat with him. That was a hard thing for him to accept. He’d loved Thea, so he’d kept her safe those five years. He’d loved Felicity, he’d spent every day fantasizing about how things could have been…getting married, having a home, having kids, having a dog, everything that normal people do…but he’d left her in Starling City to face Ra’s al Ghul… Love was not something that he would have returned to him. Oliver was trying so hard to accept that. 

“It’s why you can’t tell Felicity that I’m back…that I’m alive,” Oliver told him quietly. 

Walter didn’t seem pleased. “Then why come to me, Oliver?” He paused for a moment. “Not that I’m not happy to see that you are, in fact, alive.”

His question was valid.

“Thea.”

Walter nodded for a moment and seemed to be really taking in his words. “I haven’t heard from Thea in some time.” He paused before continuing. “But if you were listening to my conversation with Felicity, then you know that.”

“I came back to check on everyone.”

“And you already know about Felicity and—“

“I saw them. She seems happy.”

Walter nodded. “She is. She’s quite happy, actually… It took her a long while to get to that place.” 

Oliver could sense a bit of protectiveness in Walter’s voice, but he understood that. “That’s why I don’t want her to know that I’m back. I don’t want to interrupt her life.” He paused for a moment. “I just wanted to check on Thea, Roy Harper, and John Diggle. I wanted to make sure that they’re okay.”

“Thea is traveling as far as I know,” Walter informed him. “She’s been in Europe mostly for the last year.” He was quiet at first. “The last two years, she’s been working on getting a college degree over there. I don’t know if she’s still doing that, if she’s studying while she’s traveling or what. All I know is that she seemed happier.” He was quiet again. “She knows that she can call me if she needs anything and normally she checks in, but sometimes she gets into moods…and I won’t hear from her for a month.”

That was easy for him to understand. 

“She’s been through too much in her lifetime,” Oliver said. “Too much loss.”

“Sometimes she talks to Felicity, but you heard her…she hasn’t heard from Thea either lately,” Walter explained. “And of anyone else in this world, Felicity would have told me.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For still caring for Thea…and Felicity…”

Walter smiled at him and moved across the room towards Oliver. “No matter what happens, I will always care for those two as if they were my own…as long as they wish it…I will be here.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Your friends? Roy Harper and John Diggle? I haven’t heard anything more about Roy for some time. At one point, I think he and Thea were off on a European adventure together…but she hasn’t mentioned him in some time,” Walter informed him. “And wasn’t Mr Diggle your bodyguard?”

“Yes.”

“I think he’s somewhere in Europe with his family? For work, I think Felicity mentioned at one point,” Walter said. 

That sort of made him feel better. 

“I guess that’s really all I needed to know…” Oliver said slowly. “Thank you, Walter.” 

Before he could leave, Walter spoke again to stop him. “Before you go… Before you disappear… You should know that Felicity would WANT to see you. Thea would WANT to hear from you. They’ve both lost too much in their short lives, Oliver.” Oliver looked back at Walter as he moved towards him. “You don’t have to have a part in their lives, but it might bring a bit more joy in their lives to know that they hadn’t lost one person that they had thought that they’d lost.” He paused. “How long has it been?”

“Five years.”

“After five years…you came home,” Walter said. “I can tell you that your mother and Thea… They would have rather have had you back…even though you were so painfully damaged…than never to have you back.”

Oliver just stared at him, struggling with the feelings.

He couldn’t.

It was better this way.

Wasn’t it?

“Just…think about it,” Walter stressed.

“I will,” Oliver replied in a whisper. He bowed his head and headed out again.

“And know that you can come to me,” Walter called after.

He paused for a moment and then kept going. It was nice to know that someone was still there for him. That there was still someone in the world that he could rely on. It SOUNDED like everyone was okay. Everyone he cared about. As he moved through the building, he wondered what his next step was going to be. 

Should he leave town?

Should he stick around?

What about what Walter had said?

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Star City Police Department**

 

“Are you going to follow me all the way to my car?”

Oliver froze. He had gone to just see Lance. Captain Lance was the only other person who was still in Star City with whom Oliver had any connection to. He felt the need to just see him. He hadn’t wanted anything more. Apparently he wasn’t being stealthy enough. He waited, thinking about what he should do. 

“You DO realize I’m the captain of police… I’m not some idiot that doesn’t know he’s being followed. I’ve been doing this for way too many years.”

He just couldn’t stay like that. It wasn’t only rude of him, but also there was far more of a chance of causing a scene if Lance pulled out his sidearm and possibly fired at him…or even worse, if someone came upon them like that. Slowly, Oliver stood up with his head down so that the hat mostly concealed his identity. 

“Who are you?” Lance demanded. “Why are you following me?”

“I just wanted to SEE you, Detec—Captain Lance,” Oliver said as he continued to keep his head down. 

“See me? Why? What’s so special about me?” Lance asked and then he stopped. “Queen? Haven’t seen you in…years. A lot of years.” He was quiet. “Ever since the Arrow disappeared.”

Oliver just stood there, thinking about whether or not he should say anything about being the Arrow. He had to know that Laurel had been running around dressed in black, Oliver only knew because he’d seen news and Nyssa had brought it to his attention. Oliver had actually thought Nyssa might have felt like it dishonored Sara’s memory as the Canary, but she hadn’t really seemed fazed by it, though it was Nyssa…he wasn’t sure really what COULD faze her.

“I’ve been…out of the country,” Oliver replied slowly.

Lance nodded. “I heard rumors that you were lost at sea again.”

“The lost part was correct.”

He nodded again. “So, you just came by to check on me?”

“Most people I know are either not in Starling—Star City…or they’re—“

“Dead?”

“Yeah,” he said as he swallowed thickly. 

“Laurel told me about Sara,” Lance told him. “I don’t know how to forgive her…”

“It wasn’t her fault,” Oliver pointed out, unable not to speak on that topic. If he was going to repent, then this was definitely part of it. If he had never asked her to go with him on the Gambit then she would have never ended up with the League of Assassins and in the end…she would have never been killed by Thea but under the control of Merlyn. “She was afraid—“

“I know what she was afraid of,” Lance said quickly. “Felicity’s tried to knock sense into me…I don’t know how many times… But as far as I know, her killer is still out there…and no one will tell me who was responsible with my baby girl’s death. How do you move forward when a monster is still out there?”

A monster.

He was a monster.

“He’s dead.”

“Who?”

“The man responsible for Sara’s death.”

“Who was it?”

“Will knowing ease the pain or mend things for you and Laurel?”

Quentin Lance was quiet for a moment. “Probably not,” he admitted honestly. 

“Then just know that the world has been cured of another monster.” Oliver was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry that you weren’t told sooner—“

“I know that you and Felicity thought that Laurel had told me sooner…closer to when it happened…”

Oliver thought for a moment. He wondered if he should ask Lance not to say anything to Felicity, but that really wasn’t the topic at hand. “Losing someone you love…especially someone that you had thought you lost before…it’s a hard thing… Laurel only did what she did because she loves you. She was afraid of losing you. SHE couldn’t bear that…but you’re right, she SHOULD have told you earlier.”

“So, besides checking to make sure I haven’t kicked the bucket, what are you doing back here? We’re not really in need of a hooded vigilante.” He paused for a moment. “Are you still a green hooded vigilante carrying around a bow and set of arrows?”

Lance was wondering if he was the one who had broken Felicity and Ray’s penthouse window suddenly. “Not for five years,” he said quietly. That was the truth. He’d been donning black ever since he’d been with the League. The green and the Arrow were not who he was anymore. He couldn’t be. 

“Just…checking…” Lance replied slowly, as if he was mulling over his response. “So, does this mean that you’re back for good?”

“I think I’m probably just passing through.”

“Have you talked to Felicity yet?”

This was the problem.

If he asked Lance not to tell her, would he respect that? Oliver felt like Quentin Lance would understand his reasoning and that that would be a secret that he was okay keeping, but he didn’t know if it was necessary to come out and be blatant about it. “I think it’s better that she not know that I’m back.”

“You sure?”

“She looks happy.”

“She is,” Lance confirmed. “And those girls…are adorable.”

“You know my track record…” Oliver brought up even though he wasn’t that person anymore. He hadn’t been that Oliver Queen in so long. More than a decade now, but it seemed like it was the thing that everyone still remembered. “It’s dangerous for people to be close to me.”

“She really missed you when you were first gone,” Lance told him. “She gave me some bullshit story about how you were heading up an office or something in Russia or China or someplace. You two both suck at lying, it’s a little too ridiculous.”

He almost smiled at that. 

“But now she’s got Ray…and kids…and she’s happy…”

“So am I, but that doesn’t mean that if Sara came back from the dead…again, that I wouldn’t want to see her…even if it was just to hug her and tell her how much I love her,” Lance told him. “It would be hard, but I’d rather have another moment with her than no more.”

How could he argue with that? If his father or mother were alive, he’d want to know. He’d want those moments. Shado and Sara, he’d want the same. Oliver wouldn’t care how they’d spend the time, it could be sitting in the middle of Lian Yu doing nothing…but it would be something. It would be a moment that he didn’t have before, a moment that had been robbed from him. 

But Felicity was so happy.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said as he looked down. “But maybe it’s better this way.”

“For you to creep around?”

Oliver shrugged. “I like to think of it as observing someone from afar.”

“Stalking is also a good term.”

Okay, so maybe he HAD been stalking Felicity a little bit. It was so hard though, because it was Felicity. He wanted her to be happy. He did. Oliver just wanted what was best for her, even if that meant that he never step foot in her life in any official way again. 

“Maybe, but I like to think of it as not hurting her.”

“Sometimes it’s worth it to get hurt. Think about that.”

Oliver just nodded. “Good to see you still in charge of things.”

“Too much desk work,” Lance said as he unlocked his car door and swung it open. “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I miss being in the field…”

“It’s quiet now.”

“Which is good,” Lance told him. “It’s just…boring, too.”

Oliver smirked. “Sometimes boring is good.”

“Now you sound like Laurel.”

“I saw from the papers online that she’s in Central City.”

“Yeah, she seems happier there. So, that’s good.”

“Good.”

“I suppose that she shouldn’t know that you’re back either,” Lance commented as he got into his car.

He really hadn’t thought about seeking Laurel out. She had been a part of his life for so long and he’d screwed up so many things with her. It hadn’t even crossed his mind to disturb her life in any way. “I think that’s for the best.”

“Well, on that one…I’m going to agree.”

“But not for Felicity?”

Lance shrugged as he reached out for his door. “Felicity’s got Ray. Laurel’s on her own, which is good…I just don’t feel like driving out to Central City if you break her heart again.”

Oliver just nodded. He and Lance (and Laurel) definitely had a history and most of it wasn’t a good one. He understood why Lance didn’t have the highest opinion of him. Honestly, Oliver didn’t blame him. “Goodnight, Captain Lance.”

“Goodnight,” Lance echoed as he pulled his car door shut and started his car.

Oliver left before Lance could look back at him. He didn’t like goodbyes. He also wasn’t accustom to taking that extra step to wave or anything like that. He’d said what needed to be said and Lance had given him quite a lot to think about. Things that he’d thought that he’d already figured out.  
 God, there was just too much to think about.

Felicity.

Could he really stand the pain of being in her life?

Was it fair to either of them?

To Ray?

To their kids?

Could he risk that?

Was it selfish?

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	5. Threats

**Star City 2020  
Four Days Later…**

 

“Have I mentioned lately how awesome Dad is?” 

Felicity smiled. She was glad that their news of going to Switzerland in a couple of days was sitting so well with the girls. She’d already heard back from all of the girls’ teachers. They were asking that they do specific things while there, but nothing that would take away from the trip. Felicity expected it to be relaxing and completely enjoyable.

“Is Nan coming?”

“Not this time,” Felicity told her.

“She totally sent me that picture, by the way,” Alex said far more cheery than normal. She brought it up on her screen and showed Felicity as they walked. “I can’t wait to show Dad!”

Sighing, she shook her head but couldn’t keep the smile off of her face. There was no use in even trying to convince her that that wasn’t needed. “You know, tomorrow, we’re all going to go to the spa—“

“Not the one that has that grotto thing?!”

“That one,” Felicity confirmed.

“You, me, and Clara?” Alex questioned and was practically bouncing.

“Etta too.”

Alex seemed confused now. “Is she even old enough?”

“Your dad called it in and we all already have reserved spots and appointments,” Felicity told her. Technically, Etta wasn’t quite old enough, but Ray had called and pulled strings because he could. He did it for them. So, it was going to happen and it would be a good day for all of them. 

“Well, that’ll be fun, right?”

Felicity smiled. “I think some much needed pampering will get us all in the mood before heading to Switzerland.”

“I get new books before we leave, right?”

“As long as they fit on your tablet.”

Alex made a face. 

In the last five years, buying actual books had become nearly extinct. It was something that you had to special order. Since Clara and Alex both shared the same books and then a couple of years later, Etta inherited them, buying the actual books tended to make sense. They were really trying to be green, though, which meant e-books and no more paper ones. The thing was, the whole luggage thing was a lot easier too when it was simply a tablet a child to keep track of. The last trip that the girls took books on, Clara and Alex shared a rolling suitcase just for their books. Luggage space wasn’t an issue since they’d be taking a private jet, it was just an extra bag they had to haul…and Felicity and Ray really tried to keep the girls from having other people do things for them. That meant that the girls needed to be able to carry or pull their own bags for the most part, except Liv. 

“We really don’t have the space for many more books anyways,” Felicity pointed out. 

“I’m willing to clean out my closet…or get under bed storage bins.”

Felicity smiled at that. She wrapped an arm around Alex. “Are the e-books really that bad?”

“They’re just not as…satisfying…”

“You know what’s satisfying? Those chocolate cupcakes from that bakery that’s not too far from here,” Felicity told her. “What’s it called?”

Alex stopped and turned to her, mouth dropped open. “Please tell me that you’re talking about Maurice’s!”

“I am.”

“But dad doesn’t let us get anything from there…ever.”

“Well, I’m not going to get anything from there, so it’s fine,” Felicity told Alex. “We’ll get a box to go…and something for you to snack on.” 

“Your allergy?”

Felicity nodded. When she and Ray were first dating, he’d gotten a small chocolate cake from there and somehow she’d had an allergic reaction. There weren’t supposed to be nuts in it, but they were a small bakery and used the same workspaces, tools, and equipment for everything. Felicity felt like it was likely a one time thing, for all she knew…someone didn’t clean something properly, but Ray had banned it. She didn’t mind, though, she really didn’t need a chocolate cupcake.

“Well, that sucks,” Alex said and they started to walk again. “We don’t have to stop. Isn’t there another bakery that Dad usually uses?”

“It’s on the other side of the city.”

“But then you could get something.”

She could hear the disappointment and almost guilt in Alex’s voice. This treat wasn’t supposed to elicit either emotion. “Sweetheart, it’s okay, I’ll just have cookies when we get home,” she told Alex and gave her a squeeze of a hug as they walked along. “You know what we can do, though? We can stop at the coffeeshop next to the bakery and get hot chocolate.”

“Mmmm,” Alex enthused. “I love their salted caramel hot chocolate.”

Felicity suddenly felt like she was being watched. She looked around and there were a couple of people watching her and Alex, but none of them seemed familiar. Being a Palmer in Star City meant that people stared and it meant sometimes that people took your picture when you weren’t doing anything exciting. She brushed it off as merely that. 

Turning to look at Alex with a smile, she spoke up. “Then it’s a plan.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Ray joined Felicity in the kitchen with Liv following him like a shadow. He moved to her side and grabbed a knife and a vegetable to chop. “Am I hallucinating or are the girls already packing?”

Felicity smiled. “They checked the weather today and told me that they want to make sure that they don’t need to do any last minute shopping before we go,” she explained. She looked down at Liv who was now wedging herself between her and Ray’s legs. Grabbing a piece of the raw broccoli, she handed it to the two year old who shouted ‘yay’ and then ran off with it. 

“Don’t they all have everything they need?” Ray asked confused.

“Remember, you’re the one I’m always cautioning not to spoil them,” Felicity pointed out with a small smile. “Etta legitimately might have grown out of something important like a coat since the last time she’s needed one. She’s been wearing sweaters for the most part.” She shrugged. “But you know, it’s always nice having a new thing for a trip. It makes them feel special.”

“Weren’t you just telling me not to spoil them?”

He sounded even more confused now. Felicity beamed at him and then leaned in to kiss him. “I’m just stating a fact… Spoiling them is buying them a whole wardrobe when they don’t need one. A treat is letting them pick out a new outfit so that they feel extra special on the trip,” she tried to explain. 

“Maybe I got it…” 

“Though, Liv might just want a new toy.”

“I’m okay with that,” Ray told her. “For a two year old, I don’t think she really has that many toys…”

“Alex, Clara, and Etta still individually have more books than Liv has toys and books combined.”

“We aren’t taking books on this trip, right?”

“I talked to Alex already,” Felicity told him. She shrugged. “I almost feel like we should feel good that the girls aren’t all about reading and doing everything on their tablets…”

“You mean how in ten years, kids will likely not have paper books?”

“That’s sort of sad, isn’t it?”

“Better for the environment.”

Felicity tilted her head back and forth for a moment. “That’s why we don’t have old fashioned card catalogs in the library anymore, everything’s on computers.”

“And thank God for that!” Ray said with a smile. “They’re way more helpful.”

“So much is online now anyways, you don’t even need to go to a library to check out books for anything.”

“That’s true.” He paused. “Maybe then we should be more concerned if the girls ever ask to go study at the library. I mean, it can’t be quiet anymore…”

Felicity just grinned. “I’ll leave that task up to you.”

“Maybe we should re-evaluate sending them to an all girls school.”

“We could just end up being lesbians,” Alex pointed out. 

Felicity shook her head, but couldn’t keep from smiling as she moved the chopped vegetables to the baking tray. “And we’ll support you no matter who you fall in love with.”

“Maybe you should all be home schooled,” Ray said.

“That’s what they want,” Felicity whispered to Ray before grabbing the baking tray and moving it to the oven. 

Ray was quiet for a moment. “Don’t you all like your school?”

Clara shrugged as the two leaned up against the kitchen island. “It’s okay, I guess…”

“It’s boring,” Alex spoke up.

Making a face, Clara eventually nodded. “She’s not wrong about that.”

“Boring because they teach in monotone or because it’s not challenging enough or because it’s just boring in general?” Ray questioned. 

Felicity heard all about school on a daily basis, but she really didn’t think it would ultimately benefit the girls to be home schooled. She knew that they had online schools where you could work at your own pace and all kinds of programs that were similar to that, but there was something beneficial that came from going to school with peers your own age. They just needed to find the right fit for them within the school. She was fairly sure that the girls being so far ahead of their age groups was why the school had no problems with them leaving for weeks or months and missing the school. They still wouldn’t be behind. 

“Maybe we should have a parents-teachers-girls-conference thing,” Ray suggested. 

He was always so good at going to parent-teacher conferences and attending school meetings and fundraising and all of that, but Felicity wasn’t sure if he really understood how much better it was for the girls to have their school. They just might have to look into the girls skipping grades or getting into harder classes. Felicity really felt like they just needed to be challenged more. She certainly needed that when she’d been their age. “They’re not going to school until we’re back from Geneva, we can sort it all out then.”

“I like this plan,” Alex said as she tapped the countertop of the island. “I also am liking the looks of what we’re having for dinner. It’s that fake fried chicken, isn’t it?”

“It’s called oven fried chicken, so does that really make it fake?” Clara asked Alex.

Alex looked to Felicity and Ray. “Is there oil or a fryer involved?”

“There’s butter and an oven and a glass dish they go in?” Felicity offered. 

Alex turned back to Clara. “See. Fake fried chicken.”

“It’s going to be tastier than the real stuff,” Ray told Alex.

“Doubtful.”

Normal people might feel agitated, but Alex wasn’t being a brat about it. She was just used to the real stuff. That was her special meal with her dad growing up. Felicity just couldn’t stand all of the grease that was in it. She had no idea how she used to eat as much Big Belly Burger as she did not so many years before, Felicity blamed having Liv (though, it was really for the best). There were just some things that she couldn’t eat or drink anymore after having Liv, the doctors said it was normal, but she just thought it was a little weird. 

“But there’s going to be chocolate cupcakes after,” Felicity reminded.

Alex immediately perked. “I saw frozen banana in the freezer, does that mean banana ice cream?”

“If there’s no more complaining about the chicken being healthy,” Ray countered.

Felicity smiled when Alex rolled her eyes at that, but it was certain that there would be no more complaining about dinner with dessert on their mind. The banana ice cream would certainly be healthy, but it was something that the girls definitely wouldn’t mind along with their chocolate cupcakes. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

Ray sighed. “It’s nothing serious.”

Felicity had just checked on all the girls after making sure that Liv was asleep and then checked the door and windows to ensure that they were all secure. Normally, Ray was always right there with her to put Liv to sleep and to say goodnight to the girls, but not tonight. So Felicity knew that there was something wrong. He’d been distant since he’d gotten home and they’d had one of his favorite meals for dinner. It just wasn’t like him and it scared her. She couldn’t remember a time where he was ever like this, not since they’d been married…the closest she could think of was right after his sister had been killed.

Sitting on the edge of the bed next to him, her body leaned against his until her head settled on his shoulder, one of her hands around his back, while the other took his hand. “Tell me."

“I don’t want to scare you.”

“You should know, I don’t scare easily,” Felicity told him. “I might get a little shaken up…but it takes a lot more than some guy jumping out our window to scare me…”

That was both truth and lie. 

Felicity had faced Slade Wilson. 

What was really more terrifying than that?

A sword pressed against your neck?

The only reason she’d been so worried before was because her children had been in immediate danger. There was also the fact that they had no idea who it was or why they’d been there. The ‘what ifs’ were what really worried and scared her. Whatever Ray was going to tell her, she was fairly sure that it had to do with the company, and she could take anything that had to do with Palmer Technologies. 

“There was a threat that was received today,” Ray told her.

“So?”

Ray pulled away, so that she had to straighten and look at him. He was really worried. It was clear and it was making her stomach twist in anticipation of what could make him so worried. “This was different,” Ray said slowly and put emphasis on ‘different’. There had been threats against the company before, all companies received them, it wasn’t anything that was really out of the ordinary. As far as Felicity knew, this was the first time in some time that they’d actually received any kind of threat or hate mail. Most people LIKED what had become of the city and what Palmer Technologies was doing for the world at large. They didn’t produce weapons, but everything they DID produce was solely to help and better people and the world. 

“Ray, you have to tell me…we share the weight of everything, remember?” Felicity reminded. That wasn’t entirely true, but everything that was pre-marriage, Felicity just hadn’t rehashed with him. He didn’t know about her college days, unless he did…but they never talked about it. They also never talked about things that were Team Arrow or about the Arrow (or Oliver), since the Arrow was gone before Ray joined the team for a short period of time. 

“They named all of us,” Ray told her as he stared at her and squeezed her hand. “You, me, and each of the girls. That’s the only reason that it’s got me worried. All of the other threats have always been in the name of the company or ME. All of that I can handle, but YOU…and the GIRLS? I just can’t—“

She squeezed his hand. “We’re going to be okay,” she told him and tried to remain calm. It was something that was definitely different and scary. Felicity couldn’t even dream of a world without any of the girls. She just didn’t think their lives would be AS good if they didn’t have all four of them (which she knew would sound horrible because that meant deaths of so many people for them to have Etta, Clara, and Alex). “You and I. We’re going to put our heads together and look at security right now.”

“Let’s move up the date for Geneva,” Ray told her. 

“The girls already know we’re supposed to go to the spa tomorrow,” Felicity explained. “We can’t leave for Switzerland tomorrow, plus…we don’t have everything in place yet—“

“We can easily do that…we have so many resources,” Ray pointed out. “You know that even Walter would step in and delegate—“

“Walter’s got enough on his plate with the bank.”

“I’m just saying…there ARE options…”

“So, we UP our security,” Felicity told him and was suddenly missing Diggle. It had been a long time since there’d been any need for personal security. She’d never had to worry about it with Oliver because Oliver didn’t need it…and Diggle was normally around anyways. It was like having two bodyguards at all times. 

Ray still didn’t look convinced. “I want you and the girls to have personal security.”

She knew that was coming.

She didn’t like it.

It would scare the girls.

“Ray—“ she started to argue. 

“Please don’t fight me on this.”

“What about the spa day?”

“I’ll have our security experts pick their finest and send them over there. They can just be part of the regular security and be outside. They don’t need to follow your every move. I just want to make sure that you’re all safe.” 

And she knew that.

“I’ll have them escort you out there and back,” Ray told her. “Maybe I can talk to Quentin—“

“I don’t know that this qualifies—“

“You know that he’d do it for you and the girls,” Ray cut her off and was looking serious and still quite worried. 

Felicity sighed and then nodded. “Are there any leads on who this might be?”

“International postage on the envelope,” Ray explained. “Can’t trace it back…so much postage…like it got mailed from one place and they put more postage on top and mailed it again…and over and over again…it just doesn’t make sense.”

“We’re going to be okay,” Felicity told him and took both of his hands now. She squeezed them lightly. “You know we will.”

“I just don’t like this…it’s too close to home.”

“Why don’t you let me talk to Quentin?” Felicity offered. “You call and talk to Frank with Palmer Tech security… Okay? We’ll figure it out.”

“Would you hate me if I prepare for us to leave tomorrow night?” Ray questioned as one of his hands moved through her hair. “I’ll even pick up everyone’s favorite dinners…even if I have to stop at different places for each one.” 

He looked so worried and it made her worry about him. “We’re not packed,” Felicity said and didn’t pause for long before speaking up again. “But I’ll get to work having Liv, Clara, and Etta pack while I pack Liv while I talk to Quentin.”

“But the girls are already in bed…”

“Just let me talk to them,” Felicity told him and leaned in to kiss him. There was nothing that she was going to say that was going to alarm them. She was simply going to tell them that there was a weather worry and they were leaving before the bad weather window. Although the girls could all look it up on their phones to verify what she was saying, she didn’t think that they’d do it or argue about it with her.

Once the kiss was broken, she got up from their bed and pressed a kiss to his forehead before pulling him into a hug with him still sitting on the bed. She held him tight and closed her eyes. This was just a bump in the road, she reminded herself. It was probably just someone who Googled their names and figured that they’d scare the crap out of him by adding them in (mission accomplished), but she knew that changing their plans was what made the most sense for their sanity and safety. 

“We’re going to make it,” Felicity reminded him as she squeezed him. She opened her eyes and thought of a couple of options. Options that she hadn’t considered in some time. They were part of her past and she’d left them there. She wasn’t Felicity Smoak anymore. “Together, just like always.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Ray told her as he looked up at her. “You’re my rock. You keep me sane even when it doesn’t seem possible.”

“And you’re mine,” she whispered before leaning down and kissing him again. Felicity stared at him for a long while before she finally pulled away. She handed him his phone before disappearing with hers. 

Making her way down the hall, she found Clara and Alex still in Clara’s room reading. But before she could say anything, the girls were immediately apologizing. “We’re SO sorry,” Clara babbled. “It was just that the last chapter was SO good and I just couldn’t wait until breakfast to read the next one… I promise, I just wanted to read one more chapter… I have like two more pages…”

“I feel like punishing us for reading past our bedtime is bad parenting,” Alex pointed out as she looked up from her book.

Felicity actually agreed with that. Reading really wasn’t something that she was going to EVER discourage the girls do. She didn’t care if they were reading text books or free reading or comics or whatever…just as long as they were reading. Their vocabularies and knowledge base was always expanding and it would do them well for the future. She waved her hand and shook her head slightly, like banishing that idea. “I actually need you two to pack for Geneva TONIGHT,” Felicity told them. 

“But…we have the spa tomorrow,” Clara said quietly as a pout started almost immediately, disappointment clear in her voice as she avoided eye contact.

Alex frowned. “Why do we have to leave early? I thought that we were going shopping after the spa? Doesn’t Etta need a new coat?”

“Weather window,” Felicity lied. She just hoped that she did it good enough to trick children. Her lying, she had thought, had improved during her time working for Team Arrow, but she didn’t know for sure since Ray could always read her. “There’s a storm that’s going to be in our flight path, so we’re leaving early in order to avoid it. You know how badly Etta does in heavy turbulence.” 

And that wasn’t a lie.

“You mean in ANY turbulence,” Clara corrected and then nodded. “So does that mean we’re leaving in the morning?”

“No, we’re still going to the spa in the morning… We’ll leave tomorrow night before dinner. Dad said that he’ll take dinner orders and have them ready for the flight. Whatever you want,” Felicity explained. “Just write it down and leave it for him at breakfast.”

“What about shopping?” Alex questioned.

“We’ll shop in Geneva,” Felicity said. It wasn’t quite the same, but maybe it would be better this way. “It’ll be fun… We normally don’t do shopping trips while we’re there.”

“That COULD be fun,” Alex commented.

“So, pack…please?” Felicity requested as she held onto the door frame.

“Does this mean that there’s no bedtime?”

“Just don’t stay up too late…”

“Okay, Mom,” Clara said with a smile. 

She moved on to find Etta nearly asleep, she felt bad waking the ten year old up, but Felicity knew that Etta would be more irked having to deal with whatever Felicity decided to pack for her. There were some things they were going to have to purchase likely in Geneva for her anyways, but not a complete wardrobe. There was mostly grumbling as Felicity left the bedroom. At least she’d pulled out Etta’s luggage. Felicity swore that was really the hard part for the girls. 

Quietly, she entered Liv’s room, the door just slightly open. Felicity flipped on the star lights on one wall and pulled out the luggage they had for Liv. Packing for a two year old could take some time, but she just hoped her need for organization was going to pay off and it really wouldn’t take her that long since she was going to have to pack her things as well, as well as making sure that they pulled all of their important documents from their safe that they’d need for the trip.

Hitting Captain Quentin Lance in her contacts, she put her phone up to her ear, using her shoulder to keep it in place as she started to open all of the bags. It rang and rang before he finally picked up. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” Lance questioned. 

“Yes, I’m sorry for calling so late,” Felicity immediately apologized. She didn’t know what time he went to bed, but she was so used to him always being there for her no matter the time. “I just—“

“There IS something. Tell me.”

Felicity frowned and moved to the dresser and started to pack things. “There was a letter sent to the company today, a threat with all of us named in it…so we’re leaving for Switzerland a few days earlier than planned,” Felicity explained. “It’s probably nothing, but you know…you can never be too safe.”

“Frank’s looking into it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll make sure that if they need any help from us, they have it,” Lance told her. 

She smiled, she loved how interconnected their community was. “Thank you. I really appreciate that.”

“What else can I do for you? Officers at your penthouse door?”

“I was actually hoping if you could spare two to accompany our security detail tomorrow,” Felicity explained. “Etta, Alex, Clara, and I are going to the Phoenix Spa that’s located right outside of Star City tomorrow… We promised them. So, Ray just wants us escorted out and back and for security to just patrol the spa while we’re there,” Felicity continued. “After that, we’ll either come back to the penthouse for things or we’ll go straight to the jet…Ray and I haven’t exactly ironed out the details yet. He’s on the phone with Frank now.”

“It’s good that you guys get out…just in case,” Lance told her. “You and the girls gotta stay safe.” There was a beat. “What about Liv?”

“She’s supposed to be with Charlie, our sitter that we always use,” Felicity explained. “But we might change things…”

“Well if she’s going to watch Liv at the penthouse, then I’ll personally come over and spend the day int he penthouse keeping an eye on things,” Lance offered. “I could always drive her to the jet, if you needed.”

“I’ll have to see what we’re doing exactly, but that would be beyond wonderful,” Felicity told him as she moved to the closet. She had everything packed for Liv at this point except for dresses (which was most likely what the two year old would favor) along with coats and sweaters. “I just wanted to call you now—“

“Text me and let me know the plan,” Quentin told her calmly. “We’ll get it all figured out, Sweetie. I don’t want you guys to worry. No one’s going to hurt you or Ray or those girls, you hear?”

Felicity nodded even though he couldn’t see it. “It’s just a bit…jarring…”

“It’s been a while since we’ve had anything like this,” Lance agreed. “I guess it makes you miss hooded vigilantes.”

“A little.”

“I get more sleep now, though,” she said with a smile as she tried not to think about that past. She didn’t want to suddenly get sad about how much she missed her guys…or Sara. God, how she missed Sara sometimes. She hadn’t known Sara as long as Oliver, but she had felt so close to her. Felicity knew that tomorrow she would be wishing that she had Sara along with her at the spa day…not only for adult conversation, but to make her feel a little safer with the situation. 

“Yeah, me too… Blood pressure and heart are better too,” Lance commented. “But that doesn’t mean that we can’t miss how it used to be… Right?”

“I miss it,” she admitted. “Probably too much.”

“Look, you just text me when you’ve got a plan with Ray and then get some sleep and don’t worry. Okay, Sweetheart?”

“Alright. Thanks. I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning.”

“Night.”

“Night,” she whispered and he hung up a moment later. Felicity set the phone down and continued working on packing. With the bags packed and set by Liv’s door, she put the extra bag back up into the closet before pulling out two outfits for Liv for the next day along with setting her little butterfly toddler backpack on the rocker in the room. That way Liv could pick some things to take and Felicity could make sure there was a backup outfit ready. That was nearly it. The only other things that Liv REALLY needed were things from the bathroom and Felicity was fine with just packing all of that in her bag, it wasn’t a lot. Toddler toothbrush and toothpaste, hair brush, tiny hair bands, and bows. That would all fit easily into her bag. 

Turning off the little lights and quietly leaving the room with her phone and Liv’s bags, Felicity set them neatly near the front door. Alex already had her luggage ready, which was good, and Felicity was certain that Etta and Clara wouldn’t be far behind. Since they traveled so much, they all had the same bags, but they were all color coordinated and had individual names on each one. Since they took the private jet, it was more just to keep their sanity when they were making sure that everyone had THEIR bag. 

Moving back down the hallway, Etta passed her with her bags. She peeked into Clara’s room to find her zipping up her bag. “Can we make sure that we have bathroom necessities?”

“Is it okay if we pack them in the morning?” Alex questioned.

Clara held up a piece of paper. “I made a list of everything we need to pack tomorrow morning, I was going to tape it to the bathroom mirror.”

“That works,” she told them. “Thank you.”

“Mom? This isn’t about the ninja guy who broke our window the other night, is it?” Alex asked.

“No, just weather window,” Felicity told them and didn’t linger in case she wasn’t convincing enough. She sighed and made her way back to her bedroom. Ray was still on the phone with Frank, his hand covered his face, and Felicity swore that he was sprouting grey hairs with each word. She kept trying to remind herself that it was nothing and that things were going to be fine, but seeing him like this…it worried her and threatened her calm. “Quentin’s going to call Frank and help coordinate,” Felicity whispered. “I just need to send him our schedule for tomorrow.” Ray just nodded and she figured that she’d start packing for herself and Ray. There was no way that Ray was going to remember to bring everything he needed at this rate. 

It was probably about twenty minutes later and almost when Felicity had all of their shoes and clothing packed when Ray finally got off the phone with Frank and let out an exhausted sigh. “It’s going to be okay,” she reminded and hoped that it came off as both confidant and assuring. “We’ve had stuff like this before.”

“Not exactly—“

“But still. You and I have been through worse, right?”

And they had.

That was another lifetime.

“It makes me think about packing ATOM.”

Felicity crinkled her nose in response. “I don’t think I have enough room for ATOM,” she half teased, hoping to lighten the mood.

The truth was that when they’d gotten engaged, Felicity’s condition had been no more vigilante activities. If they were going to be a family with the girls, she didn’t want him unnecessarily risking his life. She didn’t want to lose them, so he’d handed over his ATOM suit to her. Of course, if he really thought about it…and remote activated it…he’d find it. It was in the Foundry, which she and Ray had agreed for the time being to keep intact. Felicity kept throwing out the idea to transform Verdant into something like a local museum or an arts spot, so that they could keep the Foundry underneath intact. There was just something about the Foundry, she couldn’t quite cut the strings and let it go. It was like a closet that held their skeletons.

“Maybe we should have your mom fly out, too,” Ray said. “Just in case—“

“What?”

“They’re threatening ALL of us, Felicity… I’m just thinking we should cover our bases…”

“I didn’t tell the girls because I didn’t want to worry them, but you know my mom… I’m not sure that’s a secret she’ll be able to keep.”

“What if they go after her? Whoever THEY are?”

It was definitely a possibility.

Crap.

“I just don’t know if she’ll just drop everything—“

“She’ll do it,” Ray promised. “Just let me call her, okay?”

Felicity just nodded. Ray had always been able to melt her mother and get her to agree to things that she argued with Felicity about. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at him. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically. Tomorrow was definitely exactly what she was going to need. 

“Why don’t you go to bed and I’ll finish packing?” he offered.

“I need to check on the girls again,” she told him.

“I can do it.”

Felicity sighed as she watched him. She was worried about him and she was doubting that he was even going to sleep tonight. “I don’t want to go to bed without you…” She paused and sucked in breath as she thought all the bad thoughts of the past and how close to death she’d come…and how many friends she’d lost… She couldn’t lose the girls…and she couldn’t lose Ray. “I want to fall asleep in your arms.”

All the worry suddenly seemed to slip from his features and he crouched down in front of her, taking her hands in his. “I love you.”

“I love you,” she whispered back as she stared at him. Felicity leaned in and kissed him again. “We’ll pack…and then bed…”

“I was going to shower before bed,” Ray told her. 

She smiled and reached out to touch his face. “I think we can work in a shower into that plan…”

“You sure you’re okay with everything?”

Felicity nodded. “Just tell me that we can text Quentin a plan, so we’re all on the same page before morning…” 

She’d do anything to keep her family safe. If running off to Switzerland for two weeks or two months or even two years kept Ray, Alex, Clara, Etta, and Liv safe…then so be it. Never again did Felicity want to have someone that she loved and cared for to basically go off to commit suicide or for her girls to be put in danger. That wasn’t the life that they lived. They’d done so much to change their world…but evil was just not something that could be completely vanquished no matter how hard you tried…it would always be there…lurking in the shadows.

“Let’s put together an itinerary for tomorrow,” Felicity told him as she reached for her phone. 

Ray took her hand back and kissed the backs of her hands. “Why don’t you go ahead and pack…because we both know if I start HELPING, then you’re just going to ‘fix’ things…” She smirked and he smiled back at her. He had accepted this long ago and often admitted that Felicity was right about what she was doing as far as the packing was concerned. “I’ll typed up the itinerary and…supervise.”

“Supervise?” she asked as she raised eyebrows at him.

“Not my best word choice.”

She smiled a bit more. “I still love you,” Felicity said as she leaned to quickly kiss him before getting up to her feet. “Even though your packing makes no sense…and you always get out of it.”

“I can’t help it that you just do it better than I do.”

There really wasn’t that much to pack and she was honestly too tired to type and keep things straight. This would mean that they’d be into bed THAT much faster. Felicity grabbed what she needed from their closet and went back to pack the last things that could go into the luggage before morning. “We need to sort out arrangements for Liv tomorrow, too…Charlie was going to babysit…Quentin has also volunteered to sit in.”

“Okay, I think we can work something out,” Ray said as he started to type on his phone. 

Felicity kept packing the luggage as Ray typed away, she knew that things were going to be okay. They’d make a plan. They were going to have more security, she and the girls would relax at the spa for the day, and then they’d go off and vacation and try to really relax. They’d be in Geneva before they knew it. Things were going to be fine.

Things were going to be fine.

She made a mental note to call John.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	6. We're All Stories In The End

**On the Streets of Star City 2020**

 

Oliver had been following Felicity on and off. He knew that he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself. He still wasn’t sure what to do with himself. She really did seem happy and absolutely devoted to the kids. Oliver thought it was so odd, though, that they all walked everywhere for the most part. 

Things had changed so much.

Today, he was stalking Felicity. He was stalking her very publicly too. He was in the black hood pulled up over his Rockets hat with his head down. He just wanted to hear her voice. It was stupid, but he couldn’t help it. All he kept thinking while crashing in the Foundry was of the moments that he had learned to cherish over the last five years, the ones that he’d never appreciated when they had happened. Most of those involved Felicity and Diggle. 

God, he missed them.

He had decided that if he followed her around during the day, maybe he could get part of his fix for contact with Felicity if he could just hear her talk. So, he stayed close but not too close. Right now, the streets were fairly busy, so that was fairly easy. Listening to Felicity talking to Alex was almost comforting. She sounded happy…and yet, still like the same woman that he so fondly remembered. 

With nothing better to do, but to Google the people in his lives, Oliver had researched more about the girls that Ray and Felicity had adopted. It had been confirmed that two of the girls were biologically Ray’s nieces while the other one (the one currently with Felicity, Alex) was the older one’s best friend. Their parents had died, a total of two hundred people had died that night when a charity event in Central City was bombed. Only fifty people made it out alive, Ray and Felicity were lucky to have made it out without being mortally wounded. Not even Barry would have been able to race to save Felicity even if he’d known she was there because the bomb was completely a surprise. Whoever was behind it was still a mystery.

A mystery in Central City.

Oliver wondered if a meta-human could possibly have been behind it. Would Felicity had pressed to see if that was the truth? Did she and Barry still talk? Did she talk to Caitlin or Cisco? It seemed like Barry was still at work in Central City, but Oliver had no idea what his team looked like now. 

Five years meant a lot of change. 

By now, Barry would have realized that. 

It wasn’t too long until Oliver was following Felicity and Alex into Maurice’s. He stood off to the side, his back up against a wall and his head down like he was studying what was in the far glass cookie case. He watched as Felicity talked to the bakery staff. 

“Could we get a baker’s dozen of those double chocolate cupcakes please?” Felicity asked. Her phone went off and from where he was standing, he glanced up to see Felicity look down at her phone momentarily before handing the money to Alex. “I have to take this, Sweetheart. I’ll be right outside, okay? Meet me there?”

“Got it handled, Mom,” Alex said as she took the money and then watched Felicity go. They were boxing up the cupcakes and the girl set the money up on the counter. “Do you happen to have a bathroom I can use?”

“Right over there,” the woman said as she motioned to a bathroom sign that was right past him.

“Here’s the money, I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll have it ready for you.”

Alex headed in his direction and Oliver bowed his head a bit, but she stopped in front of him. “Are you waiting for the bathroom?” It was a small place, so it was a unisex restroom and the teen was obviously just being polite. 

“No…just waiting,” he replied quietly. 

Alex disappeared into the bathroom and he was going to make himself scarce, but there was one way in and out. Oliver was trapped and Felicity was right out front, he could see her through the window front. Technically, he knew that he could keep his head down and just walk past her, but he really didn’t want to risk getting that close to her for so many reasons. As much as he wanted to think that he was in control of himself and his feelings and what was right and wrong, Oliver knew that deep down none of that mattered when it came to Felicity.

“You’re still waiting?”

Surprised, Oliver looked over at Alex. How long had he been staring at Felicity while she talked on her cell phone outside? “Ye-ah…I guess I got stood up,” he lied. 

Nodding, Alex cross her arms over her chest. “That’s a bummer.”

“Not a big deal. I’ll give it a couple more minutes.”

“What are you going to get?” Alex asked him as she moved past him and motioned to the glass case. She looked back briefly, but the woman was ringing up the order and getting her change. 

“Not really sure. I’m having one of those days, I might just pass all together,” Oliver told her. 

Alex was looking at him with a lot more focus now and he looked away from her for a moment. “You look familiar.”

He was older and scruffier than the picture at Felicity’s home, but he didn’t want to risk being recognized by the teen girl. He really didn’t want her running out to tell her mother that he was in there with no exit, Oliver really didn’t want to have to unexpectedly break through another window…again. “I get that a lot.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Nice Rockets hat.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re all ready, Miss Palmer,” the woman said as she set the box and change up on the counter. 

“That’s me,” Alex told him and Oliver just nodded as she walked away. He watched as the blonde teen put a fairly generous tip into their jar and then shoved a few dollars into her pockets before grabbing the box. 

Oliver let out a soft sigh as he bowed his head again. It had been close. Next time, he’d not get so close. He had just wanted to hear her talk. To see how happy she was up close, but not THIS close. 

“Here,” Alex said, which surprised him again. He looked up at her and found her holding out one of her cupcakes. 

He held up his hands. “That’s really sweet of you, but I—“

“I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer,” Alex insisted and handed it to him. “I hope your day gets better.”

“I’m sure your mom—“

“My mom won’t mind,” Alex told him. “She’s not going to even notice. She can’t have them because of her—“

“Allergy?”

Alex just stared at him for a long moment.

Crap.

He’d screwed up.

“Yeah,” she said slowly and turned her head slightly as she stared at him. “How’d you know?”

“Nut allergies are pretty common, right? Just a guess.”

“Ah,” Alex said with a nod. “Anyways, I hope your day gets better. Double chocolate is the best, I swear… You can’t go wrong after you’ve eaten it,” she told him with a smile as she pulled one out and started to eat it as she exited the bakery. 

“Thank you,” he called after her and looked back at the chocolate cupcake in his hand. Oliver smiled down at it. Alex may not have been Felicity’s biological daughter, but to him…that was something that Felicity would have done. It made him feel better to see them together and for him to have the brief interaction with the blonde teen. 

Felicity was happy.

Felicity had a life.

He wasn’t a part of it.

He was okay with that.

Oliver knew that he had to be.

Felicity deserved her happy ending.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**The next day…  
Outside of the Phoenix Day Spa**

 

There was an escort and that worried him. It wasn’t just Palmer security, either, Oliver had noticed that right off the bat. There was Star City Police accompanying them in plain clothes and plain cars. So, Oliver hadn’t just let Felicity and the girls from his sight. Instead, he’d followed them even though that hadn’t been his plan for the day. 

The luggage that he’d witnessed that had been loaded into the back of the Odyssey that Felicity was driving instead of her Mini Cooper hadn’t gone unnoticed. Oliver had just thought that he’d scared them and that they were heading off for a trip, but with them not going towards the airport and so much security after so many days had passed…it was sudden and it worried him. 

There was something going on.

Ray felt like Felicity and his family were in danger.

Oliver couldn’t just stand by and do nothing.

He’d watch over them.

He owed them that.

So, he’d followed and he’d waited. Oliver wasn’t dressed in his hoodie and his Rockets hat, though. He’d seen where they were going and made sure that they made it into the spa okay and the security was set up properly before he’d circled back to the Foundry to change into something more appropriate if something DID happen. 

It was late morning and Oliver knew that it was risky roaming the area in black with a bow and arrows, but he didn’t intend for anyone to see him. Whatever was going on. Whomever was targeting Felicity’s family…Oliver was going to make sure that they didn’t get close to them. Felicity should stay safe. He’d happily play guardian angel.

From where he was hidden, he watched the security patrol and generally sit around doing nothing in particular. He wanted to know what the threat was, but that would require him to get closer to the people that were there and he just couldn’t risk it, plus he was fairly sure that his outfit wouldn’t go over well. He’d seen the papers about a ninja crashing through windows and vagueness about the night that he’d jumped out of Ray and Felicity’s penthouse window. It wasn’t a lot, but it was still something that should have never happened. He shouldn’t have been seen.

He shouldn’t have been there.

Mistakes.

It was Felicity.

He just couldn’t help himself.

It wasn’t an excuse, though.

At first he’d thought that he’d been spotted by two of Palmer’s security guys, but they’d just moved to an area where they could apparently smoke. He kept still and waited. More than half the day had already passed and lunches had been delivered to all of the people on duty there securing the spa. Oliver had started to wonder if Ray and Felicity were just being overly cautious. He could see that. He just wished that he knew WHY.

“What time are they going to be done at?” one of the guys asked as he lit up. “We’ve been out here for HOURS.”

“Hey Palmer is paying us DOUBLE. I’ll stay out here all day if that’s what it takes,” the other guy said. “They’re supposed to be in there for a couple more hours.”

“I hear that this is all about some threat that the company received, but it’s not like it’s the first time.”

“This guy I know that’s high up said that whoever wrote that threat specifically named each member of the Palmer family as targets and that’s never happened before, I guess I can see why he’s being so paranoid. Let’s face it, though, it’s probably nothing. When’s the last time something like that actually happened?”

“I can’t even remember… Things used to be crazy and now the most exciting thing is when the elevator gets stuck or someone pulls a fire alarm in the building.”

Someone had threatened each of them.

Oliver felt sick.

Who would threaten children?

Who would threaten Felicity?

Over the years, he’d learned that waiting for hours was almost an art form. The time didn’t drag on for him, but it didn’t speed up. It was just time…and as it passed he busied himself in different ways in order to keep at top alert. So far, there were no signs of anything suspicious and some of the men on guard were actually familiar to Oliver, either they were police officers who had booked him before (or possibly shot at him when he was the Hood) or they’d worked at Queen Consolidated (when it was still Queen Consolidated and run by a member of the Queen family). Oh how times had changed.

Time passed.

Slowly, more and more people were leaving the spa.

Oliver waited calmly and clearly, still on alert. So far, nothing. He was really hoping that they were all there on high alert for nothing, but at the same time…he knew what evil was out there in the world. He knew because he was part of the evil in the world. He was someone that Felicity needed to be protected from.

Eventually, Felicity emerged with the three oldest girls following. They were all smiles as they toted beach-type bags towards the van. He also noticed that they were all in fresh clothes, dressed differently than when they’d first gone into the spa. Clara and Etta were at the front of the group while Alex walked alongside Felicity. 

They really did look like this perfect family. 

In the blink of an eye, shots were fired and men in black appeared out of nowhere. Two of the assigned security went down almost immediately. Oliver only took a breath to assess the most dangerous targets in comparison to where Felicity and the girls were. He let loose an arrow and watched as it hit his intended target. 

The door to the van slid open as Clara and Etta got to it. He watched as Felicity closed the door and locked the van. No lock was going to hold back these guys, but since the girls were so ahead of her, the girls were safer locked in the van on the floor rather than out in the open like Felicity and Alex were. So, it was a smart move.

Oliver started to move towards Felicity, who had positioned Alex behind her but also so that her back was against a wall. Security was almost completely down, but Oliver was still working at keeping everyone safe. He wanted to get to Felicity and Alex, though, he wanted to ensure that they were really okay because his line of sight of them was obscured by vehicles. 

“You stay down!” Felicity told Alex.

Her words were loud and clear and Oliver knew that she was okay and that he was close. He turned and took in the targets, there seemed like more and more were closing in…more than he remembered counting when this all started. Even though he was hitting his targets, he was having a hard time controlling himself.  
 Five years.

He’d been part of the League of Assassins for FIVE years.

He’d killed for FIVE years.

If he was going to show himself to Felicity, he couldn’t be the Betrayer. He needed to control his shots, control himself, and he needed to be the man that she remembered for just a moment. Plus, he was thinking about the girls. They didn’t need to see death. All of the chaos, the gunfire, and the arrows flying…that was already too much for them. They’d lost too much in their short lives, Oliver didn’t want to traumatize them further.

Maybe he could still be Oliver Queen.

Maybe there was hope.

But could he ever be the Arrow again?

Was there a place in the world for the Arrow anymore?

With each step, he concentrated more than he had in his whole life on the target. He made sure that every shot was to disable, not kill. Oliver was not going to kill, not unless he absolutely HAD to. It was difficult. More difficult than he remembered.

There had to be another way.

Not killing was the person he was as the Arrow, could he go back to that? The answer was that he HAD to. At least while he was in Star City. This was probably the longest he’d gone without killing a person in five years. Killing had become like breathing to him. If it hadn’t been for Felicity…not just her being there…wanting to protect her…wanting her to be happy no matter what…but her memory, he likely would have killed Ray Palmer in his bed. He was a killer even if he was trying not to be that version of himself.

The dark version.

Even though he was a monster, he could control it. It just took way too much focus. Oliver hated how much focus it was taking. Gunshots rang out again and Oliver immediately shot an arrow in that direction, he hit his target and for a moment, there was silence and no movement. Had he gotten them all? He couldn’t relax just yet. 

“Oliver?”

It had been FIVE years since he’d heard her use his name. To hear her talking to him. Emotions swirled inside of him and he tried to keep focus. He needed to make sure that Felicity and Alex got to the car and that Etta and Clara were safe. He needed to make sure that they got to safety. Here was not safe. He had to keep focus. Oliver couldn’t let her distract him.

There could be no ignoring her, though. He turned and looked to see if Felicity and Alex were okay and unharmed. Oliver found Felicity holding a frightening Alex in her arms as she stared at him. So far, he’d kept his hood on. Costume and a hood had been part of his identity for so many years now. It was hard to let that go even to the person who probably still knew him best in this world.

“Look out!” Alex shouted.

Oliver turned and readied an arrow, but bullets were already fired. He let loose another arrow, but it wasn’t fast enough. He let it loose AS the bullets hit him. As he fell backwards, he lost grip of his bow and he saw his arrow miss. He didn’t miss. Falling backwards, his eyes searched for Felicity. He needed to make sure that she was safe. He couldn’t fail her again.

“No! Oliver!” he heard Felicity scream frantically.

As his eyes finally came upon her, he watched as Felicity moved away from Alex to scramble for his bow. He should have trained her, he thought. It had been five years, but from what he could tell, Felicity hadn’t ever gotten out in the field (which he thought was for the best) and in her everyday life there was just no need for her to be trained in that way. She was scrambling for an arrow as gunshots continued.

“Mom! Mom! Be careful!” he heard Alex crying out. 

Oliver had to assume that the teen was safe since he didn’t see her. He watched, though, as courageously Felicity stood there unflinching as she readied the bow and aimed. As she breathed in and then let go the arrow as it flew. He didn’t move to watch it fly, but instead merely watched her reaction. He assumed that she’d hit her target. 

That was his girl.

“Alex! Help me!” Felicity shouted as she hovered over him. 

Waiting, he expected her to immediately pull the hood from his head, but she didn’t. She merely kept hold of his bow and motioned for Alex to grab the other side of him. They both grunted as they tried to get him to his feet, but he helped. He was wounded, but he could help them as they guided him to the van.

“God, he’s heavy…” Alex complained.

The sound of the van sliding open was something that caught his attention and his swung his head around until he saw Clara and Etta huddled together, but they seemed okay. He hoped that they were all unhurt. 

“Mom! Mom!” they cried out.

“Get in the car!” Felicity told them.

“Wait,” Clara said. “He’s…he’s the one who was in our house the other night… He’s the one who jumped through our window!”

“He’s the one who just saved us,” Alex argued.

“He’s BAD!”

“You said he was SAD the other day.”

Clara was RIGHT. He was bad. Oliver knew that. He was dark and a monster. There was no light left inside of him. Ra’s and the League had taken it all from him. The thing was, Alex was right too. He WAS sad. This was a life he could have had was all he thought as he’d stalked Felicity and her family. He was jealous of Ray Palmer. Jealous of so many things that he would never have. 

But she was happy.

Felicity was happy.

They somehow got him in the car. He was blurry on the details, but he was laying on the floor between the front and middle row seats of the van. “You’re going to be okay,” he found Alex saying. 

“Mom! We can’t! We just can’t! He-he-he-“ he could hear Clara freaking out. “And he’s bleeding…you know how I am about blood…”

“Clara, in the front,” Felicity said calmly. “You keep your eyes straight ahead or out your window. You think about anything else but what’s going on in this car, do you understand me?”

“Yes.” 

He heard the car door open and then shut and he heard Clara making some sound, an uncomfortable sound. Oliver wasn’t sure how to describe it. He closed his eyes and it felt like a moment, but he knew it was longer. When he opened his eyes, he could see a frightened Etta in the very back peeking over the middle row and he had Felicity hovering over him on one side, half in the driver’s seat, as she pressed to try to stop the bleeding, or at least that’s what he assumed. Oliver didn’t know how many times he’d been shot, but he knew it was more than once or twice. 

She was safe.

If he died, that was okay.

She was safe.

Finally, his hood was removed. It hadn’t been Felicity who had done it, though, it had been Alex. The blonde teenage girl was looking at him with so much confusion now. The day before, they’d had an interaction and now, he assumed, she was putting pieces together.

“Wait,” Alex whispered. “I know him.”

“He’s in a picture,” Etta whispered.

“I met him yesterday.”

“What?” he heard Felicity ask.

“At Maurice’s. You’d stepped out on that phone call. he was in there,” Alex said quickly.

Her eyes looked from Alex and then settled on him. She looked torn and confused and sad and worried. Oliver never wanted to bring pain back into her life. She’d mourned his death five years ago, she had to have. This was a mistake. He should have been better. Maybe he really was the Betrayer. He’d betrayed his promise to himself FOR her. To let Felicity be happy with her life there. To not show himself to her. To let her live.

“I. Missed. You,” he managed to get out.

There were tears falling down her cheeks as she stared at him. She was like an angel. She was better and more beautiful than he remembered. There was so much light in her that it practically blinded him. How had he not seen her so clearly before? How had he been so blind all those years ago? Why hadn’t he seen the life he could have had with her and not been afraid to grab it and fight for it? To fight for her? To fight for them? 

He’d made a choice.

It had been for Thea.

It had been for his city.

Even after five years in hell as Ra’s al Ghul’s servant, one thing inside of him had surely survived. His love for her. All he could think was how lucky he was to still have that. To still remember how she made him feel then…and how beautiful those memories with her had been even if they’d been ordinary. 

“I missed you,” she cried out and then she suddenly turned frantic. “Alex, I need you to hold pressure on his wounds, can you do that?”

“We’re going to a hospital, right?” Alex questioned.

“We can’t.”

“What do you mean, we can’t?”

Felicity suddenly disappeared and the sound of the van’s engine starting was so loud to him. The van was suddenly moving and he cringed as he heard gunshots in their direction, but then they were speeding away. They were safe, he thought. The girls, Felicity…they were all safe. That was what mattered.

“He’s got a mask…dressed all in black…a bow…arrows…what do you think the police will think?”

“So, we tell Grandpa that he saved us. It’ll get figured out.”

“That’s not how it’ll work, Alex.”

“Who is he?” Clara spoke up.

Oliver waited. He wanted to know if she’d tell them the truth. If she’d tell them that they had known each other so well one time. It was another lifetime and maybe she’d completely written off that part of her life, but to him…she was his everything even if he couldn’t have her in his world ever again. 

She was safe.

“He’s a story…”

“A good one, I bet,” Alex commented as she looked between up front where Felicity was and then back down to him. 

He wondered what these girls thought of him. Were they scared? Was Alex? Would Felicity really be able to explain this to them? He hadn’t wanted to traumatize the girls, but he didn’t think he’d done a good job of avoiding that. 

“We’re all stories in the end,” Felicity whispered.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	7. I Have Been and Always Shall Be Your Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 RIP Leonard Nimoy <3

**Phoenix Day Spa 2020**

 

It had been a relaxing day with the girls and though there were reason they’d stepped up the trip (and Felicity was thankful that they’d kept that secret), the day had still been just as planned. There was no reason to worry the girls in case it was all an empty threat. They were all changed and ready to head to the plane as they walked out of the spa entrance. Bags slung over their shoulders as they walked. That was the plan. Ray was picking up dinners, then Liv, and they would all meet at the airfield with their escorts in place. 

Etta and Clara were in front of her and Alex as they walked, which was fine. The girls were old enough to look for cars and to be mindful of what was going on in a parking lot. It wasn’t like she had Liv running around, that was just a dangerous thought in a parking lot. There was also the fact that there were not only Palmer security guards, but also Star City Police Officers in plain clothes. Felicity knew everyone there. There was also a sense of safety with that. 

“What did you ask Dad to get you for dinner?” Felicity asked Alex as they walked in the direction of her van. She hadn’t wanted too much of a fuss made plus her stomach was iffy with all the stress, so she’d just requested a chicken salad. Nothing fancy for her. 

“Actual fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, macaroni and cheese, and a biscuit,” Alex told her with a wide grin.

Felicity shook her head, but smiled just the same. She shouldn’t be surprised. “That’s all starch and—“

Shots were fired which interrupted what Felicity was saying. Security guards went down, Max and Grant. Her hand instinctively reached out and grabbed Alex and her eyes moved to Clara and Etta. They were too far ahead. Her van’s remote was in hand, she clicked the button to open on just the one side. 

“Get in the van!” she shouted at the other two and pushed Alex behind her as she watched them. “Get down and stay down!” she shouted as she clicked for the door to shut and then locked it. It was nothing against armed gunmen, but it was an extra layer of protection to Etta and Clara that the men would have to go to in order to get to them. It seemed like there were men in black who had come out of nowhere. All Felicity knew was that she had to keep her girls safe. So, she and Alex backed up so that Alex was in the corner behind her and they crouched down a bit. 

The sound of Alex crying could be heard behind her and Felicity just wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but she couldn’t be certain of that. Felicity knew that she couldn’t panic. Another guard went down and an officer too, Craig and Nelson. God, she knew these people. 

Breathe.

Focus.

Stay calm.

Felicity looked around and then suddenly realized that one of the men in black were on the ground. She’d missed that happening, likely because she’d allowed herself a moment of panic. Her mouth opened slightly as she saw the arrow sticking out of the man in black. 

The Dark Archer?

Malcolm Merlyn? 

The League of Assassins?

No.

As far as she knew, the League didn’t use guns. She could be absolutely wrong, but as far as her memory served they were far more old school. They used bows and arrows, swords, and daggers. They didn’t dress in ski masks either. 

The fletching.

Oh God.

The fletching on the arrow sticking out of the ski masked guy was yellow and green. It had been years since her eyes had looked upon those. The yellow and green was particular to one person that she knew. She couldn’t breathe. Felicity’s mind reeled as she forced herself to close her eyes for a moment and then look again.

Yellow.

Green.

No.

Yes.

Oh God. 

Yes.

Yellow.

Green.

Felicity took a step forward and felt Alex grab her hand. She turned back to her and placed her hands on Alex’s shoulders, gently pressing her down into a tight crouch. “You stay down!” she told her. She turned back. 

Arrows flew.

All of the guards and officers were down now. 

Many more men in ski masks were littering the parking lot and surrounding area, though, with distinctive arrows sticking out of them. Her mind reeled and though everything in her soul told her that it all had to be a coincidence, she knew that it couldn’t be. There was no way. Not unless someone broke into the Foundry. 

Five years.

The emerald archer.

The Arrow.

Oliver.

Oh God, Oliver was alive.

Five years…and he was alive.

A moment later, a man dressed in black that looked like he was clearly a member of the League of Assassins came into view only he was firing on the men in ski masks. Felicity saw the arrows in his quiver and the green and yellow fletching. What had happened to him? Had Ra’s al Ghul just taken him into the League? After five years, why had he finally come home? Without a word to any of them?

It was then that Felicity noticed that all of the men that he’d taken down, none of them seemed mortally wounded. Finally, he made his way towards them, his back to them as he had to be scanning their surroundings for any other targets. “Oliver?” she breathed and tears immediately filled her eyes. Her whole body felt like it was twisting on the inside. 

Finally, he turned to them.

“Look out!” Alex shouted.

As he turned and readied his bow with another arrow, bullets rung out and struck him. He fell backwards, his bow flying out of his hand and skidding in her direction. Her mouth dropped open and for a split second she realized that she might have just lost him again. She couldn’t lose him. She couldn’t lose her girls. Whoever was after them, they were not going to win. 

“No! Oliver!” she screamed out.

It was almost instinctive as she moved away from Alex and to the compound bow on the ground. It wasn’t the one that he’d used as the Arrow, that one he’d left behind, left with his costume. 

“Mom! Mom! Be careful!” Alex cried out.

The past had come back. 

Everything that she’d spent so many years forgetting had held a place in her life, her heart, or her soul…it all came hitting her like a ton of bricks. Moving, she ducked down and retrieved an arrow. She’d have one chance. God, they should have trained her. She’d played around over the years, but it wasn’t the same… That wasn’t like the training that she would have received from Oliver or Sara… Felicity found the shooter. He was on the ground with an arrow in his upper thigh. She brought up the bow, the nocking point against the string, she pulled back.

Focus.

Stay calm.

Aim.

Breathe.

Let go.

The arrow went flying and she cringed as it hit the man in the chest. She didn’t know if it was fatal, but it definitely was going to impair him from shooting at them any longer, or at least she hoped so. If Oliver didn’t completely disable the rest on the ground, then they couldn’t just wait around. They had to go. Her eyes moved to Oliver and she knew that they had to get him medical help.

There was no taking him to the hospital and Digg wasn’t there. Oh God. John wasn’t there to do all of the medical things that would have to be done. It had been nearly four years since she’d had to sew someone up, but it hadn’t been major things like she was certain Oliver would require. 

“Alex! Help me!” she shouted as she moved over to where Oliver lay on the ground. He was still wearing the black hood, but she KNEW it was Oliver. She crouched down after slinging the bow over her shoulder and the two of them grunted as they hoisted him upward.

“God, he’s heavy…” Alex complained. 

He was.

And it was all muscle.

All of a sudden all she could think of was shirtless Oliver.

Oliver on the salmon ladder.

God, no.

Felicity internally chastised herself. She was married. She was married happily to Ray Palmer. She was Felicity Palmer, she hadn’t even kept her surname. They had children together. God, she couldn’t think about Oliver like that.

As they got nearer to the van, Felicity frantically looked around to make sure that no one was getting up or pointing guns at them as she unlocked the van and had the door slide open. There were bullets in the side of her van and she tried to prepare herself for what she was going to find inside. As the doors opened, worry and then the worry lifted from her as she saw that both girls were unhurt. 

“Mom! Mom!” the girls cried out.

“Get in the car!” Felicity told them as Clara and Etta got out. Oliver was just getting heavier and she just wanted to get them out of there. 

“Wait,” Clara said. “He’s…he’s the one who was in our house.”

“He’s the one who just saved us,” Alex argued. 

“He’s BAD!” Clara continued as she stood in the way. Etta, however, was already in the back of the van. 

Alex sounded irked with her now. “You said he was SAD the other day.”

No matter what, Oliver was getting too heavy and they needed to get him into the car and finish the conversation they were having. They got him into the car somehow. It was a little easier than Oliver in the back of her Mini Cooper. 

Alex immediately climbed in and was hovering over him. “You’re going to be okay,” she told him.

“Mom! We can’t! We just can’t! He-he-he-“ Clara rambled on. “And he’s bleeding…you know how I am about blood…”

“Clara, in the front,” Felicity said calmly and guided her towards the front passenger seat. “You keep your eyes straight ahead or out your window. You think about anything else but what’s going on in this car, do you understand me?”

“Yes,” Clara told her and got into the front.

Felicity made her way around to the driver’s side after closing the van side door, stowing the bow between the front two seats. She turned and gathered her shirt from her bag and pressed it against his chest. He’d been shot multiple times. She watched as Alex removed the black hood to reveal Oliver, whom she already knew was underneath it.

God, how she’d missed him.

It couldn’t end.

Not again.

Not like this.

Felicity wouldn’t lose Oliver again.

Not when she’d just gotten him back.

“Wait,” Alex whispered. “I know him.”

“He’s in a picture,” Etta whispered back before Felicity could say the same thing. She had one picture of Oliver had she kept out and it was of them with Diggle. She had others, but she always kept them hidden away, she hadn’t been able to part with them.

“I met him yesterday,” Alex insisted.

“What?” Felicity questioned.

“At Maurice’s,” Alex continued. “You’d stepped out on that phone call, he was there.”

Felicity looked from Alex and then to Oliver. How long had he been back? Had he ever planned on telling her that he was alive? If this whole situation hadn’t happened, would she have never known that he never died all those years ago? Why was he back? Where had he been? So many questions raced through her mind. 

“I. Missed. You,” Oliver just barely seemed to manage to get out.

Felicity felt the tears falling down her cheeks as she stared at him. God, she’d missed HIM. Every day she thought about him. Most times it was just something small, but sometimes…sometimes she just missed him…and John…and Sara…and Roy…and everyone that used to be apart of their lives. 

“I missed you,” she cried out before turning so that her hands fell on the wheel. Felicity knew that she couldn’t be emotional like this. She needed to think clearly. To focus. She turned back as her mind reeled. “Alex, I need you to hold pressure on the wounds, can you do that?” she asked a bit frantically.

“We’re going to a hospital, right?” Alex asked.

No.

“We can’t.”

They wouldn’t understand.

They’d not had to live this kind of life.

They’d grown up in Star City.

“What do you mean, we can’t?”

Felicity turned back around and noticed that men were getting up. There was movement. It wasn’t safe. They needed to go. They couldn’t wait about and talk any longer. She turned the key in the ignition and put the van into drive. She pulled out and started down the road only to hear gunshots, which made her cringe and check back to ensure that the girls were all still alright. 

“He’s got a mask…dressed all in black…a bow…arrows…what do you think the police will think?” Felicity asked slowly as she put her foot down on the gas. She wasn’t ready to explain everything to them. Right now, they needed to think about WHY a hospital was a bad idea. WHY they had to choose another path. 

“So, we tell Grandpa that he saved us. It’ll get figured out,” Alex argued.

“That’s not how it’ll work, Alex,” she said as calmly as possible.

They didn’t understand.

How could they?

“Who is he?” Clara spoke up.

Felicity looked over at Clara for a moment, who was now looking to her for an answer. She knew that Clara wasn’t the only one who was waiting for that response. Alex and Etta wanted to know too. It was something that couldn’t be kept in the past any longer. It had to be brought out into the open. She couldn’t lock away that part of her life any longer.

“He’s a story…” she whispered as her eyes were on the road.

“A good one, I bet,” Alex commented.

A good one.

She was right.

Oliver Queen, the Arrow, the man that she had loved for so long…the man who’s death she’d mourned. He had shown her another side to the world, one that was dark but one that was also filled with adventure and that helped her to give back to the city. They’d kept the city safe or tried to for so long. “We’re all stories in the end.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Originally, Felicity had thought about taking Oliver back to their building. She’d even thought of about ten different stories that sort of sounded like they could be true, if she let Alex tell them. Clara practically broke out in hives if she had to lie, so she was completely out of the question… Etta just wasn’t believable. Alex was the only one who could make it work. It wasn’t going to work, though. Oliver had lost too much blood and there was no way to get the medical supplies they’d need in order to do an emergency transfusion. Felicity knew for sure that her blood was a match for Oliver. Back when it was just her, Oliver, and Diggle…they’d all figured out blood matches just in case. Back then, they kept Oliver’s blood in storage. 

Now, there was no blood in storage.

She still couldn’t take him to a hospital.

So, reluctantly, Felicity had gone to the one place that she’d sworn she wouldn’t step foot in again. It had been an ordeal to get from the van, into the building, and all the way down the stairs. Felicity was just happy that the building had an electronic lock and that the door to the Foundry had never been changed because the code was still the same as she remembered. She was hauling Oliver’s upper body while Alex had his legs. Etta was carrying the bow and Clara was walking ahead of them and doing everything that Felicity was telling her to (in order to keep from freaking out from seeing the blood).

And there was blood.

She was starting to think that he’d lost too much.

“Get the lights,” Felicity told her. “There’s a big lever…”

The familiar and almost comforting click of the lights kicked on. 

The coverings were missing from some places and there was a bag in her eyesight. Oliver had already been there. For how long? Did he understand everything that he’d seen in the Foundry? Did he understand everything that he’d missed? Did he know what all of their lives had become after his death? Did he realized that she’d mourned? How long she’d clung to hope?

“Metal table,” Felicity instructed as she moved automatically to where she remembered where it was. She may not have been back there for nearly four years, but her dreams often brought her back there. It was the one place that for so long felt like home to her. Her hand started to motion in one direction. “That tool box on wheels…push it this way.”

She went to work without thinking about her audience, as soon as the toolbox was there, her hands knew exactly where everything was. Felicity was pulling out scissors to cut off his clothing. She needed to know exactly where he was shot and where all the bleeding was coming from.

“How can I help?” Alex asked as she walked up to the other side of the table. 

“Three bullets,” Felicity said as she cleaned up his torso area to see exactly how much blood he was losing. She just hoped that he wasn’t bleeding internally. She covered two of the wounds with a heavy piece of gauze and then nodded to Alex. “Hold pressure on these.” 

“Is he going to be okay?”

“He has to be,” she said and realized after she said that how desperate it sounded. Pulling open a drawer, she started to line up everything she needed on the table. Felicity knew that they wouldn’t know what to pull out and explaining it would take too long. 

“But you’re NOT a doctor, so how are you going to make him stop bleeding?” Clara asked.

Felicity could hear her pacing on the other end of the Foundry. 

“And WHAT is this place?”

She sighed. They had questions, which was natural. She needed to answer them. It was time to be honest and to show them her past, even though she’d thought she’d put it behind her forever. “The Foundry.” Felicity used the forceps to remove the first bullet. It took her a minute, but she’d had far too much practice doing this and luckily, it had been at a range so it wasn’t too deep. When she finally dropped it into the dish, it clattered. 

“The Foundry,” Clara repeated.

“Wait,” Etta said. “He has a bow…shoots arrows…and wears black. Is he the Dark Archer?”

The Dark Archer.

“Merlyn…” Oliver mumbled only loud enough for Felicity and Alex to hear.

“Shh…” Felicity hushed as she worked at sewing the first wound closed. “You’re safe.” She took in a breath and wondered if all of the stories that she’d told the girls as bedtime stories of the Arrow, the Canary, and the ATOM if it had all been a bad idea. She had just wanted them to believe in heroes. Taking a few moments, she sucked in breath and tried to remain steady. “No,” she finally spoke up. “He’s not the Dark Archer.”

“Then who is he?” Etta questioned.

“He’s the Arrow,” Felicity whispered.

Not even Ray knew that Oliver Queen was the Arrow. Here she was telling the girls, but what else could she do? She couldn’t lie to them. Not after everything that had happened. They’d already been through too much.

Ray.

God.

“Your dad…” she mumbled and looked up at Alex.

“I’ve already texted him about two hundred times since we were first shot at,” Clara spoke up.

Felicity’s head turned to look over at Clara, who was still nervously pacing. “What did you tell him?”

“I told him that we were being shot at and that we were hiding in the van…and that there was some crazy guy in black that was shooting arrows and that he got shot…and that he’s the guy from the house,” Clara rambled on. She wasn’t hysterical, but she wasn’t calm either. “That we were all okay…and that for some reason we had to save the guy who broke into our house and that he was bleeding like crazy. I mean, the back of the van has to look like a crime scene now, right?”

“Pretty much,” Alex said with a nod.

“And that we were safe. That we’re helping him because you know him,” Clara continued on.

“What else?” Felicity asked.

“That you said this place was called the Foundry.”

Turning back, she went to work faster. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Ray there, it was just that she wasn’t sure she could be calm with him there if she hadn’t finished things. With no John to help, she had to make sure that it got done. Oliver couldn’t go to the hospital. She wasn’t sure if Ray would actually understand that.

“Did I do something wrong?” Clara asked nervously.

“No,” Felicity replied simply. 

“How do you know him, Mom?” Alex asked as Felicity started on the second bullet hole in his body. 

Truths.

“I worked with him. We were partners,” Felicity responded matter of factly.

“Did you wear the black costume? The one that’s labeled Canary?” Etta questioned.

Sara.

She really wished that Sara had somehow survived everything. That she’d hidden away for years and just popped up…again. “No,” Felicity whispered. “I did the computer stuff. I got them the information and I hacked things and repurposed satellites…”

“So, you sat in this chair at the old computer thing?” Clara asked now.

Felicity smiled. “It used to be more current.”

“That was a loooooooong time ago…from the looks of things.”

And she was right.

It had been a long time.

Too long.

Five years.

“All those stories you told us, they were true, weren’t they?” Etta queried.

“Yes.”

The sound of the second bullet clanked. He wasn’t losing blood as quickly, but she knew that she was going to have to replenish it somehow. She would have liked to hook him immediately up to a bag while she was working on him, but that simply wasn’t possible. She’d thought about having one of the girls to ‘donate’ blood, but then she’d thought about that and it just came down to being a bad idea. 

Alex spoke up again. “Does Dad know?” 

“He knows about the Foundry,” Felicity said slowly. “Like the Arrow, he’s a hero, too…”

“He’s not Arsenal or the Flash, right?” Etta asked. “Because he’s never been really into red. He’s always liked blue better.”

“The ATOM.”

No more lies.

They might as well know the truth, she thought. They needed to know that their dad was a hero as much as anyone else. He’d worked so hard to save the city and they needed to realize that he did more than work and be their dad. 

“Adam?”

“ATOM,” Felicity corrected. “It stands for Advanced Technology Operating Mechanism.”

The sound overhead told her that they weren’t alone anymore and she sighed slightly. What was Ray going to say? He’d been in the Foundry before, so there wasn’t going to be a shock there. But Oliver… Oliver and Oliver being the Arrow. That was going to be a completely story. It was something that she’d kept from him for five years. 

Tears were welling up in her eyes and she was feeling sick over what was going to happen. All she knew was that she had to finish what she was doing. Her attention turned to stitching up the second wound. 

“Mom? You okay?” Alex asked, concern in her voice.

Felicity tried to keep her head down and just nodded as she continued to sew. Emotions were swirling inside of her and she was certain it had all to do with the near death experience and the possibility of having watched her girls die coupled with not only finding out that Oliver was still alive, but that he was unconscious and wounded on the table in front of her.

“Felicity? Clara? Alex? Etta?” Ray called. His voice sounded beyond worried as he sounded like he ran down the Foundry stairs. There was a second pair of footfalls, though.

 

Normally, the second set would have been her immediate concern, but right now she had to make sure that she kept him from losing any more blood. Oliver was going to need blood and every moment she wished she’d had more medical experience than what she’d learned within the Foundry. She had no idea how many units of blood Oliver was going to need. 

“Dad!” Clara and Etta shouted together.

Using the forceps again, she tried for the third and final bullet. She knew that Alex was watching her and she could feel Ray behind her. Right now, she just needed another minute to at least get the bullet out before saying anything to him. It was taking everything she had not to turn to him. Felicity didn’t know if it was because she was feeling the tension in the room or if this bullet was actually lodged farther into Oliver, but she was having a difficult time either way. Oliver started to groan and Felicity felt horrible, but the bullet had to come out. The tears fell from her eyes as she continued to grasp the bullet with the forceps.

“Mom? Can I do something?” Alex asked.

“Why don’t you guys go upstairs for a couple of minutes?” Ray spoke up. His voice was quiet and calm. 

Felicity listened as people shuffled out and headed up the stairs. She didn’t even know who the extra person was, but right now she didn’t care. Ray wouldn’t have brought someone down there that they couldn’t trust, she knew that. This place was the last place that was left from Starling City that hadn’t been changed in some way. 

“Are you mad?” she finally whispered as she stilled what she was doing for a moment and ventured a look over her shoulder. 

“You should know this by now,” Ray told her calmly as he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the side of her head and held her tight as his head rested on her shoulder. “I can never be mad at you…”

“I ruined everything.”

“You didn’t.”

“The girls—“

“We couldn’t have sheltered them forever.”

He was being surprisingly calm and that was definitely having an effect on her. Felicity nodded and pushed away the tears with the back of her hand. Sucking in a deep breath, she went to work again and it was like the bullet found the forceps all on its own. When it cluttered in the dish, she let out a rather loud sigh of relief.

“This brings back some memories,” Ray commented.

“I actually don’t miss this,” she whispered as she leaned back against him. It sort of hit her just exactly how exhausted she’d become. Everything had drained her emotionally and physically, but she knew that she couldn’t just stop now. Felicity still had to stitch up the final wound and then get Oliver blood before anything else.

“I’m not going to say that I’m sad you had to learn this…skill,” Ray said. “I have at least a few wounds that you sewed up for me.”

That was true.

“I thought about taking him home,” Felicity started to explain quietly and slowly as she moved to start the stitches. “But he’s lost too much blood…”

“And we don’t have the necessary equipment at home,” Ray supplied. “Our first aid kit wouldn’t have the forceps…or anything for a blood transfusion.”

“But we still have it here.”

This used to be her home.

It was a place that made her feel like she was doing so much for the world. It was the place where people she considered family came together and did good. It had been her favorite place for so long, even when the bad guys seemed to far too easily get into it. No matter how many bullets they had to dig out and then stitch up the wound. No matter how many times she thought they were going to lose Oliver. There was just so many good memories that they’d made there. There was so much purpose.

“Are you okay?” Ray asked her as she finished off her final stitch.

Silence.

Felicity didn’t know how to respond to that. He wasn’t mad, but she’d kept things from him for five years. The guilt was rising in her and twisting, knotting up. Clara had seemed to have told him everything already. “Oliver was the Arrow,” she finally whispered as she stared down at Oliver. She slowly started to wipe the excess blood from his far too well muscled torso. 

“I’m piecing that together,” Ray said as he continued to hold onto her. 

Sucking in breath, she leaned back against him for a moment before closing her eyes and realizing that even though Clara had told him things, it wasn’t the same as the story that she knew. The truth of everything that had happened. “Five years ago. Oliver left Starling City to go face Ra’s al Ghul in a duel.”

“A duel?”

She nodded and tears threatened to fall at the memory of it. “He had to. To protect his sister.”

“Thea? I don’t understand.”

Felicity turned to face Ray and opened her eyes and realized that she’d kept this huge part of her life secret from him for so many years, now none of it mattered anymore. Five years before, she would have told Ray that it wasn’t her secret to tell. The thing of it was, it was all part of HER story too. “Thea’s biological father is Malcolm Merlyn. He used some kind of drug that made her susceptible to suggestion without remembering it.” She paused as she thought about how screwed up and ugly the world was then and realized that it still hurt like it was yesterday. “Merlyn had Thea kill Sara.”

Ray looked in the direction of the Canary costume case. 

“Sara was in a relationship with Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter, Nyssa. They wanted to avenge Sara’s death, but Merlyn blackmailed Oliver.” The memory of her final moments with Oliver haunted her again in that moment. “Oliver went to face Ra’s al Ghul, claiming that he was the one who killed Sara, in order to protect Thea.” Felicity watched Ray’s reaction. For the first time in her life, she wished that she knew what he was thinking. “Malcolm Merlyn went to look for him when he didn’t come back, he brought back the scimitar that Ra’s used to kill Oliver and told us that his body was in a ravine…unrecoverable.” 

Felicity had seen the mark on his torso that was she was certain was made by that blade when she was sewing him up. All she could remember, though, was his final words to her. That moment. How he had kissed her forehead and told her that the two things that he had to live for…that were important to him…were Thea and her. That he loved her. 

“He was the man you told me that you lost, isn’t he?” Ray questioned. “You said then that you weren’t sure what you two were, but it was clear to me that he was someone that you loved.” He was quiet for a moment. “You were always so protective of him at first when I bought Queen Consolidated and then tried to recruit you.”

Silence.

“Yes,” she finally whispered and stared at him. 

Five years.

Somehow being in the Foundry, even with half of it still covered up, it felt like yesterday. It wasn’t to say that she didn’t value everything that had changed in those five years, she did. She loved Ray, but it was so hard to be reminded now of how things had been with her and Oliver. How the last words he’d said to her was that he loved her. That she’d thought that he’d died and she’d mourned his loss…after waiting probably far too long fantasizing that he was going to return any day. 

“And he saved you? The girls?” 

Felicity nodded. “But now he needs blood,” she explained. “He can’t go to a hospital… He and I have compatible blood types, John made sure we all know who was compatible when we first started this. We used to keep spare blood on hand, but none of it…if it’s even still down here…would still be viable. I need to—“

“Hey,” Ray said as he took her hands in his. 

Looking down at their hands, she realized that hers were stained with blood and shaking. She had to do it, though. Oliver needed the blood. She remembered that it took a very short time to actually fill up a bag. She just didn’t know how much blood Oliver really needed and what was safe for her to give. 

“Right now, he’s breathing,” Ray said. He seemed to look over at Oliver at this point. “Yeah, he’s still breathing.” Leading her over to the rolly chair, he had her sit down before he disappeared back tot he medical toolbox. He returned a moment later with a bottle of water and a rag. Ray kneeled down in front of her and got the rag damp before slowly and with great care, he started to wash her hands. “You know…you can tell me anything… It’s not going to make me change how I think of you or how much I love you. The past…is the past, but it’s still apart of who we are.” He was quiet for a moment. 

“Ray—“

“If that means that someone you loved…deeply…Oliver Queen randomly comes back into our lives…shattering glass…shooting arrows…and it seems like stalking us… Well, then we’ll work through it,” Ray said all too calmly. He continued to work, cleaning each finger and taking great care to remove as much of Oliver’s blood as he could. 

Felicity still didn’t know what to think about all of that. 

“And am I to assume that he worked for the League?”

“That’s what I’m thinking,” she admitted. 

“Well, might be something that we ask when he DOES come around,” Ray reminded. “Why don’t we do this.” He paused for a moment. “Since you and I have the same blood type, I’ll be the one who does the whole blood thing…plus, you hate needles and blood…and all of that.”

For a time, it was like she’d grown a bit of an immunity to it. Not entirely, but it certainly wasn’t as bad as it once had been. Felicity was fairly sure that that had all gone away after not having to deal with people dying on a weekly, if not daily basis. “Are—are you sure?”

“Entirely,” Ray said quickly. “Why don’t we take a bag from me now and then we’ll get him to the house?” He shrugged. “We can start him on it on the way home.”

So many questions bounced through her head. “I—I don’t know, Ray. Maybe he should stay here—“

“If he stays here, then someone has to stay with him,” Ray pointed out. “That likely means you. I don’t want you staying down here alone. I would stay with you, but we have these four girls…”

Felicity sighed and rubbed her face with the now clean hand she had as Ray worked on the other. “Who did you bring with you?”

“Quentin.”

Long ago, Quentin had confessed his knowing that Oliver was the Arrow and he’d been down to the Foundry a couple of times. So, him being down there wasn’t a big deal. She wasn’t sure how happy he might have been to know that it still existed, though. It just wasn’t something that Felicity felt like she could let go.

“You know, I think I understand why you’ve asked me every time to keep this place intact,” Ray said as he finished cleaning her other hand. Their eyes met. “This was a place that has so many memories…holds so many emotions for you…and it’s almost like a memorial…not only to those that you lost…or thought you lost, as it may be…but to the identities that those people held for the city.” Felicity didn’t miss Ray glancing towards where the ATOM suit was housed. 

“I never thought of it that way,” she whispered.

“But that doesn’t mean you should hide down here. He’ll do better with us at home rather than down here… I mean, it’s cold and uncomfortable and—“

None of that bothered Oliver.

He’d been shipwrecked.

He’d lived on Lian Yu.

He’d lived who knew where else.

He’d lived down in the Foundry for a while.

“Okay,” she finally whispered.

“Don’t worry about it, Quentin and I’ll figure out how to get him up to the penthouse without anyone seeing him,” Ray told her. 

Tears filled her eyes again and she couldn’t hold them back. “Thank you,” she pushed out, emotions filling and coloring her tone. 

Ray pulled her into his arms. “No matter what happens, Felicity. I am going to be here for you. I am not going anywhere,” he assured. “I may be your husband, but I hope that that’s not the only way you think of me.” He pulled back so that they were staring at each other again. Ray’s hands cupped her face. “I have been and always shall be your friend. Don’t forget that.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	8. Sleep Deprived

As his eyes slowly opened and he found blue eyes staring back at him, he felt relief. Reaching out, he pulled her closer to him. He let out a sigh and was immediately groaning at how lousy he felt. He’d given two units of blood and he was seriously feeling it right now. Immediately, he noticed the change in her face. “Hey,” he whispered hoarsely as he reached out to take her face in his hands. “You’re okay…”

“Are you?” Felicity questioned, her voice breaking and her eyes searching his.

Ray stared at her. Felicity had always been one to worry and to want to take care of people, it was one of the things that he loved about her. So, her worrying about him right now wasn’t something that was unexpected. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Though, I think we need to call Doctor Wallace.” She seemed to move quickly, trying to do it immediately, but he held onto her. “No…just wait a minute…”

“Ray—“

“Did you sleep?”

She bit her bottom lip and as he waited, he already knew the answer before she spoke it. “No.” She looked pale, almost sickly, and there were dark circles under her eyes. “I couldn’t,” she whispered as tears formed in her eyes. “I was too worried that you’d stop breathing…or…or something would happen…and I wouldn’t know—“

“Okay,” he whispered and pulled her to his chest. He let out a sigh. Ray could understand that worry. In her place, he would have been up all night, holding her in his arms and listening to each breath, feeling for each beat of her heart. He kissed the top of her head. “We’re okay, Felicity… I promise…” 

“Can I call the doctor now?” she asked as she held onto him. 

Ray sighed. One thing about being Ray Palmer and being such a big figure in Star City along with all the money was having a doctor on duty. “We need to have him bring at least a unit of blood—“

“But I took TWO last night,” Felicity told him as she peeked up at him.

“People give a unit every day at blood donation things…I should be fine with just one, right?” Ray asked. He wasn’t absolutely sure about it, but it sounded right to him. As soon as she moved, he pushed back covers and started to sit up and swing his feet until they hit the floor.

“What are you doing?!” Felicity asked as she scrambled to his side with the phone in hand. “You need to be laying down.”

It wasn’t exactly the best plan. Ray felt light headed and nauseous and just not so great. He covered his face and could feel Felicity holding onto him. “I can’t stay in this bed all day…”

“You can until the doctor looks at you and says that you are okay to leave the bed.”

Ray sighed. “What about the bathroom?”

“I’ll get you there,” Felicity offered as she got up. 

Ray really wasn’t too thrilled about this, but he wasn’t going to fight with Felicity about this. She was being cautious and if he hadn’t been so sick feeling, then he’d not normally understand. But he DID feel horrible. 

Slowly, he helped her to the bathroom. He felt silly and odd. He wasn’t used to being an invalid. Even when his leg had been broken after the siege on Starling City and the death of Anna, Ray had pushed himself. It was hard for him to be vulnerable like this, to depend on someone else. He was always the one that everyone depended on. He was always the strong one. Being weak was not something that he liked, especially when he had so much in his life. 

Concern about Felicity and the girls were top in his mind. There was what Felicity had told him and their guest on their fold out couch that he had been mulling over, which he knew had to have been a lot for Felicity to deal with emotionally. He was worried about her and he didn’t feel like he needed to be the one being tended to. Ray just desperately wanted to be able to fuss over his wife and make sure that she was okay, really okay. Then there were the older three girls, they’d seen far too much the day before. The idea of possibly needing to put them into counseling came to mind, but he was fairly sure that he and Felicity needed to at least sit down and talk to them at the very least. 

“Go ahead and call the doctor,” Ray said as he held himself upright with the assistance of the wall. He really didn’t need Felicity standing right there while he did what he needed to do in the bathroom. They didn’t even both brush their teeth while in the bathroom together. He liked to think that still having mystery in marriage was a good thing. 

It was clear that Felicity was uneasy. “I—“

“I’ll yell and then you’ll hear a loud thud if I need help,” Ray told her with a smile. Felicity really didn’t seem amused by that comment. “I PROMISE I’m going to be okay in here alone for five minutes,” Ray said slowly and took her hand in his. “Just call him and let him know to bring the blood.”

“Should I tell him why?” Felicity asked.

It was a good question, but Ray felt like there was very little chance that their doctor was going to actually ask that. “No need to complicate things. If he asks, then tell him I’ll explain when he gets here.”

“I suppose he’s used to eccentric types.”

“I’m hoping so,” Ray told her.

Finally, Felicity relented and left him alone. He could hear her, though, as she talked. It was almost comforting to know that she wasn’t far off. Ray was still very much affected by the fact that the reality of the world was that he could have lost his wife and three daughters the day before. Slowly, Ray eventually made his way to the sink using the wall to keep himself up. He was so dizzy, light headed, and nauseous. None of it was thrilling. Turning on the sink, he leaned over it, his elbows supporting his weight, and splashed water on his face. He just really needed to make it through the day.

He needed to get dressed, Ray thought, he was dressed merely in his boxers as he slowly used the wall to move towards the door. Felicity likely wouldn’t appreciate it, but he couldn’t just be dependent when he really felt like he could do so much more. Just as he reached the door, Felicity opened it and the look on her face immediately foretold the rest of the day. She looked like a mix of terrified, exhausted, and almost upset. “I’m okay,” he told her calmly. “I just… Moving is a lot better than standing in one place.”

“Doctor Wallace said that he’ll be here in no more than forty-five minutes,” Felicity said quietly as she continued to stare at him.

Holding out his arm, so that he could allow her to help him back into bed, he just nodded for a moment. Felicity helped him back to bed and he hated the idea that that was where he was going to be stuck for a couple of hours. Ray really felt like he needed to be the one up and out there to make sure that the girls were okay, keeping an eye that Oliver Queen wasn’t doing or saying anything that he shouldn’t to their girls, and allowing Felicity to rest. 

He sat on the edge of the bed and she sank down next to him. Ray kept hold of her hand. He looked over to her and just stared. There was so much emotion in her and the last time that he was certain that he’d seen her so confusion and upset and just affected by that many levels of emotion would have been before they were even together. “How you doing this morning?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity whispered.

“Yesterday was a lot.”

Felicity nodded and then was just really quiet. “The girls…”

“They seemed okay last night and I…didn’t hear anyone up,” Ray said. Of course, he was fairly sure that he’d pretty much passed out at one point. If the girls had woken up screaming, Ray didn’t think that he’d really be able to sleep through that. When he last remembered, Quentin had still been there, but Ray had no idea if he’d stayed over. 

“Etta seemed about the most unfazed, which I told Quentin scares me, but he thinks she’s going to be fine,” Felicity explained. “He talked to all of them.” She was quiet for a moment. “Alex seems okay… But something she said…”

“You mean about seeing Oliver at the cupcake shop?”

Felicity stared at him for a long moment. “Exactly how quickly can Clara text?”

“Maybe her future lies in accurately taking down information for people,” Ray teased with a smile. He wasn’t threatened by Oliver at all. He’d had a night to sleep on it and he just wasn’t. Oliver and Felicity had had those years together, in the past. They’d had good times and bad. He’d spent time with Felicity in all kinds of situations and they’d courted. She’d helped him through hard times and he felt like he’d helped her too when she’d needed it. They’d been a family. In the end, he was the one who she’d married and decided to have a life with. Felicity hadn’t decided to sit around and wait for a ghost to return or to cling to false hope (even if it wasn’t so false). 

“Clara’s the one that I’m really worried about,” Felicity admitted. “Alex seems okay…not sure how I feel about her seeming okay.”

“But Etta’s okay, too?” 

Ray was fairly sure that Felicity was mainly worried about Alex for two reasons: because Oliver had had interaction with her in public before and because Alex was the one that biologically was farthest from their family. That didn't mean that Alex was any less part of their family. He and Felicity loved each of them just as much as they loved Liv. He knew, though, that Felicity had been more worried about Alex and feeling connected to their family lately. 

Felicity bit her bottom lip. “I just… I’m worried about them all… I’m just so thankful that Liv was with you and Quentin…”

“The girls are going to be okay and if they need counseling or something, then we’ll work through it,” he told her as he squeezed her hand lightly. “Together. As a family. Just like always.”

Felicity nodded and then the doorbell sounded. They both stared at each other. “That’s quick, if it’s the doctor.”

“He’s never on time,” Ray said. “Are we expecting anyone else?”

“Maybe Quentin? He went home quite early this morning,” Felicity explained. “We ran out of bed space.” She patted his hand. “I’ll be right back.”

Ray sat there and watched her as she pulled on a pair of plaid pajama pants and an old MIT shirt so she wasn’t just going out there in a camisole and panties. He didn’t care how covered she was, she was always sexy, even if she was completely bundled up or when she just woke up and her hair was doing whatever it wanted. 

Felicity looked back at him, quite seriously. “Stay in bed, please?”

“That’s the plan.”

And it was.

She left him and Ray just sat there staring at the door, waiting for her to return. As he thought about everything she’d said, he realized how had to be at the door. Sighing, he realized he was going to have to get out of bed to try to intercept things. In all honesty, Ray wasn’t sure if Felicity was ready for who was on the other side of that door. 

The question was: could he move fast enough?

Grabbing a pair of pants, he pulled them on quickly before getting to his feet with a groan. He definitely wasn’t going to be able to stop her in time. Felicity was likely already at the door. Ray forced himself towards the door and somehow made it there without wall support the entire way on his own (and without falling on his face). Pulling the door open, he made it there right in time for Felicity to open the door.

“My poor girl!” Donna Smoak immediately said as she grabbed Felicity for a hug.

At least Quentin was in tow. Donna was supposed to meet them in Geneva, but Ray had called her after and had her flight re-routed to Star City. Quentin had picked her up early this morning, since she’d had to layover someplace. Ray just hadn’t wanted Felicity to worry about her mother, so it seemed best that they all stay together for now. Plus, Ray was certain that they’d be going to Geneva, it just was going to be a couple of days. They needed to figure the whole Oliver situation out. 

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Quentin asked.

At first Ray thought that his query was directed at him, but as Ray made his way slowly down the hall, he realized that it had been to Oliver who was in their kitchen apparently making breakfast. It didn’t take long for him to be noticed.

“Holy Hannah! Talking about people who should be in bed,” Quentin muttered.

Crap.

He was screwed.

Felicity spun around and she looked just so vulnerable. “Ray, you said—“

“I realized it was going to be your mom,” he started to explain. “And I didn’t know if you’d be up to seeing people so early…”

“Didn’t sleep?” Quentin asked.

Donna put her arm around her daughter. “Why don’t we get you to bed?”

“The girls—“

“Quentin and I will watch them.” Donna turned to Quentin. “Right?”

“Of course,” Quentin said a moment later.

Felicity didn’t seem convinced. “Ray and I should at least talk to girls and see them before we consider going back to bed,” Felicity said quickly.

“And the doctor should be here in like half an hour…” Ray informed him. He looked towards Oliver. “So, you know…maybe you should put a shirt on.”

“I wasn’t going to complain,” Donna commented.

He didn’t miss Felicity sighing or rolling her eyes at her mother’s comment. Ray had become very used to Donna’s comments and they actually reminded them of how Felicity was sometimes, but it was more of an accidental response than something thought out. “Well, I am going to,” Ray told her. “We’ve got teenage girls in this house.”

“We’ve already seen it,” Etta told him the three older ones moved past them dressed in their school uniforms.

“He’s making us breakfast,” Alex informed them. “Also, Liv is in on your bed.”

Clara was taking her time making her way towards the kitchen with the others. “I told them that we shouldn’t talk to him because he’s a stranger,” Clara told both Ray and Felicity. 

“But I argued that since it seems like everyone knows him and his picture is in our house,” Alex said as she motioned towards the picture. “AND the fact that he SAVED us, that that makes him NOT a stranger.”

“I just approve of him making us breakfast,” Etta put out there.

Ray could tell that Felicity was having a hard time. When she didn’t sleep and was stressed, she just melted down. He knew it was coming. He moved away from the wall and was careful to take a step towards her. “Girls, why the uniforms?” he asked. Ray was certain that that was coming, so he figured he’d just to that topic before Felicity had to ask it. She really needed to lie down and the sooner they took care of things out there, the sooner he could get Felicity into bed with him. “The school has you excused for at least two weeks.”

“But we’re not in Switzerland,” Clara explained as she held her bite of eggs on the fork in midair. “If we’re not in Switzerland and we skip school, then we’re truant.” 

“I’m okay with it,” Etta spoke up. “I have something I could do.”

“Tell them what happens if we’re truant,” Alex told Clara.

Clara got extremely serious. “If we’re truant, the police will come for us. Then you have to pay a fine. Why pay something crazy like five hundred dollars?” Clara went on. “Do you realize how many books that is? And that’s five hundred for each of us, so that’s FIFTEEN HUNDRED dollars! One thousand five-hundred dollars! So many books! A whole library of books!” Clara took a deep breath. “So, we’re going to go to school.”

“Sweetie, you know that I AM the police, right?” Quentin spoke up.

“And that your absences ARE excused?” Ray pointed out.

Clara went to say something, but then she seemed confused. “But what else are we supposed to do?”

“Write down a list of things that you want and we’ll have it brought in,” Ray offered. “We’re still going to Geneva, it’s just delayed.” He looked towards Oliver, who was moving from the kitchen towards the couch. Oliver had obviously folded up the fold out bed and didn’t look like he was staying (or he was just trying to be mindful of the fact that people might use that sitting area). Ray really wasn’t sure what to think about it.

Clara sighed. “Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine… Mom’s just tired…and I’m…well, I gave more blood than you should, but I don’t want you to worry,” he said quickly. He’d seen the worry cross faces, especially Clara’s. “There’s a doctor that’s coming to double check me and bringing a pack of blood, so I’ll be stronger in a little bit.”

“But you’re okay?” Alex repeated.

“We are ALL going to be just fine,” Ray told her. It took him a moment, but he finally reached Felicity and put his arm around her. 

“So, this means that I can change to pajamas then?” 

“Feel free.”

Etta was already in her room, likely changing. Alex and Clara kept eating and exchanged looks. Ray just hoped that this would help ease things. The thing was, Ray knew that the girls would be just fine with Donna and Quentin. He wasn’t worried about them. It was Oliver that he was worried about. It was Felicity not feeling safe enough to sleep that he was worried about. 

“Let’s get you to bed, Honey,” Donna told Felicity. 

Ray really wasn’t going to argue even though he now had both Quentin and Felicity helping him back in the direction of the bedroom and Donna was following along. It took them a lot longer than normal, but eventually they made it there with Liv curled up in their bed giggling. 

“Mama! Daddy! Sleep in your bed,” Liv told them.

Immediately Felicity lit up and went to cuddle their youngest in bed. Ray took an extra couple of moments to get in bed and thought it best to just leave the pants on. Normally, he didn’t sleep with them on, but with the doctor coming and all of the extra people in the house it just seemed like the best idea. “Are you sure you’re okay watching the girls?” Ray asked Quentin.

“You mean am I sure that Donna and I can watch the girls and police Oliver?” Quentin reworded. “It’s going to be fine. The girls are going to be fine and I have far too much experience with Oliver Queen, so I don’t want either of you to worry.”

“Why don’t I go ahead and take her?” Donna offered. 

Ray watched Felicity and Liv. They were rather attached at the moment. “Why don’t we give Liv a couple of minutes?” he suggested. He looked to Donna. “Would you mind bringing us both a protein drink from the fridge?”

“Of course not, though I doubt that’s very healthy,” Donna told him and went to run the quick errand.

It might not be the healthiest thing, but he and Felicity were obviously not in a state to eat and it would help keep blood sugar level and fill them up enough so that they could sleep without their stomachs complaining about being hungry. “I don’t know what he’ll do,” he told Quentin.

“I meant it when I said I could handle him,” Quentin reminded.

Felicity sighed. “He’s been working with the League of Assassins for the last five years,” she told them. “And as much as I want to say that he’s the Oliver Queen that I remembered and that I once lov—worked with… I think we need to be cautious.”

“I really don’t think he’d do anything intentionally to harm those girls. You heard Alex—“

“He stalked us. We have to just…I think we just have to be careful.”

He was a little shocked that Felicity felt that way. At the same time, it made him feel a bit better about Oliver being in their house with Felicity not feeling like she could completely trust him. It HAD been five years before. He’d been part of the League of Assassins. They definitely had REASONS not to completely trust him, especially when it came to their kids. 

“I don’t want you worrying about anything,” Quentin told them, especially directed towards Felicity. 

Ray groaned as he tried to get comfortable, but it really wasn’t working well. Donna came back in a moment later and handed Ray both cartons. “Thanks.”

“You two get some sleep, okay?” Donna said and finally Liv decided that she’d go with her. She was giggly and had just apparently had needed some cuddle time with her mom. Donna kissed Liv and she was just so happy. “Why don’t we go check on your sisters?”

“Eat! In my mouth!” Liv told Donna as she held open her mouth and motioned with her finger. “Hungry!”

“Vocal, aren’t we?”

Ray smirked as he watched Liv and Donna. Quentin patted his shoulder before he disappeared with Donna and Liv, pulling the door shut with him. If they hadn’t been there, then Ray and Felicity definitely wouldn’t be in their room trying to get SOME rest. But since they were…and they knew that they could trust Quentin and Donna to not only watch the girls, but keep Oliver in line…it was a bit easier.

Felicity was laying on her side with her back to him, which was fine, but Ray was still worried about her. He highly doubted that she was sleeping. Ray knew his wife, he knew how much she worried and carried things. Things that weren’t her fault, she carried the weight of it. He set the two drinks on the bedside table, they could wait for the time being. “Hey,” he whispered gently as he tried his best to scoot closer to her. The shift in the bed must have worried her because she rolled towards him and she looked like she was ready to cry. His heart broke a bit. It was just hard for him to see her like that, maybe harder because they were normally so happy. “Hey…” he whispered as he cupped her face with his hands. “Everyone’s okay. The girls are safe. You’re okay… You just need some sleep… And the doctor will be here soon and I’ll have an extra unit of blood in me and hopefully after a nap and a proper meal, I won’t need walls to keep me from falling over.”

“But Oliver—“

“Is not your responsibility,” Ray reminded. “His choices are his own, Felicity.”

“Five years ago,” she whispered. “I loved him.”

Ray stared at her. “I know,” he replied quietly. Did she just feel guilty about have loved Oliver Queen? About the last time she’d seen him before his death, did she somehow feel like she could have prevented him from going? Was she thinking about how things might be different if Oliver had come back? Did she regret things? He sucked in a breath and then slowly let it out. A question struck him and he felt like it was only fair to both of them to ask it. “Do you still love him?”

“No—yes—no…I mean,” Felicity stumbled with her words. He could see the emotions spin on her features. “I mean, I loved him…and I still—but not the same—“

HIs question only seemed to upset her all the more as she struggled to respond clearly. “It’s okay,” he whispered as he stroked her cheek. Maybe it really wasn’t fair of him to ask when she hadn’t slept. It had just hit him and he wondered if that was why she was having such a hard time, because her feelings for him had sparked. Ray had no idea how he’d react if after all this time, if Anna just showed up and was alive. Would he have feelings for her?

Absolutely.

They’d been engaged.

Ray had loved her for so long.

So maybe it wasn’t even a question of Felicity’s answers, but of HER realizing why she was having such a hard time with it and maybe reinforcing that it was okay for her to still love Oliver. That didn’t mean that she was just going to leave her family. That just meant that she had feelings about someone from her past. It was all reasonable. 

“It’s okay if you DO still have feelings for him,” Ray whispered and leaned in to kiss her quickly. He stared at her for another moment. “I have no idea how I’d act if Anna appeared alive… I can tell you that there would be feelings, so if that’s what you’re worried about…that somehow I’d be upset with you.” He paused as he stared at her. He hoped that she was understanding and that it made her feel a bit better about things. “I could never be upset with you, I’ve told you this.”

“I just…I’m so confused,” Felicity admitted through a sob. 

Pulling her into his arms was painful and difficult to do, but Ray managed and held her there. Eventually, she fell asleep. Ray was thankful for that, but as soon as he untangled her from him a bit was when there was a knock on the door. He eased Felicity back onto her pillow and looked over to find the doctor stepping into the room 

“Shh…” Ray practically pleaded. “She just fell asleep.”

“You look like hell,” Doctor Wallace commented quietly.

“I feel like it,” Ray answered and sat upright again in his bed. He looked over at Felicity to make sure that she was still asleep. 

“Your wife was extremely vague on the phone on WHY you needed the blood,” the doctor said as he moved to Ray’s side. 

And for good reason, he thought.

“There was an emergency. Someone was bleeding pretty bad and we knew that my blood was a match. I know two units is a lot more than normal to give, but he needed it,” Ray tried to explain. “There was no time to get him to the hospital.”

“It sounds…illegal.”

“We just weren’t anywhere close to the city,” Ray told him. He shrugged. “Captain Lance knows all about it. I just didn’t think that we needed to make a big fuss about it by having me admitted to the hospital.”

Wallace nodded. “I did see Quentin out there with your daughter.”

“Felicity and Quentin were up late making sure I was okay, in fact Felicity didn’t sleep at all,” Ray tried to explain. “So Quentin came over to help with the girls so that Felicity and I could just rest for a bit.”

“Well, good to know you have such good family support,” the doctor said as he took a moment to check vitals. Ray remained quiet during this time. The doctor sighed. “Symptoms you’re experiencing this morning?”

“Light headed, dizzy, a bit nauseous, not so stable on my feet,” Ray explained. 

“Okay, but next time someone needs blood and you volunteer…do me a favor and don’t give more than one unit,” the doctor went on as he pulled things out of the bed he’d brought to set things up. “People ask questions when you want blood, even when you’re a doctor.”

“What did you tell them?”

“That I had a patient who was a bleeder who cut themself and who was too stubborn to actual leave home to do anything about it,” Doctor Wallace explained. “Believe me, it’s completely believable.”

“If you say so.”

“And next time, you call me as soon as you get back to the city if you do something stupid like this,” the doctor continued. He was an older man with greying hair and who normally had a grumpy disposition. He was a good doctor though and he was discreet. Those were the things that counted. So, this bit of a lecture he was getting was nothing out of the ordinary. 

“Noted.”

It took him a moment, but the doctor hooked Ray up to an IV line and then had to go out to talk to Quentin and they had to look around a bit, but eventually found some heavy duty tape to attach to the bed frame, in order to get it to act as an IV stand. “Now, this has to be disposed a certain way. Put it in a plastic bag and I’ll pick it up later tonight when I come to check on you, understood?”

“Got it.”

“I want you to drink a full glass of juice and have some good protein,” Doctor Wallace continued and grabbed the protein drinks. “None of this nonsense.” He shook his head as he gathered his bag with his other hand. “You need rest, too. So, rest.”

“Got it.”

“I’ll be making sure Quentin knows exactly what you’re supposed to be doing.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Ray woke a few hours later. He felt a lot better, a lot more than he’d expected. With Felicity still fast asleep, he was careful not to wake her. Rest was exactly what she needed. Once he was out of bed, he grabbed a STAR Labs shirt and pulled it on. He padded out of their room, raking his fingers through his short dark hair. 

He found all three girls playing quietly together on the floor of Etta’s room. They were playing some kind of board game and seemed happy, so Ray didn’t bother them. Moving on, he found Quentin and Donna on the floor of the common living room area with Liv as she built with her oversized lego blocks and somehow the foam building shapes were coming into play too. Scanning the room, he found Oliver leaning up against the window that they’d had replaced after he’d broken through it. 

They needed to exchange words.

For a moment, he thought about saying hello to his baby girl, but then he figured then she’d not let him out of her sight for a moment. Then he’d never get to talk to Oliver and right now Liv was very well occupied and distracted by Quentin and Donna, who had survived this long with the two year old. So, he made his way over to the window where Oliver was. 

“I’ll go,” Oliver said quietly, not looking away from the city outside of the window. “I just didn’t want to disappear on her again.”

“I didn’t come over here to ask you to leave,” Ray responded.

“It’s not good for me to be here. Not for any of you.”

“Maybe,” Ray allowed with a slight tilt of his head. “But I think that you really could use at least a couple of days of rest.”

Finally, Oliver turned to him. “I hadn’t planned on interrupting your lives,” he said quietly. “I just wanted to see that she was happy here…with you…”

“I hope that you found that she is,” Ray said. “It’s not just in pictures, for show.”

“Your security needs upgrading.”

Ray smirked slightly. “Felicity and I are already addressing that.”

“And you should know that if you piss Felicity off, she may just shoot you with an arrow.” Oliver was the one who was smirking now. 

“With an arrow?”

“Felicity has talents.”

“I guess even some that I may not have discovered yet,” Ray said slowly. He was a little worried at the thought of Felicity armed with a bow and a quiver of arrows. Felicity was scary enough with computers and what her mind could form, an actual weapon was terrifying.

Oliver was quiet. “You’re a good man, Ray.”

He hadn’t expected that.

“Thank you.” They were both quiet for a while. “Stay. At least for a couple of days. Felicity needs this. To have time to talk to you.”

“She doesn’t need me—“

Ray somehow appreciated that statement, but interrupted him. “She needs her friends and you’re one of them.” He paused. “With everyone that was from her old life that she considered a friend pretty much gone, I’d say that she needs and deserves to have time with you.”

“I’m no good—“

Before Oliver could finish his sentence, though, there was a heavy knock on the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone and from the look Quentin gave him, they weren't either. Ray moved towards the door and Oliver and Quentin moved right behind him. Peeking through the door, he breathed a sigh of relief.

Just the person that he wanted to see and didn’t know he wanted to see.

Swinging the door open, Ray smiled the widest he’d probably smiled in the last twenty-four hours. On the other side of the door was something so amazing. His arms opened as he embraced the person on the other side of the door. 

John Diggle.

“It’s so good to see you!” Ray enthused.

“Felicity called and—“ Diggle started to explain and then paused. “Oh my— Oliver Queen alive! You were working with the League, right?”

Suddenly everyone was looking at Oliver. Had he talked to Diggle over he last five years and everyone had kept it from Felicity? Ray was fairly sure that Diggle and Felicity were closer than that and that he would never let Felicity suffer the grief. 

“Yes,” Oliver said slowly.

Diggle embraced Oliver and Ray shut the door. “You’re the archer that everyone in ARGUS is talking about…”

“ARGUS is talking about me?”

“You’ve spared and helped several operatives…whether you knew it or not. That leaves its mark.” Diggle just seemed overly happy to be there. “Where’s Felicity?”

“She’s sleeping…we have…A LOT…to tell you about,” Ray told him. 

“Felicity said that there was a threat.”

“Maybe you guys should talk in the gym,” Quentin suggested as he motioned towards the room. “Little ears really don’t need to hear all the details. Donna and I will keep the girls occupied.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	9. Promises Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have been holding this chapter hostage *halo*

“You really don’t have to do this,” Ray said.

“Don’t talk him out of it,” Donna spoke up.

“I’m with her,” Quentin chimed in.

“So, everyone's staying for dinner then?” Diggle asked. “That’s ten people. Someone might need to make a store run.”

“I’ve got officers for that.”

“While we’re waiting for food, we get epic stories. Right, Uncle John?” Alex asked.

“You always DO have the BEST stories,” Clara enthused.

Felicity smiled as she stood in the hallway and just listened to them. She’d slept the entire day away, but she felt so much better, though she was starving now. Currently, she was out of everyone’s line of sight and she was so happy for it. Hours before she’d been out of her mind with worry and fear and so much emotion. Years before she’d been so good at balancing two lives and sleep deprivation, either it was a skill she was rusty at or she was just getting old. Felicity refused to give in to the latter.

John was there.

Her call to him days before had been completely forgotten. She hadn’t expected him to jump onto a plane and show up. Felicity had even told him that they were expecting to go to Switzerland, but she supposed that with all of ARGUS’ technologies that pinging her and Ray’s phones as well as checking on the status of their private flight was easily done. 

Team Arrow, she realized.

The original three.

“Hi Mama,” Liv whispered as she tugged on her pant leg. Felicity looked down at her daughter and her head full of blonde curls. “I had shower,” she went on. “Wear princess nightgown,” Liv told her as she pulled at the side of the very princess-y nightgown. 

Grinning, Felicity scooped her up and kissed her like crazy. She’d missed the whole day and she found that she was a little sad at that thought. So much time with the girls that she’d lost, including tea time with Liv and one of her favorite things ever…watching Liv use her power of being adorable to make every person who was currently in the kitchen wear something princess-y and having pretend tea with her.

“How’s Mama’s princess?” Felicity asked as she kissed Liv up and down one side of her face.

Liv hugged Felicity tight around her neck and kissed her cheek. “Mama MY princess,” the two year old said before giggling. “Mama was sleeping, now Mama awake.”

Felicity carried Liv out so that everyone could see that she was alive. “Now Mama IS awake,” she told Liv and then looked towards everyone. 

“How you feeling?” Quentin asked first.

“Much better,” Felicity told him as she set Liv down. Everyone seemed so happy crowded around and in the kitchen while John was pulling things from cupboards and seemed to be setting things up. She moved towards where everyone was and kissed Etta and Clara’s cheeks and then Alex’s forehead. Moving towards Ray, she hugged him tightly and then gave him a quick kiss. “How are you feeling?” she asked as her hand ran down his arm. 

“Much better too,” Ray told her with a smile. “You can ask everyone… I haven’t even fallen over. I even let Quentin feed me.”

“It was a turkey sandwich, nothing fancy,” Quentin spoke up quickly. Waving it away like it was no big deal. There was some quiet for a moment. “You know what, I think Donna and I will run out and get the supplies if that’s okay with everyone?”

“PLEASE let us go, too!” Alex pleaded. She looked towards Ray and Felicity. “Please Mom and Dad? We’re going to go stir crazy in here!”

“Oh please!” Clara joined in a moment later.

All of the adults were sighing. “You two are a handful sometimes,” Quentin told them. “There’s still crazy people out there…”

“But we’ll be with you,” Clara pointed out.

When Quentin looked in their direction, Felicity and Ray looked at each other before looking over to Quentin. “You know what,” Ray said. “If you want to take the girls…go for it.”

“I’m going to stay here,” Etta spoke up even though she hadn’t asked to go before. “I think I’m going to try to pass the next level on my game and then savor having hot water before everyone else decides to shower.”

Hot water really wasn’t something to be worried about. They had the highest tech tankless water heater, but they had made a point once and turned it off (and had never told the girls about it) to teach them that they didn’t need to take hour long showers. It was mean, but it had been quite effective. “Okay.”

“Fine, but you two have to listen,” Quentin told the girls. “Go get your coats.”

“You sure about this?” Ray asked once the girls were out of earshot.

It was a valid question.

“Yep, they’ll be fine.”

“Threatening their tablets is always a good play.”  
Quentin smirked. “Maybe I should just hold their favorite books captive.”

“That would work, too,” Donna spoke up.

It took about five minutes for Clara and Alex to gather their coats and for John to hand over the grocery list to Quentin and Donna. “We won’t be too long,” Quentin told them as they headed out. 

Etta had already left to go prepare for her shower, which was leaving the kitchen area a lot less crowded and quiet. Ray kissed the side of her head. “I’m going to take Liv and go read to her for a while, “ Ray said. “I think it’s been a while since the three of you have been able to chat.”

Felicity held onto Ray’s arm for a moment. She wasn’t sure about being left alone with Oliver and John. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust them because she did. No matter what she’d thought earlier, she trusted them both with her life and the lives of those in her family. From the day she had met Oliver Queen, she’d trusted him, even when he’d supplied her solely with laughable lies. “Thanks,” she whispered as she looked up at him and then finally released him. She watched him pick up Liv. God, Ray was such a good dad to every single daughter they had.

“How about we go and read?” Ray suggested as he carried her off towards her room.

“Arrow story,” Liv requested.

“How about an ATOM story?”

“No. Arrow.”

“How about ‘Where the Wild Things Are’?”

“Okay, Daddy,” Liv finally gave in. “Wild Things!” she cheered before giving a small roar. 

Felicity just watched them go and it was a little odd not to be following them. Tucking in Liv was something that they always did together. It wasn’t because Liv was the only one that was biologically theirs, but rather she was at the right age for bedtime stories and spending time with parents. Etta, Clara, and Alex preferred being checked on but spending their own time reading what they wanted independently.

“They’re good kids,” Oliver spoke up, breaking the silence.

Turning back, Felicity smiled and nodded. “They are,” she said. “And I’m glad that you’ve gotten some time to get to know them.” It felt like Oliver and John were both staring at her, waiting for her to set the tone of things, to make the first move. Five years ago, they were so close. They had known each other better than they knew themselves. They were a team. They were family. As she stared at them, she knew that nothing had really changed. She was quiet for a moment as she tried to quell the swish of emotions inside of her. “How are you feeling?” Felicity asked Oliver. 

As the Arrow, she’d patched him up plenty of times. John had helped to resupply Oliver’s blood far too many times and they’d always been cautious to keep a stock on hand in the Foundry. Far too many times, Oliver had ‘died’ or come far too close to dying on that metal table. She knew that Oliver was never one to let anything, not even death, keep him down. There was no doubt that he likely hadn’t changed that much over five years’ time. 

“Doesn’t even hurt,” Oliver replied and John scoffed. “What?”

“You don’t change, Man,” Diggle half complained. He shook his head. “I got shot last week and I took great advantage of the pain pills and sleeping in my own bed.”

Oliver gestured to the couch. “That’s the closest I’ve come to a bed in five years.” He smirked for a moment, like remembering something. “I actually really remembered that bed that you had bought me, Felicity.”

Five years before, Oliver had lost everything in his life. His family’s home. His family’s company. His family’s money. That didn’t mean that he was homeless or completely broke, but Oliver had gone through a long stint of sleeping in the Foundry. Felicity just hadn’t been able to stand him sleeping on the floor or anything uncomfortable, even given what Oliver had become used to. 

It was like a floodgate had been opened within her. Tears fell from her eyes and all she could think about was the last moments she’d shared with Oliver. The last times that they’d all been together. Felicity closed the distance between her and Oliver and flung her arms around him. She hadn’t really had time since seeing Oliver again to be able to completely think straight and to come around to the facts that she could still love him and be close to him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Slowly, Oliver wrapped his arms around her. It seemed like he was not only reluctant, but he was shaky…like he was scared. Oliver Queen was not one that Felicity ever thought of as scared. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he whispered.

“I shouldn’t have let you go to Nanda Parbat,” she whispered as tears fell. “I should have fought for you to stay—“

“No,” Oliver silenced her as he pulled back. His hands on her arms as he stared at her. His voice was quiet, but still stern. “I wouldn’t have risked Thea’s life…or yours…or anyone’s. The League would have started to kill innocents. It was the only way.”

“There was always another way.”

“Not that time.”

As she stared at him, there was something so different suddenly. It was like he was momentarily transformed into the Oliver that she remembered as he smiled at her and the back of his fingers caressed her cheek lightly. “I missed you. Everyday.”

“Me too,” Oliver whispered.

“Okay,” Diggle interrupted. “You two remember that you’re not alone, right?”

A smile crossed her face and she looked over at John, who had just been watching them. He was such a good friend. Felicity moved away from Oliver and immediately embraced Diggle. He was amazing for showing up. Felicity wasn’t sure if this would be this easy, her reunion with Oliver, if Diggle hadn’t shown up. It hadn’t been her intention at all when she’d originally called him. “I missed you, too.”

“I’m sure you do,” Diggle replied as he gave her a good squeeze. “Even though I have been slacking on returning your e-mails?”

“Even though you’ve been ignoring me,” she teased lightly as she moved back so she could see both men. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Somehow, things had felt like they had five years before. She, Diggle,and Oliver had ended up with sitting in the living room and chatting about things. It had mostly been Diggle and Felicity talking about life since he’d left, especially their families, and then Oliver commenting here and there. They’d been laughing when Quentin, Donna, Clara, and Alex had returned. 

“Are we all friends now?” Alex questioned as she carried a bag to the kitchen counter.

Felicity didn’t miss the look that her daughter was giving her. There was so much that Alex just didn’t understand. Her heart and soul still hurt because of Oliver…because of those five years. When Oliver had gone off to face Ra’s al Ghul and never came back, she’d lost a piece of herself… She’d thought that her world had gone black, but Ray had been the one to pull her back. He’d kept her from completely drowning in the sadness and devastation of it all. 

There was so much in the past.

There almost didn’t even seem like a good place to start with it all. In five years, so much had changed and yet…nothing seemed to have changed between the three of them once they sat down together. How could she really ask for more? Oliver wasn’t dead. As much as she loved him, that was all that she had always wanted. For him to come back. They didn’t have to be together, he just had to live.

“No matter what’s happened, we’re always friends,” Oliver spoke up looking from Alex and then to her. Felicity just stared at him for a moment. “Family, even.”

Family.

God.

There was so much that Oliver had missed.

It wasn’t just with her or with Diggle, it was with Thea and Roy. She was obviously the only one left in Star City. Everyone else had moved on. Some because of family obligations because of work as it was for Lyla and John, but Roy and Thea… There had been different reasons there. Different things had motivated them to get out of town. Felicity felt a little sick thinking about it. The whole reason that Oliver had left was in order to protect Thea from Ra’s al Ghul, but there was still the rest of the world that seemed to be gunning for all of them at some point in life. Thea wasn’t any different. 

John got up and headed towards the kitchen. “Better get to cooking before there’s some kind of mutiny.”

Staring at him, she tried to work through how to tell him everything that she needed to tell him. Felicity knew that there was just so much that they needed to talk about and it didn’t seem like there would be enough time to cover it all. Plus, their conversations just didn’t seem to be ones that they needed to talk about in front of the girls. Felicity still wanted to protect them, even if she couldn’t completely. That world, Felicity’s involvement with Oliver and Team Arrow…that was all buried in her past.

“How’s everything?” Donna asked them.

“Fine,” Felicity replied, almost too quickly. She closed her eyes for a moment and then shook her head before opening her eyes again. “I just…I think I need to get out…go for a walk—“

“Not without someone looking out for you, you’re not,” Quentin chimed in.

She knew that was coming.

“What’s going on?” Ray asked as he entered the room with Liv running out with her princess doll in her hand. He didn’t even wait for an answer as he scooped up the two year old and carried her the rest of the way to where Felicity and Oliver were sitting before setting her down between where Donna and Felicity were. “Going for your walk?” he asked Felicity.

Liv almost immediately hugged Felicity’s legs, letting her head full of blonde wild curls fall on Felicity’s lap. “My Mama…”

Jealous.

It wasn’t the first time the two year old had shown that she could be jealous, but Felicity was certain that a large part of it had to do with how many people were in their home and how many people were grabbing her attention. Liv just wasn’t used to that. Normally, Felicity and Ray solely focused on the girls when they were home and up until the point that they were all tucked into bed. That was just how it worked, it was being a parent.

“Hi Baby,” Felicity whispered and then dropped a kiss into the mess of Liv’s curls. She ran her fingers through Liv’s hair before looking up at Ray. “I was just thinking about it, but I know that there’s still a danger out there—“

“If Oliver thinks that he’s up for it, take him,” Ray said with a slight shrug. “There’s no way you could have caught up on five years in an hour, right?” 

The look on Quentin’s face, Felicity knew that he didn’t agree with it. Quentin was always so protective of her, but the thing was…she was still an adult. She might not always be able to protect herself, but she still could. Felicity wasn’t without that skill, it just wasn’t as good as Oliver or John’s. After everything that had happened, Felicity was actually a little surprised that Ray was okay with her leaving (even if he’d asked her to take Oliver along). He’d never been possessive, but he’d definitely been protective at times.

“You can’t be serious,” Donna started to argue.

“Have we all forgotten that Felicity is an adult?” Ray questioned.

That was pretty much the end of the discussion.

“You should have seen her shoot the bow,” Alex spoke up. Felicity really wasn’t sure if it was helping. Alex imitated Felicity shooting it. “It was pretty badass.”

“A bow?!” Donna exploded and looked like she was going to pass out at that thought. 

Felicity sighed and then a moment later. “Language,” Ray and Felicity spoke quietly and yet sternly in unison.

“Sorry, but let’s be honest…is there really a better term?”

“Terrifying?” Clara supplied. The two teens were sitting in the kitchen watching Diggle cook and chatting occasionally. 

“You were laying in the van the entire time, you didn’t even SEE it,” Alex defended. “You’ll just have to trust my judgement on this one.”

“I guess I will,” Clara countered. “Because I was trying to keep from being shot.”

“Okay, okay…” Ray broke it up quickly.

Maybe they ALL needed space. She supposed that these were times when having a huge place like Queen Mansion would have come in handy. Even though they had the money, she and Ray refused to splurge unnecessarily. They didn’t need some kind of mansion or palace to prove anything. They just needed enough space for them all to have a room and have just enough personal space within the confines of those walls. 

“Go ahead,” Ray said with a tilt of his head. Before she could get words out, Ray was nodding. That was the thing, after being married and then together as long as they had, Ray had picked up on knowing exactly what she was going to say before she could say it. Sometimes that was hard or even annoying, but right now…all she was…was thankful. 

“I will go change then,” Felicity said as she got to her feet. From what she’d seen of Oliver, he seemed fine. From what she knew of him, even if it was in the past, was that nothing or anyone kept Oliver Queen down for long. 

“You sure you can keep her safe out there?” she heard Quentin ask, but she didn’t stop.

“I was survived five years on an island…I was the Arrow for three…and I trained with the League of Assassins for the last three years,” Oliver responded matter of factly.

“You what—?!” Donna exclaimed.

Oh boy.

At least she didn’t have to stick around for that conversation. 

“I think he’s qualified enough,” Ray responded.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“You’ve only let me talk about myself,” Felicity told him. “Tell me something about you…about what you went through…”

“I almost died,” Oliver said simply.

Felicity nodded and looked over at him as they walked. “I’d imagine…multiple times…”

“You’d be right.”

There was a long stretch of silence between them.

“I killed,” Oliver finally admitted, his voice quiet and his head down. “Too many people.”

It hit her. Felicity had no idea why she hadn’t thought of it earlier. “You stayed with the League because of me…Thea…the city…” she said as she stopped and stopped him in turn. “That’s why you didn’t come home, isn’t it?”

The look in his eyes as he lifted his head told her everything and Felicity felt sick and heartbroken all at the same time. “I waited… I kept telling John that you were out there. That you would come home…I held out the longest,” she confessed as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I—I don’t know what to say—“

“You don’t have to say anything.”

Felicity almost felt guilty. For so many things, even though she KNEW that it was useless and silly. Feeling guilty wasn’t going to change things. It didn’t change how things worked. She looked away for a moment and pushed away the tears, sniffling a bit. “I—I kept telling myself that what we were doing… Cleaning up the city… Changing it, it was for you…even if it was Ray who helped do it.”

“He’s a GOOD man, Felicity.” 

“He is,” she whispered and turned back to look at him. “When you were in Nanda Parbat, did you keep track of things here?”

“No. Whenever I got close to home, I’d try to pick up on news from the area,” Oliver told her. “You were easy to find information on.”

It was actually far too easy to find information and pictures of her online and in the media ever since she’d agreed to work with Ray Palmer in Palmer Technologies. It was even MORE readily found since she’d married him. Felicity wondered if that was hard for Oliver, even after the five years that had passed. His last words, though…she couldn’t let them go now that he was back.

I love you.

And she’d never returned the words.

“Thea…I can’t find anything on her or Roy,” Oliver said.

“They’re together,” Felicity told him. She wondered if he’d thought about that. Roy and Thea had been together before, but they hadn’t been together when Oliver had gone off to face Ra’s. “Because I thought you were gone.” She paused for a moment, almost swallowing the memory of his departure. “I started to keep track of Thea. If you’d been here…no matter where you and Thea stood, I knew that you’d keep an eye on her.” She shrugged. “So, I have.”

Oliver just stared at her.

“What? Too weird? Ray likes to call it ‘stalking’, but I prefer ‘covertly keeping tabs on family’.” Felicity paused for a moment. “Okay, so I guess that still sounds super creepy.”

“Are they happy?”

“Thea was going to school for a while, but she got bored of it,” Felicity explained. “Walter had made sure that she had the money and a place to stay, but she decided that she’d rather dedicate her life to give back," Felicity explained. “So, she and Roy travel around the world building houses and doing whatever they can in third world countries.” Her voice was a little sad as she thought about what she was about to say next. “Since neither of them really have any more family…they tend to stay away… No one tends to come back and visit…”

“E-mail?”

“Occasionally I’ll get a post card,” Felicity explained. “Which…I’m surprised they still even have those things…” She was trying to think of how to break the rest of the news that she had to Oliver. Would he take it well? Would it make him want to seek them out? Would it change things for him. “Thea’s pregnant,” Felicity whispered. “She actually called me a couple of weeks ago. Very early. First trimester. She didn’t want me to tell anyone.” Thea never called, but Felicity was happy for them and she was happy that they hadn’t completely forgotten about her. “They’re happy, Oliver.”

“That’s good…”

“Are you going to go look for them?”

“Would I really have to look?”

“No,” Felicity said slowly. “I could tell you exactly where they are.”

They’d walked a whole block in silence and questions were just spinning in her head. It was just a matter of which one to ask first. Would he tell her? There had been so many years of Oliver not telling her and Diggle so many things, not until they absolutely needed to know. Oliver Queen had never been a man to open up to her, except for that one night…when they’d gone on an actual date. He’d told her about Hong Kong. It hadn’t been a lot, but at the same time…it had been.

“Tell me more.”

“Like what?” Oliver asked.

“Ra’s almost killed you…Merlyn said that you were in a ravine…your body unrecoverable…” Felicity stated. She needed to know if that was all real. Had Oliver actually died? Had he been brought back? Was that possible? Or had Merlyn just been spinning lies and trying to use them all?

“It was true,” Oliver whispered. He stopped and sighed. “Ra’s sliced my side,” Oliver said and gestured to his left side and Felicity remembered there being a scar there. “He plunged his scimitar through me,” he continued as he motioned to his torso where she remembered the other scar. “He pushed me back…” his voice suddenly trailed off and he looked like he was suddenly staring off into space. “That’s what I remember… All I can remember, really. It’s more vivid than the searing pain of the blade through me.” He paused again. “It’s what I dream of…what I can’t escape…”

“What is?” Felicity asked slowly as she reached out for him, trying to anchor him. 

“The fall…” Oliver finally told her in a hushed whisper as he looked to her. He stared at her for a long moment as Felicity tried to rein in her emotions. “My last thoughts…I was okay with dying…but the fall…it was like I never stopped…” He shook his head and looked away from her. “I obviously stopped. I just only remember that I kept falling and falling…and I thought as I fell, that I had failed you…Thea…that I would never see either of you again.”

Tears fell from her eyes and all she wanted to do was to hug him and tell him that somehow…somehow things would be okay. For a moment, she reminded herself that that might be inappropriate. She loved Oliver, yes, but he was a friend, too. Standing before her, was a friend that was suffering greatly…and she couldn’t just stand there and do nothing. It just wan’t in her. Felicity took a step forward before flinging her arms around him and holding onto him for dear life. He tensed immediately. It was like hugging was something completely foreign to him, or at least it was unexpected. She didn’t care, though, she just held on. 

Closing her eyes, Felicity thought about all the years. She wondered if she and Diggle sat down and told him everything that had happened. Everything that they’d done. Where each and every one of them were, if he’d be proud of them. If it would ease his burden at all. Was that selfish? Was that wrong? Felicity knew Oliver. He was so good at carrying everything alone. he was good at keeping things inside. This, though, the five years that Ra’s had made him kill again…that couldn’t be solely carried by him. He couldn’t think that that was all that those five years were made up of.

They needed to do something. 

In that moment, when Oliver still just stood there, Felicity felt like they needed to save him. To save his soul. To try to piece together everything that had been taken from him. Felicity wasn’t sure exactly how they were going to do that, but they definitely were going to do it. They all owed it to him to try. They owed their lives…for so many reasons and in so many ways…to Oliver and the Arrow. They owed so much of who they’d become to him. They couldn’t let him go down like this…to wither away…or to step back into the shadows and disappear. 

She wouldn’t allow it.

“You’re home now, that’s all that matters,” she whispered. Felicity hugged him tighter and finally his arms loosely held her. She lifted herself up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I know that it’s different…it’s not what you expected…”

He stared at her. “It’s better,” he confessed. “You and Diggle, you’re happy, right?”

Felicity nodded slowly.

“Thea and Roy?”

“Happy,” Felicity checked off.

“Laurel and Captain Lance—“

“Good.”

“Everyone made it out better than I expected,” Oliver confessed. “I was worried that Roy had—“

“I couldn’t lose anyone else,” Felicity confessed. “I did some things to keep them safe that they still don’t agree with…but they’re alive and I still stand by those decisions.”

“And the city…” He sighed as he turned towards it. “It’s better than I could have ever imagined.”

“It’s still home,” Felicity pressed when she felt like there was a ‘but’ coming and noted the almost sad tone in his voice. It almost felt like he already had his foot out the door. She couldn’t let that happen. Not yet. Not so quickly. Not when he’d just come back to them.

“I don’t know if I have one of those anymore,” Oliver confessed.

“You do.”

“Felicity—“

She held tight to him and stared at him. “Promise me something.”

“Felicity—“

“For me. Promise me something.”

She knew him.

Oliver let out a sigh. “Promise you what?”

“That you won’t just leave…that you’ll wait a little bit…and that when you decide to leave…you’ll give me some fair warning?”

“I—“

“Promise?”

Oliver sighed again. “I promise.”

Time.

That’s all she needed.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to follow me on twitter @shannyfish and on tumblr @shannyfishwriter


	10. Saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's been a lot of hate in general for the fandom, characters, and ships as of late and I just haven't wanted to write. I'm trying not to let it get to me. I'm going to continue to write this story no matter the hate online or in comments/reviews. I normally don't give away what I have planned for a story or characters, but I will say this. I am not killing off Ray so that Felicity and Oliver can be together. If you think about what that would do to Felicity, you'd see that it is what's for the best. There can still be Olicity in this.
> 
> This is the first chapter that starts with flashbacks AND an extra long chapter! I hope you all enjoy!

"How was your walk?”  
  
Felicity froze.  
  
The room had been dark, only the nightstand lights had been on but he’d come out of a dark bathroom to find Felicity standing in the doorway of their bedroom with the door shut behind her.   She looked almost upset and Ray was a little worried.  Maybe her walk and catching up with Oliver hadn’t gone well.  She was home alive and in one piece, so he was happy about that.  Felicity and Oliver had been gone for HOURS.  They’d missed dinner and it had been the very first time that Felicity had missed putting Liv to bed.  Ray hadn’t been worried, though it seemed like everyone else had been.  
  
The thing was that even though Ray had never been close to Oliver Queen, there were two things that he knew for sure when it came to the other man.  One: that Oliver Queen could protect Felicity.  Two: that Oliver Queen would do anything and everything to keep someone he loved safe.  It was clear to Ray that even though Felicity had moved on (even though she still clearly held feelings for Oliver) that nothing had changed for Oliver, who still loved Felicity with his whole heart.  Ray wasn’t jealous, though and was actually a little surprised that more people weren’t always falling in love with Felicity.  You couldn’t help who you fell in love with.  That was just a fact.    
  
Felicity looked like she was going to break into pieces.  “Ray, I—“  
  
Sitting on the edge on the bed, he ran his fingers against his scalp and interrupted her before she could continue.  It seemed like ever since Oliver Queen had come into the picture, Felicity had been far less confident in his reactions than normal.  “Don’t worry,” Ray told her gently.  “Liv just had me read about half of her bookshelf before she finally fell asleep.”  He became quite serious.  “I also had to promise to tell you that she loves you and to pass along a kiss.”  
  
“I’ve never missed putting Liv to bed,” Felicity rambled as she took slow steps towards Ray.  “And not only that…I missed dinner…and I didn’t call or check in…and I—“  She let out a sigh.  “I got distracted and I lost track of time…and I should have been here and—“  
  
“Felicity,” Ray stopped her as he held out his hand, palm up.  It was an invitation for her to take it.  When she did, he squeezed her hand lightly and then ran his thumb over the set of rings on her finger.  “I’m not worried about ANY of them.  I knew where you were the whole time and I knew you were alive and well.”  When she just stared at him confused, Ray used his free hand to push up the sleeve of the lightweight brightly colored jacket she’d left in to reveal what was on her wrist.  “GPS and—“  
  
Felicity nodded then.  “Monitors heartbeats and steps and…okay, I was confused…I’m just—“  
  
“Tired?” he questioned and when she nodded, Ray pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her before kissing her forehead.  They were both quiet for a moment and Felicity seemed to melt into his embrace.   She relaxed and let out a sigh as her head found the most comfortable spot on his shoulder.  After she’d been quiet for some time, he finally asked his question.  “So…how was your walk?”  
  
“It was…okay…”  
  
“Okay?”  
  
“It was a lot to take in.”  
  
“I’m sure he thought so, too,” Ray commented.    
  
His arms held her against him, one of his hands moved to the crown of her head and pulled carefully and gently the elastic from her hair before running his fingers through her golden hair.  Felicity was a wound up bottle of stress and nerves right now and he hated it.  All Ray wanted to do was to make it better, to bring some ease to her frenzied emotional state.    
  
“Are—“  
  
Sighing, he smiled a bit, interrupting her thought.  “If you’re going to ask me if I’m mad, don’t.  We’ve already had this conversation.  I think multiple times now.”   He shook his head and then pressed a kiss into her hair for a moment.  “Unless, you’re trying to tell me that you want a divorce or something crazy like that,” he teased lightly.  “Then, I’d be a little disappointed…”  
  
“No!” Felicity said quickly and pulled back.  She looked even more worked up now, which wasn’t what he’d intended.  “I wouldn’t—“  
  
Ray’s fingers still combed through her hair.  “Shh…”  
  
“Ray—“  
  
“I was kidding,” Ray reinforced.  He leaned in and kissed her.  “We might not have been married these last five years, Felicity, but a lot of that time..it feels like we have…  I would know if your heart had lost its interest in me.”  He was certain that that was true and didn’t feel any form of worry.  “No matter how confused things have you, or worried…or anything else…I’m going to be here…  Your whole family is going to be here to support you.”  
  
“I love you, have I told you that today?” Felicity asked as a bright smile slowly spread across her face.  
  
His lips took hers and for a moment, the kiss and them were all that existed.  “Not in the last couple of hours,” he said with a smile as they separated for breath.  Silence hung between them for a moment as Ray slowly unzipped the jacket.  “I love you, Felicity.  Don’t forget that.  No matter what.  I love you.”  
  
Weight seemed to lift from her and he hoped that it stayed that way.  "I love you too,” she echoed sincerely.  He pushed the jacket open and down her arms, leaving her in just her sports bra and leggings.  Her forehead pressed against his as his hand moved down her side to her thigh before caressing the inside of her thigh.  “My mom stayed tonight, didn’t she?”  
  
Ray stilled and sighed.  “Yes.  Alex and Clara are bunking.  I tried to get her to go home with Quentin, but she was a bit worked up.”  
  
Now Felicity was the one who sighed.  “I know my mom knows that we have to—“  
  
“I’m sure she probably thinks we do it a lot more than we do,” Ray commented as he pulled away.  Felicity always got a bit worried about her mother coming into their room or interrupting things whenever they actually got to have alone time.  It was for good reason, so he really couldn’t fault it.  There had been far too many times that her mother had somehow gotten into their bedroom at the most awkward times.  He and Felicity hadn’t even had that problem with the girls when they’d first came to live with them.  Not even Liv had that kind of timing.    
  
“I’m sorry—“  
  
“This is something you don’t have to apologize for,” Ray told her.  He shrugged.  “I just figured that it’s a lot less crowded tonight…”  Sitting there, thinking about things…he looked up at her.  His face was crunched up because he was genuinely confused at the moment.  “Am I completely wrong or is your mother dating Quentin?”  
  
“I don’t think they know what it is.”  
  
“Maybe we should push them to designate what they are,” Ray suggested.  “You know, maybe he can still come to pick her up right now…”  
  
Felicity laughed.  “It’s late.”  
  
“You know I love your mother.  She’s great, but—“  
  
“But, she’s my mother and she doesn’t understand boundaries when it comes to OUR relationship,” Felicity finished.  She sighed as all of her weight shifted against him.  “There’s some kind of lecture coming.  I feel it.”  
  
“What could she possibly lecture you about?”  
  
Felicity just stared at him.  
  
“Okay, so your mother goes a little over board sometimes,” Ray allowed.  In the past, Donna had been a little controlling.  It seemed like she was purposely trying to involve herself in their relationship at times for what she thought was for the best.  It wasn’t.  He and Felicity were doing just fine without her involvement.  Ray got it and he knew that Felicity did too.  Donna was so worried about trying to make sure that their relationship didn’t fall apart, wanting better for her daughter, that she usually didn’t see how much she hurt Felicity.    
  
“Sometimes?”  
  
“I was trying to be nice,” he said as he started to go back to undressing her.  He was pulling down her exercise pants she had on.  Ray wasn’t going to push things, but that didn’t mean that they both needed to be dressing like they were both in elementary school for pajama day.  “You know…the fact that we don’t actually have a guest room…I would think that your mother would be less likely to crash here on her trips—“  
  
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” Felicity spoke up and kicked her walking shoes off before standing up and making it easier to step out of her pants.  “Not unless she and Quentin decide their ‘thing’ is serious…which would mean that my mom would move HERE.  So…you know, pros and cons to everything.”  
  
“At least she wouldn’t be sleeping over here,” Ray pointed out.  
  
“Somehow she’d still have a house key.”  
  
Ray thought about that for a moment and had to admit, Felicity was correct on that one.  Donna Smoak could be a pain, but she was still family and they loved her.  Plus, if she was living in Star City, there were so many reasons why her having a key was a good thing.  “Maybe we should be designing some kind of system where our bedroom door automatically locks six bolts if your mother is detected.”  
  
Her arms wrapped around them and she was laughing again.    
  
Staring at her, he was a bit amused at how much she seemed entertained by that idea.  “You know I was serious…  Think about it.  There’s definitely a market for it.  We can’t be the only ones with this problem.”  
  
“Shut up and kiss me,” Felicity told him as she pushed him, so that they both fell back onto the bed.    
  
“I can definitely get on board with that,” Ray told her as he scooted them farther up onto the bed, so that they weren’t half hanging off the edge of the bed.  Felicity was laying on top of him, their arms around each other.  She was smiling and he was absolutely content now that his wife was home safe with him.  He couldn’t think of anything better in the world.  Their lips met and that was the best ending to his night.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
** <Flashback - 5 years before>  
**   
  
“Can we talk?”  
  
Felicity looked up at him.    
  
It had been weeks now and it seemed like his vice president was a flurry of emotions and he was concerned.  Ray wasn’t one to be concerned about the company because his VP was out of sorts, but he was definitely concerned about his VP.  He really hadn’t known Felicity Smoak that long, but he knew that there was something going on in her life and he was starting to think that she didn’t have people outside of work.  He’d seen her talk to people on her cell phone, in fact, sometimes she was ALWAYS on that phone.  People had come in to visit with her and he’d seen her talk to people in public.  So, he was certain that she had life outside of Palmer Technologies.    
  
“Are you firing me?” Felicity asked.  
  
“No,” Ray said.  He got confused immediately.  He’d been trying to get her to help him with the ATOM project and she’d finally relented.  She’d told him that maybe with her helping him, he wouldn’t be committing suicide.  It had been a couple of weeks since she’d figured out how to make the chip to work.  He was still trying to get the suit fully operational, though.  “No…  No.  Why would you think that?”  
  
“I’ve missed meetings…  I’ve been distracted.  Is there a word that means something more than distracted?” Felicity asked and he could tell that she was rambling and that she was likely to continue until he stopped her.  There was still something that was troubling her.  Whatever was going on in Felicity’s life, it hadn’t been resolved yet.    
  
He sighed and sat across from Felicity.  “I’m not firing you, Felicity,” Ray said, trying to make sure that that was something that came across to her.  “I’m not here as Ray Palmer, CEO.”  His voice softened and he reached out to place his hand gently over hers on the desk.  “I’m here as your friend.”  He paused for a moment before continuing.  “I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but I want you to know that you can talk to me about it…whatever is going on…”  
  
“I can’t,” she whispered, her voice breaking and tears threatening to spill.  
  
Felicity wouldn’t look at them, but she was staring at their hands.  He supposed that it was close enough.  “Okay…  I just, I can tell that you’re hurting…  I can tell that something awful is going on with you…”  Ray wanted to do this delicately, but he wasn’t going to be subtle.  He was afraid if he was subtle, that she’d not take in what he was saying.  It was a hard line to toe.  “And you don’t have to go through it alone…”  
  
Tears fell down her cheeks now and she immediately pushed them away and pulled her hand from his.  There were so many things about Felicity Smoak that Ray found beautiful, breathtakingly so, and just absolutely addicting.  There was something about Felicity Smoak that Ray just couldn’t get enough of.  He hadn’t expected to love any woman after Anna and then he’d walked into a tech village and there had been Felicity Smoak.  Since then, he just couldn’t fathom life without her…even if they were just co-workers.    
  
She had a light.  
  
A sparkle.  
  
Magic.  
  
There was something about Felicity that he just had never felt with anyone else.  “Look, I know that I can come across as a lot of things… That we’re not close.”  Ray reached across the table and lifted her chin until her eyes steadied on his.  “I AM your friend, Felicity.  I am here for you.  I want you to talk to me.  Please?”  
  
“Ray—“  
  
“Please?”  
  
“I told you that I lost someone,” she said gently.  
  
Ray nodded.  He remembered how unsure she’d seemed about whether the someone was a person that Felicity really seemed to care about, maybe even love.  He’d considered that was why she’d been so down, but it was getting worse and he was generally worried about her.  “Someone you cared about?  A lot?” he ventured.  
  
She just nodded and then was quiet for a moment.  He watched as she sucked in a deep breath and seemed to try to steady herself before continuing.  “I guess I’m just having a hard time balancing my life…with being able to see the good side in the world…”  She broke then.  “It just seems like no matter how hard I try to make things right, I get pushed away by the only family I have left…  Everything seems wrong.  I always thought that if you did good things, if you were a good person, then good things would happen…but that’s wrong…”  Felicity pulled her face from his touch and turned to face the window as tears spun out of control down her cheeks.  “It’s not true.  What happens is that the good people keep dying…  The heroes…  All that are left are villains…and I just don’t know how to live in this world anymore.  It’s hard enough getting out of bed in the morning and convincing myself to come here.”  
  
Wow.  
  
It was far more than Ray had expected for her to tell him.  He was happy that she was spilling this all out to him, but it was a lot.  For a moment, he just went over her words and no matter how he processed them, all he was was confused.  “You aren’t talking about your mother, right?” he asked slowly.  He knew that she’d lost a friend a while back and that she’d been quite upset about the amount of people she’d lost in her lifetime thus far, but he just wasn’t sure what she was talking about.  
  
“No,” Felicity sighed and wiped away tears.  She seemed to try to smile for a moment, but it didn’t stick.  “God, I WISH this was about my mother…”  
  
“So, tell me.”  
  
“I can’t.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
That question seemed to confuse her.  He thought it was fairly straight forward, but she didn’t come right back at him with an answer.  Ray wanted to be there for her, if she’d let him in.  It seemed like they were both having some difficulty in doing that, but he HOPED that it was something that they were both working on.    
  
“I—I don’t know anymore,” Felicity finally blurted out.  She rubbed her face and then let out a breath.  “Screw it,” she whispered and then looked directly at him.  “This secret, I’ve kept…it’s not mine to tell…but I don’t think that matters anymore…”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I work for the Arrow…for his team,” Felicity explained.  She seemed almost relieved with every word that came out of her.  “But the Arrow’s gone now…it’s a long…complicated story…and now the rest of us are left to figure things out.”  
  
“You work for the Arrow?” Ray asked, trying to process things.    
  
Suddenly, everything since he’d met Felicity Smoak made sense.  All of the phone calls.  All of the times that she’d asked him to leave.  Pretty much…everything…it just all clicked for him.  He really didn’t know how to feel about her working for the Arrow and his team, though.  Ray was familiar with their ‘work’.  For a while there, the Arrow had been a killer…and he just hadn’t always been considered a hero.  So far, though, the police seemed to believe in him.  Ray had to believe that there was a reason for that.    
  
“He’s gone,” Felicity repeated.    
  
“Okay…” Ray said slowly.  “And you miss him?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
It was then that Ray wondered if the Arrow…if he’d been the one who Felicity cared for that was gone.  If the Arrow was dead and his team was going forward, to try to continue to keep the city safe.  He didn’t want to push the subject, though, because it was clear that it would only cause to further upset her.  Right now, Ray was more concerned about getting her to talk and maybe coming up with a way to make her world a little less dark.    
  
“Why are the others pushing you away?  The people you consider family?”  
  
He wanted to understand.    
  
He needed to understand.  
  
She needed to know that he was there for her.  
  
“Probably because I really didn’t want to accept that the Arrow is gone…that he’s not coming back…  I keep thinking he’s just going to show up,” Felicity admitted.  “Is that crazy?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Ray had absolutely no idea what had happened to the Arrow, all he knew was that even IF the Arrow had been killed…he didn’t think it was crazy to still expect a person you cared about to show up.  Sometimes he still, for just a moment, would think Anna was beside him when he was working.  It was the hope that you carried inside of you, the love that that person, that made you want to cling to them no matter what.  
  
“You know all those bad guys that are out because of the evidence disappearing?” she asked.    
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“We were trying to keep it safe.  To stop Brickwell.  I was monitoring from the Fo—from our control room…and I prevented my team from being able to do what they do because in those moments…I saw me losing them too.  To have more funerals to attend and more deaths to cope with.  They blame me, I know.  They don’t trust me as much,” Felicity explained.  “I just…I can’t lose anyone else.”  
  
“You did what you thought was right.”  
  
Felicity nodded.  “I just feel like it doesn’t matter anymore…”  She seemed somewhat defeated.  “Even though, I’ve told myself that the Arrow isn’t coming back.  Even though, I’ve helped to rally the team…to decide WHY we’re still doing what we’re doing…it just…it feels like I’ve lost so much.”  
  
“What you guys are doing, trying to do good…keep the city safe, it’s a noble cause,” Ray told her.  “But it’s not a life.”  
  
“It has been…for me…for well over two years now,” Felicity admitted.  “I honestly don’t know if I would be the person I am right now if I hadn’t joined…  I’d probably be some no one in the IT department.”  
  
“I doubt that.”  
  
Felicity smiled a little.    
  
“I’m serious, though,” Ray insisted.  “Vigilante-ism…whatever you guys consider yourselves…it’s not a life, Felicity.  Saving the city is good and all, but you have to have a long term plan.  You have to plan on saving the city, making it better, and then actually living…otherwise, is it really worth it?”  
  
“What are you talking about?  Some kind of five year plan?” Felicity asked a bit sarcastically.    
  
Sure, that probably seemed weird, but it was the truth.  She was twenty-five and Ray wondered how many years she expected to waste trying to save the city when they were doing it (like in someone’s basement) and with what he could guess as little resources.  They needed to think bigger and they needed to have a plan.    
  
“I’m serious,” Ray told her.  He reached out and grabbed her hands.  Their eyes locked and he hoped that what he was saying made sense to her…and didn’t scare her away.  He wanted Felicity to know that she could come to him, to feel like she could talk to him…about anything.  “Think about it.  Helping this city, that’s what we’ve been working on ATOM for.  Maybe your team…and our team…you know, you and me…we should team up.”  
  
Her tone was skeptical now.  “Team up?”  
  
Ray shrugged.  “I have a want to change this city, you know that.  You know my intentions.”  He paused.  “I have the resources to make a lot happen.”  
  
“Do you have a five year plan?” she half teased.  
  
“No,” Ray admitted.  He waited a moment before smiling.  “Actually, I have a three year plan, but maybe…maybe this team of yours…we can knock it down to two years.”  
  
“Two years?”  
  
She seemed surprised, maybe even shocked.  He just nodded.  He didn’t launch his big rebrand for nothing.  Ray had taken a lot of time going over what it would take and what it would mean to take Starling City into the future to Star City.    
  
There was a plan.  
  
Felicity was part of that plan.  
  
  
** <End Flashback>  
**   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
The morning had come too quickly and Ray had been wonderfully happy to wake with Felicity sleeping peacefully in his arms.  He’d wanted to stay in that bed all day, but with everything that seemed to be hanging over their heads, he knew that he couldn’t.  Ray was a man who thought that taking care of his family, keeping them safe, was the most important thing in his life.  He didn’t care if he lost his company or all of his money or anything else…all that mattered was that Felicity, Alex, Clara, Etta, and Liv were all safe and taken care of.    
  
His girls.  
  
His life.  
  
His heart.  
  
His everything.  
  
Slipping out of bed was a lot harder than it normally would have been.  Leaving Felicity was hard.  All he wanted to do was to watch her sleep, kiss her when she woke, and lie in bed with her for as long as possible.  He couldn’t do it, though.  There was too much to do.  So, he got out of bed, moved into the shower, done work out clothes, and headed out to the home gym.  He needed to work out a bit, hoping that it would get him thinking about everything that had happened.  Finding out who was after them and WHY was something that he really was determined to figure out.  
  
As he walked down the hallway, he found that three of the girls were still sleeping.  He hadn’t dared to check in Alex’s room as Donna was sleeping there, he was fairly sure that she was still sleeping, though.  This wasn’t unusual, but as far as having Etta moving about their home when they had an extra visitor sleeping on their couch…Ray had wanted the girls to give Oliver space.  They kept pestering him for stories about the Arrow and about their mom, he couldn’t blame them, but Oliver had just come back after five years…  The man needed space.  Ray wondered if Oliver would join John tonight at his hotel room, he’d wanted to take Oliver the night before…but then he and Felicity had come back after John had felt like he needed to crash.    
  
When Ray made it to the end of the hallway, he found Oliver up and in the kitchen cooking while Etta sat on a stool with a book, half supervising.  “Please tell me that you haven’t decided that Mr. Queen is a slave, Etta.”  
  
“His name is Oliver,” Etta said in a whisper as she looked away from her book and to Ray.  She shook her head and looked back to her book, turning to a new page.  “Plus, he offered…  Am I really going to say ‘no’ to someone offering to make me breakfast?  Also, it’s quiet.  You know that I enjoy quiet.”  
  
Ray really couldn’t argue with that.  It had been a bit louder and more chaotic than normal.  Liv and Alex were the loudest ones in the house, which he supposed made sense since Clara and Etta had grown up together in the same household for the majority of their lives.  His sister and brother-in-law had been quiet people too.  He wondered if all of the people was becoming a bit too much for Etta.  He made a mental note to have a private chat with all of the girls one by one later in the day.    
  
He finally made it to where Etta was sitting and hugged her from behind before placing a kiss to the side of her head.  “Morning, Sweetheart.  What are we reading today?  Vampires?”  
  
Etta let out an annoyed sigh.  “Dad.  We’ve been over this.  We don’t read those books.”  
  
“Right.  Dragons?”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“What?  Aren’t dragons cool?” Ray asked.  He knew the answer to that.  The truth was, he loved that the girls were all into books and that they all had imaginations.  Since they’d all sort of bonded, he’d been sort of hoping for there to be a moment where they could have a lightsaber fight…or foam swords…something.  Bows and arrows were obviously already covered.    
  
“Griffins?” Oliver asked and Ray grinned over at him.    
  
“Actually,” Etta said slowly as she set her book down.  “Clara DOES enjoy stories with griffins.”  
  
“See,” Ray told her.    
  
“But that’s not what I’m reading right now,” Etta told him.  She closed the book to reveal the cover.  “I’m reading ‘The Scorpion House’.”  
  
“It has a lot of awards…” Ray commented.  
  
“Shouldn’t she be reading something with girls on the front of it?” Oliver asked as he dished up a plate.  He pushed it in front of Etta, fork included.  “Not something creepy that’s about cloning?”  
  
“Cloning?  Really?” Ray asked and was actually a mixed of impressed and curious.  Sometimes they had discussions about what fields interested the girls.  All of the girls were smart, but he was interested with the fact that Etta seemed to be interested in a realm of science…possibly even medicine.  That was definitely something to foster.    
  
“It’s interesting,” Etta supplied with a shrug and then started to dig into her breakfast.  “I like interesting…”  
  
“It’s not something Clara and Alex would read.”  
  
“No, it’s really not.”  
  
“Well, I’ll let you finish your breakfast, I am going to go work out for a while…can you keep an eye out for Liv?” Ray asked.  Liv was the surprise factor, sometimes she slept in and sometimes she was up before the sun.  Normally, she’d just find one of the girls or head into his and Felicity’s room and wake them up.  He just didn’t want Felicity woken up too early if it could be helped.  
  
“Yes, no problem.”  
  
“Thank you,” he said before kissing the side of her head again.  He turned to leave, but then found himself stopping within mere seconds.  
  
“Ray?”  
  
Turning back around, he found Oliver taking steps towards him.  “Yeah?”  
  
“Do you mind if I join you?”  
  
For a split second, he thought about it.  He nodded before turning again.  “Sure, why not.”    
  
The lights automatically kicked on when they entered the gym.  There wasn’t an over abundance of equipment, it was just what he needed.  The treadmill, though, was used more by Felicity and even the girls than he used it.  It was mainly in the winter months and on rainy days when it got use, otherwise it just sort of sat there.  He understood it, though, there was something much more satisfying about walking or running outside in the world than inside.    
  
“I was thinking,” Oliver started as he closed the glass door behind him.  “Maybe the two of us should talk.”  
  
“About Felicity?”  
  
A conversation with practically any other man about his wife, he would have brushed off, but this was Oliver Queen.  This was a man that Felicity had loved…that she still loved.  Was he worried?  Jealous?  No.  Ray didn’t know Oliver well, but from how Felicity always talked about the Arrow…from how Felicity talked about Oliver…he knew that he was a good man.  So, Ray moved to where he started his workout.  They could talk and exercise.  It could be done and maybe it would keep things from becoming too intense.    
  
“About Felicity,” Oliver echoed a moment later.  
  
Ray looked over at him and saw that he seemed to be a little unsure.  About what, Ray wasn’t completely sure.  Was it about the conversation that he wanted to have?  Or just being in the gym and not knowing where to start or where he was allowed?  “Go ahead and start anywhere,” he prompted as he motioned around.  He really meant for all of the above, the talk and the workout.  He could take it.    
  
“Thank you...for letting us go out last night..I know we ended up being out a lot later than—“  
  
“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Ray told him quickly.  It wasn’t like he was one where Felicity should have to ask permission to go out.  The only reason why they had all been more cautious is because his girls had all just been shot at and then there were the death threats.  “Felicity makes her own decisions…  She needed it.  You needed it.  Plus, I knew that you weren’t going to let anything happen to her.”  
  
“Because I was in the League of Assassins?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Because I was the Arrow?”  
  
Ray smirked.  “No.”  Oliver turned and stared at him for a long moment.  To everyone else, including Donna and Quentin, those would have been the best reasons WHY someone would be worthy and able to protect Felicity.  To him, though, none of that mattered if you didn’t care for them.  “Because you love her.”  He let that sink in, for both of them.  “And when you love someone, you do everything in your power to keep them safe…  You’d give your life for theirs, in an instant…without thinking about it.  It would be as natural as breathing.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Maybe we’re not so different.”    
  
He turned and went back to doing his sets.  Ray was fairly sure that he had caught Oliver off guard.  It wasn’t like he’d meant to do it, he was just stating facts.  No matter how much Oliver loved Felicity, that didn’t matter to him, the fact alone that Oliver loved Felicity meant that he’d still do anything to keep her safe.  That’s why he’d stuck around.  That’s why he’d been there when Felicity and the girls had needed help…probably why his family was still alive.  So, in a way…he really did owe Oliver Queen for that.  
  
“Maybe not,” Oliver echoed.    
  
They were both quiet for a long while.    
  
“I know she’s happy,” Oliver spoke up first, breaking the silence.  “I know that you make her happy.  We caught up as much as we could when you’ve been out of contact with the other person for five years…  She told me how she feels like you saved her from the darkness.”  
  
“Saved her?” Ray asked and stopped then.  He turned and looked to Oliver for explanation.  In all of their time together, he never had really thought of himself as saving Felicity.  He’d always been in the mindset that Felicity had saved him, time and time again.    
  
“She said that she was in a dark place,” Oliver explained.  “She thought I was dead.  She felt like the others were pushing her away.  That she didn’t have a place in the world anymore or know how to live in it.  She said that you pulled her out of that.”  Oliver was quiet for a moment.  “That you kept her going.  You gave her a purpose after she’d lost hope in things.”  
  
Ray just stared at Oliver for a long moment.  The truth hit him suddenly, they’d all saved each other.  “I’d argue that she saved me,” Ray finally spoke up.  “But now that I’m thinking it…maybe we’ve all saved each other…  The Arrow was once a killer…”   
“I was the Hood back then.”  
  
“Arrow sounds better.”  
  
“I don’t disagree with you.”  
  
Smirking, he found himself liking Oliver more and more every minute.  “Something changed.”  
  
“Felicity suggested that there was another way to do things,” Oliver admitted.  He was quiet, as if remembering that moment.  “She was the first person after I came back from Lian Yu that I actually saw as a person…  SHE anchored me to this world…brought me back to the world…little at a time.”  
  
“She challenged me,” Ray put out there, feeling like they were sharing.  It only felt right to share something with him.  Maybe there would be a bit more understanding between the two of them that way.  “I’m used to being the smartest person in the room, but Felicity…”  There had been so many times where Felicity had proved to be the one who was smarter and better and faster.  He watched Oliver smile.  
  
“She’s remarkable.”  
  
“She is.”  
  
“She challenged me, too,” Oliver said.  “I was…I AM a better person because of her…”  
  
“I can’t think of a single person in this world that’s NOT better for knowing for Felicity, for having her in their life…even if it was brief…” Ray admitted.  “But I know what you mean…  I was on this path to change the city…”  
  
“Star City?”  
  
“It’s good, right?” Ray asked as he flashed a smile.  He’d brought up that big rebrand when he’d done his presentation to the board at Queen Consolidated before he’d bought Oliver’s family’s company and changed it to Palmer Technologies.  Ray paused for a moment thinking about how things had changed so much.  “Felicity gave me a chance to do more…she’s changed my vision…it’s become something more…so much more than I thought I wanted.  She kept me from the darkness, too.”  
  
“Liv.”  
  
“What?” Ray asked.    
  
“Liv.  Olivia.  She’s up…” Oliver said as he pointed to where the little blonde curly-top little girl had her pressed against the glass of the door.  She was still dressed in her princess nightgown still.  She suddenly started to giggle, her blue eyes twinkling.  Neither Ray nor Oliver could hold back a laugh in response.    
  
“Daddy!” Liv screamed happily and then started to jump even more.  
  
“You know, she’s named after you,” Ray said as he moved towards the door.  He was certain that Oliver had caught onto that, but Ray wondered what Oliver’s thoughts were on that.  A surprise?  Shock?  Confusion?  Touched?    
  
“I noticed,” Oliver commented.  “I wondered if…now…you had regrets?”  
  
“I look at her,” Ray said as he opened the door and swept Liv up into his arms and brought her into the gym with him.  Liv’s arms wrapped around his neck and squeezed with far too much strength and power for a two year old.  The thing was her was that she ALWAYS amazed him.  “And I can’t think of any other name I would name her…  She’s definitely an Olivia Meghan.”  Liv was kissing his cheek and generally loving on him, he kissed her cheek and was just happy that his youngest was in such a good mood.  
  
“She looks like Felicity.”  
  
Ray was beaming proudly.  “She does, doesn’t she?” he asked as he looked from Liv to Oliver.  “That’s what the Meghan’s for…Felicity was against naming her Olivia Felicity…  She could have wanted to name her anything and I would have been happy about it…”  
  
“It’s not creepy that she wanted to name her after me?”  
  
“No,” Ray said.  He supposed that he could see WHY he’d think that.  Felicity loved Oliver and named her daughter after another man.  Ray didn’t care.  Oliver was someone in Felicity’s life that she’d loved and cared about…who had changed her…helped to shape her into the person that he’d fallen in love with.  It had been and still was, someone that Felicity called a friend…considered to be part of her family.  There was nothing wrong with that, not in his mind.  “Do you think it is?”  
  
“I guess I really don’t think I have an opinion on it.”  
  
Ray turned Liv so that she was facing out towards Oliver more.  “Look at this face.  How could you think her name was creepy or weird?  She’s just a tiny princess.”  He smiled, but then it caught like wildfire and Oliver was smiling a moment later.  “They’re all beautiful girls, Ray.  You and Felicity have done such a good job with all of them.”  
  
“Thanks,” Ray said.  He appreciated that. There had been a lot of different takes within the media and on social media when it came to opinions of him and Felicity and their family.  Some people thought that they were perfect and a great family while others thought that he was horrible for forcing three practically grown children on a woman who was so young and with them newly married, before they’d even had children of their own.  He knew that those opinions didn’t matter.  Ray knew that Felicity was happy and that their family all understood and supported their decision.  There was something about Oliver’s comment that just made him feel a bit better about things, maybe because Oliver had already stated that he knew that Felicity was happy there…with him…and with their family.    
  
The sound of happy screaming pulled everyone’s attention to what was going on out in the living room.  Ray was fairly sure that that was going to be the extent of his workout today.  He opened the door and took a step out, Liv still in his arms, as he held the door open for Oliver.  Not more than a three feet from the door he found Donna in Quentin’s arms and a kiss that didn’t seem to end.  If anyone thought that maybe they weren’t together or seeing each other, he was fairly sure that that kiss should have sealed the deal.    
  
“Well, Donna’s up…” Ray said and looked over to Oliver.  
  
“And Quentin apparently has a key to your place.”  
  
“Papa,” Liv said as she pointed to Quentin.  “Nan.  Kissing.”  
  
“Yep, not something we normally see,” Ray commented and set Liv down.  The toddler ran immediately towards her grandparents, hugging their legs.  Ray laughed and was just happy that the house was quiet and there was happiness in it.  “I guess the workout is cut short…but you go on back in there, you can use it…”  
  
“No, I think there might be some more people who might need breakfast.”  
  
“They CAN do it on their own,” Ray reminded.  “Don’t let them trick you…”  
  
“Oh, they’re good…  They have superpowers…”  
  
“I am familiar with them,” Ray responded with a smirk.  “They can get adults to do far more than they need…but I mean, I can’t argue with how they end up using the time they would lose if they made their own breakfast, for example.”  
  
“They DO read a lot.”  
  
“We’re not complaining.”  
  
Oliver smiled a bit brighter.  “I’m pretty sure they all have a better vocabulary than I do…even Liv.”  
  
“They’re all on their ways to being smarter than us,” Ray commented.  “It’s something to be proud of…and fear.”  Oliver laughed in response.  Ray reached out and patted his shoulder for a moment.  “I’m going to go check on Alex and Clara and then see if Felicity’s up yet.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Ray headed towards the bedrooms and figured that Quentin and Donna would be fine since Quentin was talking to Etta and Donna was having what looked like a lively conversation with Liv.  He was fairly sure that Oliver would be okay on his own.  He found Alex and Clara still in pajamas, sitting on the bed together, reading.  This was not unusual, but Ray knew that keeping them inside was not helping things.  He knocked on the doorframe to gather their attentions before entering.  “How are my girls?”  
  
“Bored,” they managed to respond together as they looked over at him.    
  
Ray smiled and then sighed and took a moment to kiss both of their heads.  “Well, what can I do to make you two un-bored?”  
  
“Please say we can go to school,” Clara practically begged.  
  
“Or shopping,” Alex brought up.  
  
Clara seemed instantly in awe at Alex’s idea, looking at her instead of at him.  “Bookstore,” they both said with the biggest smiles in unison.    
  
“You do realize that there’s a death threat hanging over our family, right?” Ray asked them.  They were old enough to understand what that meant, though he really wasn’t trying to push that thought on either of the girls.    
  
“We have an Uncle John,” Clara pointed out.  
  
“We have an Oliver,” Alex added a moment later.  She tilted her head as she turned to him.  “Are we calling him Uncle Oliver?”  
  
“I think that’s something that you need to discuss with him,” Ray said.  John and Lyla had been in the girls’ lives since they’d come into his and Felicity’s.  The girls absolutely adored Sara.  They were all part of this larger special family, he wasn’t sure if Oliver was okay with being called ‘uncle’ or not.  He didn’t want to force anything on him.  It was really Oliver’s choice on whether or not he wanted to be part of their family.  
  
“Excellent!”  Alex looked to Clara and then they were both looking back at him.  “So, does that mean yes?”  
  
“I’ll talk it over with your mom,” Ray told them.  “But you could grace us with your presence at breakfast…with non-pajama-clothing on.”  
  
Alex sighed.  “I sup-pose we could do that…”  
  
Ray just smiled and left them before heading to the back bedroom.  He was quiet as he opened the door, just in case she was still asleep.  He found her still in bed, but he could see that her eyes were open and could tell that she was checking her e-mail on her phone (even though a blanket was hiding it from his vision).  “Hey,” he whispered as he tucked himself into the room and closed the door behind him.  Everyone else in the house didn’t need to KNOW that Felicity was up just yet.  He smiled at her and she smiled in return.  It was nice to see that she seemed so happy.    
  
“Hi,” she whispered back and set her phone over on the nightstand.  “I might have thought about hiding in here for a little longer.”  
  
“Do you want company?” Ray asked her.  He sat on the edge of the bed and smiled down at her before dropping a quick kiss on her lips.  
  
Felicity blushed in response.  “I wouldn’t mind company,” she told him.    
  
Ray leaned down and kissed her again, this time taking his time and allowing for her to kiss him back.  His hands were on her face and he was about to pull back when there was a rather loud knock at the door.  They both sighed in immediate response.  “Of course,” he mumbled and gave her a quick kiss before turning his attention to the door.  “Who is it?” he called.  
  
“Mom!  Just was checking to see if Felicity was going to come out of the room anytime this morning.  Liv is asking for her!” Donna called.  
  
“Just give us a minute,” Ray called back.  
  
“If I’m interrupting, you two just take as long as you need!”  
  
Her voice was definitely loud enough that everyone in the house could hear her.  Ray sighed again and shook his head.  Donna was always loud and always seemed to find the best times to interrupt her, but at the same time she was always the one who liked to loudly voice her support of them staying in bed all day.  
  
“Liv’s up?” Felicity finally asked as she sat up.  
  
“Yeah…but not for long,” Ray told her.  “She’s still in pajamas…”  
  
Felicity sighed.  “I was going to shower…”  
  
“So, shower…”  
  
“But the guilt trip has already begun…and the judging…”  
  
Ray looked between Felicity and the door as he tried to piece things together.  He knew that Felicity loved her mother, they all did, but she was definitely a vocal person who expected things to go a certain way.  “You mean your mom, right?  Because I—“  
  
Felicity smiled and pulled him to her as she kissed him.  “You are the perfect husband, Ray, remember?”  
  
“I like that.”  
  
She kissed him again.  “Good.”  
  
“So, take your shower…and I’ll uh take care of your mother…”  
  
“You are the one who needs a shower…”  
  
“Well,” Ray said honestly.  “I wanted to take one WITH you, but—“  
  
“Didn’t you hear her?  If she was interrupting something…”  
  
“Wait,” Ray said.  He swore he was a smart person, but sometimes trying to keep up with what was going on with Felicity and her mother and everyone else made his head spin.  He was far too used to the way things normally went in the mornings…  It was normally quiet and predictable.  He liked quiet and predictable when it came to things like that.  “Does that mean—“  
  
Before he could say anything further, Felicity was stripping him of his shirt and her lips were pressed against his.  Ray was going to point out that not only was her mother in the house, but so was Quentin, but then his hands found the delicate, smooth, naked skin that the blankets had been hiding before.  His hands pushed away the covers to find that his wife was completely nude.  There really wasn’t going to be any arguing or complaining from him.    
  
Her hands pushed his shorts and boxers off in one swift movement, Felicity had obviously had a lot of practice.  Ray pulled her up to her knees on the bed and he stood, his mouth never leaving hers as his hands caressed her body.  He took in every curve as he kicked off his shoes, stepped out of the clothing pooling at his ankles, and fumbled a bit trying to get his socks off without using his hands.    
  
“We have to be quick,” Felicity whispered when they parted for a moment.  Her hands moved down his chest and she just seemed so happy.  Ray was glad that she was happy and he was hoping that he could make her forget about her mother’s judging and guilt trip that she was trying to force on her.    
  
Normally, Ray liked to be able to not worry about how much time he had with his wife, but having kids had taught him that the times that they DID have (especially not after bedtime) were precious and usually short and that they needed to take advantage of them.  This was definitely one of those moments.  “We can be quick,” he agreed and then closed his eyes as one of her fingers caressed the length of his shaft.  He was already hard, but Felicity’s touch had set him to the point where it was almost painful.    
  
His eyes opened and he pulled her into another kiss as one of his hands moved down her spine, creating lazy circles along it with his fingertips, while the other one squeezed her left breast before his mouth captured her right nipple.  There wasn’t a lot of time, but he knew how to move things along quickly.  His finger flicked her nipple and she let out a moan.  Ray scooped her up into his arms suddenly and headed for the bathroom.    
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
** <Flashback - 5 years before>  
**   
  
“Is he going to be okay?”  
  
Silence.  
  
“John?!”  
  
Her voice.    
  
It was always her voice that brought him back to reality.  This wasn’t the first time he’d been out in the field, as they called it, and had to be hauled back.  ATOM wasn’t perfect and then there was the lack of his fighting skills.  He’d thought about trying to implement some kind of fighting program into the suit, but that would be a whole other project to tackle.  Sometimes he was okay in the field and others…like tonight…he just wasn’t experienced enough and then he woke to Felicity’s panicked voice.  
  
“I’m…fine…I think,” Ray blurted out groggily.    
  
His eyes opened and he groaned more as he took in the cracked face shield and interface screen.  That was going to take a lot of work to fix.  He just needed to make a lot of spares.  Lots of spare parts, yes, that’s what he needed.    
  
“Oh my God!  Ray!” Felicity’s worried voice echoed in his ears as she carefully removed his helmet.    
  
“Maybe I shouldn’t go out into the field anymore.”  
  
“I think I said that after the first time,” Diggle commented.  “Don’t move, though…  Still not sure that you didn’t break a rib or something.”  
  
“If it’s only a rib, I’ll count myself lucky.”  
  
“Are you sure that your plan is still only going to be three years?” Felicity asked.  
  
Ray had a feeling that she was trying to distract him because she kept looking in Diggle’s direction and then back to him.  The real hard part about this was that they needed to remove the suit.  There was no way that Diggle could really know how injured he was until he got the suit off.  “I don’t know, I was thinking it might just be two years now.”  
  
He heard Diggle laugh in response.    
  
“What?”  
  
“I’m just thinking that right now…it feels more like a seven year plan,” Diggle commented.  
  
Propping himself up, so that he could see Diggle, he opened his mouth to speak, but then it just hung open.  “What—what are you doing?!” he asked.  John Diggle wasn’t examining him like he did Roy or Laurel, but rather he had plugged in a tablet to ATOM itself.  He looked then to Felicity because she had to be the one to have put together what Diggle was using.    
  
“I’m making sure your ribs aren’t broken.”  
  
“You’re using ATOM to do it,” Ray said slowly as he looked to Felicity.  She was standing a foot back, she was nervous, and didn’t seem able to keep still.  An arm across her body until it rested in the bend of her other arm.  The other arm was straight up, her fingers resting against her lips.  “How—“  
  
“Can we go over all of that AFTER Digg says that you’re not going to die?”  
  
“He’s not going to die,” Diggle said.  
  
“I’m not going to die,” Ray said almost at the same time.    
  
At that moment, he could see the real fear in her eyes.  It was then that he remembered how she’d been so afraid of losing people.  Over the last several weeks, he’d met John Diggle, Roy Harper, Thea Queen, and Laurel Lance and they’d all been working to keep the city safe.  He’d felt like he was apart of their family.  He’d felt so much closer to Felicity and honestly couldn’t think of losing that connection with her.    
  
His face dropped and his voice was quiet and almost sober.  “I’m sorry,” he blurted out.  The last thing Ray wanted to do was to worry her or scare her.  All of the other times that he’d come in beaten and bruised, he wondered if he’d scared her as much as he had now.  Was that why she’d gone and made the program that could hook into his tablet and ensure that he was okay?  Was she afraid of losing him as much as he was afraid of losing her?  
  
All he wanted was for the city to be safe.  
  
To be better.  
  
He hadn’t ever thought that he’d settle for having someone special in his life.  Not after Anna.  But here he was.  Here he was falling in love with Felicity Smoak.  She was so much and everything…and…Ray just couldn’t stop wanting to do whatever he could that would make her happy.  His crusade had been for Anna, to honor her life…to avenge her…but then he’d found another need for his crusade.    
  
Felicity.  
  
“You’re sorry?” Felicity asked and seemed confused.    
  
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he whispered.  Ray groaned as he pushed himself up more.  Right now, he was more concerned about making things right with Felicity, even if that meant riding the bench (or the other computer chair, as it were).  “Maybe I’m not meant to be out in the field.”  
  
“Lay back down,” Felicity told him and pressed him back and he allowed it, complying to her wishes.  His hand wrapped around hers and he noticed the way that she looked down at it.  Ray didn’t want to be the cause of any pain for her.  He wouldn’t be another ‘loss’ that she would tick away on the list of loved ones that were taken from her too soon.  
  
“I was just going to suggest that maybe you need more defensive training IN the Foundry before you go back out there,” Diggle spoke up.    
  
Ray’s eyes never left Felicity, though.    
  
“He’s right,” Felicity whispered gently, her eyes on him.  “I don’t want to lose you."  
  
“You’re not going to lose me.”  
  
“I’ve heard that before,” she told him, her voice breaking and tears spilling from her eyes.    
  
It was like he’d hurt her even more saying those words.  Ray wanted to ask her who else had promised that she wouldn’t lose them and then had been lost just the same, but he didn’t.  There were certain things about Felicity that he’d picked up, like not pushing for answers…when she was really ready to tell him things…she did.  Simple as that.  He just had to wait.  
  
Ray stared at her, he was determined for her to know that he wasn’t going to be like the other.  “I mean it.”  
  
“So did he.”  
  
  
** <End Flashback>  
**   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Ray had felt like he’d mastered things when it came to their love making sessions that left the bed.  Or at least he liked to think he did.  He’d carried her into the bathroom and had turned on the shower to start to heat up, which would only take two minutes (if that).  So, he’d set Felicity down on the counter, she’d only momentarily complained about it being cold against her skin but he’d quickly silenced her with a kiss.    
  
He was standing with her legs stretched around him, her hot and wet center pressing against his stomach and making him ache for her even more.   Their mouths fought for control as one hand remained on the curve of her side while his other wandered downward.  His fingers dragged along her stomach as they made their way down to their destination…to what was making him want to take her right there.  Ray was so thankful that they’d had a hand in designing their building before they’d moved in and that their bedroom and the master bathroom were both fairly soundproof.  A fingertip explored her wet slit, running the perimeter of it before teasing her clit.  He didn’t waste time teasing, they just didn’t have the time and neither of them had the want right now to tease and draw things out.  He inserted one finger and then another a moment later, he took just a moment to thrust them in and out.  His fingers were quickly coated in her hot juices.  
  
“Ray,” she gasped as she clung to him, pulling herself tighter against him.  
  
God, he wanted her.  He honestly had no idea how he got anything done when they were at Palmer Technologies.  It probably helped that they had separate offices and that they weren’t right next to each other.  There were times, though, where he just wanted to clear his desk and set her on the edge and just not care that the office wasn’t the appropriate place for love making.  There were also those pesky glass walls.    
  
“The water should be hot,” Ray breathed.  He could see that she was about to argue, likely that she didn’t care where their activities were conducted at the moment.  Before she could, though, he grabbed her and moved them into the shower.  He didn’t waste time once they were inside.  Their kisses were deep and hungry as Ray held her in place, pressing her against the cool tile wall of the shower at the same time.  It wasn’t something that he had to do, but he always felt like it was a better idea…too afraid to drop her.  Felicity had also once told him that there was something about the cold of the tile along with how hot sex made her that made it all so much better.    
  
Felicity held his face for a moment, dragging out the kiss.  Ray carefully maneuvered her so that she was positioned correctly, his cock was pressing against the wondrous heat of her entrance.  It was almost difficult not to control himself now that he was so close to being inside of her, but he did.  Slowly and purposefully he entered her, he started a slow pace just to get started and to drive them both a little crazier.    
  
“Mmmm…” he breathed.  To Ray, every time they were together…no matter how hurried or how long…it was like the first time.  It wasn’t that it felt different, it was just that his body enjoyed every moment like it was new every time.  She was hot, slick, and tight around his cock as his slow pace made them both a bit mad.  Felicity, he could feel, was purposely tightening around his cock and her arms were holding him tighter to her.    
  
“Tease,” she whispered.  
  
It was true.  He was teasing a bit.  He just hated for things to be SO quick.  There was no time, though.  His pack quickened and he adjusted his angle, knowing that it would mean that he was penetrating her deeper than he just had been.  Once he got going, he wouldn’t be able to last long and they both knew that.  One thing that Ray refused to do, though, was to be the only one to orgasm.  If they’d had more time, he’d have already worked her into at least one.  He’d make it up to her later, though.    
  
A hand was under her, holding her up, but it wasn’t completely necessary.  So Ray moved his fingers towards where their bodies met.  Two of his fingers easily found themselves coated in Felicity’s juices before moving back.  For a moment, his fingers ran a couple of figure eights over the soft spongey spot between holes before finally easing back to her ass.  His finger slowly circled the tight hole.  Ray knew he was close, but he was determined not to be the only one.    
  
His moan filled her mouth as their tongues battled and one of his fingers slid into her ass before he managed the other.  Ray moved them in and out, trying to keep a rhythm, but finding it hard to concentrate on it when he knew that he could burst at any moment.    
  
“Harder,” Felicity breathed.  
  
Feeling like it was going to be one of his last thrusts, Ray complied.  He got in three good and hard thrusts before he felt as if his energy was transferring to Felicity for a moment, like she was sharing a piece of his soul.  It didn’t last, though,  His body went numb and his cum was filling her.  Before he could think he had failed her, though, she was clutching him and her lips were against his ear as her hips twitched like crazy.  
  
“Oh God,” she whispered.  “Oh God!”  Her voice got louder with each phrase.  “Oh God!”  Her back arched and her nails dug into his back.    
  
His cock had started to soften, but he could feel her walls tightening around him.  She was clamping down on him, trying to hold him in place.  The best part of it all was really watching her.  The look on her face…and then there was just something about the aura her entire being put off.  It was like she was an angel in that moment.    
  
A smile crossed his face and he pressed against her, letting his weight hold her in place as he kissed her deeply.  Ray knew that he was going to be sleepy, but it would be more than worth it.  Coffee would help with that.  The fact that he hadn’t been the only one to cum made him somehow feel so much better about the day already.    
  
“I love you,” he told her before kissing her again.    
  
“I love you, too,” Felicity whispered and beamed at him.  “You know…” she said as he continued to hold her up.  Her fingers ran through his hair as she spoke.  She was glowing.  “You always have this stupid smile on your face when we’re done…”  
  
“Do I?”  
  
Felicity nodded.  “I love it.”  
  
Ray had no idea that he had some kind of stupid smile, but he was glad that she loved it.  Taking a moment, he kissed her again before slowly lowering Felicity to her feet.  In all honesty, he didn’t know how much longer he could hold her up.  It wasn’t that she was heavy, it was just that his body was recovering.    
  
He wished that they weren’t rushed.    
  
Thoughts of how he would make it up to Felicity later started to run through his head as they both went to work on the actual act of showering.  People were waiting for them to appear and he was certain that Donna would know that they’d been up to something.  Ray actually thought it was good for her for her thoughts to run wild no matter if they were doing what she thought or not.  He actually thought that Donna tended to not drive Felicity as crazy when that happened.    
  
Turning off the water, he waited and happily watched as she exited first.  Felicity was taking the time to towel dry at the doorway of their shower.  “Windows that tint with remote.  We should have those.  I’m talking about the kind that make the windows turn black.  The kind of black that you can’t see through.  Well, it doesn’t have to be a WINDOW, just glass.  Any kind of glass.”  
  
Felicity turned to him then, she was obviously confused as she towel dried her hair.  He loved it when she allowed her hair to curl naturally.  Of course, he loved Felicity no matter what she did to her hair…she was always beautiful.  There was just something more beautiful about her allowing her hair to do what nature had intended.    
  
Ray didn’t explain.  His brain was going a mile a minute as he thought about the concept and the applications of it.  Grabbing his towel once she’d stepped all the way out, he took a moment to towel himself off before he secured the towel around his waist.  
  
“We’re not installing that kind of glass at the office,” Felicity told him.  
  
Crap.  
  
She’d figured it out.  
  
Ray pouted a bit.  “You can’t deny that the thought of us—“  
  
“No.”  
  
“No?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“You’re saying that you’ve never thought about you sitting on the edge of your desk and my hands on your thighs as I’m pushing back your dress,” Ray said as he moved towards her.  His arms wrapped around her, his hands found her thighs as he pushed the towel up, pretending it was the hem of her dress.    
  
“Ray!”  
  
“What?” he asked with a smile.  He moved away from her and started to get done what he needed to in the bathroom.  The concept of time was lost on both of them.  Ray really didn’t care.  He knew that even if there were no adults out in the common areas with their kids that all of the kids would have been just fine.  All of the older three were more than capable of keeping an eye on Liv and getting breakfast on their own.  “I just can’t believe that you haven’t thought about it…”  
  
“I have,” Felicity conceded.  “But that doesn’t mean that we SHOULD do it.”  
  
Thoughts of styling his hair suddenly didn’t matter as he looked over at her.  A huge grin on his face.  “You HAVE thought about it!”  
  
“I’m not a nun!”  
  
“I should hope not,” he teased.    
  
She shook her head at him and busied herself with her make-up.    
  
“There would be other things beside office sex that I’m sure the glass could be used for,” Ray told her.  “General privacy could be one.”  
  
“Mmmhmmm…”  
  
“Would help with napping during the day.”  
  
“Why would there need to be napping in an office during the day?”  
  
Ray shrugged as he worked on perfecting his hair.  “Hey, if you’re CEO…and you’ve done everything you need to do.  I don’t think that taking a nap is completely out of question.”  He looked over to see her smile as she did her mascara.  “Some people just like darker environments, too.”  
  
“You’re going to continue with this list, aren’t you?”  
  
“I have more reasons.”  
  
“I'm sure you do.”  
  
The two of them finished getting ready and dressed in relative silence.  It wasn’t until the two of them were nearly at their bedroom door in order to join the others, when Ray’s mouth was on her neck.  He was kissing her in the hollow of it as his fingers danced along her thighs as her dress came up with them.  
  
Felicity moaned for a moment before giggling and slapping his hands away.  “Behave,” she told him as she turned to him and kissed him.  
  
“For now.”  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
TBC…  
  



	11. Black and White and Grey

“I have no idea how you two stay sane,” Diggle commented as he sat down on the couch next to Oliver, across from where Felicity and Ray sat with Liv happily looking through her book.

“What were they doing?” Ray asked.

Felicity ran her fingers through Liv’s blonde ringlets as she sat there. There was something comforting about sitting there on the couch with Ray and Liv between them and knowing that the girls were all under the same roof. Maybe it was just because she knew that they were all safe.

“It’s just how they manage to get something even when you're determined not to give it to them,” John vaguely explained.

“They have a super power,” Ray said. He sounded like it was some huge secret and it only made her smile more. “They can get people to do whatever they want.”

“They wanted to go to the bookstore and they haven’t gotten their way with that,” Oliver pointed out.

“Yet,” Felicity added with a bigger smile.

“I might be more susceptible to their powers,” Ray admitted. He looked to Diggle. “Right? How can you deny them?”

“They ARE convincing,” Diggle commented. “I suppose if they were using their powers for something other than wanting to hear Arrow stories or trips to the bookstore, we’d consider them manipulative.”

Spoiling the girls was something that definitely happened, but she and Ray always strived to keep them from being people of privilege (well, at least the stereotype of it) that expected to skate through life and to be waited on as well as getting everything they wanted without doing any work for it. Alex, Clara, and Etta all worked hard in school (their grades and the praise of their teachers told that story), they kept their rooms neat and they never argued about folding or putting clothes away. The one who had had the hardest time adjusting had been Alex, which was mainly because she didn’t like to ask for things that weren’t necessary.

“They’re good kids,” Diggle said. “And seriously…they have grown SO much since I saw them last.” He paused for a moment. “And I’m not just talking their heights. They make me feel like I need to google their conversations and some of their word choices.”

“Mama,” Liv said and pointed to a picture in her book. “Max scare puppy.”

“You are correct,” Felicity told her youngest as she pulled her closer. “What did Max say?”

“Rawr!” Liv answered before giggling.

Felicity smiled. “But is Max scary?”

“Max so silly!”

“We need to discuss the agenda for the day,” Ray brought up a few minutes later.

Felicity looked over at him, a bit confused. There were people out there that wanted to kill them. All six of them. They were all targets. All of them. “The girls want to go to the bookstore, but I’ll talk to them—“

“We can’t just hide here until these terrorists are found,” Ray said. “It was one thing when we were going to Geneva—“

“It’s nice this time of year,” John spoke up.

“Right? It was going to be a great trip—“

“What’s stopping you from going now?” Oliver asked.

Ray looked at her and she immediately understood. He was doing this for HER. “So…we ALL go,” Felicity told her husband firmly before placing a kiss on Liv’s head. If they just left like they’d planned, it was likely that Oliver would disappear and she wouldn’t have this time with him or Diggle.

“Look, we can think about that, but I need to go into the office—“

"To make an appearance?” she asked. Felicity realized that if it had gotten out that the Palmer family had been targeted then they needed to be seen in public. Right now, it was probably good enough that they only saw Ray. Later, they’d expect the rest of them. It was important to show them as strong, but also to keep stock prices up as well as likely keeping the city from spiraling into some kind of panic.

“I was hoping that that maybe we could ALL get out of the house, even if it’s for a few minutes,” Ray said. “I think we have enough people who could act as bodyguards, but if I need to have officers assigned…we can go that route.”

It was true. It had been a couple of days and the girls were starting to suffer from cabin fever. Plus, her mother was pushing her buttons a bit more than normal. Felicity had just chalked that up to all of the shocks that had hit all of them in combination with so many people being in the penthouse. It wasn’t a big place to have ten people in.

“I don’t think we really need to go THAT far,” Diggle said.

“Public places TEND to help,” Quentin said as he approached. He’d obviously heard everything.

“Where’s Donna?” Ray asked.

“She’s having two of my officers help her carry up her bags,” Quentin explained.

“But you don’t have any bags,” Ray pointed out slowly as he motioned to Quentin.

“I’m the police captain,” Quentin reminded. “I have people to do that for me.”

Felicity just smiled and shook her head. She was a little worried at what her mother could have possibly purchased that would require people to help carry them up to the penthouse. “You and my mother don’t happen to have any happy news to share with the rest of us, do you?” They really didn’t know how long exactly her mother and Quentin had been dating, but they were both so happy. When they were together.

“What are you talking about?”

They all just stared at him.

“What? If you kids have something to say, then SAY it,” Quentin told them. “No need to beat around the bush.”

“How serious ARE you and Donna?” Ray bravely asked.

“That’s a bit personal—“

“Just was wondering if I’m going to be able to call you Dad,” Ray teased.

“I’ll show you where you can put those,” Donna said as she led the poor officers who were laden down with far too many bags into the penthouse.

Felicity groaned. “Liv, Baby…you’ve got to sit with Daddy while I go check on Nan,” Felicity told the little one as she moved Liv to Ray’s lap.

“Daddy tell Arrow stories?” Liv asked as she looked up at her father.

“How about ATOM?” Ray suggested, Felicity didn’t miss the big happy and far too excited Ray put on for Liv. He was going to be disappointed.

“No!” Liv said sharply and a bit irritated. “Arrow!”

Ray sighed and pouted a bit. “Mommy does Arrow stories better than I do.”

Felicity just smiled as she moved away from the couch and moved to follow the direction her mother had led the officers. She didn’t miss the amused looks on Oliver and Diggle’s faces.

“I know,” Liv said seriously.

“How about when the ATOM worked with the Arrow?”

“No ATOM!” Liv told him. “Arrow! Pash!”

“Mommy knows the Flash stories better, too,” Ray half complained.

Felicity wished that she could continue to listen, but she needed to see what her mother was up to.

“How about I tell you an Arrow story?” Oliver spoke up.

It was likely that Liv would be excited at that idea. It did, however, make Felicity a little sad that she would be missing Oliver tell an Arrow story. Sucking in breath, the officers left the bedroom as she entered. The bed was completely covered in fancy shopping bags, the kind that had ribbon for handles, which made her all the more nervous. It looked like her mother was sticking around at their place or she was just downright set on spoiling the girls. Either way, Felicity wasn’t exactly thrilled. There were reasons why they didn’t have a guest room.

Donna Smoak was the first reason.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her mother. She did. They all loved her mother, but sometimes she was too loud, too intense, and overstepped bounds. They always made sure that she stayed at the nicest hotel in Star City (which was close enough to walk from) and that if she needed a driver on call, then they’d arrange that as well. “What are you doing, Mom?” she asked as she closed the door behind her. In case things got loud, she didn’t want the girls to overhear.

Donna turned to her. She was dressed nicely, her mother dressed less like Las Vegas (at least when she was in Star City) since Felicity and Ray had gotten married. Donna had her hair down and curled all too perfectly, framing her naturally made up face. She had on an ivory sleeveless dress with a high swooping neckline that dropped to her knees. The dress was splashed with brightly colored coral poppies, blue and green leaves helped to stretch the colors to the neckline and almost down to the hem. The loud colors echoed her personality perfect, without being distasteful. There was such happiness in her face, Felicity just hoped that she wasn’t going to make her cross.

“What do you mean, Sweetie?”

Sucking in a breath, Felicity approached her mother and motioned to all the bags on the bed. “You did a lot of shopping…”

“Oh,” Donna said as she looked from Felicity to the bed full of bags and then back to her daughter. “I guess I can’t hide that.”

“Why would you hide it?” she questioned. “You have TWO police officers help you get all of these up here… Mom, what’s going on?” Felicity asked worriedly.

“So, Liv will be three this year,” Donna said slowly.

“Oh-kay,” Felicity dragged. She still didn’t understand what was going on and hoped that her mother told her fast. It wasn’t like it was Liv’s birthday for months still. So, she didn’t think it was early birthday presents. Felicity was starting to develop a headache.

Donna pulled out a piece of clothing from one of the bags, she held it up and screaming rather loudly and bounced in delight. It was a newborn size blue onesie that said ‘My Dad is my Hero’. “Isn’t it the most ADORABLE thing you’ve EVER seen?!” Donna enthused.

“What…is…that?”

Donna looked at the onesie and then back to Felicity. Her smile dropped and her face filled with concern. “I know it’s been a while—“

“Who is it FOR, Mom?”

She already knew the answer.

“For YOU, Silly!” Donna told her.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she breathed and asked silently for strength to hold onto her sanity. Felicity looked at her mother again. “Mom, I’m not pregnant…and even IF I WERE, why are you assuming it would be a boy?”

Donna set the blue onesie down and seemed to think about that for a moment. “Well, I know there’s a fifty-fifty chance it’s a boy.” She shrugged and was quiet for a moment. “But don’t worry,” Donna said and started to go through the bags again. She pulled out a tiny and rather girly, poufy, pink dress complete with large bow headband that matched. “I shopped for a girl, too.” Donna lit up and a gasp escaped her. “Oh my God! What about twins?! A boy AND a girl?!”  
  


“Mom! I’m NOT pregnant,” Felicity insisted.

“Well, it takes time for conception and all that…”

It felt like her head was going to keep spinning with her mother’s inability to tell her exactly what she was thinking. Felicity and Ray had talked about maybe having another child, but it just hadn’t happened. It had just always felt like that was perfect how it was and Felicity hadn’t felt any burning desire to have another baby (at least not at that very moment).

They had time.

She was only thirty.

Plenty of time.

“You and Ray,” Donna said.

Felicity bit her bottom lip for a moment. “Mom, we aren’t trying—“

“Oh! Don’t LIE!” Donna said quickly. “I heard you two—“

“What?! You heard?!”

Donna shrugged. “I might have had my ear pressed against the door,” she said as innocently as she could. “Quentin told me I shouldn’t, but—“

“Mom!” Felicity shouted, not caring how loud she was. To be angry or embarrassed, Felicity really didn’t know which emotion to go with. Both honestly seemed warranted.

“What?”

“WHY would you DO that?”

Donna set down the dress and approached her. Her hands were motioning for Felicity to calm down. “Felicity, just take a breath. Stress isn’t good for the babies.”

She had to be adopted.

“Mom,” Felicity said slowly. “I’m not pregnant.”

“But I NEED more grandchildren,” Donna practically pleaded.

“You’re not going to pressure me into getting pregnant, Mom,” Felicity told her calmly. “You have FOUR lovely granddaughters RIGHT NOW that you can love and spoil.”

“Felicity…if it’s because Ray—“

“Stop! Stop right there!” Felicity told her mother as she pointed at her. “This doesn’t have anything to do with YOU, at least as far as the decision to have one. It’s between Ray and I. That’s all. WE will make the decision, NOT you.”

“I’m just trying to be supportive, Felicity,” Donna told her. “I mean, I don’t get to see you as much as I would like and I just was excited,” Donna confessed. “You and Ray are such AMAZING parents.” She paused for a moment. “I know that I wasn’t the BEST mom to you growing up—“

Guilt immediately hit her. Her mother might not be college educated, but if a degree in guilt were available then her mother would have a PhD in it. “Mom—“

“No,” Donna said quickly. “I’m serious. Alex, Clara, and Etta might not be either of yours biologically, but you two have done such a good job with them. All FOUR of the girls are so smart and happy. You and Ray get them and I know it wasn’t like that for us.”

“Mom—“

“I’ll take it all back,” Donna promised with a slight sigh. She looked at the bags and it seemed like that decision nearly broke her heart. “Is it okay if I do it tomorrow?”

Felicity could hear the sadness in her mother’s voice and couldn’t help what came out of her mouth next. “Mom,” she hesitated only for a moment. “No. Keep them.” She let out a sigh. Felicity had a feeling that she might regret this later. “I bet whatever you bought will never go out of style.”

“Really?”

Felicity nodded, still honestly not sure. She just couldn’t bring herself to crush her mother like that. “But do me a favor?”

“Anything for my precious girl!” Donna exclaimed as she threw her arms around her daughter and squeezed her tightly.

“Just…don’t bring the whole baby thing up to Ray, okay?”

Donna pulled back, holding onto Felicity’s upper arms. Her face got really serious all of the sudden. “Wait…his swimmers…they’re…swimming, right?”  Her jaw dropped. Did her mother just say that? God, she suddenly missed how quiet her home was. Felicity really wasn’t sure how she would stay sane if her mother DID move to Star City to be with Quentin and had the opportunity to see her on a daily basis.

“You know what I mean by swimmers,” Donna asked. “Right? Because I’m talking about Ray’s sperm—“

“Stop! Oh my God, please! PLEASE! Stop!”

“What? I’m concerned,” Donna told her. “Can’t a mother be concerned?”

“Ray and his sperm and all of him…it’s all good…I promise,” Felicity tried to assure. “I appreciate your concern, but—“

“Have YOU been looked at?”

Sighing, Felicity suddenly felt like Ray’s talk of getting out of the house suddenly didn’t seem so crazy. “Mom, Ray AND I are both healthy and quite capable of giving you more grandchildren WHEN the time is right.”

“Liv’s going to be three soon enough,” Donna reminded. “Plus, nine months…she’ll practically be FOUR!”

“Okay, Mom,” Felicity said with all the strength and calm she could muster. “If I promise to talk to Ray about possibly having another baby, can we end this conversation?” They were obviously about to go in another circle and Felicity just didn’t think she could handle that.

“You promise, right?”

“I promise.”

Donna squealed again.

It took them a while, but eventually they stuff all of the bags away into the closet. Felicity just hoped that no one went looking in the closet. She just didn’t need all the questions. It wasn’t just questions, though, Felicity also was concerned with how Alex might take the thought of another baby.

“I mean it, Mom,” Felicity reminded. “You can’t say anything.”

“I know,” Donna replied with a sigh. “Quentin tried to talk me out of it, but I just couldn’t help it…you’ve just been SO happy and you’re such a good mom.”

Felicity wrapped an arm around her mother and they headed out of the bedroom. They made their way back to the living room to find Oliver still telling his Arrow story. They stopped and Felicity couldn’t help but to stop and enjoy it.

“For that Christmas, the Flash gave the Arrow a present,” Oliver said. “The Flash made the Arrow a special mask to protect his identity.”

“Arrow better than Pash,” Liv spoke up.

Oliver smirked. “Not sure the Flash would agree with you.”

“Pash run fast.”

“Like lightning.”

“Light-ing?”

Felicity smiled at the memory. She remembered that Christmas. That was the same night that Barry was struck by lightning, the day he was changed. That mask, though, it had taken her some time to get used to, but it had been perfect. He really had looked like a hero.

He was still a hero.

“I need to go into the office,” Ray said as he got to his feet. “But don’t worry…we figured things out.” Ray crossed the room to where Felicity was standing and put his hands on her upper arms. He looked right at her, brown meeting her blue. “John is going to go into Palmer Tech with me. He’ll go over our security and then we need to head over to ARGUS on the way back.”

“Why?” Felicity asked. Her face scrunched up, she could feel it, but hadn’t meant to.

“I need to make arrangements for Lyla and Sara,” John spoke up, getting up from the couch as well. “The threat hasn’t passed…and Lyla and I NEVER take vacation days, so we’re going to use some.”

She immediately brightened as she looked from Diggle to Ray and then back until she settled once again on Ray. “Really?”

“Really,” Ray confirmed brightly.

“Lyla’s already packing,” John added. “It’ll be nice to have everyone together.”

“Almost everyone,” Felicity said looking from John to Oliver. “Thea and Roy aren’t here.” She didn’t miss the face Oliver made. He still seemed determined to be some kind of ghost even though they all knew about him being alive. It only seemed like the next natural step would be to call Thea and Roy and have them come home for a proper reunion.

“Moving on,” Roy said after it was awkward enough. “Quentin and Donna are going to take Clara and Alex to the bookstore while Oliver escorts you, Etta, and Liv to wherever you want to go.”

Felicity sighed, she understood what they were doing. The kids were in pairs, which would make it easier to watch them, but there was a problem. “Etta’s going to want to go to the bookstore, too.”

“It’s safer this way,” Quentin spoke up now. “I’d rather them not go out at all, but they’ll just end up with cabin fever and drive us all crazy.”

Felicity bit her bottom lip and thought about it. Maybe they could go to the other bookstore or something for Etta. Felicity just didn’t want Etta to feel like she pulled the short straw. “I know you’re right.”

“The girls will just be happy to leave the house, Sweetie,” Donna told her.

Her mother was right.

“Are we okay then?” Ray asked as he stared at her, waiting for her response.

Felicity nodded. “Just be careful.” She pulled him to her for a kiss.

“Careful, Daddy!” Liv chirped up.

Quentin chuckled before scooping up the littlest one and carrying her off towards the bedrooms. “I’ll make sure the girls are getting ready.”

“I am going to go put on a tie and grab my jacket before I head out,” Ray told her. He was smiling brightly before another quick kiss. “Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine.”

But she DID worry.

It was hard for her NOT to worry.

Ray always had a way to distract her, though.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
  
  
 **< Flashback  >**  
  
  
    Felicity sat in the Foundry, Ray tinkering with the ATOM suit. Even though he didn’t take it out often, he DID take it out and it SHOULD work properly when it DID go out. She looked over to watch him. Diggle, Laurel, and Roy were out there and at the moment, they didn’t need her. Day dreaming seemed like a good idea. The only thing was that she wasn’t daydreaming about Ray. He’d been so wonderful with her. He didn’t push or ask questions, he just accepted whatever she rambled or babbled and that was it. He accepted that she needed space and when she didn’t. So, why wasn’t he the one that she was thinking about?

Oliver.

It had been several months now since Oliver had left to go to face Ra’s al Ghul. Every time she was in the Foundry, she always found herself remembering the moment he left. About her telling him that she knew better than to even try to ask him to stay. It was Thea. There was no way that Oliver couldn’t go if it meant keeping Thea safe. How he’d smiled and told her that there were two things that he knew for sure: that he would do anything for Thea and that he loved her. He’d kissed her forehead and she’d gripped his shirt, not wanting to let him go.

Malcolm Merlyn.

He was still in Starling City. They’d been doing the best they could to get him away from Thea, but it wasn’t easy. Oliver hadn’t explained what was going on to Thea because he’d assumed that he’d be back and she wouldn’t be the wiser. So, it hadn’t been easy on her when they’d explained exactly why Oliver wasn’t back yet. Felicity had to explain it to Thea, along with Roy, for fear that Merlyn would put some sick twist on it. The explanation meant that they also had to break the hard news as to WHY Oliver had gone to Ra’s…why they couldn’t just send Merlyn off to die…that Thea had been the one that killed Sara. Two things that Felicity had felt like Thea HAD to know other than all of that, that Oliver loved her dearly and that none of this was her fault.

Hope.

It was something that Felicity had tried to cling to and she felt even more obligated to do so because of Thea. To her, it felt like Diggle and Roy had already given up. Laurel seemed certain that Oliver would return ‘from the dead’ like he’d returned from Lian Yu and she liked to believe that. Felicity just hoped that it didn’t take five years. The memories were the hardest, though. They haunted her and she spent far too much time in the Foundry. Maybe that’s why she’d been so okay with her relationship with Ray. They weren’t really dating, but they weren’t just friends…it was some grey area in between.

“Hey. You okay?”

Felicity snapped out of it and found herself wiping away tears. “Yeah… Yeah… I just… I was thinking—“

“You looked far away,” Ray told her as he moved towards her. “Like Narnia or Middle Earth…or somewhere equally as far and mythical.”

For a brief moment, she allowed herself a smile and a brief laugh.

“Did you eat dinner?” Ray asked as he moved the other computer chair over so that he could sit next to her. Obviously, he felt like he needed to set aside his work on ATOM to chat with her, normally she’d be content with being haunted by memories of Oliver while waiting for those in the field to check in with her, but tonight…tonight she felt the need to actually have someone close even if there wasn’t a lot of talking going on.

“No.”

“Me either.”

“It’s already late,” she pointed out.

The only real meal that Felicity had had at a ‘normal’ time since Oliver had gone to face Ra’s al Ghul for his duel to the death had been lunch. Even then, she didn’t always eat it. It was normally only when Ray or Diggle had decided to come and sit in her office with her or to take her out. There was something about having them there that had made her feel obligated to eat. Which she supposed meant that she should thank them for making sure that she was eating. Breakfast, though, normally consisted of coffee (LOTS of coffee) and picking at some kind of bagel or pastry. Dinner…if she ate it…was normally caffeine in some form and then fast food (if someone picked it up).

Tonight, she just didn’t feel like eating. Being in the Foundry made her feel like wishing that she could go out into the field. Deep down, Felicity knew that that was a bad choice on so many different fronts, but there was still a want for it. To be out there, risking her lives for the city…just like the others were. Of course, she’d been the one who had pretty much benched Ray…so that just seemed hypercritical if she were to do it.

“I was thinking that maybe…since it IS so late…that we could have breakfast once everyone is in for the night,” Ray suggested. “There’s that diner by your house…stays open twenty-four hours…the food is greasy…and the coffee is horrible…but it’s quiet…and they have pie. Who doesn’t love pie?”

Felicity was going to say ‘no’, but pie sounded good.

“Tell me about this pie…”  
  
  
 **< /Flashback  >**  
  
     
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“You okay?”

“Nervous,” Felicity told him honestly. They’d talked to the girls and Alex had volunteered to go with her and Oliver so that Etta could go to the bookstore with Clara. Ray and John had left, Quentin and her mother were waiting on Etta, and Felicity was just dragging her feet about leaving. Taking her kids out into the world when there were people gunning for them was absolutely terrifying.

“Hey, it’s going to be fine,” Oliver whispered and stilled her from her pacing. He pulled her into his arms, squeezing her for a moment, he looked down at her. “Do I ever promise you anything?”

Felicity stared up at him and it was like it was just them. She forgot about everything for a moment. “No,” she breathed.

Oliver had never promised her, not even when she’d asked him to…because he’d never wanted to break a promise to her. As much as she appreciated that, she wished that he could have promised her just the same…even if it wasn’t something that he couldn’t keep. That moment, the moment that he’d left her in the Foundry for what she’d thought would be the last time she’d seen him. The fact that he’d finally told her that he loved her, the kiss to her forehead, the smile on his face…that had taken her some time to get past. For that moment to STOP haunting her. Now, here he was…back…stirring up memories and feelings that she thought she’d gotten over.

“So, understand how serious I am right now,” Oliver said slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. “I PROMISE you, I will let no harm come to you, Alex, or Liv.”

And she believed him.

How could she not?

Really, she didn’t doubt it. All of the times that she’d gone out as bait or been in the field in some way…even if she’d been kidnapped in some process…Oliver had always come for her. He’d always made sure that she was safe…that no REAL harm ever came to her. Felicity really wasn’t sure how to take what he had said. She loved him for it, but it confused her. All of that time that she cared about him before, when he was the Arrow, and NOW he chose to make this kind of promise?

Her mind reeled as she tried to make sense of what was happening. If it wasn’t something so new and oddly shocking, then it wouldn’t distract her so much…the difference in his actions. Oliver had never promised her. Never. He’d gone away, been killed by Ra’s al Ghul, brought back, and forced to serve the League of Assassins. Oliver had been forced to be a killer…a murderer…again…for the last five years. He’d changed, not deep down, but he’d still changed. So, this sudden change…it scared her. Opening her mouth to speak, she found that she couldn’t get out the words that she wanted to say.

One of Oliver’s hands came up and brushed some of her hair away from her face. He seemed all of the sudden, so close. She just stared at him, it was still so weird to her that he was there. It had been a couple of days and the fact that Oliver was alive hadn’t quite fully sunk in yet. News like that, she knew was shocking…because it still was to her, but it was like she just couldn’t accept it. Maybe it was because she was still half expecting to wake and find him gone. For him to just disappear again in the League garb without a word. For her to be heartbroken all over again…and she didn’t think she could handle that, so she was trying to protect herself…her heart…her soul…her sanity.

It was like he read her mind, maybe she was just that transparent…or maybe he could read her. Whatever it was, it took her breath away. Oliver’s brow furrelled and he looked extremely serious. “Felicity, I’m not going to leave you. Not again. Not unless you want me to. I will be here for as long as you want…or close because I’m sure people are getting sick of me sleeping on the couch,” he added with a slight smile. “But I am not going to go back to Ra’s or Nanda Parbat. I’m not going to just disappear back into the darkness. I can’t promise you that I’ll see Thea or be someone who can function in society…because let’s face it, before…after Lian Yu…it was hard enough for me. I can just promise you not to leave and to protect you…to protect your girls…to protect your family.”

She couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t think.

She couldn’t speak.

She just stared, her eyes filling with tears as relief hit her.

He wasn’t going to leave.

She could still fight for his soul.

There was still a chance.

Oliver pulled her into his arms and she clung to him, her fingers digging into the back of the t-shirt he was wearing. She squeezed her eyes shut and just savored that moment as he held her. It was like her mind and heart were finally reconciling the truth about Oliver being back. That he wasn’t going to just turn around and leave again, he was there to stay. Felicity wasn’t about to lose another person who was precious to her. He pulled back and pressed a kiss to her forehead, but it didn’t last for long as she was dragged away from Oliver so fast that Felicity almost tumbled backwards and to the ground.

It took her a minute to process what had happened.

Blinking, Felicity stared at Oliver and then over at who was now grasping her arm. What the hell was going on? Donna Smoak looked pissed, but not as pissed as Felicity was. She was about to say something when her mother beat her to it.

“What the HELL do you think you two think you’re doing?! Have you absolutely lost your minds?!” Donna practically wailed.

Felicity’s eyes went wide and she looked to Oliver and then back to her mother. It was then that she noticed that Quentin and the girls were staring at them. She and Ray hardly ever fought and when they did, it didn’t involve yelling or screaming, but everything they solved privately and behind closed doors. “We are not doing this here,” Felicity said through gritted teeth as she looked at angrily at her mother.

“Nan mad,” she heard Liv say.

Normally, she tried to keep her mother out of her bedroom, but right now that seemed unavoidable. “We’ll be right back,” Felicity told everyone and then finally looked to Oliver. He almost looked guilty and she felt bad that their moment…the moment that they were finally feeling like things were falling back into place with them, that her mother had to ruin it. Could she even possibly explain to her mother what she’d done? Would she care? What the hell was her problem anyway?

She headed down the hall, her mother right on her heels, as they headed for the master bedroom. Felicity swung the door open, marched in, held it open, and then closed it swiftly once her mother was inside. Felicity pressed her back to the door and glared at her mother. “What the HELL were you doing?!” Felicity asked immediately.

Her mother had obviously lost it.  
 First the baby clothes and now this.

“What the HELL was I doing?!” Donna echoed. “What the hell were YOU doing?! WITH Oliver?!”

“He’s my FRIEND, Mom! You KNOW that!” Felicity tried to explain, trying to keep as calm as possible.

“You and I know you have feelings for that man! You can’t follow them, Felicity! It’s not fair! It’s not fair to anyone! Not you! Not him! Certainly not Ray or the girls!”

“It’s not like THAT!”

“Don’t kid yourself, Felicity…I see how you two look at each other…how he held you and how he kissed you!”

Sucking in a deep breath, she silently counted until five before finally replying as she pointed to her forehead. “It wasn’t on the lips, Mom! It wasn’t anything intimate!”

“Forehead kisses are pretty intimate.”

Felicity was fairly sure that her mother could find reason in why a handshake was inappropriate. “It’s NONE of YOUR concern!”

“It is!”

“How?!”

“Because someone has to talk sense into you!”

“Mom!” she shouted, getting angry now. Felicity didn’t think that she was out of line as far as moments ago with Oliver. She was secure in the relationship she had with Ray and even though she and Oliver had once had something…she wasn’t going to give up her marriage or her children. “Stay out of it!”

“I’m thinking of You! Ray! The girls!”

“So am I!” Felicity argued. “Do you REALLY think that Ray would allow Oliver to stay here or to escort me out AGAIN if he felt like something would happen? If he thought for even a moment that Oliver and I were having some kind of ridiculous affair?!”

“You might not see it, Felicity,” Donna said and was deadly serious. “I’m not saying that you’re doing it on purpose…but what I saw…that would be confusing for the girls… They’ve been through enough the last couple of days without seeing you and Oliver like THAT!”

“If they have questions—“

“That’s the THING, Felicity!” Donna snapped and moved until she was just an inch from Felicity. “They SHOULDN’T have questions! You’re always reminding me about how important it is that those girls are all treated equally and how especially Alex worries about how being a part of this family…just think about what seeing THAT would do to HER!” Donna shook her head. “You and Ray are something special and you have the perfect family. You’re one lucky girl! Oliver is a distraction! You’re not some little girl anymore! You’re married! You’re a wife! You’re a mother!” Her words were sharp and hard. “Oliver Queen is a FRIEND! He’s not the man that would give you the world if you asked for it! I don’t care if he died and came back! You saw him, he’s not dead anymore, you got to talk to him…now let him creep back into whatever hell hole he crawled out of! LET HIM GO!”

Tears fell down her face. It wasn’t because any of her mother’s words felt true. Felicity swore that she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She would have hugged Oliver in front of Ray and she wouldn’t have felt awkward having Oliver kiss her forehead in front of her husband either. She knew that Diggle could do the SAME thing and that her mother would have any problem with it. It was only because it was Oliver. It was because her mother knew about how she cared about Oliver and how she’d once loved him…and mourned him. How Oliver Queen had once broken her heart and it had taken her so much to mend it…

Donna huffed. “Now. I’m going to go out there. Quentin and I are going to take Etta and Clara to the bookstore and ice cream or whatever… I suggest that you figure out how to say goodbye to Oliver and get back to the life that you had last week. Make a plan and get on that freaking jet to Switzerland.” She pushed past Felicity and exited the bedroom, slamming the door as she went.

Sinking to the floor, Felicity covered her face and just cried. For a moment, doubt seeped into her. Was she really betraying Ray? Was she hurting her children? Was it cheating? Was she an awful wife? Was she a horrible mother? Could she not have Ray and Oliver BOTH in her life? Could she not love them both? The love was different, but it was there. What was so wrong with that? Ray was understanding and she KNEW that if he’d had any questions about Oliver’s role in her life, then it would have already been brought up.

There were few people who could shatter her. To force doubts and ‘what ifs’ into her head. Her mother was at the top of that list. She didn’t know why, but she couldn’t stop worrying that her mother was right, no matter how many times she told herself that her mother was wrong. The kernel of doubt still remained.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashback  >**  
  
  


“You don’t HAVE to stay late, you know.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“Are you ever going to really tell me what happened? Who you lost?”

“Someone I loved.”

“I gathered that,” Ray told her.

They were both quiet for a while as she just watched Ray work. Felicity had finished up her work, her assistant had left, and then she’d found her way to Ray’s office. He was tinkering and sometimes she found it comforting to just be in his presence and there was something comforting about watching him. Of course, a lot of times, she’d watch him struggle and then the next morning she’d have his problem fixed in a snap (Ray tended to frown at that part and then go on to explain that it was something he’d been trying to resolve for some time).

“But you don’t talk about him.”

That was true.

Oliver.

The truth was, they didn’t even say his name. Felicity had avoided all conversations about Oliver and the Arrow, it had seemed like it had been enough for the others to keep quiet about him as well. It was just too painful. Felicity already relived enough memories on a daily basis in the Foundry…or even there in the building that was once Queen Consolidated.

He was everywhere.

Felicity kept her tears that threatened to fall and give her away at bay. It wasn’t easy, but she was getting better at it. She really didn’t have a huge group of people to talk to and that probably made it harder. Things were still awkward between her and the team. When she finally spoke, she was quiet and calm. Her voice was gentle and curious. “Why don’t you ever talk about Anna?”

“Touché.”

Ray gave her a sad smile. She wasn’t trying to be mean, she figured that it was a valid question. He’d told her about Anna…and that had been it. No other discussions, no other anything. It was almost like Anna never existed. Maybe it was easier to deal with life that way, to think that the person who burned a huge hole in your heart and soul never existed… Felicity was fairly sure that no matter how hard she tried, that trying to forget Oliver just wasn’t going to happen. He would always be there and in all honesty, Felicity didn’t WANT to forget or banish him from her memory.

“Tell me something about this mystery man,” Ray requested.

Felicity thought about his request for a moment. “He used to lie to me…about ridiculous things…”

“That sounds…weird…and creepy…and…” Ray looked at her confused. “And it sounds like you were okay with him lying to you. Most people—“

“He just sucked at cover stories,” she admitted. “He brought in a bullet ridden laptop for me to pull info from…and told me he just spilled coffee on it.”

“But…i had bullet holes in it,” Ray said slowly and then shook his head. “What IQ did this guy have?”

Felicity blurted out a short laugh. “That’s not kind…or fair… I suck at cover stories, too,” she admitted.

“You’ve had to give cover stories before?”

Nodding, she shrugged. “I’ll let you know now. If there’s ever a need for a cover story and Diggle’s with us, let him do it.”

Ray chuckled. “Okay, noted.” He paused for a moment. “So, did you just accept the bullet holes were somehow from coffee? Was it acidic coffee?”

“No,” Felicity told him. “I pointed out the bullet holes…he came back with his coffee shop being in a bad neighborhood.”

Ray laughed more. “Okay, that’s lame.”

“Could you have come up with something better?” she half challenged.

Silence.

“Okay, no.”

Brightening, she just stared at him for a moment. “Maybe I just like being the smartest person in the room…”

Ray beamed. “I definitely appreciate your intelligence.”

“I'm glad that someone does.” Felicity looked down at her hands folded in her lap before her fingers played with the light pink fabric of the hem of her dress. Her voice had been sad and distant. Right now, the REAL truth was…even though Team Arrow was reunited and another person strong, but she still felt distanced from everyone except Ray. Maybe it was because Ray was more of an intellectual equal, they had more in common, or maybe just because he hadn’t been involved with Team Arrow when Oliver was on the team.

“Why do you say it like that?”

“Because…except at MIT…and some times here and there…I’ve often felt like I’m not appreciated in this world,” Felicity confessed. “And I’m not trying to sound like everyone needs to notice me, in fact…I LIKE being invisible. It’s just…sometimes everything up here,” Felicity said as she tapped the side of her head. “It seems wasted…like it might be better if I was just like everyone else…”

“Felicity Smoak, I don’t think you could EVER be like everyone else,” Ray admitted and a moment later he was crouched down in front of her, taking her hand. “And I can tell you this, no one that actually KNOWS you…would wish such an awful thing upon you.”

A small smile graced her lips as she rolled her head just a little bit until she was looking right at Ray. She reached out and took his hand. “You’re sweet, you know that?”

“It makes up for some things,” he teased.

Seriousness crossed his face and Felicity wasn’t sure how to take that. “You’re a good man, Ray,” Felicity whispered. “Even though we had a rough start…I’m glad that we became friends.”

“Me too,” Ray told her. He was quiet for a moment. “You know… Some people might see Felicity Smoak on paper or just…talk to you and think that your brain is your best asset, but I’d argue that it isn’t…”

Felicity just stared at him.

He reached out and poked her. “It’s your heart, Felicity.” Ray smiled at her. “I know that we really haven’t known each other as long as you’ve known Diggle or Roy or Laurel, but I see you with them… I see how you mourn the loss of this mystery person you loved. I see how passionate you are…”

“I’ll make sure I remember to use that word next time Diggle doesn’t like my decision on doing something where I feel like I’m saving them,” Felicity said.

Ray smiled and dropped his hand to hers. He was teasing now. “You know, if you’re hanging around…hoping that I’m going to take you for breakfast again…last time was eventful enough…”

She didn’t know exactly WHY, but she was beaming. “You didn’t like the pancake festival?!” she teased. Felicity knew that that wasn’t why he had called it ‘eventful’.

“That diner is blacklisted.”

Felicity just shook her head. “You might end up blacklisting ninety percent of the places there are to eat here,” she told him.

He was super serious again as he squeezed her hand. “We almost lost you.”

“And yet, here I am here…totally fine…” she told him, trying to keep it light. The diner they’d eaten at the week before had served Felicity something that had triggered her nut allergy. She hadn’t even asked what it was, but it had freaked Ray out. Even though she’d ended up in the hospital after it had happened, Felicity had been able to pull her epi-pen from her purse before she’d passed out. From what she knew from Ray, he’d panicked for a moment and then the pen had guided him through everything and the ambulance had arrived and everything had been fine. “Next time, you won’t even have to listen to the pen talk to you.”

Ray frowned.

“I was actually thinking that you could come over…you know, after Foundry antics…since, we—or at least…I…should really head over there…”

“Really?”

“Really?”

“I mean about me coming over…I’m assuming you mean…to your house?”

Felicity nodded. “I’ll cook. I’m not that good.” She paused and made a face. “Okay, so I’m just realizing I probably don’t have anything fabulous in my house…but they’ll at least be an array of snacks.”

“I like snacks.”

“Now,” Felicity said quite seriously. “The REAL question here is ‘do you like dinosaurs’?”

“Dinosaurs?” Ray asked and she could tell that she’d caught him off guard. He was quiet for a moment. “Are you trying to sway me with the promise of watching ‘Jurassic Park’?”

Felicity tilted her head and smiled at him. “Depending on how awake we are…we might even get through all three.”

“We’re definitely going to go to the red carpet event for ‘Jurassic World’.”

Beaming, Felicity bit her bottom lip. “You know exactly how to win a woman, you know that?”

“I was just hoping not to have someone to freak out about how awesome the movie was,” Ray teased with a shrug and a smile.

     
  
 **< /Flashback  >**  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“You okay, Mom?”

It had taken them a lot longer to leave the house. Felicity had taken the time to break down and Alex and Oliver had given her space before going to check on her. She’d not wanted either of them to see her like that, but Oliver told her that he wasn’t there to take her away from Ray and that they weren’t doing anything wrong and for some reason…that made her feel a little better. It had pushed her to collect herself, fix her make-up, and get herself together so that they could leave.

Felicity put on a smile for Alex. “Yeah, of course.”

“You know that I’m not that stupid,” Alex responded. “I heard Nan flip out… And then you and Oliver had the serious looks when you finally came out of the bedroom.”

Up ahead of them, Oliver was walking with Liv. For some reason, the youngest Palmer had decided not to let Oliver out of her sight. Felicity had a feeling it had something to do with the fact that he told her Arrow stories. For a moment, she just watched them. “Nan is…she’s not a bad person… Sometimes she just jumps to conclusions…and she gets all loud…and flips out…but it was only because she cares.”

“I mean, what could she possibly freak out on you and Oliver about— Oh.”

“I swear you have nothing to worry about, Sweetheart,” Felicity said as she put her arm around Alex and pulled her close. She kissed the side of her head and let out a soft sigh. “I don’t want you to ever worry about things… Ray and I aren’t going anywhere…”

“Are you pregnant?”

That caught her off guard for a moment, but she recovered quickly. She’d actually expected this question from either Alex or Clara or BOTH. Felicity sighed again. “No,” she responded honestly. “Remember how I said that sometimes Nan jumps to conclusions, but that it’s only because she cares?”

“Ah.”

“Yes.”

“I’m sort of disappointed.”

“Really?”

“The more, the merrier, right?” Alex asked her with a smile.

There was something inside of her that made her feel a sense of relief. It was obvious from how Alex was acting and how she spoke about being sincerely disappointed in her response that she wasn’t worried about being pushed out of their little family. “We’d need another room.”

“Actually, it would just be a good excuse for Clara and I to share,” Alex supplied. She shrugged. “We practically share a room as it is…”

“And we don’t need to bring THAT up to Nan because she’ll think it’ll be okay to move in.”

Alex laughed. “No, no…if she wants to move to Star City, she can live with Papa.”

“Agreed.”

“When ARE they getting married?”

Felicity grinned. Everyone was hoping that they’d get together. “YOU should ask them. They’re avoiding that question from all adults. I bet you, Clara, and Etta could break them.”

“Challenge accepted.”

They walked together, no real destination in mind. It was nice to get out, Ray had been right, and Felicity probably had needed it more than she realized. That didn’t mean that she’d forgotten WHY they had been holed up in the penthouse. She was on alert, but not enough so that it ruined things. Plus, she knew that Oliver was used to keeping an eye out without people realizing it and she was fairly sure she could pick up on his body language if something changed.

“We should do something,” Oliver said as he looked back at them.

“We should get a movie…and a cupcake…because I love cupcakes,” Alex said as she looked to Felicity. “Especially the dark chocolate good ones that have dark chocolate filling…and dark chocolate frosting…”

“What about the sprinkles?” Felicity asked, wondering why stop there when the frosting could have a topping as well. They all had sweet tooths, but it wasn’t TOO often that they allowed it at home. It was normally something that they did for a reason or just because they needed it for sanity’s sake.

“You and I both know that dark chocolate sprinkles are a LIE,” Alex replied far too seriously.

Oliver spoke up again, “What about that one place—“

“The place you were being a stalker at?” Alex asked with a smirk on her face.

“Yes, that one.”

“Mom can’t have anything from there.”

“I probably COULD,” Felicity said. “It’s just something that Ray feels is risky… They process nuts and use different nut extracts and oils… So, it would be just a matter of how good they are at keeping things from being contaminated by nut products.”

“That’s her long explanation at why she CAN’T have a cupcake from there.”

“I really don’t NEED one.”

“But you know you WANT one.”

Felicity just smiled at Alex and hugged her to her. “I’ll survive without one. I promise.”

“Is there a Ray-approved place around here?” Oliver asked curiously.

“No,” they both replied.

“It’s REALLY okay,” Felicity told them. “I can always make some at home.”

“SO not the same!” Alex wailed.

“We can still get you a box.”

“Yes!”

Felicity smiled and Alex left her side to move up and lift up Liv until she was on her shoulders and walked ahead of them. She took that moment to catch up to Oliver and walk alongside him. “I know it must sound crazy…”

“No, it’s smart,” Oliver said.

“There were a few mishaps…after…after you left…and it REALLY freaked out Ray, especially the first time. So, we just try to be as careful as possible,” she explained. Felicity had never had a problem with her nut allergy when she’d been with Team Arrow when Oliver had been around, but she felt like she needed to explain things a bit further. Plus, she felt like it showed Oliver exactly how things worked between Ray and her…that it wasn’t controlling…that it was out of love and concern for her well being.

“You carry an epi-pen, though, right?”

A small smile graced her lips. It was sweet of him to ask. It was probably just so he KNEW. He’d probably assumed before. “Yes and it even talks you through the steps.”

“Nifty.”

“Right?”

“Mom! You know what we have to do?” Alex called back as she set Liv back down on her feet. “I need supplies.”

“Are cupcakes considered a supply?” Oliver questioned.

“For the time of the uterus dragon…anything that is chocolate or sugar is DEFINITELY on that list, but I was talking more like heating pads…surf boards…firecrackers…caffeine.”

“Wait…what?”

Before Felicity could explain, she and Oliver were making their way towards Liv (who had started to spin and was out of Alex’s arm reach) when red flags came up when two men in black hoods came into sight. They didn’t even make it close enough to grab Liv before she was scooped up and the man took off down an alley. Oliver was running after him before Felicity could even THINK. The other man went to grab Alex, but Felicity pulled her back behind her and acted out of instinct of protecting her daughter.

She tried to keep in shape and to keep herself in practice with her defensive skills, but it had been years since she’d actually had to put it to practical use. A hit connected with her stomach and she groaned and doubled over for a moment, but it didn’t keep her down. Felicity connected her hits and kicks with the attacker and after what seemed like forever, he was finally on the ground. Sirens hit her ears and she sucked in air before turning to look at a very shocked look on Alex’s face.

“Geez…I need to take some of those self defense classes…and maybe…archery.”

It took her a moment to really process that Alex was okay and then that she needed to worry about Liv, even if Oliver went after her. That was her baby. She looked around, hoping that police had arrived already, but they weren’t there. She didn’t want to take Alex, but she didn’t want to wait, either…she needed to know that Liv was safe.

Without taking another moment, she grabbed Alex and hurried in the direction that Liv had been taken in and Oliver had followed. The alleyway was neat and even clean, just like the rest of the city. She could see straight down it until it hit a corner. They hurried along and turned, but even then…there was no sign of Oliver or Liv. Panic was taking over, twisting her insides and making her head spin. She felt so sick and was having a hard time as they moved forward, her balance was thrown but she pushed herself.

“Where are they?!” Alex asked when they came to the next street and looked around and still didn’t see them.

Tears were already falling down her cheeks and Felicity had no idea where they were. If they’d gone across the street or if they’d gone to the left or right. What if they’d put Liv into a car? Her precious little baby girl… God, she hadn’t wanted to leave the house… She hadn’t wanted any of them to leave… A sob escaped her lips and she pulled Alex close as she continued to look around, hoping to glimpse the familiar blonde curly head or the man that had promised her no harm would come to her family.

“Mrs. Palmer?”

“Mom?”

“Mrs. Palmer, can you come with us?”

Mom?”

Felicity couldn’t breathe, but she was being guided back down the alleyway and she was panicking like crazy. Why weren’t they back? Police. She realized that the police had arrived and that they were escorting her back.

Olivia.

She was out there.

She shouldn’t have left the penthouse.

It was her fault that her girls had been put in danger.

She knew better.

“Mom?”

“Felicity? Sweetheart?!”

The reality of the world came into focus as she realized that they were back where they’d started. It seemed like nearly all of Star City PD were there. Captain Quentin Lance came running up to him, concern written all over her face.

“Where’s Clara and Etta?!” Alex asked before she could.

“They’re safe,” Quentin confirmed and took a breath. “They’re at the police station. We were close when I got the call. They’re protected. Donna’s with them.”

She couldn’t breathe.

“Felicity?!”

“Mom?!”

Felicity was on the ground, still nauseous, her whole world spinning. Quentin was crouching down in front of her and he was speaking, but she couldn’t hear his words. She knew that she shouldn’t be the one out of control. Alex needed to be assured that everything was okay. Felicity needed to be brave, but sometimes…being brave was just too hard.

“He promised,” she whispered.

How could she let this happen?

She should have been able to protect them both.

“Who?” Quentin asked.

Alex was hugging her, sitting there on the sidewalk. “You’re talking about Oliver?” She paused. “He’s going to be back with Liv. He’s the Arrow, right?”

“He’s not the Arrow anymore…” she whispered as she just stared off into the distance.

“Mom? Tell me a story?”

“Alex—“

“Please?”

Her focus moved to Alex and for a moment, she took in Quentin dishing out orders to his officers. Felicity got to her feet all of the sudden, determination coursing through her. Her hands curled into fists at her sides and she started towards Quentin. She wanted to ask him for a gun, to go and hunt for Liv herself. All she could think as she tried to push the thought of how stupid the outings were, was that she and Ray really needed to get all the girls something that was fashioned with GPS. The older girls all had phones, but those would be the first things discarded if they were taken at all. Liv had nothing they could track.

“Mama! Mama! Mama!”

Liv’s voice broke Felicity’s resolve to go out and hunt down those responsible for the kidnapping of her youngest daughter and the attack on their family. She turned to see Liv running down the alley that they’d walked down not long before. Several feet behind, Oliver was dragging along the man who had taken Liv in the first place, alive.

“Baby!” Felicity breathed and closed the distance between her and the littlest Palmer. She scooped her up, more tears falling, as she squeezed Liv until she complained. “Mama’s so sorry! I love you so much! I’m so glad that you’re okay.”

“Mama…Ollie Arrow.”

“See,” Alex said and then hugged them both, Felicity put her arm around the eldest and squeezed them all together. “Even Liv knows about the Arrow.”

“Let’s just go home,” Felicity told them as she kissed both of their heads.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Everyday, they all grew. They all knew more than the day before. The girls were all growing up so fast. It seemed like just yesterday that they brought home Etta, Clara, and Alex and even less time since Liv fit in newborn size clothing.

So much time had passed…

Etta, Clara, and Alex were in Clara’s room with her mother while Liv was fast asleep on her and Ray’s bed. Felicity just hadn’t been able to let her out of her sight. It had been hard enough to let her out of her arms. She felt so horrible for feeling so much more of a need to hold onto Liv than the other girls. Was she a bad mom? Was she a horrible person? Even though Liv was the only who was her flesh and blood, she’d sworn to love all the girls the same. Was she not doing that? Did Etta, Clara, and Alex feel like she didn’t love them as much as Liv?

She’d taken the pillows and made a little nest in the middle of the bed so that Liv wouldn’t roll out. Looking at her sleeping angel had only made her cry over and over again, she was exhausted from all of the emotion and upset. Felicity had moved herself so that her back was to the door that led out into the hallway. The events of the day tumbled through her head and though she was still emotional, she couldn’t bring herself to cry anymore.

Was her mother right?

Did she need to cut ties with Oliver?

Did she need to send him away?

Was Team Arrow reuniting ruining her life?

Was her mother wrong?

Did it matter right now?

Had Felicity cheated on Ray?

Was she a bad wife?

Was she a bad mother?

Was she a horrible person?

No matter how much the Palmer family had done for Star City, it seemed like deep down it was still the city that they’d fought for all those years before. Maybe the Arrow was still needed. Maybe the ATOM was still needed. Maybe all of them…maybe they all still had jobs to do.

Arrow.

ATOM.

Arsenal.

Black Canary.

Oracle.

Diggle.

Felicity closed her eyes and thought about Barry in Central City. Even now, he and his team…they were still Team Flash. They were still bringing in metahumans, though they’d expanded their operations. They didn’t just stay in Central City, they went where they were needed. Somehow, they still made it all work. They were all happy and leading somewhat normal lives. She had no idea how they did it. Was it just because Central City was the fun one? Was it because their city hadn’t shuddered as much? What?

There was a slight knock and Felicity’s eyes opened. She’d heard his voice when he’d entered. Ray was home. He’d already checked on Etta, Clara, and Alex. He’d talked to Oliver, who was apparently still sitting on the other side of the door. Felicity had been short with him, angry even…she knew that it had been stupid. Oliver had promised to protect her family and he’d brought Liv back to her…safe and sound…and he’d brought the other attacker back. Quentin had BOTH in custody, he’d be questioning them until he found out who had hired them to kill the Palmers.

“Felicity?”

She reached up and turned the knob as she scooted out of the way of the door. Ray entered a moment later, finding her immediately and letting out a sigh as he closed the door. He looked to the bed and then looked back to her. “Why are you on the floor?” he asked gently as he crouched down in front of her. Felicity just stared for a moment, wanting to cry…but not able to.

“We thought this was all behind us…”

“What are you talking about?” Ray asked as he settled down next to her and pulled her into his arms. “The girls are all okay… They’ve got two guys arrested so far… YOU are safe—“

“We thought we were making the city better—“

“It is.”

“Is it?”

Ray turned her in his arms, so that he could see her face, so that he could stare at her. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“It just feels like everything is falling apart.”

That was the best way that she felt like she could describe it. For a moment, she’d felt like her world was being reconstructed, but today…it just felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to her life and shattered it. Last week, she had confidence in every aspect of her life. Over the last couple of years, she’d figured out how to operate with Diggle and everyone else being so far away and not really have a group of friends nearby… Now, she just didn’t know how she was going to make it through the next day.

“What else is going on?”

“Ray—“

“Your mother…” He sighed and held her tighter before kissing her forehead. “I think out of every single person that has ever been in your life, that I have met, your mother is the ONLY person who can get into your head. To make you feel like the world is ending even when we have so much to celebrate.”

“Celebrate?”

“I can list the practical and ridiculous…”

A small smile came to her face. He was right, though. Her mother had been better the last two years, especially, but today…today it was probably the worst Felicity could remember her mom since she’d left Las Vegas to go to MIT. Ray was right, though, her mother DID get into her head. Her mother was like the angel and devil on your shoulder in cartoons, except she was just there to shame and cast doubt.

“What did she say?” Ray asked.

They didn’t keep secrets.

Sucking in a breath, she tried to make sure she was completely calm before she told him exactly what had happened. “That I was a bad wife—“

“I don’t think she’s allowed to judge that.”

“That I’m being a bad mom—“

“How?”

She knew why he was interrupting. He was trying to poke holes in her mother’s words. “Because she thinks that I’m cheating on you.”

“With Oliver?”

Felicity just stared at him.

Ray shrugged. “I can’t say that I’m shocked that your mother’s concerned about Oliver being here. She obviously knows that you two have had feelings… Quentin has voiced his concerns to me, too.”

“He was being nice to me,” Felicity whispered. “He hugged me…kissed my forehead…”

“So, he was being your friend?” Ray shook his head. “Has she ever seen you with John?”

“Normally, she misses our more emotional moments,” Felicity admitted. She smiled a bit and suddenly felt better.

“I’m thinking that you just need to go out there and do something crazy like kiss John’s cheek…just to mess with her,” Ray said seriously.

Felicity just beamed at him. “You always know what to say.”

“I mean, if she wants to claim that you’re cheating…you might as well really cheat, right?”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes at him.

“No, no…I got it,” Ray told her before giving her a quick kiss. “We go out there. You kiss John’s cheek, Oliver can kiss your forehead, and we can all like group hug… Your mom’s head might explode.”

“She says that I need to say goodbye to Oliver, to send him away,” Felicity told him quite seriously, worrying about that. Obviously, Ray had no fear about her cheating or about Oliver or John being in her life. The fact that her mother wanted her to banish Oliver, though, was weighing heavily on her mind…that coupled with the fact that she’d been so mean to him when they’d finally gotten home.

God, she was so screwed up.

“I’m pretty sure that we voted to keep him,” Ray told her. “I mean, I need someone who knows all the stories as well as you do… What happens if you lose your voice?” She knew that he was just trying to make her feel better (and she loved him all the more for it), but she hoped that he really meant it. That he was absolutely serious.

Felicity looked down at her hands in his. “I was mean to him,” Felicity whispered. “I completely acted like he’d not kept his promise—“

“Promise?”

“He promised to keep all of us safe…”

“And then Liv was taken and Alex was attacked?” Ray asked and nodded his head, as if he totally understood what she was thinking. “Quentin said that you took down one and then you broke down…”

“I couldn’t find them.”

“I don’t think I could have stayed calm, if I had been there.”

“I thought she was gone. That I’d lost her.”

“But she’s fine. She’s perfectly fine,” Ray reminded. “Liv’s safe. That’s all that matters.”

Felicity looked back up at him.

“Maybe we should invite Oliver in, we can all have a chat in private.”

Before Oliver was invited in, Felicity felt like she needed to bring up one more thing. “I’m also supposed to talk to you about giving her more grandchildren,” Felicity brought up. Her mother couldn’t say that she didn’t follow through on promises. If they were throwing everything out there, then she felt like she needed to put it out there.

Ray was quiet for a moment. “This isn’t a reflection on whether or not I want more children, but I’m going to ask your mother to either go stay with Quentin or she needs to go and stay at the hotel.” He paused and then continued. “Obviously, she doesn’t understand that stress is not going to help with getting pregnant, pregnancy, or pretty much anything else that has to do with this family.”

“She’s not going to take it well.”

“I’ll wait, try to talk to Quentin first…maybe he can make her think it’s her idea,” Ray suggested.

“That’s always the best plan.”

Felicity knew that she had the best husband. Then. Now. Always. She held onto him and kissed him, happy that he’d banished all of her fears and doubts away. Tears fell, but they were happy ones. “You’re right,” she whispered. “The world isn’t breaking apart…”

“Can you say that again?”

“What?” she asked and then realized what he meant. She smiled brighter and kissed him again. “You’re right, Ray.”

He grinned. “I never get to hear that…”

“I’ll remember to say it once in a while,” she teased.

“I’d appreciate that.”

Ray reached out and pulled open the door. “Oliver? Can you join us, please?” He looked over at Felicity. “Your mom’s really going to be freaking out, if she heard that.”

After a moment, Oliver entered and Ray pushed the door shut before motioning for him to join them on the floor. Felicity was certain that he probably thought they were being special. Normally, they’d use the bed to sit on or the bench at the end of it…or the chairs that resided in the bedroom and master bathroom, but on the floor seemed like the best place for now. Felicity honestly wasn’t even certain what Ray wanted to talk to Oliver about (besides, she assumed, not leaving Star City).

“You okay?” Oliver asked. He wasn’t asking Ray, he was asking her. He was concerned and she could tell that he was having a hard time. Her mother could turn her whole world upside down and it seemed like Felicity still had the same affect on Oliver.

She felt sick again, without thinking, Felicity launched herself towards Oliver and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry for everything I said…I—I—I was—“

“Shh…” Oliver whispered as his hands ran up and down her back, comforting her. “I’m not mad at you… I’m glad that the girls are all okay. That you’re okay. That’s all that matters. I made you a promise and I will always keep it…for as long as I’m breathing.”

Felicity realized it then, his promise reminded her of something. The League of Assassins. It wasn’t the actual promise, but how he was saying it. When Oliver had been the Hood, he’d had a mission…he used the names in the book. When Oliver had been the Arrow, he’d had a mission to save the city. When Oliver had been The Betrayer, his mission had been to kill whomever Ra’s ordered him to. Now, as…whomever he was identifying himself as (she was hoping, it was as Oliver Queen), his mission was to keep her family safe. Could she really argue with that, though? Right now, that seemed like a good enough mission. She’d push him soon enough into being the true Oliver that she knew still lived inside of him. The one that Ra’s al Ghul likely thought he’d killed.

“Kiss her forehead, if you like,” Ray teased. “I’m not going to fly off the handle.”

“Good to know,” Oliver said and kissed Felicity forehead, likely for good measure.

God, she was so lucky right now.

She had the perfect husband.

She had the perfect kids.

The perfect family.

Her mother normally wasn’t crazy (normally).

She had the best extended family.

Now, Oliver was a part of it all.

Her world was better than it had been last week, she realized immediately. Felicity knew that with Lyla and Sara here, they’d just be missing Thea and Roy. If they were here, too, then they’d pretty much have the entire family back together. Of course, the latter part of that was going to take some convincing from Oliver. There was too often that he felt like he knew what was best, when he just didn’t.

Felicity pulled back and settled back at Ray’s side. “Thank you, for everything you did to get Liv back,” Felicity told him.

“She’s your BABY,” Oliver said quietly. “I kept thinking that with every second that she was gone from your sight, that you had to have been experiencing unbelievable panic and worry. I kept thinking that I failed you.”

“But you didn’t,” Felicity argued. “I didn’t mean to—“

“You’re a good mom, Felicity.”

Silence.

“I wanted us to all talk,” Ray broke the silence. “About you staying in Star City.”

“I promised I would.”

“But you can’t just hide in the shadows.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re not whoever Ra’s named you, you’re Oliver Queen,” Felicity explained.

“He named me ‘The Betrayer’.”

“Thank you for not giving me the arabic version that I would likely mutilate when I repeated it, in order to argue that that was the worst name for Ra’s to give to you,” Felicity rattled on. “Your’e Oliver Queen. You’ve been gone from this world for too long.”

“What could I possibly do? Be the Arrow? I’m not that man anymore.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of you working for Palmer Technologies,” Ray spoke up.

Felicity was certain that that would be awkward on all kinds of levels. Palmer Technologies had once been Queen Consolidated, Oliver’s family’s company before Ray bought it and changed the name. Ray had done great things with it, Felicity always felt like the Queen family (past, present, and future) would be proud of what they’d done for the company and the city.

“I can’t be Oliver Queen,” Oliver argued.

“Well, I’m just putting this out there…the girls want to adopt you…so you could always be a Palmer…”

That got a smile from Oliver.

“Or,” Felicity spoke up and almost hated that she’d even thought about this. “If you really want to resume vigilante activities…The Flash IS still around. His team, they travel everywhere…wherever there’s a metahuman causing problems…they go there and take care of things.”

“I thought we were keeping him close?” Ray asked her. “Not sending him away?”

“I just wanted to put out options,” Felicity defended as she looked from Ray and then to Oliver. “I was pretty sure there would be a lot of ‘no’s because I doubt that you’re anymore better at not leading a team than you were the last time we teamed up with Barry…”

Oliver looked from her to Ray. “What would I do for the company?”

“Well, it’d be up to you,” Ray told him. “Obviously…a personal detail is important. Most of the year, I’m not worried…but with how things are now…it’s obviously a necessary thing.” He paused. “But we could use help with security. John’s gone over what we need to change, but the people in our security department don’t have the training or the eye that you or John do… Your insight…your experience…your knowledge…it would be invaluable.”

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course.” Ray was quiet for a moment and then looked to her. “So? Are we doing the whole ‘everyone kisses you’ plan? JUST to make your mother flip out?”

“That might be dangerous, especially before figuring out a subtle way to kick her out of the penthouse for the remainder of her visit,” Felicity reminded.

“Subtle, right,” Ray said seriously. “We can definitely do subtle.”

“Pretty sure that the girls were already lecturing Donna anyways,” Oliver brought up. When they both looked his way, Oliver obviously felt obliged to continue. “Their door…was open…and they’re all rather…loud.” He shrugged. “I heard Alex tell your mom that she needed to stop being mean to you. That you weren’t going anywhere and she shouldn’t be upsetting you.” He paused for a moment. “And then there was a lot of swooning about forehead kisses…they all made it out to be…extremely…” Oliver’s face twisted in confusion, like he was battling out the next word. “Romantic?”

“They read a lot of books,” Ray responded.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 TBC…


	12. Family Complexities

The night before had been hard. Ray didn’t think he was normally one to be anything more than happy and peppy in front of most people. He tried to save any other feelings, especially negative ones for when he was home and in his bedroom. Worrying the girls was just never something that he felt that they needed to do. So, he and Felicity really tried not to get into anything anywhere the girls could see, but emotions had been high after the attempted kidnapping of Alex and Liv.

The good part of it all was that Quentin had taken in the two men and they’d apparently talked, but he hadn’t shared any information yet. All Ray had been told was that Quentin didn’t feel like they needed to worry any more and that they were taking care of things. That, of course, wasn’t going to stop Ray from worrying (or Felicity for that matter), not until they knew WHO was sending people after their family and WHY. Until those questions were answered and the people responsible saw justice, none of them were going to rest any easier.

He’d gotten up and taken the time to work out. Ray had actually missed Oliver crashing on their couch, he’d gone to the hotel to meet with John once everyone had left, and being his work out buddy. During that time, he’d realized that he really didn’t have a life outside of their little family and work. That was all fine, he loved his family and he was passionate about his work, but there was something nice having other people you could hang out with. Maybe he’d have to try to convince John and Lyla to move back, since Oliver was staying now.

“Ray?”

“Yes?” he called back. He’d just entered the bedroom and Felicity had just gotten out of the shower. Ray leaned in the doorway, just watching her towel off. “You know…I would have helped you shower…or…distracted you from the shower if you’d waited for me.”

She smirked at him and wrapped the towel around herself. “We have to BOTH go in today and get stuff done, so I didn’t want to risk you throwing off our schedule for today…and I figured that we probably needed to make a public family appearance somewhere.”

“Quentin didn’t say that they caught the ring leader who is behind targeting our family, Felicity,” Ray said seriously and a bit upset. He didn’t like the idea of any of them being put into unnecessary danger, especially not after the day before.

“The girls WANT to go to school, we can’t keep keeping them home and I thought the trip was off? At least for a couple of weeks?” Felicity asked as she moved to brush her teeth.

“The girls can do work from home…I will happily give them one of the credit cards and they can order for the entire selection at every bookstore in the surrounding area be bought and then have an assistant bring them the lot of it if that’ll keep them home, safe, and happy,” Ray told her and he was dead serious. “And if we’re BOTH going into the office, then who is going to be here? To mind the children?”

“The girls are going to school and Liv is coming to work with me,” Felicity told him. “It’ll be fine… I already figured it out. It’s been a couple of days, you’ve seen the papers… We’ve got to make a public appearance. We’ll walk the girls to school and then walk over to Palmer Technologies with Liv. It’s something we do ALL the time, but I’m sure people will be snapping pictures and posting it all over social media…we won’t have to call in the media.”

“There are still people out there that want to kill us,” Ray reminded. He didn’t like this. Not one bit. He left the doorway to retrieve his phone. If they were going to do this, then he wasn’t going to do this alone. They needed backup, even if Felicity didn’t think they did. Ray liked plans and he liked having well thought out ones.

“Yesterday, you were practically pushing me out the door,” Felicity reminded as she joined him in the bedroom. “Are you changing your mind about things just because of what happened?”

“Do you blame me?” he asked her as his head looked up at her.

“No,” Felicity said gently and sat down next to him. “It was terrifying…but you were right. We can’t just hide away—“

“No, I mean,” Ray said and he turned his head so that he was looking right at her. “Do you BLAME me for what happened yesterday? Because I made everyone leave?” The guilt hadn’t weighed on him until that moment. Yesterday, he hadn’t seen blame placed with anyone except the people who were after his family. He hadn’t blamed Oliver or Felicity…or even himself, but now…now he was wondering if HE was really the one who should be blamed for almost losing their precious baby girl.

He loved all four of their girls, but all he suddenly kept thinking was ‘what if’? Liv was their little surprise. They hadn’t been trying when Felicity had gotten pregnant, she’d just happened…like she knew that she’d been welcomed with open arms into their family and accepted without a second thought…and she had. She looked just like Felicity and somehow that made it harder…that made it hurt more…

“Ray,” Felicity breathed and cupped his cheek. “No… No, I don’t blame you. Of course not. You were right. We all needed to get out.” She sighed and stroked his cheek with her thumb. “We can’t live in fear…that’s why we fought for this city…and that’s why we continue to do so…and that’s why we fight for our girls…” She smiled at him. “Some of us use arrows, some use guns, some use keyboards…or our minds…”

“I just…I’M supposed to protect her…them…our daughters…you…”

“Ray—“

“I sent you out there…and Oliver…Oliver was the one who protected Liv,” Ray told her. He felt inferior, which he knew wasn’t true, but he still felt it. In all honesty, he didn’t know why he was beating himself up. Felicity had done the same. He wondered if he was a bad father. He’d promised to love all four girls the same, but did he love Liv more because she was his own? Or was it just because she was the baby? Or was it simply because her life was the only one that had been snatched? Alex had been protected by Felicity… He was quiet as he swallowed hard and then looked over at her. “Maybe the ATOM shouldn’t be in that glass case…”

Felicity stared at him. “We’re not having this conversation right now,” she told him quickly. “You are going to breathe and believe in us…in our family…we’re going to bury all of our worry…and we’re going to walk the girls to school…we’re going to walk to Palmer Technologies with Liv…and everything is going to be just fine.” She leaned in and kissed him and then was thumbing his lip, he assumed to remove excess lipstick.

“How are you so sure?”

“We have back-up.”

Ray just stared at her for a moment, opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it as he thought again. As far as he knew, they didn’t have back-up. Lyla and Sara were in town, but he assumed that they’d be with John and that they’d all be resting. Donna had been kicked out of the penthouse, at least as far as spending the night went (and she’d definitely known that Quentin wasn’t the one who had requested it), but she wasn’t really back-up. Quentin was working the two guys that they’d caught the day before who had been involved in the attempted kidnapping. So that just left…  “You’re talking about Oliver?” Ray asked.

He really wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse about things. He sighed and ran the palm of his hands roughly against his face. Ray knew that he wasn’t a man like Oliver, he wasn’t a fighter…at least not in the physical sense. It had just really never been part of his life, he reacted in unexpected life or death situations…but that was it. He didn’t really have any formal training. Ray was wondering if maybe it was something that he should look into.

She smiled at him. “I almost wish that I could say that he was going to be the Arrow…that he’d just be watching us from above in that green hood…” Felicity shrugged. “But…you DID offer him a job…so I asked him to do this…today…as a trial day…so, he’ll be wearing a suit…one that I’m assuming isn’t green.”

It wasn’t jealousy that hit him, but almost like he suddenly understood so many things. Felicity had kept the Foundry intact, she’d kept all the suits in glass cases, and she’d told the stories to their children…all she wanted was to believe in heroes…and to allow their kids to believe in them too. “I mean, if he can only do it in a green suit…I’m sure my tailor could make him one,” Ray teased with a bright smile. There was actually something suddenly soothing about knowing that they wouldn’t be alone.

As much as he’d doubted being able to take care of his family, he absolutely knew that their safety was paramount. His life didn’t matter, but theirs…theirs did. Felicity was so much better at running the company than he was and seemed to excel at making all of the tech work that he couldn’t. Alex, Clara, and Etta were absolutely brilliant and had so much ahead of them in their futures; Ray was certain that they’d end up taking over the company and changing it, the city, and the world for the better. Then there was his sweet little Liv, she was so tiny but he knew that she had as much heart and intelligence as Felicity…she was bound for things that Ray couldn’t even imagine right now. His wife and children needed protection and he was more than happy for that to mean that it was Oliver. Oliver wasn’t just someone who loved his wife, but he was trained and had proven that he’d do anything to protect their family…he was loyal and above all…he was driven by love and a vow.

“You’re okay with it, right?” Felicity asked. Oliver as their security HAD been his idea. He could see the concern all over her face, but all he could think was that things were going to be better again. Somehow, all Ray’s brain could calculate was danger in their lives plus Oliver, Diggle, Lyla, & Sara somehow equalled their lives almost resetting to normal plus extra friends.

“Are we calling in Thea and Roy?”

“I was going to talk to Oliver about that…”

“Do you really think you can convince him? He didn’t want to even reveal himself to you…let alone the rest of the world…”

“If not, then I’ll make the choice easy for him,” Felicity said as then winced, her hand clutching her abdomen.

“You okay?” he asked, concern suddenly hitting him. Ray immediately wrapped his arm protectively around her. Felicity was strong in a lot of ways, but Ray knew that she was really in pain for her to react like that. “Do you need to take something?”

“It’ll pass…just give me a second,” she whispered as she just breathed. “You need to get a shower…”

“I’m not going to leave you when you’re in pain…”

“Leave the bathroom door open, take a quick shower,” Felicity told him as she nodded in the direction of their bathroom. “I won’t move from the bed until you get out.”

He knew better than to argue, even though he wanted to. “Okay,” he whispered and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Ray hated to leave her there, but he knew that she was right. He needed to shower, get dressed, and they needed to get on with the day. Most times, her pain DID pass. That never kept him from worrying. “You call out for me if it gets worse…” She nodded and then Ray was stripping out of his work out clothing as he made his way to shower.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashback - Four Years Before  >**  
  
  


“You know, I really don’t feel so helpful down in here,” Ray half complained as he looked around the Foundry. He’d been apart of what Felicity called ‘Team Arrow’ and always in a sad tone in a year and a half. He’d only been out in the field a handful of times and now it was when they basically absolutely needed him. He wasn’t a fighter, not in the field sense of the word. He’d tried to get Diggle to teach him, but Ray always ended up on the mat.

“There’s still work you could do to make the city a better place,” Felicity reminded as she slowly spun in the other computer chair.

Everyone else was out in the field except for them. They were doing better. The police were backing them. It seemed like there was a light at the end of the tunnel as far as cleaning up the criminal activity went. Felicity was right, though. He had projects. Many projects. “Wait. Are you talking about Star City?”

“Well, you said you were going to do it…so far…you’re slacking on that front…though, to be fair…that’s the ONLY front…”

He smiled at her as she continued to spin in the chair. It had been a hard year and a half for Felicity. Ray had tried to give her space, but they’d still been in this weird dating limbo. She was mourning a man that she’d loved, a man that she’d lost…someone he thought she could never have been with. That wasn’t an easy thing. She was still a light in his world and he liked to think that their relationship…whatever status it was…that it was getting better, stronger day by day. “I was thinking…”

“New update for the ATOM suit?”

“No,” he said as he tilted his head to the side, really studying her. Ray’s foot stretched out until he stopped her chair from spinning anymore. “I was THINKING that I’m going to Central City this weekend to see my sister and her family…”

“Right,” Felicity said slowly, but also it was obvious that she was confused. “You already told me that.”

“I was thinking that maybe YOU could come with me.”

“Me?”

Ray shrugged. “They asked if you were coming…” He paused for a moment. “I apparently talk about you…a lot…”

“Uh…I hope all good things…”

“Of course…” He smiled brightly at her. “Please? Come to Central City. Do something normal with me…”

“Meeting your family? Not sure if that counts as normal.”

“Clara and Etta will certainly let you hide away with them,” Ray offered. “They read a lot…”

“And that’s supposed to appease me?”

“Safe place, right?”

Felicity just smiled back at him. “How do I know this isn’t some kind of test?”

“A test?” Now he was smiling in response. “What kind of tests?” He paused for a moment. “I feel like it doesn’t matter WHAT kind of test you THINK it is because you generally just seem like you do well no matter WHAT the test is…”

It was true.

Felicity was brilliant.

“Seeing if your family approves of me?”

Ray was suddenly confused. “No. I mean, we’re not… Do we even have labels? Should I have changed my status on social media?” His rambling didn’t stop there. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to label what we have…it just didn’t seem necessary…or…or like a thing that needed to be done immediately…” He paused for a moment. “Though, let’s be honest…who doesn’t approve of Felicity Smoak? Let alone fall in love with her instantly?”

Her head tilted just slightly as she toyed with a blue pen. “You make it sound like I have some kind of seduction superpower.”

“I’m still deciding if it’s possible you have one and you don’t know it.”

Amusement colored her face even more. “You’re a huge sweetheart… The girls are all older, right? This isn’t some test to see how good I am with kids?”

Now Ray was amused. Felicity Smoak was the most intelligent, beautiful, and adorable woman that he knew. “They’re like nine and six… They both read chapter books… I sent them tablets this last Christmas and apparently they hate them… How can someone hate tablets?”

“Maybe they prefer actual books…it’s a different experience…”

“That’s what my sister said…” Ray said and was still completely confused by that in general. He still didn’t understand how people could hate tablets. “But you use one ALL the time…except when we’re here…though you use it here too…just not for crime fighting business…”

Felicity reached out and held up her tablet. “You’re right.”

“But you don’t read on it…”

“I read e-mails…and Palmer Tech stuff…but no, not books…” Felicity smiled and set down her tablet. “I really don’t have time to read, though… I bought ‘Outlander’ because I saw a promo for the show they’re doing or HAVE been doing before I passed out…but I haven’t gotten past page four.”

“When did you buy it?”

“Last year.”

Ray frowned. “I guess you are pretty busy…”

“Not that I’m complaining,” Felicity said quickly. “I'd much rather spend my free time sitting down here with you…and hanging out with Diggle, Roy, and Laurel…which also tends to be down here…” She looked around and it was almost like reality was hitting her.   In the last year and a half, Ray had spent a lot of time down there…underground…but he wouldn't give it up. Not a moment of it. He knew that that meant that Felicity had spent a large chunk of four years…going on five down there…trying to make things better. Maybe she was right. Maybe he really needed to push himself towards his Star City initiatives. It wasn’t just like it would benefit random people in the city, it was going to benefit the ENTIRE city…which also meant all of them. It meant that they could have lives outside of the Foundry and out from behind masks and secret (or not so secret as it seemed in Felicity’s case) identities.

“So…” Ray said slowly. “I guess I’ll work on things that I should have been working on…but if I’m stuck, can I have you look at it?” He smirked at her because he knew how it worked between them. “Or do I have to wait two weeks for you to figure it out in two seconds?”

She was beaming. “I’ll take it easy on you…just because I don’t want you to have that hurt puppy dog look…”

“What? I don’t look like that…”

“Oh,” Felicity said, beaming even more as she turned in the chair again. “You definitely do…”

“No, I don’t…”

“Next time, I’ll be sure to snap a picture of the face you make,” she teased brightly.

Ray frowned, he didn’t think he made a weird face like that. Though, if anyone could make fun of him in any and every way and not make him upset at all…it was Felicity. It was obviously also part of her super power. He grabbed his tablet, which was nearby, and opened up his projects that he knew that he should have been on top of, but it just hadn’t been his priority. Sure, some of the stuff had automatically gotten done, but the overall plan hadn’t…which meant that he was going to really have to dig in, in order to keep up with his original timeline.

“That! That’s the look!”

 

 ** < /Flashback >**   
  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Hesitant really wasn’t the right word. It was more than that. Ray was practically terrified, but it wasn’t because of the threat to his family, but with the fact that the pain he’d witnessed Felicity being in only an hour before was still heavily weighing on his mind. He’d wanted to talk about it, to urge her to make another doctor’s appointment, to see if they could get answers…but they’d been behind time because he’d kept stopping getting ready because he’d felt the need to really assess that she was okay.

“See,” Felicity said brightly as she walked with him, Liv in the middle holding both of their hands as they walked. “Everything's fine…” Even though she’d been in enough pain to warrant him taking her to the hospital only an hour before, she was absolutely radiant and from the outside…she didn’t look like anything in the world was wrong. Felicity’s hair was perfectly curled and down, she’d down her make-up, put on her glasses, put on jewelry, and had a black dress that fit tight at the top and the skirt had white polka dots on it that hung loosely from the empire waistline to a bit above her knees. Nothing about her radiated feeling sick or pain or anything…

Ray just smiled back at her, knowing that he could bring up this conversation later on. Right now, their goal was to get Etta, Clara, and Alex to school without a problem. John and Lyla had apparently already stopped by the school an hour before and had touched base to ensure that security would be where it needed to be. The three girls were so excited and had been dressed in their school uniforms and ready to go first thing. They’d lectured him the whole elevator ride down to the lobby about how long he’d taken.

Etta turned back, a huge smile on her face. “You know what would have been more fantastic about today? If Sara got to come to school WITH us!”

“I think that might be a little confusing,” Felicity told her. “She’s never been to school before. She’s homeschooled at home. From what I hear, she SHOULD be in first grade, but she’s actually in second and getting close to jumping to a third grade level for reading and math.”

“But I thought our academy is basically GENIUS school,” Alex said as she looked back and then just started to walk backwards. “I mean, it’s probably JUST her speed…” She looked between Etta and Clara. “Something MORE awesome…if they just MOVED here…”

“Oh my God! YES!” Clara enthused and started to bounce a bit. She started to loose her footing, but Alex caught her and stopped Clara from falling over. Clara was definitely the ‘klutz’ out of the group of girls, though Felicity kept telling him that she’d outgrow it, that she’d just grow into her lengthening limbs. “PLEASE! PLEASE! TELL THEM!” Clara was now bouncing as she begged with her hands grasped in front of her as she attempted to walk backwards.

“Shouldn’t we be begging her parents?” Etta questioned Alex and Clara.

“They’re not here OBVIOUSLY…or we would be doing just that,” Alex told Etta.

It really would be nice if everyone returned back to Star City, but the whole reason why John and Lyla didn’t live there anymore was because ARGUS had them stationed overseas. If they were looking for jobs, then Ray would already be jumping at giving them one, he didn’t care if he had to buy out another company in order to get them employed in Star City. It wasn’t only the kids that would enjoy having them closer…but also Felicity…and himself.

“Maybe think about it today…and then when you see them later for dinner…BREATHE before going into that idea with them,” Felicity suggested.

“There’s totally going to be a presentation,” Alex told them.

Ray let the girls get excited about that concept and bounce it off Felicity as they continued to walk, not much further to go. Oliver was a few feet to the side of them, walking about the same distance in front as the girls. He looked over to the other man and just studied him for a moment. It was clear that Oliver and Diggle did things similarly. They both always seemed like they were on the look out for an ambush, in this case…that was obviously what needed to happen…but they also did it even when there was no threat. It was just how they were wired. Ray in some ways wished he was like that, but deep down he was fairly sure that that would just drive him crazy with paranoia. Him being paranoid wouldn’t get anyone anywhere.

They were nearly to the school when Ray spotted the media. Normally, their strict rule with social media was that their locations could not be tagged (at least not without permission - special events like charity events were the exception to the rule) and they couldn’t be specific about where they were going. This morning, though, they’d given them the green light to tweet that they were excited about returning to school and had tagged the school in the tweet (though, everyone with a camera knew where they all went to school, their routes, their home, and where they worked…it really wasn’t THAT top secret). The whole idea of today, though, was for them all to be on camera and for the media to get their pictures so that they knew that everyone was safe and that the hit men hadn’t done anything.

Being in the media was something that he’d gotten used to over the years, but normally they really tried to shield the girls from it when it was in a day to day capacity. It was one thing for their pictures to be online in the paper after attending a charity event, but that was normally it. The girls knew that when paparazzi, even ones that they’d sort of invited to be there, where there on the street that they were to ignore them and act like nothing was different, so that’s what the girls did.

“We’ve got it from here,” Alex told them. She ran over to Felicity and hugged her before moving on to Liv and then finally him. The girls followed in succession. “We’ll see you all later…we’ll plot for Uncle John’s move back here while at school…”

“I think you’re supposed to LEARN things in school,” Ray told her.

Etta smirked. “World domination…”

“Which can also be related to putting together a concise proposal to convince and plead our case to Uncle John and Aunt Lyla…” Clara said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“We’ll have it done before nutrition.”

“We’ll plot world domination after,” Alex teased and then the three girls headed up the stairs and into their academy.

Ray didn’t miss the boys who seemed to converge on his daughters almost immediately once they were halfway up the stairs. He looked over at Felicity, who was looking at him quite amused. “Why didn’t we send them to an all girls school?”

“What if they like girls?”

“Valid point,” Ray said as he looked over to see that Oliver had followed after the girls a moment after and had disappeared into the building for just a minute. “I guess boys are just more intimidating to me as a father…”

“Girls aren’t innocent.”

“Well, OURS are.”

Felicity just grinned. “Let’s head to work…”

“What do you think Oliver was doing?” Ray asked her as Oliver made it back down the stairs.

“Doing what you had wanted to do without the cameras picking up on it.”

“He obviously deserves a raise…”

Felicity picked up Liv a moment later when she started to whine about walking. Normally, Liv was all for walking. The journey from their penthouse to the girls’ academy to Palmer Technologies really wasn’t that far, but perhaps this was a day where they should have brought the stroller along. Felicity held Liv on her hip and they walked on like normal. “Or you know, that green suit you were talking about…”

“I think it might have to be BOTH,” Ray told her. He’d thought about asking her to let him carry Liv, she wasn’t THAT heavy, but thirty some odd pounds was heavy especially for someone who was in pain not long ago. Ray, though, knew from being married to Felicity for how long they’d been married that she’d brush it off and she’d scold him about suggesting such a thing. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to watch her like a hawk, though.

They were nearly to Palmer Technologies when Ray caught Felicity’s arm before she could really trip. Oliver was right there to take Liv from her, it was clear to Ray that Felicity had had another bout of severe and debilitating pain. They were close to the office AND they were close to the press, who would be expecting them to come in together.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” she told him in a very much not okay tone as she tried to push herself completely upright even though she was still clinging to him.

All his instincts told him to scoop her up and to hail a cab and get her to a hospital, but he knew that wasn’t what she wanted and that once they were in the confines of their offices that he could insist that she take it easy and for a doctor visit be brought up. “Okay, I’m going to walk with you,” Ray said as he moved so that it would look natural and just very loving of them to walk side by side, the entire time Ray holding Felicity upright. “We’re almost there.”

Felicity nodded. “I’m fine. I am.”

“You’re lying…” he whispered. Ray started to walk with her and noticed that Oliver had Liv, he set her down and they started to walk right along with them. To anyone outside of their family, they might think that Oliver was a bodyguard or just a friend that was holding Liv’s hand. Right now, Ray really didn’t care about the media or what they looked like to the public. His concern was with his wife.

“We’re almost there,” Oliver said quietly, yet firmly with a nod.

It was like they were on some mission. To Ray, it was ridiculous, but he KNEW why this was so important. It wasn’t just important to Felicity…because really it wasn’t important to Felicity…it was because she knew that it was important for the image of the company. Felicity understood how it affected the board’s thoughts about both of them as well as a ‘brand’ as well as how it affected the stock points. Ray could care less about all of that. Their company could lose every single stock holder and he wouldn’t care, just as long as Felicity was okay and his children were safe. Health and safety, that’s all that mattered to him.

“John’s going to meet us at your office in ten minutes,” Oliver spoke up as they hit the media waiting right outside of the building.

Ray could feel Felicity straighten a bit more and try to pull from his hold, but he kept her tight against him, his worry for her falling over outweighed anything she could argue at him once they hit the elevator. There were questions thrown at them, but Felicity just smiled in response while Ray requested that they all submit questions for them to respond to in a more thorough form. This of course, was his way of procrastinating while at the same time trying to protect his wife.

They were in the elevator in a matter of seconds and Oliver had made sure that it was only the four of them, quickly holding down the close door button and then while still holding it, he pressed for the specific floor until it started to move. It wouldn’t stop, not once, Ray knew that and he was thankful for it. He relaxed his hold on Felicity and looked at her, studying her.

“I’m fine,” she whispered, but didn’t look at either of them.

“You don’t look fine.”

“Mommy okay?” Liv asked with concern in her little high pitched voice. She looked up to them both and her big blue eyes pleaded for her answer.

“Mommy’s fine, Sweetheart,” Felicity immediately assured.

Ray just watched her the entire time. She was leaning back against the elevator wall with her eyes now closed. He looked over to Oliver, who seemed worried as well. It dawned on him that Oliver had no idea why Felicity was in pain, no clue whatsoever, but this wasn’t really the time to bring it up. He knew that it would just dredge up things for Felicity and that wasn’t something he wanted. It was something he could bring Oliver up to speed on later when they were alone. It was something that Oliver needed to know and he needed to know what to do if the pain returned when Ray wasn’t around.

“We don’t have to stay the whole day,” Ray brought up. It was the nice part of being in charge of things, they could work from home. Felicity, especially, good work at home or somewhere else. She was the one who normally just needed her tablet and wifi and she was good to go. “We could just check e-mail and—“

“There are NO important meetings today?” Felicity questioned.

“I suppose that depends on your definition of important,” Ray countered.

“Ray—“

“I’m not making a big deal of things…I just think that we should leave ourselves open in case we need to leave today for any reason because of security with the girls AND I thought we were going to pick them up after school’s out?”

The elevator doors opened and Felicity grabbed hold of his arm, leaning on him for support as they exited. The clear walls of their offices showed them that John Diggle and his family were already waiting for them. No matter what she needed, Ray was going to be there for her and to do anything and everything she needed.

“Did they have a kid that I forgot about?” Ray asked when it was obvious that Sara wasn’t the only child in the office with Diggle and Lyla. There was another child and from what Ray could see, it was a boy who was just around the same height as Sara.

“Not unless I forgot too…” Felicity whispered.

The group closed the distance between them and the Diggles in no time. Liv ran to Sara and was immediately hugging her. The girls didn’t get to see each other in person that often, but there was generally Skyping between the older girls and Sara at least once a week and Liv would always pop in on those conversations.

“You my best friend,” Liv told Sara as she hugged her.

“Did we miss a Christmas card and a whole bunch of birthdays?” Ray finally asked , a bright honest smile in place, once he was hugging Diggle again. There was just never enough hugging when good friends were in town.

“We actually have a LOT of announcing to do,” Lyla said.

It was then that Ray realized that not only did they have a little boy with them, but Lyla was also quite visibly pregnant. “Oh…wow…should you be traveling? How far along are you? Why didn’t you—“ he started to ask as he turned to Diggle who just patted his shoulder.

“Just breathe,” Diggle told him.

Ray watched as Lyla embraced Oliver and they gave him a few moments to see how big Sara was. He realized that Oliver and gone missing not long after Sara had been born. Ray had been part of Sara Diggle’s life more than Oliver had. He wondered if that was weird.

“So, we wanted it to be a surprise…but we have a new addition to our family and we WILL be having a new addition in a couple of months,” Lyla announced. “This is Mateo…he’s been living with us for the past few months since his parents went missing in the field. So, even though we have different last names…he’s still very much part of the family.”

“He’s TWO months younger than I am,” Sara announced.

“And how are you liking being a Diggle?” Felicity asked him as she crouched down to be at the kids’ level.

“We go on a lot of trips,” Mateo responded. “And I don’t go to school at school…”

“While on that subject,” Felicity said as she looked towards Lyla and Diggle. “Our girls have hatched his plan that there will be a presentation at dinner in which to persuade you to move back here…”

“You sure that those girls aren’t biologically yours?” Diggle teased.

Felicity smirked. “Not unless this is some kind of ‘Doctor Who’ episode…and this is all some kind of timey whimey thing that I don’t yet know about…”

“You have kids that aren’t yours?” Mateo asked.

“Well, it’s a long story—“ Ray started.

“They technically aren’t ours…but they ARE ours…we adopted them…but that doesn’t mean anything, it’s the fact that we’re a family and that we love each other that means that they’re ours,” Felicity explained quickly. “We don’t love them any differently than we love Liv…but I know that it takes time to feel like you belong…”

Mateo just nodded.

As Ray watched her talk to the little boy, all he could think about was how good Felicity was with kids and what a good mother she was. He knew all those things, but it hit them that they’d never really discussed children while they were dating, engaged, or marriage. When the girls had needed to be adopted, it had just be a no brainer. He remembered Felicity had been like ‘well, of COURSE you HAVE to adopt them’ and then she’d gone on about how he could do it and how she’d be right there with him the whole time. They were engaged shortly after that and Felicity really had stepped in as their mother since day one and had never stopped, she’d been there for them for anything and everything. Liv had been a surprise to both of them, she hadn’t been planned, but they hadn’t precautioned against pregnancy either once they were married…but they couldn’t have loved her any more.

It really wasn’t until his family had slowly come together on its own, in its own time, that Ray had even realized how much he had WANTED a family. The truth was, he’d give it all up…the money, the company, Star City, and even his tech for his family… He’d live on a farm with no electricity or anything modern like that if he had to, just as long as he had his family. Of course, he didn’t think he’d do well on such a backward place. Felicity was right, he wouldn’t survive long during the zombie apocalypse unless he learned to adapt to the world around him instead of making the world adapt to his will.

“We didn’t think we’d see you until dinner,” Felicity said as she moved to sit in a nearby chair.

“But then Oliver texted,” Diggle spoke up.

Now Felicity was looking at him. He knew that she didn’t want to be fussed over. He knew that she didn’t want a big deal made of what had happened, but he couldn’t just ignore what had happened. “Right, so…I was thinking that maybe you guys could go off…hang out…catch up…I’ll take care of things here,” Ray said as he slowly made up what should now be done as he stood there.

“Ray—“

“When have you had the chance to see Oliver, John, Lyla, and the kids?”

She stared at him.

He knew it wasn’t fair.

“Plus, I’ll just ask you to take it easy here,” Ray pointed out. He was going to have a hard time not being able to actually keep his own eyes on her, but he knew that she’d be in good hands. “I can disable the wifi…”

“I can hack your files from my phone…WITHOUT wifi,” she countered.

“There’s a park not far from here,” Diggle pointed out. “I promised the kids that we’d let them play…I’m sure Liv would love to run around for a bit…then we can go back to the penthouse? We can order lunch and then plan what we want to make later?”

“It’s a good plan,” Ray said quickly and a bit too enthusiastically. He couldn’t help the enthusiasm though, it came naturally and he just couldn’t turn it down.   “Park?!” Liv shouted. “We go to park?!” The little two year old was bouncing now. Her blonde ringlets bouncing with her, her big bow clipped in her hair was the only thing keeping the curls out of her face as she continued to excitedly bounce. A jump even came into play.

Felicity sighed in response.

“Jerry is already rescheduling every meeting,” Ray told her. “I gave him the head’s up over an hour ago.”

She wasn’t pleased, but she wasn’t arguing either.

“Great…it’s settled then!”

“What about the girls?” Oliver asked.

“We’ll figure it out when we get closer to that time…” Ray said slowly and he could see that Felicity was staring at him. Neither one of them liked not having a plan, a solid plan. The first day the girls started school in Star City, they had itineraries for every single part of the day, just to make sure that they’d have a buffer and would get the girls on time. They’d even come up with back-up plans in case the girls needed an earlier pick-up for whatever reason.

He didn’t miss the wince that crossed Felicity’s face and her hands covering across her abdomen. Ray noticed, though, that she was really trying to keep quiet about it with everyone there. They were all family, but he knew that she didn’t want a big deal made of things…but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to make a big deal of it. It would just have to be in private. “Could you guys give us a minute?” Ray asked.

“Yeah, of course,” John responded without a second thought.

“Come here,” Ray said as he grabbed Liv and spun her around before kissing her and hugging her thoroughly. “Daddy’s going to miss you.”

“I in charge?” Liv asked.

“Of course,” Ray told her. “Do you think you can watch everyone?”

Liv nodded.

“Good girl,” he whispered before kissing her again. “I love you…be good, okay?”

“Love you too,” Liv replied as he set her down before hurrying out after everyone else. “Be good, too, Daddy!”

Ray let out a short laugh before he turned to Felicity and let out a low sigh. They really didn’t have that much privacy in their offices because of the glass walls. His idea of tinting glass was sounding better and better by the minute to him. He kneeled down in front of her as he took her hands in his.

“I’m fine,” Felicity said before he could say anything.

He was worried. There was no way that that wasn’t clear to his wife. “It’s one thing to have one bought of pain…but this is three in less than two hours, Felicity…”

“It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“I’m worried that it’s worse…”

“Ray—“

“Just please make an appointment with your doctor? It doesn’t have to be today, but I’d love it if it were… I understand you wanting to spend time with John, Lyla, and Oliver all together.” All he honestly wanted were assurances that his wife was still okay. They’d known that there could be almost like phantom pains since the accident, but this was something more. “I know you say you’re fine, but just think of it as appeasing my worry?”

“Okay,” Felicity replied quietly.

“We should tell Oliver.”

“I will…” she assured. “Just…let me find the right time?”

“He KNOWS that there’s something wrong.”

“But he’s not going to press me for information while I’m at the park,” Felicity explained. She paused for a moment. “Or at least, I don’t think so…”

Ray smiled at her and touched her cheek. “He cares about you, Felicity. I’m sure he’s going to be waiting for ANY opening to ask the question and voice his own concern for you…and he doesn’t even know about this morning or likely what I just saw in this office.” When she looked down, he knew that she was having a hard time. He was trying to make it easier for him. If it had just been them, if everyone wasn’t in town and their world wasn’t chaotic…then he would have called the doctor that morning and he would have driven her to the doctor himself or have just taken her straight to the ER. He knew that she wasn’t a child, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t care and love and treasure his wife.

Trust.

Sometimes trust was hard. He just had to trust that Felicity would take care of herself and KNOW when she really needed to go into the doctor or the hospital. Ray just couldn’t help his worry for her. There were times like these where Ray wished that he could bottle up exactly how he felt about Felicity. It wasn’t just about love, the unconditional love. It was the worry, the fears, the joy, the potential, and every other emotion he felt about her. If he could just SHOW her exactly what he meant to her.

Words just weren’t enough.

“I’m afraid.”

Her words couldn’t have been more honest.

The tone was heartbreaking though and Ray took a moment as he stared at her, with her gaze downward, to swallow the lump in his throat. “I know,” he whispered. They’d been acting like things were fine. They’d been acting like everything would work out. They didn’t know that. Not for sure. Ray paused and spoke gently and nearly a whisper. “I’m not going anywhere, you know that…”

“I know…” she whispered back as she looked up at him.

Ray leaned in, wiped away the tears, kissed her, and then kissed her forehead. “We’re going to get through whatever is put in front of us, like we always do…together…” He held her, he held her until he knew that she was reminded that he was there for her and until she relaxed. Only then did Ray know that Felicity was really ready to go with everyone. He kissed her again for good measure before she finally left him.

As Ray watched them all go, an idea hit him.

The ATOM.

The nano technology.

Why had he been so blind all this time?

It was a good thing that he’d asked for all of their meetings to be cancelled for the day because he was going to be far too busy working on his new project. He was determined to adjust the nano tech for his needs. Ray just hoped that it worked. With no knowledge of what Felicity’s doctors would say about her current condition, all he could do was to hope that his nano tech could be fashioned to combat anything that they might come back with.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
   “Ray?”

“Five more minutes,” he muttered.

“What are you doing up here?”

“Working.” Ray’s response was matter of fact and to the point of being uninterested. All he cared about in that moment was finishing figuring out how to get the nano tech working the way that he needed it to. He hadn’t looked up from his project since he’d started on it. All he wanted to do was to figure out how to make the nano tech work for Felicity. There were so many possibilities, of course, because she didn’t have an up to date scan or doctor’s report or anything like that, but Ray felt like adjusting the tech programming could be done easily enough since it would be all in the same ballpark.

Quentin sighed. “Please tell me that there’s a GOOD reason why you’re here?”

“There’s ALWAYS a good reason for everything I do, Quentin, you know that.”

He sighed again. “Ray, can you just stop a minute and actually look at me? I think you and I have got to have a talk.”

“I can’t,” Ray said and moved to type in a new equation into the main computer screen. He had to have the coding just right because it would be a delicate procedure. It wasn’t something so easy as destroying a blood clot, this was a much larger medical issue. “I have to finish this…”

“This is important!”

“So is this!” Ray snapped and finally looked up at Quentin who seemed shocked at how he’d spoken to him. Sighing himself, Ray rubbed his face roughly. He was exhausted. He’d stripped out of his blazer, button-up shirt, and tie and had exchanged it for the STAR Labs shirt that he owned that just seemed to always make its way to his workshop. He’d just needed something more comfortable. It was clear to himself in that moment that he was exhausted to the point that he just felt raw physically and emotionally. “I’m sorry,” he said slowly.

“You going to tell me what you’re working on? What’s so important that you’re here instead of with your wife and girls?” Quentin asked a bit roughly.

Over the last five years, Ray had learned slowly that Quentin Lance was very protective of Felicity. He cared for her as if she were his daughter. Normally Ray appreciated that. Quentin had always been a good grandpa to their girls and ‘father-in-law’ to him. Right now, though, he didn’t really appreciate his judging. It wasn’t like this was an on going thing. “I need to finish this project,” he responded calmly. As much as Ray respected the man, he really didn’t need Quentin judging or questioning his relationship (just like Donna). “It’s important. It’s for Felicity.”

“She doesn’t know anything about it. We’ve all been trying to call you.”

He hadn’t even heard his phone and when he tapped the screen he was not only shocked to see the multitude of calls he’d missed or the texts messages, but what really surprised him was the time. “I—“

“She pinged your phone and figured you were working on something,” Quentin said. “Felicity didn’t seem worried once she saw you were still in the building…but she’s not feeling well… She says she’s fine, but—“

“But she’s not,” Ray finished and couldn’t be angry at Quentin. He really hadn’t been in the first place. It had been all from a place of frustration. “I didn’t realize how late it was…” He motioned to his surroundings. “I used to lock myself up here for days…weeks even…and I just shut out the world…I won’t even realize how much time has passed or that anyone’s trying to get ahold of me…” He paused. “it’s been a really long time since I’ve done it.”

“I’m still waiting for the good reason.”

He deserved to know.

“Please don’t say anything to Donna,” Ray requested before he’d give anything up. He knew that Felicity didn’t want her mother to know, for many reasons, but mainly so she wouldn’t worry.

Quentin seemed to understand suddenly and shook his head. “This is about that accident last year, isn’t it? I thought the doctors said she was okay?”

“There’s so much that happens inside the human body that we can’t predict…so much that you never know if it’s going to heal correctly…what’s going to grow…what’s going to spread…” Ray held up his tablet to Quentin to show him what he was working on, though knew that he was going to need a more verbal explanation of it. “This is nano tech that I had invented…it’s already being used in SOME places for certain minor things…it’s still deemed experimental and tends to be used only in extreme cases. I don’t know why, it’s proven itself to be safe.”

“Okay, so what? You inject Felicity with these tiny robot bugs and they fix things?”

“Basically,” Ray said. “I have to program them to do the correct job, though.”

“Why didn’t we think this up last year?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “It was a lot. I thought I was going to lose her…”

“We all did…”

“I thought I was going to lose everything.”

“So, this…this’ll work?”

Ray shrugged. “I mean, in theory…yes.”

“And in reality?”

“I need her to go to the doctor’s. We need to know EXACTLY why she’s in pain. What’s going on inside of her. I need scans,” Ray rambled. “I need every single thing that I can get my hands on in the way of data, so that I can make sure that these things are perfectly programmed.”

“That’s why you’ve been here all day?”

Ray nodded.

“Well, crap.”

“I hate seeing her in pain…and I kept thinking about what it could mean,” Ray admitted. “I kept thinking about how I could lose her…and how I don’t think I could handle that. How could I live without her? How could I take care of the girls without her? They need a mother. They need a mother more than they need me. How would the company continue? I just—I can’t—I need her,” Ray kept trying to push out exactly everything that had crossed his mind and every single feeling he could think and feel compressed together.

“We’re not going to let anything happen to her,” Quentin said confidently. “Though, I have to ask…why haven’t you said anything to Donna? She knows about the accident, she came to town then…”

“Felicity’s afraid that somehow she’ll be letting her mother down if she knows what all of this could mean…”

“Donna LOVES her.”

“It’s Felicity,” Ray whispered. “We all do.”  
  
  
   *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashback - Four Years Before  >**  
  
  
  


“What are you working on?”

“Something on my list.”

“Ooooo THE LIST,” Felicity teased a bit, but he could hear the smile in her voice without even looking up at her.

“I’ve got to get back on track for this Star City plan.”

“How many things did you check off today?”

Ray frowned deeply. “None.”

“I thought we were moving forward?” Felicity questioned.

He looked up at her and sighed. “How many hours have I been here?”

“Nearly two days,” she supplied as she set food in front of him. “And you’re going to shower and sleep…”

Ray looked back down at what he’d been working on. It felt like he’d only been working on it an hour, maybe that was because he hadn’t gotten as far as he would have liked for two days’ worth of work. “I just don’t know if I can really get through this…AND run the company—“

“Newsflash,” Felicity said. “I’M running the company whenever you hide in here…”

That was true.  
 Looking up at her, Ray smiled. Suddenly, he was beaming. “That’s an excellent idea.”

“Wait. What?”

“YOU should run the company.”

“I have been for the last two days,” Felicity told him. “You need the sleep to comprehend what I’m telling you.”

“No! No, I’m thinking perfectly clearly,” he insisted. The problem was that he wasn’t quite perfectly getting his meaning across to her. “I’m saying that YOU should run the company instead of me…ALL of the time.”

Felicity just stared at him like he was crazy for a moment. Silence hung between them before she finally spoke up. “No.”

“What?”

“No.”

“Felicity—“

“You do realize that right now my life is Palmer Technologies AND Team Arrow…I don’t have time for all of your extra paperwork and meetings and everything else that comes with being CEO,” Felicity told him. “I’ll stick with being VP if that’s okay.”

“You sure? Because I think you’re a better CEO than I am…”

“You know,” Felicity said quietly as she leaned against his work table. “When I first started to work at this company…back when it was called Queen Consolidated…I was just some lowly and lonely IT girl who would have never in a million years thought that I would have come so far…”

“Lowly IT girl? I have never seen you in that way, Felicity. I’m surprised you were JUST an IT girl back then,” Ray admitted. He’d seen Felicity’s background. Everything about her, especially her educational background he knew. “I might have hired you for VP right off the bat.”

Felicity beamed at that and shook her head. “I was a different person back then.”

“You’ve always been Felicity.”

“I lived in this little sphere…”

Ray just stared at her for a moment. This was a woman who had steered him onto a completely different path than he had originally thought possible. The ATOM. Nothing with Palmer Technologies was exactly where it was supposed to be headed…at least, not in the direction it was going now (which wasn’t a bad thing). Because of Felicity Smoak, Starling City would be Star City and a much better place to live.

“You brighten the entire world,” Ray insisted. “I don’t think that’s a new thing. You change people…for the better.”

“Not so sure about that.”

“I am.”

Silence.

Felicity was the first to break it. “Well, that can be debated later…after you eat, shower, and sleep…and in THAT order.”

Ray sighed. He couldn’t argue with her. Her points were all too valid, even though he hadn’t heard them this time around. There was fair certainty that he had the entire lecture memorized. “Okay…”

“And I’ll see if there are any checkboxes on your list that I can cross off while you’re in the shower…”

“You’re an angel…”

“You flatter far too easily.”

“You make it easy,” he told her as he just stared at her. Ray moved closer, touching her cheek gently before kissing her. God, he had no idea how his life would have been if he’d never met her…or if their lives hadn’t gone as they had…his life wouldn’t have been quite so adventurous.    

  
  
 **< /Flashback  >**  
  
 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Ray rode home with Quentin, even though it was a quick walk home, it was nice to have the chance to talk about some things. It wasn’t often that just the two of them got to talk, of course…unless Ray had lost track of the time and Quentin had to lecture him and then drag him home. Though, that pretty much never happened…just like them having the time to talk together, just the two of them.  Quentin spoke up when they were about halfway home. “Now…that we’ve discussed WHY I went to find you… I wanted to tell you that you can breathe easy now.”

“What?”

“As far as the assassinations are concerned.”

“They talked?”

“We might not get a lot of crime anymore here in Star City, but that doesn’t mean that we still don’t know how to do our jobs,” Quentin told him a bit gruffly. “I questioned them and finally got a name out of them, which led me to threats that had been received by the company—“

“We’ve received threats before, but this one was different—“

“And this bad guy is different…”

“Different how?”

“Metahuman.”

“Really?”

“Apparently he was blaming Palmer Technologies for what happened to him,” Quentin continued to explain. “Or well…Queen Consolidated.”

“I still don’t understand,” Ray said slowly. Nothing that Lance was saying made sense to him. “STAR Labs was responsible. The particle accelerator… I mean, I can see people not all connecting the dots with that…”

“He wasn’t in Central City when it happened.”

“Another one?”

Quentin shrugged. “So, I called in reinforcements. They’ve already got him in their off the grid prison.”

“If he was a metahuman…why didn’t he just come after us?” Ray asked. He was even more confused now. He knew about STAR Labs, the particle accelerator, and Team Flash. They were his buddies. Central City really wasn’t THAT far away. It had been some time since they’d seen each other in person. At least a year. Ray missed them. He’d wanted to steal away Caitlin and Cisco and give them jobs, but they just wouldn’t leave Barry or Central City, that was their mission and he respected that. Of all the metahumans that he could think of, they could all use their powers in a negative way…even if they didn’t. “Why did he hire assassins?”

“He apparently tried to get his answers from Queen Consolidated’s PR office at first and then had apparently talked to you and Felicity directly. At least that’s what I’m being told. I haven’t gone through and checked your visitor logs or had your footage put through one of Felicity’s facial recognition programs,” Quentin told him as he parked. “The guy used to be a star athlete, but was also extremely intelligent…and the particle accelerator apparently made him a quadriplegic and he can’t verbally communicate. So, since he can’t act out his own plans, apparently he can push thoughts into people’s heads. It was a hell of an interesting way to confine him and get him to Central City.”

“So…he could convey plans, but he couldn’t just like get Felicity and I to do what he wanted?” Ray asked even more confused.

“Hey, I’m not an expert in this field,” Lance said. “But maybe he did try to use his abilities on you two and you didn’t give him what he wanted…because you were actually honest. He hadn’t factored that in. He didn’t know any better.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. All I know is that they said that they weren’t sure if that was his only ability.”

“Man, I thought that

“Cisco actually posed the idea that perhaps he knew to threaten your entire family because he KNEW that it would elicit a response.”

“Well, I guess at least we know WHY…and WHO…and maybe he’ll finally get the answers he wanted?” Ray threw out there. He knew that the whole goal of Team Flash’s imprisonment of the metahumans they took in was to rehabilitate them; they were supposed to learn about their powers, how to control them and when, and how to live as part of society (the non-criminal side). “At least everyone’s safe now…and he’ll get help…”

“Well, if he accepts it…”

“Right.”

“Either way, good news for my family…that’s all I care about right now,” Quentin said. “And I didn’t say anything about Oliver…though…Cisco kept bringing up that apparently there was something on social media about a vigilante being back in the city…”

“You just kept changing the subject, didn’t you?” Ray asked as he looked over at Quentin. He knew how Cisco worked, he was genius but he was also curious, and he also knew how Quentin avoided things. There was a reason for him to do it, though, it was obvious that Oliver wasn’t okay with everyone knowing that he was back…that he was alive.

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

“They’re going to call Felicity.”

“Hopefully tomorrow.”

“Hopefully,” Ray echoed with a smile and a bit of a huffed laugh.

Quentin looked directly at him. “Now, I know that you and I don’t have the longest relationship…and you don’t know Oliver Queen like I do…but do you have ANY idea if he’s going to actually see any of the other people that had been in his life?”

“You mean Thea?”

“Thea. Roy,” Lance said and tilted his head to the side. “Laurel. Not that I want him and her…together…because I just always feel like that’s a bad plan.”

“Isn’t she seeing someone?” Ray asked with the biggest smile on his face. “I thought she’s very happy being Mrs. Mayor?”

“Oh, she is…” Quentin sighed. “Am I being dramatic? Aren’t you the least bit worried of Queen stealing Felicity from you? Messing up things?”

“No.”

“How are you so confident?”

“Felicity.”

Quentin sighed again. “I know Donna and I have both voiced our concerns, but it’s only because we love you two…and the girls…we’re just concerned. You get that, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s not necessary.”

“I see how they look at each other. They love each other.”

“They do.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?”

“I loved a woman before Felicity…”

“That’s different.”

Ray frowned. He really didn’t want to get into this conversation, but here Quentin was wanting to have it anyways. Maybe if he had it with him, then he would get Donna to drop it with Felicity. He could hope anyways. “You were married…don’t you still love her? Your ex-wife?”

“Dinah,” Lance supplied and groaned before covering his face for a moment, tilting his head before dragging his hands down his face. “Yeah…okay…so? I don’t think I’m ever going to get over her.”

“I don’t think Felicity and Oliver are ever going to really get over each other, but that doesn’t mean that he’s going to steal her away,” Ray explained. It was all common sense to him, he didn’t get why people worried so much. “He’s a part of her life that I can never erase…and I’m not going to try.”

“So, your plan is to bring him in closer?”

Ray shrugged. “I’m going to do whatever makes Felicity happy.”

“Happy wife, happy life?”

“It’s not such a bad saying.”

Quentin smirked. “It’s actually quite true…”

“So, you said that you’re never going to not love Dinah…is that why it’s so hard for you to make the next move with Donna?”

“You kids with your vigilante identities…your baffling technology…and your inability to keep your noses out of other people’s own personal business.”

Ray was the one smirking now. Maybe he and Quentin needed more of these moments, it was nice. “She loves you. We all see it. We just want you to be happy.”

A moment later, Quentin was pulling a ring out of his blazer inside pocket. He was grinning like crazy. “I’ve been carrying this around since the last time Donna was here…it just never seems like the right time, you know?”

“Do you love her?”

“Yes.”

“Then just tell her…and ask her…” Ray smiled, he knew that they might not all appreciate Donna being so close ALL of the time, but it was always nice to have family nearby. “You know everyone will be happy for you both…”

“Maybe now that the dark cloud of assassination isn’t hanging over your heads, Donna and I can find the right moment…” Quentin’s phone chimed and he groaned when he looked down at it. “I guess we were already spotted and we’re expected to make our way upstairs in a timely fashion.”

Ray smirked. “Maybe they just pinged your phone.”

The two of them headed up to the penthouse to find everyone still there. No kids in sight, but Ray was fairly sure that that meant they were all in his kids’ bedrooms playing and making up for lost time. Felicity wasn’t in sight, but that meant nothing. It was late, she could be bathing Liv or putting her in bed for all he knew. It was when he realized that Donna wasn’t around either that made him worry. Sure, she could be with the kids, but he couldn’t stop himself from going immediately to a place of concern and worry for his wife.   “Sorry I lost track of time…” Ray apologized as he moved in farther. Oliver, John, and Lyla looked like they’d been having a good time, likely catching up. “You know how I am when I’m working on a project…”

“Felicity is normally the one who has to pry you away from it.”

Ray laughed. “You’re right…and she usually locks me out of…well…everything until I do what needs to be done…like sleeping, eating, and showering… I guess it’s been a while since that’s happened…just got wrapped up with things.”

“It happens,” John said and seemed to shrug it off.

“You did miss some really good chicken and eggplant parmigiana,” Lyla told him. “Pretty sure that there are still leftovers in the kitchen though.”

“If you’re lucky.”

Ray just smiled at them, his hands on his hips. He was actually pretty bummed that he’d missed this dinner, it looked like everyone had had a really great time. “You guys are staying for a while, right? This wasn’t like the ONLY family dinner I missed out on?”

“We already received our presentation on the many reasons why we should stay,” Lyla spoke up with an amused smile. “The girls are extremely thorough…”

“They’re going to be dangerous,” John told her and he sounded serious.

“Still not sure that settling down is really going to happen, though,” Lyla said.

Oliver let out a laugh. “You guys are about to be a family of five…are you really going to keep moving wherever ARGUS sends you? I mean, at least if you guys lived here…if you needed to go on a mission, then you have family to take care of the kids…”

“He’s not wrong,” Quentin chimed in.

“I told the girls that we’d talk about it…and think about it…and we WILL be here for at least a couple of weeks…” Lyla said. “You guys will likely all be sick of us by then.”

“You know what would make this visit even better?” Ray brought up. It was something that needed to be said. He knew that Felicity said that she’d talk to Oliver about it, but maybe it would be better if it was a thought announced to the ENTIRE group. After all, Thea and Roy were people that he and Felicity as well as John and Lyla considered family. The fact that Thea was also Oliver’s sister was really just a bonus in the grand scheme of things. “We should invite Thea and Roy…it’s been a while since we’ve ALL been together.”

“I don’t think I’m exactly ready—“ Oliver started to wind up an excuse, but Lyla interrupted him before he could get the entire thing out.

“I think it’d be great! I think I have their satellite number in my phone,” Lyla said as she started to reach down to try to fish her phone out of her purse.

“By the way,” Ray said slowly. “Where are Felicity and Donna?”

“Felicity wasn’t feeling well,” Oliver supplied. “And Donna insisted on making sure she got into bed okay…” The happiness faded from Oliver’s face and it was instantly replaced by worry, a worry that Ray knew well.

His smile faded a little and he just pressed his lips tightly together before giving a nod. “Well, I’m going to go and check just to make sure that everything is okay…” He excused himself and moved down the hallway, he peeked into the girls’ rooms as he went. His three older girls were all together while Liv, Mateo, and Sara played in Liv’s room. There was just so much happiness between those three rooms, he was a little afraid to find discord at the end of the hallway.

Weirdly, he found himself knocking on his own bedroom door before peeking inside. It was more because he didn’t know what exactly he going to be walking into. When it involved Donna Smoak, anything was possible. When he looked in, he found Felicity in bed and Donna sitting on the edge of the bed who was also signaling him to be quiet. So, he was. Quietly, he closed the door behind him and moved towards Donna.

“She wasn’t feeling well,” Donna said, but didn’t look at him.

Felicity was curled up on her side, pillow under her arm and another against her back keeping her in place. She looked peaceful, like she was fast asleep, but he knew that she hadn’t felt well earlier so he tried to keep that in mind. Obviously she’d felt bad enough to go to bed leaving the others up. Liv was even up still and wasn’t tucked into bed…Ray didn’t even think that she’d been bathed since he was fairly sure that she wasn’t in PJs yet.

“Thank you…for taking care of her…” Ray responded quietly. He didn’t know what else to say.

“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”

“Donna—“

Donna Smoak looked back at him and seemed sad. Maybe he shouldn’t have kicked him out of the penthouse, but he really thought that it was for the best as far as sanity and stress went. “Everyone else just seems to know…or maybe it just feels that way, but I don’t know why Felicity would want to keep something serious from me.”

He wanted to tell her, because Ray DID think that she should know but at the same time he felt like he should really respect Felicity’s wishes…at least for now. “She wasn’t feeling well earlier,” Ray covered. “I’m going to make sure that she sees her doctor tomorrow…there was just a lot going on today with John and Lyla being in town.”

“I can watch Liv tomorrow while Felicity goes to her appointment if that’ll help? Or if she wants me to go with her?”

Smiling, Ray moved over to her and wrapped an arm around her, half hugging her, before kissing her temple. “I’ll make sure she knows, okay?”

“I just worry about her…” Donna told him as she paid all her attention to Felicity as she brushed hair out of her face. “I know I upset her the other day…but I mean well, I do… I worry about her. She’s such a good girl… She’s always been so smart, but she has such a huge heart. It’s all good, but she always takes care of herself last.”

“I think you just surprised her.”

Donna looked back at him. “You do WANT kids, right?”

“We have four.”

“I meant more.”

“I am perfectly happy with our family how it is,” Ray explained. “But I would also be open to expanding it. Ultimately, that’s a decision that Felicity and I will make.”

“You sound like Felicity.”

“We talk.”

Donna smiled at him. “Okay, Sweeties.” She leaned down and kissed Felicity’s cheek. Getting to her feet, Donna turned to him. “Now, do you need some help getting the girls into bed? I could bathe Liv?”

Normally, he’d thank her but pass on her offer. Not tonight. “That would actually be great, Donna…”

“Why can’t I get you ever call me Mom?”

“You just never look old enough to be my mom.”

That lit up Donna’s face like the sun. Her hand patted his shoulder for a moment. “Oh Ray, if you weren’t married to my Felicity and if I weren’t head over heels in love with Quentin…well…well, things might just be different…or creepy…” She tilted her head. “I’m not quite sure which one it would be…but I’d be swooning over you…”

He took that as a compliment since he was sure that was how Donna had intended it. “Thank you for helping… I’m just going to take a couple of minutes and then I’ll be back out. I’m sure that Mateo and Sara are probably getting sleepy…it’s past my girls’ bedtimes so I would think it’s past theirs too.”

“I think they were waiting for you to show up.” She patted his shoulder again. “I get Liv started.”

“Thank you,” Ray said as he watched her go. “Mom.”

She looked back at him, a huge smile on her face.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 Donna and Quentin had been the last ones to leave. Donna had bathed Liv, put her in one of her princess nightgowns, and then had read five books to her. Ray had read her the final book before she’d finally fallen asleep. Liv had kept asking for mommy, but luckily she’d fallen asleep. Ray’s ‘Plan B’ was going to be putting the two year old in bed with Felicity. He watched her sleep for another moment. She was curled up with her zebra, whale shark, and baby doll.

Eventually, he made his way in to check on the older girls. Etta was already asleep in her bed, apparently she’d been the first one to shower and to turn in. Clara and Alex, however, were still up reading…which was pretty much normal. They were the two that sometimes they’d have to threaten to take away their current reads in order to get them to go to sleep. “Time to sleep,” he told them.

“Five more pages?” Clara asked sweetly.

Alex tilted her head and frowned a bit. “One more chapter?”

“Aren’t you two reading the same book today?” Ray asked. He swore that he’d seen them both reading the same thing, in fact…he was certain that Etta was reading it as well. “School book?”

“School book,” they said in unison.

“What page are you two on?”

“Seventy-three,” Clara said.

“Seventy-five,” Alex responded.

“Almost done with the chapter?” Ray asked as he sat down on the bed between the two girls and took Alex’s book from her to inspect how many pages were still left. “Clara, catch up…and I’ll read the last few pages aloud.”

“Oooooo you’re going to read aloud? Lucky us!”

As he waited, he thumbed through the book to see exactly what they were reading about. It was definitely a heavy topic and he wasn’t sure how he felt about his girls reading about it. The reading level for the book was easy enough and he could understand why Etta was reading it, too, but Ray almost wondered if perhaps this was a book that they shouldn’t be reading until they were sixteen or even eighteen.

“Done,” Clara announced several minutes later.

Ray started to read and made sure that he looked up every now and then to see how the girls were enjoying things. They seemed to be drawn in by every word. The content still concerned him, but it was something to talk to Felicity and possibly the girls a different day. “Okay, that’s the end of that chapter.”

“One more chapter, please?” Clara asked in a sugary sweet tone that Ray often had a hard time resisting.

“Bed,” Ray told them firmly. “Now.”

Both girls whined before kissing his cheek before getting into their respective beds. He made sure that they were both tucked and lights were off before he finally made his way back towards the master bedroom. He hadn’t heard anything from the room, so he assumed that Felicity was still fast asleep. The room was dimmed and he found Felicity still in bed, fast asleep. He watched her for a long moment before turning to the bathroom, for a quick hot shower, before he finally turned in for the night.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Ray, like most nights, had dreamed of many things. Some of his dreams were spent dreaming about putting together new inventions while others were about Felicity and their girls. That night, though, the only thing that Ray remembered when he woke with a start was the fact that he’d dreamed all night, trapped in a nightmare worrying about Felicity.

“Ray! I need you! You’ve got to get up! It’s Felicity! We’ve got to call nine-one-one!”

The voice had scared him, not because he didn’t know it, but it wasn’t one that he expected so early. The words, though, as they hit him…it was like he’d woken into his nightmare. At first, Ray didn’t believe them, but then he looked over and saw that the other side of the bed was empty.

Oliver.

He had been the one who had rushed into his bedroom.

Throwing the covers off of him and not caring what little he was wearing, he hurried out of his room and down the hallway to where he found Oliver Queen hovering over his wife, who was on her back, on the ground. Could he still be dreaming? Was that possible? The last he remembered, Oliver had left with the others the night before. How was he in the penthouse then? How had HE been the one to find Felicity?

“We have to call for an ambulance,” Oliver told him as he just stood there, still trying to figure out how the other man had gotten in their home. “She’s breathing, but she’s not waking up…” Oliver was just staring at him. “Has this happened before? It might have something to do with the pain she’s been experiencing.”

The pain.

God.

Guilt hit Ray like a truck and he realized that he should have insisting on her going to the ER, the hospital, to the doctor…anywhere the day before in order to get Felicity looked at. It was then that he snapped out of it and hurried to the kitchen to grab their phone and dialed emergency immediately. He knew that Oliver wanted answers and he deserved them. He deserved to understand what most everyone else had, but no one had spoke of.

“Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?”

“My wife,” Ray pushed out as he looked back to where Oliver was hovering over her. “She collapsed…we just found her on the floor…she’s not responding. We need help. Please.”

“Is she breathing, Sir?”

“Yes.”

“Can I have your name?”

“Ray Palmer.”

“I have your location, Doctor Palmer. I’m dispatching emergency services now to your residence. Do you want to hold the line?”

“Just tell them to get here quick,” he said before hanging up. Ray moved to where Oliver was. “How did you get in?” he had to ask.

“Diggle gave me his key, since I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be here this morning to escort anyone anywhere… I knew Felicity didn’t feel well last night and I figured that if I made breakfast, that might make things easier on all of you…” Oliver explained. “What’s wrong with her?”

“Last year, she was in a bad car accident,” Ray explained. He was glad that Donna had helped Felicity into bed because she’d gotten into her pajama bottoms with the nesting dolls on them and was wearing a purple tank top. He stared down at her for a moment, even though right now she looked like she wasn’t in pain, he knew better. Slowly, Ray pulled her shirt up to her belly button to reveal a splattering of scars, they’d done their best to make them as small as possible, but there were too many. “There are more…but you understand,” Ray said. “Her doctors have painted her a picture she’s just not ready to accept…but I don’t think we should have to. There’s internal scar tissue from the surgeries she had to have…it seems like a lot…we’ve tried everything to alleviate it…”  There were so many things that he wasn’t telling Oliver, but he just didn’t want to get into it right there. Maybe he and Felicity had been living somewhere other than reality these last few months, but none of it was life threatening…it was more life changing. Felicity was only thirty years old and everything that her doctors had thrown at her…at them…it had been too much. There was so much in life that they wanted and they’d turned the whole thing to black and white until one morning where Felicity had told him that they were going to just live life normally and ignore them. She’d started going to acupuncture, deep tissue massage, deep heat therapy, and pretty much anything that she’d seen online where people had said that they’d had any kind of progress in online message board communities.

“She’s going to be okay though, right?” Oliver asked.

“She has to be,” he whispered.

“Dad?”

It was like the world came to a halting stop once again. Ray looked over his shoulder to see Etta standing there, dressed in her uniform for school, she looked absolutely terrified. The sound of sirens wasn’t going to help things, but it comforted Ray as they got louder that help was coming. “She’s going to be okay,” Ray tried to sound as confident as possible as he looked back at Etta. It was then that he realized that he needed to make another call. “Quentin. Donna. Someone. Someone needs to stay here with the girls,” he said, trying to make sense.

Inside, Ray felt like he was barely holding it together, but as he looked at Oliver he didn’t know how he could be so calm. Maybe it was because Oliver didn’t know everything, know exactly what this could mean for them…for their family. Maybe it was just because Oliver was better at hiding his emotions and coping with things like this. Ray didn’t know, but he was glad that there was someone so calm there with him in that moment.

“I’ll stay,” he said. “I’ll ask John and Lyla to come over… Donna and Quentin should be at the hospital with you.”

There was a loud, hurried knock at the door and the other two older girls appeared in the hallway. Oliver must have let them in, because they were at Felicity’s side and telling them that they both needed to move out of the way to give them space. Ray felt so helpless and useless and so much guilt. How could he let this happen? How could it happen to them?

“You just found her like this?” one of the medics asked.

“Yes,” Oliver responded before he could. “She hasn’t been feeling well.”

“I was going to take her to the doctor today,” Ray said, feeling like he was almost in a trance or shocked state. He didn’t know what it was, but he felt like he was trapped in his nightmare and it was all just so hard to cope with. He didn’t feel like his mind was his own. “Last year she was in a car accident, had surgeries to repair all of the damage, and there’s scar tissue…it was fine until yesterday…we thought it was fine…like it was just flaring up…”

“Has this ever happened before?” a medic asked.

Ray shook his head. “No.”

“Can he ride along?” Oliver asked.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was that he was worried about leaving the girls. They’d just met Oliver and though the older girls would be fine, Liv was used to him and Felicity being there when she woke. Ray couldn’t think straight to really think about what Felicity would do if the roles were reversed. The only thing that kept circling in his head when it came to Oliver was that Felicity trusted him.

“Go throw on clothes, Ray,” Oliver said and nudged him towards the hallway as one of the medics left and headed downstairs, apparently to get something else that they needed. “I’ll make the phone calls.”

He just grabbed and didn’t care about matching or if it was publicly suited, right now it didn’t matter…he just had to get on that ambulance with his wife and be there at the hospital to talk to the doctors. Ray was about to walk out of his room after grabbing his cell phone when he paused at the door and looked over at his tablet sitting there.

The nano tech.

His entire day he’d spent in his workshop.

Ray grabbed it and headed out to find three very worried daughters waiting for him. “Are you going to be okay staying here with Oliver until Uncle John and Aunt Lyla get here?” The girls nodded quickly. “If Liv wakes up before they get here—“

“Don’t worry,” Clara said quickly. “Just go. Text us when you know something.”

“And tell Mom that we love her,” Etta added a moment later.

That was enough for him to feel like leaving the girls with Oliver was going to be okay. They had Felicity on a gurney and were ready to wheel her out by the time he made it back to where she’d been on the floor. “Thank you,” he said completely sincere and absolutely grateful that the other man had been there earlier than anyone had expected anyone to show up. A moment later, he looked back, feeling like the world was shattering again. This was how Felicity had felt the other night…and how they’d both felt so many months before…it was like the color had been sucked from the world and that there was no hope left…

There was hope, though.

Ray followed the medics into the elevator and kept holding onto the happiest thoughts of Felicity. His thoughts of them. His thoughts of their family. His thoughts of every single thing they had to celebrate in life.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	13. Pain and Love

She’d gotten up and left bed expecting to get a jumpstart on the day. There had been a dull ache in her body, but nothing else. Her head had been a little fuzzy, but nothing she’d thought that a big cup of coffee wouldn’t fix. Felicity had started the coffee pot, figuring that Ray would also appreciate that once he got up. Breakfast wasn’t something that they made a big deal making every day, cereal or yogurt were normally good enough to suffice for the girls. It really just all depended on the agenda for the day and who was up when. She had decided that she’d do something nice and make breakfast for everyone. Not just breakfast, but a big fancy breakfast with all the works…everyone’s favorites. She’d have enough time to have it all ready before everyone was up. It would be a nice change and she thought a nice start to everyone’s day.

The sound of the coffee pot was already waking her up as she pulled down a mug for her and Ray. Even though the older girls insisted they should drink coffee, she and Ray had been trying to put that off…at least a couple more years. The two mugs sat on the counter and she sighed as she stood there, just watching the coffee pot as it did its thing. There was the saying that a watched pot never boiled and suddenly she was feeling like this was the same thing. It didn’t seem to be brewing as quickly as it normally seemed to when she was busying herself with other things. Of course she could start preparing breakfast, but she really didn’t want to given that she had no coffee in her system…she just wasn’t awake enough.

Instead, she turned her back to the coffee pot and headed out of the kitchen towards the living room area. She told herself that she’d busy herself with picking up Liv’s toys and things, since she could see a couple near the couch, they’d likely been left behind from her playing with her mother and Quentin before Mateo and Sara had come over the night before. “What are you doing out here?” she asked as she knelt down to retrieve a purple stuffed bunny from between the couch and a plant pot. Felicity turned to scan where the next toy she needed to get was when she felt a sharp pain. Holding tight to the bunny, pressing it between her arm and body, she gripped the arm of the couch with her free hand and just breathed.

Breathe.

The pain would pass, she reminded herself.

Breathe.

For a moment, she started to panic and think that the pain wasn’t going to pass this time. That she’d put off going to the doctor for too long. That she was going to have to shout for Ray and likely wake up (and scare) the girls (which was something that she was really trying to avoid). Finally, it subsided and she let out a long breath and stood there for an extra moment before picking up a few other toys and quietly depositing them in Liv’s room. She watched her youngest sleep for a brief moment before she headed back to check on the progress of the coffee. This was really turning into the slowest wait in history for that coffee pot, it really must have known that she really needed it this morning.

That was when it hit.

Doubling over, Felicity fell to her knees a moment later as she held her abdomen. Her eyes watered and she just focused on trying to breathe without pain, but it just seemed to hit her harder and harder. There was something different about this type of pain. It wasn’t like a headache…the abdominal pain always hit her harder. It was harder for her to cope with, she knew that that was why Ray worried so much more. The year before…she’d thought that they’d left something inside of her or something when it had first all happened. All of the surgeries and recovering in the hospital had been enough, let alone the physical therapy that Ray had insisted that they have her do to regain strength she’d had before. Felicity had always sworn that it had been worse because a year really hadn’t been THAT long after having a baby…even if it had been a little more than a year.

“Ray…” she whispered.

It hadn’t been as loud as she’d wanted, but she couldn’t bring herself to be any louder. It was hard enough to breathe. Eventually, the edge of her vision turned black and while the pain was still there…it almost felt like it was dulling even though it wasn’t. Reaching out, to try to steady herself in hopes that that might keep her from blacking out, Felicity just found herself collapsing to the floor. She blinked once, hearing a slight knock before her eyes finally shut and the world around her was gone.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashback - Four Years Before  >**  
  
  
“How was Central City?”

Felicity smiled instantly at his voice and leaned back in her chair as she spun around to face him. “Interesting…”

“Does that mean you and Ray are dating again?”

Her mouth dropped open before she could really think about it. “What are you talking about?”

“Didn’t you meet the family?”

“Yes,” she replied slowly as she played with the fabric on the hem of her skirt. “But that doesn’t mean—“

“It’s been a year, Felicity.”

“I know—“

“He would WANT you to be happy, you know that,” Diggle told her. “He wouldn’t have expected you to keep up with all of this…but you know, we’re also so close to being done with this life.” He paused for a moment and it was like relief hit him suddenly. “I never thought I’d ever say that…and I never thought I’d be so happy about it…”

Felicity just stared at him, tears forming in her eyes, and a lump forming in her throat. She looked away from him, reaching under her glasses to brush away the tears and taking a moment to just breathe. Even though they were in the Foundry every day…and every where she looked reminded her of Oliver and the Arrow…it wasn’t until right then that it really hit her how much she missed him.

“A year,” she whispered sadly and then let out a short laugh. She shook her head. “It still hurts just as much…”

“You’re going to have to come to terms that you may always feel that pain,” Diggle told her gently. He moved towards her. “You two had something special…but Ray…” He was quiet for a moment. “Ray is a good guy. I’ve seen you two together. He makes you smile…laugh…and it seems like he makes you happy…”

And he did.

“Maybe you’re not ready…and that’s okay,” John continued. “But Felicity, you can’t just keep your life on hold because Oliver isn’t coming back.”

She still felt like he was out there.

Somewhere.

“Central City,” Felicity spoke up a moment later as she looked back at John Diggle. He was such a good man and such a good friend. “It was really good…actually… Ray’s sister’s family was incredibly welcoming… I spent quite a lot of time hanging out with his nieces and one of their friends during the day…which probably sounds weird, but—“ She couldn’t bring her to say the rest because she realized in that moment that that really meant that she was ready to move on.

Should she?

The world around her, it was changing. They were changing it. Soon, Starling City wasn’t going to need Team Arrow, masked vigilantes, or a blonde computer hacker trying to fix things. It was coming a lot faster than she expected. SHE had had several hands in it all. Not only had Felicity been helping in the Foundry, but she’d been helping Ray with his Star City project in order to get him back on track and they were actually ahead of things.

“But?” he prompted a beat later.

Tilting her head, Felicity thought over the words and the feelings that revealing those thoughts would mean. It would make it real. She was pretty sure that Diggle could already see the truth in her though, she swore it was still his super power. John Diggle didn’t need a particle accelerator for that, he was like a walking people reader.

“But…it was all really great,” she said slowly, trying to ease into giving him the whole truth. Felicity felt guilty and yet a bit free all at the same time as the rest spilled from her. “And while I was there…I could see myself…having a future…with Ray…” She’d said it, but that wasn’t everything. Sometimes you just didn’t know what you wanted until it was right there staring back at you. “I could see myself as a wife…with children…having this family…and I—I guess I haven’t really thought about having THAT kind of life...in a long time…”

“I’m happy for you.”

Could she be happy?

Could she live that life?

“But what would we do without all of this?” she asked as she slowly turned around in the computer chair. Her arms extended and her hands and fingers motioned in circles to her surroundings.

Diggle grinned at her as he stopped her chair. “We live like normal people.”

“But we’re NOT normal people.”

“We’re not,” he conceded. “BUT that doesn’t mean that we can’t pretend to act like them…”

“Except far superior?” Felicity questioned and smiled at his reaction. Diggle seemed a tad shocked at her wordage. “I mean, WE would survive the zombie apocalypse,” she teased as she motioned between them. He laughed in response. “Does that mean that we’d have like coffee together?”

“Coffee. Dinner. Family events…we ARE a family…don’t you forget that.”

There was comfort in his words. Maybe it was because it was nice hearing it from someone else. Team Arrow had always been her family, but it was nice to hear someone else say it. “That’s something that I’d never forget,” she told him quietly and seriously.

“Birthdays…everything… I mean, I guess that means that I’ve got to get a REAL job.”

Felicity grinned suddenly. “You could always come to work at Palmer Technologies.”

“As your bodyguard?”

“I thought you were always considered Oliver’s driver?” she half teased.

Diggle chuckled. “I think I was SUPPOSED to be both.”

“I’m serious, though…if you want a job with Palmer Tech…we’ll figure something out…find something you want to do.”

“I appreciate that. I’ll think about it.”

“Good.”

“And I want you to think about a future…beyond this basement.”  
  
  
 **< /Flashback >**  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

“I don’t know if you can hear me,” Ray said. “But I'm going to talk anyways…because I know you would if I were the one laying there…” He was quiet for a long moment. Ray’s calm, collected voice was suddenly gone as his voice broke and he barely sounded like he was holding it together. “This is my fault… I should have made you go to the doctor yesterday. I should have taken you to the hospital last night when I came home and you were already in bed. I should have heard…felt…something…you getting out of bed this morning.” His voice really had a hard time holding together his final sentence. “I should have been the one to find you.”

She could hear him.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Felicity didn’t open her eyes, mainly because she didn’t quite feel like she could yet. She was exhausted, pain throbbed in her side. It was then that she remembered exactly what had happened and suddenly everything that she’d heard Ray say slide into context. Felicity suddenly worried that the girls had been the ones to find her. She let out a groan as the pain climaxed for a moment and then plummeted a second later.

“Felicity?”

The words just didn’t seem like they wanted to come out. They were in her head, but she was having issues translating that to her lips, for them to speak them out loud. Felicity, though, moved her fingers, she could feel the simple texture of the blanket that her hand was resting on. A moment later, his fingers were brushing against hers. Even if she hadn’t heard his voice, she would have known it was him.

“Felicity?” he practically whispered. “I’m here… I’m here…”

All she wanted to do was to shout that she was sorry. His fingers brushed along hers again and then slowly, she felt both of his hands take her one. They were warm and gentle. All she wanted to do was to comfort him and let him know that none of this was his fault. Felicity knew, though, that he’d still somehow manage to place blame on himself. It was something endearing even though it was a personal flaw.

“R-R-Ray….” she whispered finally.

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere…”

“The girls…”

This time, the words came easier as her brain started to really cycle on all the things she knew that she should be concerned about. The pain and the fact that she knew that she was in the hospital didn’t matter now. What mattered was who found her and how they were going to take care of things, they’d kept her condition from them. Though Clara and Alex were old enough to understand everything (and Etta was mentally apt enough), they just wanted them to be kids…not to grow up too fast…to not feel any weight on their shoulders.

“They’re fine,” Ray said as her eyes started to slowly open.

Were they, though? Ray wouldn’t lie to her about that, of course. She just knew that sometimes the girls were good at covering their true feelings. But if one of the girls…or multiple girls had found her there on the floor… Felicity just worried so much about them. About them worrying.

“They’re with Mom and Quentin,” he filled in a moment later. “They’re not married yet.”

A small smile tugged at her lips, her eyes opening fully now, and Felicity was finally able to take him in. Ray looked so worried and just…thrown together. She realized that it HAD been before everyone woke when she’d passed out. Suddenly she wondered if somehow her mother or Quentin had found her. They both had keys.

“Who found me?” she finally asked. Felicity could see that he was hesitant and yet struggling with the question. “I heard you…you said that you should have been the one to find me,” she said slowly and gently. Gripping his hand and squeezing it, Felicity didn’t move her eyes from his. “You’re not to blame for me being here…”

“I’m the one who put you in that car last year…”

He was.

Felicity stared at him. They’d had this conversation before. “Please don’t start this…we’ve had this conversation…you know I don’t blame you for that…”

“But maybe I still blame myself.”

Had he really carried that guilt for all this time? Her heart broke a little at that, because she knew that Ray was the type of person that could hold that amount of weight on his heart…even if he’d whittled it down to almost nothing. He’d still carried it. Felicity reached out, brushing his cheek. She wanted to hold him, to tell him everything that she’d told him the last thing that they’d had the conversation but she just wasn’t physically capable of it at the moment.

“You shouldn’t.”  Silence.  It wasn’t exactly a year ago…it was a little more than that. Felicity and Ray had been across town, it hadn’t been a big deal. Palmer Technologies had been opening a new building. They’d been at an event and a car service had brought them both over, but then she’d gone home on her own. At that time, they didn’t own their own vehicles, they’d done away with them because they’d been able to walk everywhere and it just wasn’t something that was a necessity in their life. They’d hardly used them when they had their own. A car service just had just made so much more sense at the time. It had been in a black SUV and she remembered how Ray had kissed her before closing the door and telling her that he wouldn’t be long…that he’d be home in time for dinner.   The drive wasn’t long, but it had ended with her in a rolled SUV’s windshield. Felicity had been buckled before, but all that they could figure was that the buckle had been defective, she had been still buckled in the roll but it wasn’t until the car had almost completely stopped (or at least that’s what she remembered) before she flew forward into the already broken windshield. Afterwards, she’d found out that several vehicles had been involved int he crash.   She’d been awake for some time…it felt like longer, she was certain, than it actually was. The driver hadn’t lived, but she had. People had died that day and she’d just been glad in the short time that followed, that she’d lived and been able to go home to her family. They’d thought that she was going to die, but she didn’t.

Silence.

“Oliver found you.”

Ray’s voice had been almost sad at the quiet admission. Felicity let out a heavy sigh and looked down at their hands, still connected. “If it had been Quentin—“

“I would still be upset with myself.”

“You beat yourself up about far too much,” Felicity reminded. “I know I can’t dictate how you feel, but I can remind you how much I love you…right?”

He seemed to brighten and he turned his mouth into the hand that was brushing her cheek, taking his free hand and turning her hand so that he could kiss the palm of it. Her hand seemed so much smaller inside the safety of his. “I love you.”

“I’m glad that you’re here with me.”

“The doctors…they…”

Felicity was certain that the doctors didn’t have anything positive to say. Sometimes it seemed like they never did. “They said the same things?” she questioned, already knowing the answer from how he was acting. He was scared and so was she. This was their lives. It wasn’t just the fact that it impacted their future, but the fact that it impacted them…there were so many ways that she had never realized that this decision could impact them, their lives, their everything.

A year ago, she’d realized that the pain after the accident hadn’t gone away. She’d healed from all of the surgeries and all the places she’d been stitched up, but the pain was there…worse even. She’d been told that because of the surgeries, how she’d been opened up, and just how things had turned out because of it all…that she likely and scar tissue. It was apparently something that was hard to detect unless you were opened back up, which Felicity found ridiculous. Hadn’t they come farther in medical technology? It had seemed like so many words had been thrown around, but the options of treating the symptoms or a hysterectomy or just hoping that it went away…none of it seemed good to her.

It had been soul crushing. At that time, she and Ray had talked about having another child…but had ultimately decided to wait until Liv was a little older to try to have another one (or even to seriously talk about getting pregnant again), so having that option possibly being taking away from her… It was one thing to have options… Felicity knew that it was selfish to be upset about possibly not being able to have more children because she was blessed with four beautiful girls that were healthy and happy and intelligent…but she couldn’t stop herself from mourning it.

All of the sudden, though, Ray said something that she hadn’t expected to come out of his mouth. “I need you to look at my coding.”

Silence.

Felicity tried to push the words out, but shock was all she could muster as he moved away to grab his tablet. She knew how Ray got when he was working on a project and she knew that he’d been hard at work the night before at his workshop. “Sure…” she said slowly. “I guess I could use a distraction.”

What he set into her hand was definitely not a distraction (well, it was, but she knew that that wasn’t why he was getting her to look at it), she looked from the screen to him and then back again as she scanned through it all. “Have you run simulations?” Using nano technology had been something that they’d done before, but that had been on a blood clot, which she felt like was less severe.

“Not yet.”

“These look right…I mean, I think you’d have to consult with a specialist to ensure that there aren’t any other perimeters to include in this,” Felicity explained to him as she handed the tablet back. “I can’t believe that I—“

“That WE didn’t think of it before?”

She smiled at that and then nodded. “Yeah.”

“We were pretty distracted.”

“But that’s…that’s brilliant, Ray.”

“If it works.”

“It will.”

“Felicity, they don’t even KNOW for sure everything that is wrong—“

There was a knock at the door. “Actually, we have a fairly good idea as to why she’s experiencing the pain that made her pass out.” They found a doctor standing there.

“You do?”

The doctor entered and closed the door behind him. He looked over the tablet he was carrying. “Now, I’ve looked into all of your previous medical entries and I’m a bit surprised that since you had pain before that you didn’t have it further looked into.”

Felicity just stared at the doctor. The doctor was male and Felicity sort of hated that he was a guy, only because men just didn’t understand the pain of everything that came with female organs. It was different and she didn’t feel like they could relate. That was why her OBGYN was a woman, though obviously not that great if she didn’t give her good enough options. Actually, after that appointment, she’d pretty much avoided doctors and hospitals like the plague.

“I used alternative methods to try to ease the pain,” Felicity explained. “All they could tell me was that it wasn’t cancer and that it was likely scar tissue, that it might have been from the c-section I had to have with my daughter or even the accident…that they didn’t even know. My doctor used terms that made my head spin and made me sick when I plugged them into WebMD.”

The doctor cringed.

“There was this dark cloud that was looming over me and I couldn’t handle what I couldn’t control,” Felicity continued to try to explain. “I wasn’t ready to loose something…the possibility of children…not yet…and I figured that if it wasn’t cancer or something LIKE that, then I could ignore it…I could treat the symptoms…which is what they seemed to want to do.” She paused for a moment. “I mean, apparently ANY surgery could cause scar tissue and a whole other host of possibilities…and none of them were good…”

“You mean like adhesions?” the doctor asked.

Felicity just stared at him. “That sounds familiar.”

“Yours have taken a long time to develop, but it might just be that the adhesions were smaller in the beginning and that they’ve only very recently been interfering with your everyday life activities, which is why you’re experiencing all of the extreme pain.”

“What do you do about adhesions?” Ray brought up.

It was a good question and Felicity was waiting for another ‘treat the symptoms’ lecture. She just wanted to curl up and sleep for a long while…hoping that the pain would go away…and then she could just go home to her family.

“Surgery.”

“No,” Felicity spoke up firmly.   Scar tissue.

Endometriosis.

Adhesions.

Was there any more?

Had they missed other things?

Was any of it even right?

Felicity was done.

She didn’t miss the look that Ray gave her, the extremely worried one. Felicity couldn’t help it, though. She knew what that meant. What wasn’t being sad. It meant that there could be more internal chaotic madness going on and she just didn’t want that. Was it really worth the risk?

Ray was obviously confused. “Felicity—“

“Even IF you do surgery…there could be the same complications.”

“Of course,” the doctor told her. “When we have a camera in you, there’s a possibility that we could remove—“

“No,” Felicity repeated.

“No?”

“No.”

For the first time in about a year in a half, this was the best feeling she’d had in a medical discussion. It was like clarity had hit her. Even before, when she’d made the decision to live life and not give into the fear mongering of her other doctor, Felicity had had some reservations about her choice. Not this time. This time, she felt absolutely confident and clear.

Felicity felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She squeezed Ray’s hand and just smiled at him. “You can leave, Doctor.”

“Mrs. Palmer, I don’t think you understand—“

“I do,” Felicity countered and looked towards the doctor. “I’ve learned that there are some people, no matter how educated…no matter how knowledgeable in their field that just…I’m sorry, but the truth of this matter if that you don’t know everything. There are unknowns…unknowns that are INSIDE of ME…and I can’t trust you. I can’t trust ANY doctor. You can go,” she told him simply.

The doctor didn’t continue to argue and left in somewhat of a hurry.   Ray just stared at her and she could see tears starting to form in his eyes. Her dear, charming, handsome, brilliant, and sometimes incredibly dumb husband… Ray Palmer was incredible. “Don’t be upset,” she whispered as she pressed the button on her bed that helped her to sit up just a little bit more. Felicity cringed the entire ride to be fully upright, but it was worth it to be that much closer to him. “I can’t trust the doctors, but I trust YOU.” She reached up and held his face between her hands.

Her words didn’t seem to sway his tears as they fell. “You realize that I’m a technically…a doctor.”

A laugh charged out of her and she immediately groaned in pain. “I trust YOU. I trust your science. I choose the nano tech.” She was quiet and pulled his face closer, giving him a moment to adjust to the lack space between them and the awkward angle. Felicity kissed him, taking her time and savoring that moment. “I choose YOU,” she whispered against his lips.

“It might not work,” he whispered back as his fingers moved through strands of her loose hair. Ray sounded worried and concerned and even a bit guilty mixed with a sadness that Felicity couldn’t even think to describe properly. She understood his worry and every other emotion and she even understood his hesitance to use the nano technology. It was her choice, though.

“It will,” she insisted as their foreheads rested against each other and she closed her eyes for a moment.

There was a knock and when she opened her eyes, her mom and Quentin were peeking in. “I saw the doctor…and he looked grumpy…and I got worried…”

“Come in, Mom,” she said as she motioned for them to enter. She was glad that they were there, though she was certain that Quentin would be iffy about the nano tech. Nano technology was just not something that was common, even though Felicity was certain that it would have been by now. There were too many people, especially in the medical world that did things old school and didn’t like change (at least not in quite that big of a leap).

“You’re okay, right? Or you’re GOING to be, right?”

Her mother looked so nervous and so worried as they entered the room and shut the door behind them. Quentin had an arm wrapped tightly around her. “Everything is going to be fine,” she said, fatigue hitting her suddenly.

“What did the doctor say?” Quentin questioned. “I’m allowed to ask that, right?”

“Same thing as they’ve always said,” Ray muttered a bit too loudly.

The words weren’t something that her mother missed and she knew that they needed to explain it all, but she was so tired. “They can’t help me here…at the hospital…” Felicity said quietly. “I just need to be discharged.”

“You haven’t even been here overnight, Sweetheart,” Quentin argued. “One doctor can’t be the end all as far as opinions go, right?”

Ray was quiet, but he was clear when he spoke. “He’s not the first one with the same opinion.”

“Please tell us what’s going on…I mean, I know what I’ve been told…but I can’t just mind read you two with your faces all doom and gloom about what the doctor said,” Donna told them. “And Felicity, I don’t CARE what that ONE doctor said or ANOTHER one. There have to be a billion doctors in this world and there has to be one out there that can help you.”

And she was right.

“You’re right, Mom,” she whispered as she closed her eyes. The pain came again and it was enough to pull her back into the darkness of unconsciousness.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Felicity just lay in bed, exhausted and trying not to move for fear that the pain would start again. Her mother and Quentin had not been pleased about this plan, but it was HER choice. Over the last five years, Felicity knew that she could trust Ray with her everything…she couldn’t say the same for doctors and hospitals.   Ray was nervous, but he’d finally finalized the code and the protocols that would be in place. The nano tech would be injected in her, it would scan her (which was supposed to push the images to Ray’s tablet), and they’d know for sure what they were dealing with before proceeding further. They’d also decided to take it slowly. Felicity had wanted to do it at the Foundry, but Ray had insisted on them being home.  "I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

“I can’t believe you agreed.”

“It was YOUR plan.”

“I figured you’d all talk me out of it.”

There was a chuckle.

Silence.

“I’m scared.”

“You don’t have to be. We’re all here with you…and nothing’s going to happen to her.”

One thing she knew was an incredible and unexpected blessing, to have everyone that she considered family there (well, almost). For them to be there to support Ray and to make this so much easier. Right now, Diggle was there with Ray and she knew that if anything went wrong (and it wouldn’t), that John would keep him calm and do what needed to be done. There was a light touch on her arm and Felicity looked down just in time to see Diggle injecting her with something, she groaned and looked away. No matter how old she got, she still hated needles…and shots…and pointy pokey things.

“You would have thought you would have grown out of that,” Diggle teased, she could hear the smile in his voice.

“I kept hoping…” she confided. With all the wounds she’d had to stitch up over the years and the different things she’d had to inject into the team, she really would have thought that she would have become immune somehow. Felicity hadn’t, though, and she wasn’t sure if that was honestly a good thing or bad one.

“You really don’t look great.”

Felicity looked back at him, she could see Ray nervously pacing behind him. “Flatterer.”

Diggle was grinning now. “You know how I go so long without talking to you?”

“Do tell.”

“I have all of those silly videos that we did in that week before it seemed like we all scattered from here,” John told her. “I watch them all the time… It’ll be three in the morning here and I’ll be watching one and Lyla will tell me to call you, but I just—“

Tears fell from her eyes as she shut her eyes. The truth was, even if they didn’t all keep in close contact…not like how it was when they were a team…when they were all in the same city…all it took was them coming together for things to fall back into place like nothing ever changed. The tears, they were definitely happy ones.

“I tell her that all the time, too,” Ray spoke up and he stilled suddenly.

There was a soft knock on the door and then it was slowly opened, Oliver popped his head in. Felicity knew that he was getting more comfortable to be able to do something like that. “I just wanted to let you all know that Quentin just left with the older three and Donna’s in with Liv, she’s sound asleep and we turned on music…just in case.”

She had moved herself, so she was sort of sitting up. Felicity watched as Ray pulled open the door and motioned for him to come in before closing it again. “You might as well be in here,” Ray said. It was clear that he was still nervous.

“I didn’t want to be in the way,” Oliver admitted.

“We should really give you two a minute first,” Diggle said suddenly.

“No, you guys don’t have to leave,” Ray told them. Felicity watched him moved onto the bed, so that he was beside her, the needle that she was already anxious about was left on his nightstand. He cupped Felicity’s face. “Are you SURE?”

She held onto his wrists, staring at him. “Yes,” she told him and then kissed him. It wasn’t like this was the first time that either men had seen her kiss Ray…and he was her husband, after all. Felicity didn’t know if it was silly or not, but with all of them right there…things seemed to be so much better…much more calming. “I love you…and this IS what I want…”

“I love you,” Ray echoed and kissed her again. Carefully, Ray helped Felicity to lay completely down on her back in the center of the bed. “I know you don’t like needles—“

“Then let’s not talk about them,” she whispered as she closed her eyes. Felicity knew exactly what was required for the nano tech, she’d used it on Ray in the past. “Let’s talk about something else…” She felt the bed shift on both sides, but Felicity didn’t open her eyes and just assumed that Ray, Diggle, and Oliver were right there with her.

“How about we talk about when we first met?” Oliver brought up.

Her lips curled up as she remembered that moment. “You were so full of lies then…”

“Lies were a theme for a while between Oliver and us,” Diggle commented with a light chuckle. “Do you remember the ‘energy drink’ ruse?”

Felicity almost laughed, but then almost yelped a moment later when she felt the needle against her neck. She waited for a breath, when she’d given it to Ray before…she’d thought he was going to die for a moment. They really hadn’t worked much on furthering the nano technology for medical use, obviously they needed to work on that, so she had no idea if Ray had fixed that little ‘side effect’. Nothing. “Energy drinks aren’t normally transported via syringe,” Felicity said a moment later.

“Syringe?” Ray questioned.

Her eyes opened then. “I think he was having me test Vertigo then.”

“Sounds about right,” Oliver said. She watched as he looked from her to Ray. “How long until it works?”

“First, it’s going to scan her system,” Ray explained. He grabbed his tablet and held it up as the bots slowly made their way through her body. The nano technology was displaying organs and such as they went through along with her vitals. “The next will be for them to break down the adhesions…the scar tissue…anything that shouldn’t be there—“

“That’s when I’m going to feel like I’m going to die for a minute, isn’t it?” Felicity questioned, waiting for it.

“We’re going to take it slow.”

Ray must have sensed questions, because he immediately offered up an explanation. “A few years ago…I had a clot—“

“That time Ray jumped in front of that guy who tried to shoot me on the street,” Felicity spoke up, knowing that Diggle would at least remember the incident. She couldn’t remember if he knew the entire story though.

“He’s still doing time,” Diggle said with a nod.

“We used the nano technology then,” Ray continued. “Starling General wouldn’t let me use it there, but Felicity gave it to me anyways.”

“Well, you know when they basically tell you death…or death…it seemed stupid not to just do it,” she brought up.

“When it started to work at first, I started to convulse for a moment and I might have flatlined for a second.”

“Things to look forward to…”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashbacks - Four Years Before  >**  
  
  


“I thought we agreed that we wouldn’t do suicidal things?”

“Are you mad at me?”

Felicity thought about it for a moment. “No,” she told him honestly and then sighed. “You DO realized that they were pretty much just going to let you die.”

“They gave me options.”

“I heard die OR die.”

Felicity just stared at him as they sat on his couch. She’d realized in the moments after Ray had jumped in front of her, taking a bullet that had been meant for her, as he lay in her arms that she loved him…that she feared regrets. For so long, she’d mourned Oliver. Felicity had taken Oliver’s death (whether he was or not, she still couldn’t be sure) hard and it had taken her this long before she could even really fathom moving on. Yes, she and Ray had had some dates in between, but nothing had been intimate. They’d been mostly friends, which was good because she’d always thought that friendship was the best foundation for any relationship.

Over the last couple of weeks, she’d been going back and forth about whether or not she should go forward with a relationship with Ray. She knew that they were good together, that couldn’t be denied. John had even seen that, he’d encouraged it. The real question had been all along, the one that she had been hiding behind like a shield was, was she ready for a relationship? Was she ready to move on?

It was important to her that she wasn’t only ready for a relationship, to commit to someone, but to feel like she was ready for a serious long term relationship. She’d known all along that it wasn’t fair to that person, that person being Ray, for her to be involved with him officially if she wasn’t ready…ready to move forward…ready to leave Oliver behind…ready to love again…and to actually FEEL that love. She’d been scared to death that she’d lost him, Felicity didn’t want to lose Ray.

It was more than just friendship between them. She’d gone with him to meet his family and she’d seen herself with Ray. Seen herself as his wife, as a mother…as part of that family. Felicity hadn’t expected that. She’d gone as Ray’s friend and she’d left loving them all…and loving Ray more…and realizing that he was apart of her heart…no matter how much she tried not to admit it.  “Neither option was I a fan of,” Felicity admitted. She stared at him for a long moment before casting her eyes down. “Can we talk seriously?” she asked as her fingers slowly slid along the edge of his placket shirt front, he’d already taken his tie off and banished it.   “Uh oh…that’s never a good start to ANY conversation,” Ray commented.

She still couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “I’ve just been thinking a lot the last week…”

“I noticed.”

Felicity looked at him now, surprised. Did he really read her that easily? She had thought that she’d been fairly good at hiding her feelings…or her struggling with them, as it were. “You’ve been so wonderful…and you’ve been…or at least SEEMED content to let me set the bar as far as the status of our relationship.”

“I’d rather be your friend than nothing at all,” Ray reminded.

He’d been sincere.

He hadn’t pushed.

He hadn’t crossed any lines.

He’d been patient.

He’d listened.  He’d cared.

He’d been her shoulder to cry on.

He’d supported her.

He’d been there.   
He loved her.

“You’re more than a friend,” she whispered as she stared at him. “I didn’t want to jump into anything, to be unfair to you…pushing our relationship past friendship when I wasn’t sure that I was absolutely ready.” Felicity looked down again and played with the buttons on his shirt. “I keep thinking that we’re getting so close to being finished with everything…with the team…vigilanteism…the Foundry…and I nearly lost you…” Felicity looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “You jumped in front of me without a second thought.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” Ray told her quickly. His tone lightened a moment later as he continued. “To be fair, you injected me with the nano tech without a second thought.”

She smiled at that. “I thought about it a lot, but it was a no brainer… Dead or dead...or possibly live through use of experimental technology. I mean, how could anyone not just do it?” Her eyes didn’t leave him. “There was no choice to make.”

“You’re remarkable, you know that?”

Felicity blinked for a moment. “So…I’ve been told.”

“They were right.”

A smile spread across her face. “I love you, Ray Palmer.” Those words were huge for her. Sure, she was a person who wore her emotions out for the world to see, but those words…those words to someone that she loved like she loved like Ray…they were precious and she didn’t give them away easily. I love you was more than a statement, it was a commitment. She was all in, for whatever the future held for them…and whatever they made of it.

Ray stared at her, confused at first, and then a smile overtook him. “Wait. Really? Like with a big L?”

Laughter filled her and she held his face between her hands as she felt her whole body light up with her love for him. “I love you,” Felicity repeated. “All caps…no lower case.”

“I love you, too…all caps...no lower case…” he grinned stupidly before leaning in and kissing her. Ray had said it to her before and then had taken it back. Felicity had felt awful then, but she just wasn’t in the right place to return it in the way that he meant. They were so good together and she’d just not wanted to lose him as a friend, as someone that she could feel close with, who would happily hang out and watch the more frightening episodes of ‘X-Files’, and know where they stood and wouldn’t pressure her into anything.

Felicity held onto him, her arm around his neck and shoulders as she slid herself into his lap. They just sat there like that, together…so close, in just absolute silence. The only thing screaming from both of them was their love for each other. It was so loud that it filled the entire room. Loving Ray was something so easy, but she’d made the decision more difficult, but she was glad that she did. If she hadn’t, then she knew that she’d have later doubted her decision later on. It was all going to be worth it, she knew that from looking at Ray…from knowing what their future could look like…together.

“Where do we go from here?” Ray asked quietly as he kissed the side of her head.

They’d had these unspoken boundaries for so long, it was a little difficult to pick things back up and know what was the right thing to do. Two of Felicity’s fingers rubbed the button between them on his shirt. Her eyes momentarily diverting down to look at the button before looking back at him. Doubt didn’t wash over her, not once. “We go forward,” she told him as she pressed a kiss to his lips and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt.

It only took Ray a moment until he was on board and possibly realized the double meaning to go ‘we go forward’. His lips parted and he returned the kiss, his arms wrapping around her, feeling like they were never going to let her go. He didn’t push it past kissing though or holding her, Felicity knew that he was letting her set the pace. This wasn’t exactly new territory for them, but there had been a point where they’d gotten intimate and then she’d backpedaled…and Ray, being the sweet guy that he was…he hadn’t pushed her. He’d respected her decision and had waited with no pressure whatsoever hanging between them.

Now, though, she knew that she was ready. Things were different, though. As her fingers splayed across his bare chest, his shirt opened and pushed open, the feeling of his skin under her fingers…there was almost like an electrical charge between the two of them. This moment was different than any other. Felicity was positive that it was because she was finally ready to completely give herself over to the feelings that she felt for Ray, to give in to that love. That she was committing to not only moving on, but in many ways…to Ray.

Feeling that this was going to take a lot longer if she was the only one removing or at least unbuttoning things, Felicity took his hand and guided it up and under the skirt of her dark blue dress. She took a moment to unzip the hidden zipper of the dress that ran along her left side, just so that wouldn’t be an issue later on, before Felicity’s hands pushed his shirt down his arms and he gave her the moment to completely discard it. His hand moved up her thigh while the other darted inside of her open dress and across her back. Felicity was feeling flushed and decided that she really needed to be out of her dress and that Ray really needed to be out of his pants…and his socks and shoes needed to be removed. Her hands were at his belt and she pulled out of the kiss. “Too many clothes,” she mumbled as she moved off of his lap just long enough for him to strip down to just his boxers while she discarded her dress.

Moments later, she was straddling him. Felicity took a moment and just took him in, it wasn’t his body that she was looking at…she’d seen it before…Ray seemed to be a fan of going around shirtless when he wasn’t working…which only seemed to prove to distract her. It was his face, the look of love on it…the way his eyes lit up when he was looking at her. “I love you,” she whispered and kissed him before he could respond in kind.

As much as she wanted him, her body was beyond ready, she wanted them to take their time. She didn’t want this to be all about sex, but about making love. About taking time…about knowing each other all over again. His mouth was on her neck and he was unclasping her bra. It fell between them a moment later, but Ray tossed it aside. “Slowly,” she whispered. If there was one thing that she knew, it was that Ray was going to listen to her…no matter how worked up he got…he’d listen. Felicity just wanted to savor this moment, this moment that would have so much meaning to her later on.

Her arms wrapped around him, her bare breasts pressing against his muscled chest. Her nipples were hard against him and she could feel her core was already so hot and wet. The thin material of her panties were likely already soaked through. She brought herself up a bit on her knees and savored the kisses he was giving her as her hands explored every inch of his back. A moan escaped her lips, there was something so fantastic about his lips on her skin. Felicity could be kissed all over all day long and be perfectly content with it, but her neck and her chest were especially wonderful to be kissed.

They took it slow, taking turns on kissing each other’s body. Their hands roamed each other’s bare skin. Slowly, they were taking the time to memorize every part of the other’s body. Every muscle, every curve, every kiss, every charged feeling. Felicity’s fingers started to tug at the elastic band of Ray’s boxers, but he stopped her. Confused, she just stared at him…her fingers releasing the elastic.

“Ray?” she questioned allowed.

Ray pulled her to him, her body settling firmly against him. “You said slow,” he reminded before a kiss stole away whatever words were originally to follow. It was clear that he was ready to take this farther, she could feel him hard. What Ray did next surprised her, he pressed his boxer encased hardness against her still covered hot center. Immediately he was starting a rhythm and Felicity didn’t even think, she just acted. Their bodies both moved together. This wasn’t exactly what she was expecting, but she found herself unable to voice anything other than a moan.

Maybe it was because they were both so worked up or maybe it was because they really had wanted each other so fiercely…or both…but they were both climaxing together a few thrusts later, Ray’s fingers running back and forth across her nipples as he sucked and kissed the skin of her shoulder in between moans. They were both adults, but as Felicity leaned into Ray in order to catch her breath and let her body settle down, she didn’t care that she felt like a teenager. Her panties were more than soaked now, her thighs were covered in her own juices and she could feel a wet spot in his boxers. That wasn’t stopping her from loving him, instead she was fairly sure that she found herself loving him more.

Reaching up with one hand, she held his cheek as she kissed him. “You’re beautiful…”

“You’re—no matter what I say…it’s not going to convey being with you true justice…in any way,” Ray admitted with a stupid grin on his face.

He was gorgeous and wonderful and so many things. She kissed him again before pulling away from him. Felicity stood up, placing her hands on his shoulders as she kissed him long and hard this time. She wanted him to remember each kiss, for his skin to still feel her lips an hour later. It wasn’t just her lips that moved, but slowly her hands also moved downward. His neck, his shoulder, his chest, and slowly downward until she was met by the only fabric that still covered his body. Fingers hooked under the band and pulled slowly down, her lips kissed along his hip and thigh as she removed the boxers. As she kneeled down in front of him, between the couch and coffee table, her legs spread wide under her and her thin wet panties only made her ache and long for him all the more.

Patience was something that she knew she had to have. Ray wasn’t quite ready to go again and she HAD asked him to go slow. This was definitely going to be a lot slower than they’d taken it before. Felicity knew, though, that it was going to be worth it…that it would be a night that they’d both remember. They needed and deserved happy memories.   “Felic—“

Ray’s voicing of her name and possibly argument was cut off when her tongue slowly circled the tip of his cock. Her hand gently encompassed him a moment later. She was right between his legs and she was determined to make him remember each touch, lick, kiss, and suck as she began. Carefully, she started to pump his cock…her lips meeting the mushroom-like head, slowly she licked every bit of it before taking it into her mouth. It hardened slowly under her ministrations and Felicity enjoyed every bit of it. As far as Ray’s enjoyment of her work, his moans and thrusting of his hips were more than enough to tell her that she was doing everything right for him.

“God, Felicity…”

His fingers laced through her hair as he slowly thrusted into his mouth, his cock fully in her mouth. Ray was hard and she was certain that he was hard enough to continue things. She wanted him excited, but not quite too excited yet. Her hands on his thighs, she pulled away, releasing his cock from her hold. Staring at his large, hard cock for a moment, she was glad that they’d gone this route. Glad for so many things. Looking up at him, he didn’t need to tell her how much he wanted her. She wanted him too.

Ray pulled her up, sliding her flimsy panties down her legs in a swift motion before pulling her onto his lap. She was just positioned as Ray pulled her down onto his cock. Her body adjusted with no problem, even with the lapse in time since the last time they’d been together. He was hard and large, but it just felt right as he filled and stretched her. Within a breath, he was thrusting up into her and then back again.

“Ray,” she breathed out.

Before anything else could be said, Ray was repositioning them. His cock was deep within her, but he was standing, carrying her as he moved. A moment later, her bare back was laid against the cool polished wood of his coffee table. Her legs Ray held onto as he thrust into her, holding her knees above his own. His lips crushed hers and all she could feel was overwhelmed in the best way possible.

He was heavy, but it was a comforting feeling. Their hot bodies pressed against each other, forming the most perfect form of one-ness. His cock was stretching her and deep, but she wanted him deeper and thrusting her harder. Ray's hands were on either side of her body as he kissed her with such passion. His body barely moved from hers with each thrust, but each time his body met hers…it was like sparks flew between them.

Her stomach twisted in the best way possible as she couldn’t control her breathing, it came quickly and only seemed to turn her on more. Felicity moaned into his ear and then her lips attacked his neck a moment later. His thrust pushed her over the edge and it was like every single electrical impulse in her body fused together in that moment before letting loose tingles in every direction. Her head spun with bliss as her toes curled and her body arched.

“God! Oh God! Ray! God!”

It didn’t take him long, another breath, another thrust, and then she felt him inside of her…his warmth filling her. For a split second, she thought about the fact that they weren’t using any kind of protection. Every single thought except for how good she felt and how right it felt was banished a moment later when another wave of bliss and tingling hit her. She was lost and she didn’t want to be found…unless it was by Ray. Slowly, he thrust into her…her hips bucked back to meet him almost as if she were slowly taking in everything he’d spilled inside of her deeper.

For a few moments, all of his weight was on her, but then he pulled himself up again. His cock had slipped from her and they were both exhausted and wet and yet…Felicity wished that they could go all night. If the day hadn’t been so long, she would have found a way to make it happen. Instead, she reached up to touch his face and just smiled at him. He smiled back, but not in the way she’d expected. “What?” she asked a moment later.

“I was just thinking…if I could somehow write a program that could incorporate a fighter’s moves and like an AI—“

“Seriously?”

“What? It’s not my fault,” he defended with a smile before dropping a kiss to her lips. “There’s something about an orgasm that makes my thinking so much clearer…”

Felicity sighed and shook her head, but couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “Ever the romantic.”

Seeming like he was taking that as some kind of challenge, Ray pressed himself against her, Felicity’s legs still being held open. Taking a moment to grind against her, she let out an unexpected moan and then glared at him.

“Teasing…”

He stopped and pressed a kiss to her again. “How about chocolate ice cream?”

“I prefer—“

“Mint and chip, I know. I have a pint of that waiting for you.”

“You’re amazing…”

“Just wait a couple of hours…we can go again…”

Blush just covered her from head to toe and she turned her face away from him. She didn’t know why that comment was embarrassing. Ray pulled her face back and as his mouth pressed against hers in a kiss, their tongues danced. Felicity was definitely going to enjoy that ice cream…and probably a nap…before they decided to play a bit more.  
  
  
 **< /Flashback >**  
  
  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

When she woke, she was in pain and realized that she’d been crying, though the sound to her ears had been foreign at first. Ray was sitting next to her on the bed, he looked extremely sad and she swore that he’d been crying. She didn’t know if Diggle or Oliver were still there, but she was too tired to move just yet. “Ray?”

“Hey…hey…Felicity…are you okay?” he babbled. It was obvious that he was scared. That hadn’t been the point of this, though, she’d known going into this that he was going to be worried. After all, the nano tech was invited by Ray, so he’d feel responsible if it didn’t work correctly.

“I hurt…but it’s not that bad right now,” she told him quietly. “Did it work?”

“I stopped it.”

“Why?”

“I had to.”

“Why would you do that?”

The last thing she remembered was that Diggle had given her something for the pain before Ray had signaled for the nano tech to start its work inside of her. As she stared at him, she remembered that the pain medication hadn’t been helping as much as Diggle had hoped. Was that why he’d stopped? Had she been in too much pain? All she could think at that moment was that it would be worth it. A short period of time for her being in pain versus what could be a lifetime filled with it…the choice wasn’t hard to make.

“Because I couldn’t bear to see you in that amount of pain,” Ray admitted. “All I wished was that I could take it from you. I can take pain for you, Felicity, take a bullet…or a whole clip full…but I couldn’t take seeing you in pain…”

“Ray—“

“There has to be another way.”

“There isn’t,” Oliver spoke up. From the direction of his voice, Felicity assumed that he was somewhere behind her. “You both said it,” he said gently and simply.

Ray looked angry, but Felicity was fairly sure that he wasn’t angry with Oliver…or at least she didn’t think so. She reached out for him and he moved until his cheek rested against the palm of her hand. “How much did the nano tech bug things do?”

He smiled at that. “They’re not bugs—but about twenty-five percent…more or less…” Ray told her. “It’s too much, Felicity…”

“If I had surgery, I would be in pain…I would hurt…even in my recovery…there would be pain,” she tried to explain her thoughts as gently as she could. “And even if they removed everything, you heard them…surgery could mean everything that they remove all over again…and I just can’t do that again.” She was being honest. “And I don’t think you could either…” This was more than a chance at having a life without pain or possibly having another child, this was living life like a normal person…

This meant a life without worry.

“Nothing in this world is more important to me, Felicity," Ray told her. it was clear to everyone in the room that this was all too much for Ray, he was filled with conflicting emotions. “Than you and the girls…our family… I would willingly and happily give every single other thing in world away…including my own life.”

And she knew that.

“Where’s the tablet?” Oliver asked.

She watched them. Ray looked confused, but got up and retrieved the tablet before handing it over to Oliver. He tapped the screen and they seemed to be looking at something, she assumed the program…to see how much had actually been completed.

“Twenty-eight percent,” Oliver stated. He looked to Felicity and then to Ray. “I don’t want to see her in pain anymore than you do, but we need to do this…you KNOW we do… We have to respect her choice.”

Ray was silent.

The room fell silent.

“But that doesn’t mean that you have to do this alone,” Oliver said. “You don’t have to feel like you’re the one inflicting the pain on her.”

Ray looked like he was a loss for words, which didn’t happen often, but he finally opened his mouth to try to get something out. “Oliver, I—“

“If we do it in three more stages…it’ll be easier for everyone to handle and give Felicity time to recuperate in between.”

“The girls will be home soon.”

“Which is why we should get started…we can do two other treatments tomorrow after the girls go to school,” Oliver pointed out.

Oliver had good points, though Felicity honestly just wanted to get it over with. She could tell that it had drained Ray emotionally as much as she felt like she’d been physically drained. “Ray, it’s a good plan,” she said gently.

“I just need a minute…” Ray said and disappeared out of the room.

Felicity laid there, hugging her pillow and closing her eyes for a moment. She was in pain, but she could manage, she was thinking that Ray might be in more pain (over her pain) than she actually was. The bed shifted on her side and she opened her eyes again to find Oliver sitting there, she watched him set the tablet on her bedside table. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Oliver replied.

“Thank you…for being here.”

“I’m always going to be here for you.”

And there was comfort in knowing that.

“Ray—“

“Ray’s a good man, a good husband…he had such a hard time before, Felicity, but I think drawing this out is going to make the girls suspicious,” Oliver pointed out. “Though, I think explaining to them what’s happening MIGHT not be the worst idea.”

“I don’t want them to worry,” Felicity explained. “I want them to be able to be kids. To not have to worry that something could happen to me. Let them worry about how long they have to wait until the next book in their series is going to be released.”

Alex, Clara, and Etta had been through far too much to have to grow up faster than they already had. Their intelligence was misleading to some people. Her mother and Quentin had wanted to clue them in on adult things, too, but she and Ray had always intervened before it had happened. They really didn’t need to worry about life past school and lives as young ladies.

“You’re a good mother.”

Felicity smiled at him. “They’re good kids.”

“I’ve noticed…”

“You are going to stay, aren’t you?”

“Not sure that I’m really cut out to be a family bodyguard, but I told you I wouldn’t just leave,” Oliver reminded. “I promised.”

“You never promise,” she reminded. Oliver was probably the one person in her life that had avoided using that word at all costs. Sure, her mother had broken them growing up, but this was different. Oliver had made that promise and he meant it. It was just nice hearing it again.

“You’re right, but you’ve always been different,” he reminded.

They had always had a different, unique relationship, but he’d always avoided promises then too. She always knew why, but it had always been hard. To never know if he was going to come back. To always wonder if that was the last time she’d see him. To never know what would finally change all of their lives…

They’d thought it had been his death.

“You know…I know things aren’t exactly how any of us might have thought they would have been five…six…seven…eight years ago…but no matter how far apart we all are, we’ve been a family, Oliver,” Felicity told him. “YOU made us one.”

“No, Felicity…YOU were always the heart of Team Arrow.”

She smiled brightly at his usage of ‘Team Arrow’. He had always disliked her calling them that or nicknaming anything having to do with their ‘night jobs’. It had never ceased to be called Team Arrow to all of them though, even without Oliver…even without the Arrow…that’s what their little family was called. He had brought them together, started it all.

“After you…you left…”

“I died?”

“But you didn’t,” she countered. “And when you didn’t come back…when we had to accept that you weren’t—weren’t coming back…it took us all some time to figure out what we were doing to do, why we were doing what we were doing, and what our plan was going to be…because obviously we’re not going out at night anymore…”

“But the Foundry still stands.”

Felicity just stared at him and she nodded. “That…that was something that I wasn’t ready to let go…”

“Is it really the only thing that Palmer Technologies didn’t touch in Starling City?”

“No,” she told him. “I mean, Queen Mansion isn’t technically IN Star City…but…I’m assuming that you’d count that… After Isabel screwed up everything for you…for the company…Verdant and Queen Mansion were taken away from your family, but I couldn’t…I couldn’t stand having them taken from you…from Thea…”

“I didn’t even—“

“I always thought that one day…Thea and Roy would come back…come home…and they’d need some place to stay…and Ray and I would just give them the mansion…for Thea to finally go home,” Felicity explained. Fatigue was seriously hitting her and she was starting to wonder if she was going to be able to stay conscious enough until Ray returned to the bedroom. She knew that she needed to give him time, give him space. Ray deserved it. Felicity hated that her pain had affected him so adversely. “I knew that that would have been something that you would have wanted…”

“You’re right…”

“You know I was never a big fan of your mother…but I can’t fault her…because of you and Thea…” Felicity paused for a moment. “I think it’s something that your parents would want. For you and Thea to have the mansion. I know Walter thinks so, too.”

“Walter’s a good man.”

“He is.”

The door opened and they both turned their attention to Ray, who had a water bottle in his hand. “John said that you should take some more of those pain pills…either way,” he said quietly with a sigh.

Every decision going forward for so long had always been together and she knew it was killing him for her to make this decision…for him to have a different opinion on it. The thing was, Felicity was fairly sure that he FELT the same way, he was just scared…she was scared too… He just sort of stood there, his face looked sad…heartbroken…and she honestly didn’t know what to do. Felicity was about to open her mouth, to say something, hopefully the RIGHT thing, but then they were talking again—

“I can run the tablet…it’s not that difficult, right?” Oliver asked as he got up from the bed, grabbing the tablet as he moved before turning to Ray. “I can stop it at fifty percent.”

Ray just stared at him and suddenly he sounded scared. “How can you do it?”

“Because it’s Felicity…" Oliver responded gently. He paused for a moment. “And I’d do anything for her…just like you would…” He was quiet all of the sudden again and she wished that she could see both of their faces better. “It’s because she wants me to do it…because I know that even with all the pain, that it will take away pain that is already there…and because that’s what she’s asked…because it’s right…that’s how I can do it.”

Silence.

The silence stretched on and she worried. Felicity was afraid that there was a silent conversation going on between the two of them. Ray loved her fiercely and would do anything for her…but so would Oliver. The two of them, she’d seen in this short time, could be fantastic friends…but at the same time…she could see the slight possibility of conflict. They were all family, she wouldn’t be the cause of them fracturing…not now…not when they were so close to being truly reunited.

“Oliver, can we have a minute…please?” Felicity finally spoke up. The entire time, her eyes were on Ray. Concerned about how her pain was affecting her husband and their relationship. She let out a loud yelp of pain as she pushed herself up into a sitting position. It was then that she realized that the whole band of her abdomen was tender. She’d likely moved too quickly all at once. Her hand splayed across the tender section and stilled for a moment. Felicity didn’t let it stop her, though, she pushed herself, getting into the exact position she wanted.

Oliver seemed to be watching her, waiting. She assumed to make sure she was really okay. His eyes met hers, but he left a moment later, leaving the tablet behind near the door. She was glad that he was silent, not because she didn’t value his thoughts…but that right now…right now, she needed to be the one talking. Felicity knew that she and Ray needed to talk and it could just be the two of them.

“Sit,” she spoke quietly. Patting the space next to her, Felicity kept her eyes on his. Ray was such a good man and he had such a good heart. It was hard to imagine her life without him in it…and she didn’t want to. Eventually, he moved to her side. Felicity stared at him, it was times like these where she wished she could read his mind. To know that what she was going to say were actually the right words…

“Felicity—“

“I love you.”

Silence.

“I’m terrified,” Ray admitted.

“It’s not just that, though,” she whispered. Felicity just wanted to understand exactly what he was feeling. She wanted to understand exactly what was holding him back from doing something that they’d agreed to do. Her hands took his and she squeezed them as their eyes never left each other’s.

“No.” He looked down at their hands and she could see that he was struggling. Felicity hated to see him like that. “I’m more than just terrified of seeing in pain…I’m scared of what could happen…worst case scenario…and Felicity, I can’t live my life without you—“

“You’re not going to have to!”

“Felicity, my life would be over,” he told her. “I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t know how I’d go on. I don’t know how I’d manage the girls…” he admitted and looked back up at her again. She squeezed his hands in hers. “I just—“ Ray shook his head. “It’s more…because I should have driven back with you last year…you shouldn’t have been in that car by yourself—“

“You’re not to blame for that,” she reminded even though she knew it was pointless. Guilt seemed to weigh him down and burden him. Felicity released his hands only to hold his face between them instead. Tears were in her eyes and she took a moment to really swallow before forming her words. “Ray, I don’t blame you for that…I never have… The only thing you’re responsible for is love and happiness in our lives,” she told him. He still wouldn’t look at her. Felicity sucked in a breath. “If you need forgiveness. Fine. I’ll give you that. You’re forgiven,” Felicity told him.

“Felicity—“

“I mean it all,” she told him and he finally looked at her.

“I love you,” he whispered.

A smile shot across her face. “We’re going to be okay.”

“Oliver is stronger than I am, willing to do what I can’t…”

“You and Oliver have very different skill sets,” she told him quickly. “We’re both stronger than we know, Ray…and it isn’t until we have to do what we thought we couldn’t…that we truly know how strong we are.”

“I just—I can’t know that I designed he nano tech AND use it on you AND watch you suffer because of it…”

Felicity wasn’t sure how they were going to make it to one hundred percent with the nano tech treatments, but she hoped that they got there. “So, hold me…talk to me…be here WITH me…” Felicity tried to convince him. She wasn’t sure if that would work. All she knew was that they had to go forward and she needed him.

“Felicity…”

“I won’t be mad if you can’t be in here with me—“

“No, I’m not going to just leave you in here, Felicity…I just—“

“I just want you to know that if you didn’t want to, if it upset you too much…John is also here…” she reminded gently.

Ray didn’t say anything for a long moment. He was clearly taking everything in. “No,” he said gently. “I want to stay…I want to be here for you…in any way I can…”

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. It was more than comforting, it felt like she was home all over again and she bit back the pain that rose in her as he held her tightly against him. It would all be worth it, she reminded herself, the pain was temporary. It would all be worth it in the end.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The next morning wasn’t easier. They were both drained and she was so sore. Oliver had slept outside up against the bedroom door while Diggle had slept on the couch. The girls were up for school and though Felicity was still usually dressed in her pajamas, no one commented. She’d gone back and forth about whether or not she should eat something. It had ended up not being her choice when John had made bacon. Bacon was one of those things, like pancakes…where if they were made…you just had to eat it…there was just no other choice.

Felicity was sitting up on the kitchen counter as she sipped on coffee. Ray was in the shower or likely he’d be freaking out that she was perched up there like that, but right now…she was okay. It was achey, but it wasn’t stabby pain of doom. Right now, she was okay…and she wanted things to be calm…the girls needed it. They didn’t need to be suspicious. She’d already checked and the older three were ready and she smiled at them all as they walked out while Liv was still fast asleep in bed. Her mom would be coming to pick her up for a bit, but there was time…and there was time to still get her up and ready.

“What’s going on?” Alex questioned.

“Yeah, SOMETHING is going on,” Clara added.

“An uncle can’t be nice and make a nice breakfast?” Diggle asked them.

“No,” all three girls responded together.

Busted.

“I was just trying to be a nice guest,” he tried.

Alex grabbed a plate and started to pour syrup on her pancakes and on her bacon. “No, really…we know something’s going on…mom’s in pajamas…and mom’s never in pajamas this late…unless something’s wrong.”

That was true. It was a work day/school day and that meant that she was normally already up and dressed, that she was normally getting Liv ready, but she wasn’t… “I’m taking the day off…” Felicity told them and then immediately sipped her coffee again.

“Uncle Oliver AND Uncle John both slept over…and like Uncle Oliver was up against your door…all night long…” Etta pointed out. “I mean, it’s sort of creepy…but it definitely raises red flags…”

“Red alert!” Clara chimed in and then stopped, her plate in hand, and then turned back to Felicity. “Wait… Why are we on red alert?”

All three girls were waiting for a response now. Felicity just stared back at them, sipping her coffee. “There’s no red alert,” she finally responded.

Suddenly Alex was leaning back in her chair and staring back down the hall. “Oh, there might be another reason to call a red alert…”

“Alex! He’s our uncle!” Clara immediately scolded and covered her eyes before turning back to her food.

“He’s not biologically related,” she reminded.

Etta didn’t seem at all interested. “Do you even realize the age difference? He’s like really, really, really old…”

“But did you see his body?” Alex countered.

“His muscles or scars and tattoos?” Clara blurted out. Her face immediately turned bright red and she covered her mouth and then set her face on the table.

Wow. It just hit her. They had girls that were noticing boys…though Felicity didn’t appreciate the checking out MEN part. She caught John staring at her, he looked amused. “They make you feel old, don’t they?”

“I thought Sara did, but your bunch definitely makes me feel like we need to be sitting in rocking chairs,” he replied with a grin.

Oliver joined them a moment later, only a towel wrapped around him. “John, did Lyla happen to bring clothes by?”

“Yeah, over by the door…and you might want to change quickly,” he replied and then motioned towards the girls.

There was a knock at the door and Felicity was about to get down, but Oliver waved her off. “Don’t worry, I got it.”

Felicity tilted her head and watched him move towards the door. She really couldn’t fault the girls in swooning over Oliver, after all…she’d done it for years. Even now, Oliver had kept himself in optimal shape. She was sipping on her coffee when her mother entered, she didn’t miss the fact that her mother was taking in Oliver’s practically naked form either. He grabbed his bag of clothes and headed back towards the bathroom.

“I hope he doesn’t think that he needs to change on my account,” Donna commented as she moved towards the kitchen. “We don’t need to be shy around here…he could even loose the towel.”

Without any ability to stop it, Felicity sputtered coffee. The girls were laughing hard and John had jumped at it. He shook his head, but then the pain hit her and she couldn’t hold back the cry of pain.

“Felicity, Sweetheart—“

“I’m fine,” she strained a bit. Felicity sucked in a deep breath. “I’m fine. I am.” All of the sudden, she wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself or everyone else. “I just…pulled…something…or…something…” It wasn’t exactly a lie…not exactly anyways. “Let’s just eat breakfast, because school soon…”

“You’re going to let us walk there on our own?” Etta questioned.

“I’m going to walk you,” John spoke up.

“Do you ask boys their intentions with us?” Alex asked.

“Only if I need to.”

“Maybe you should have sent them to an all girls private school,” Donna said with a shake of her head.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“We ready?” she asked.

Felicity had eaten just enough that she felt like she’d be okay, not nauseous when the intense pain had hit. She’d used the bathroom and freshened herself up a bit, not sure how she’d spent the rest of her day. There would be a treatment now and hopefully one later and then they’d be done. She just hated that it brought Ray so much pain. Felicity sat on the edge of the bed and watching as Ray and Oliver talked.

“You’re sure you’re ready to continue?” Oliver questioned.

Ray sat down next to her. “We can always wait until later…”

“I just want it done and over with…” she confessed as she looked between them. The girls were off to school and her mother had left with Liv. She knew that they technically had a window, but she really just wanted to have everything that hurt inside of her…out. Felicity wanted to be able to enjoy life…what they had right then…their family. It seemed like so long since they’d all been together and that’s all she wanted to focus on.

No one argued with her. Instead, Ray moved to hold her in the middle of their bed, holding her tightly to him. It really didn’t help with the pain, but it was comforting just the same to have him right there. It was distracting in a good way. “I love you,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to her temple.

“I love you.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The pain would knock her in and out of unconsciousness. Her mind would drift back and forth in reality. Half dreams, half memories. “Help me,” she whispered. The pain was so much and all she wanted to do in that moment was to sleep. If she could sleep, then Felicity didn’t think it hurt as much.

“Five more percent.”

“We can stop now.”

“You know that’s not what she would want.”

“I know…”

It wasn’t just Ray’s voice that was sad. It hurt and Felicity wished that she could say something or do something that would make it all better for them, but she couldn’t. All that she could do was hope that they’d be done soon. That the pain would soon be over for all of them.

“Hurts…” Felicity whimpered.

“Close, we’re close…”

“Few more minutes.

Minutes felt so much longer to her in all of that pain. She knew that it was going to be worth it. Her thoughts went back to years before, the years when they were working towards Star City. It had been Ray’s dream, one that they’d made come true. A dream that had led them to where they were. It had all been worth it. All of the long hours. All of the sacrifices they’d made. Everything that had led them to that point.

The sound of her own whimpers, cries, and mumblings hit her ears and she didn’t know how to be anything but worried about Ray. This wasn’t the first time, but it was nearly the last. They all just needed to hold together a bit longer. Slowly, it felt like the pain was being amped down. Either that or she was somehow becoming immune to the treatment and/or pain involved with it. She curled into Ray and her hand slowly unclenched the tight hold on his shirt. Breathing came easier and a moment later, she was completely asleep against Ray.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

So far, so good.

As far as the scans looked, everything was fine. There was only one section for the nano tech to work on left. Ray had pleaded with her to wait longer to do the final treatment, so she had. It had only been diverted a matter of hours, but Ray had seemed better with it. It just meant that Oliver and likely John would be sleeping over once again. They were waiting until all the girls were asleep…and not just in bed, but asleep asleep…

“Please promise me that you’re going to take the day and rest tomorrow,” Ray practically pleaded with her.

They were just laying in bed while Oliver and Diggle hung out together on the couch. She felt bad taking John away from Lyla when she was pregnant and had two children to tend to, but he had insisted that it was all good. They’d been over for several hours, including dinner, and they were just really enjoying the city. Felicity just kept telling herself that after this treatment, then the visit would be a lot smoother.

“Is John making breakfast again in the morning?” she asked. Being able to really enjoy breakfast in the morning was something she was looking forward to. She'd barely had anything the last two days, which only made Ray even more concerned with her health. That day alone she’d just had a cup of coffee, two pieces of bacon, a protein drink, and half a chicken salad sandwich. She was just so sore, so tired, and not wanting to throw any of it up. Throwing up only made her worse, so she really wanted to avoid it all costs.

Felicity turned her head up to look at him when he didn’t respond right away. His arms held her tightly and securely. Ray, himself, though looked like he was a thousand miles away from her right then. It only served to worry her further. Reaching up, she touched his cheek. His eyes finally looked at her and he didn’t seem so far away anymore, but he looked like he was carrying the weight of the world.

“Hey…where’d you go?” she whispered.

Ray was quiet for a long moment before finally replying. “I was just wondering if this is where we should be?”

“Where else should we be?”

“We could live anywhere, Felicity.”

That was true.

Moving had never come up. This had been their homes for so long and they’d rebuilt the city for the better. Why would they leave? They had the money, though, that was true. They could live anywhere in the world that they wanted. At the same time, they could run the company from anywhere as well. She could think of a dozen places off of the top of her head that the girls would love to live.

“But this is home,” she whispered.

“I know,” he replied. “I just…I keep thinking that maybe we should go somewhere else…live somewhere else…even if it’s for a few years…” Ray seemed sad, but he seemed thoughtful about the topic as well. “Everyone loves Geneva…and the girls would love so many other places…”

“And we could run the company from anywhere,” Felicity added with a nod. She pressed her forehead against his chest and just thought about it for a moment. “Let’s just get through this week first, okay? No more hired assassins or threats. Soon they’ll be no more internal mess inside of me. Then, we can talk all about moving…” For a moment, it sounded really nice. “If we lived in Europe, we WOULD be closer to John, Lyla, Thea, and Roy…”

“Just think about it,” he told her pressing a kiss into her hair.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

It should have been a walk in the park.

It should have been the same as all of the other treatments.

It wasn't.

Maybe it was because the area that contained the final twenty-five percent that needed to be ‘fixed’ was a delicate area. Or perhaps it was a larger clump than in the other areas. Whatever it was, Felicity was not only clinging to Ray via his shirt but she was screaming and crying into his chest as he held her tight to him. She had tried to turn to the pillow, but Ray insisted on holding her and keeping her close. Felicity just didn’t want to wake and scare the girls. Her legs flailed around as she realized that her joints were in pain and the lower half of her body was experiencing a kind of throbbing, stabbing, aching pain.

“We have to stop!”

“We’ve only completed seven percent.”

“Something might be wrong.”

“It looks just like it has all along.”

“Oliver!”

Felicity swore that she heard a knock and then she was being pulled away from Ray. She still held onto his shirt, twisting it in her fists, the material woven between her fingers. “I can do this…keep going…don’t stop,” she begged. Her eyes were raw and she opened them to find Diggle hovering over her.

“Shhh…breathe,” he instructed and he was injecting her with something. “This should help with the pain.”

As far as she knew, she shouldn’t be able to have any more pain killers. Not yet anyways. “Aspirins?” she teased. Felicity breathed like he said and to her surprise, it DID help, but then she felt a wave wash over her. The pain was still there, but it was duller. It was easier for her to handle, but she felt a bit high. Her hands loosened their hold on Ray and his shirt a moment later. She just laid there limply and thankful.

“Yeah, aspirin,” he responded with a grin. Diggle took the time to check her and she saw Ray come into view. He reached out and grabbed hold of the tablet. She had no idea where Oliver was, but she was glad that she wasn’t screaming or crying anymore…glad that it would mean that the girls could sleep in peace.

“Ten percent,” Ray spoke up.

The tablet was handed over to Diggle and he looked over it for a few minutes. “I think it’s harder because of the area being repaired,” he told Ray. “Yesterday, there was that huge clump of scar tissue and there was that other section that was wrapped around organs…this is different.”

“The doctors couldn’t tell us if it was just from the surgeries from the car crash…it’s possible that part of it is from the c-section—“

“Let’s face it, even IF there were things that we could blame on the c-section…the car crash and then all of those surgeries would have agitated things…” John handed Ray the tablet back. “But the good news is that you’re a genius and in fifteen percent…neither one of you are going to have to worry about scar tissue or anything like that…” He shook his head. “I still can’t believe the hospital won’t let you use that there—“

And then everything went black.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“Twenty percent.”

“She looks pale—“

“That’s just because she’s not out in the sun all the time like you!”

“Shh…she’s sleeping.”

“She would WANT to see us!”

“She would want to see ME.”

Everything was fuzzy and blurry and…distorted. Her eyelids were heavy as she struggled to force them open. There were new voices. Was it real? Was it a dream? How long had she been out? There were a multitude of voices, but she couldn’t place any of them. She really wasn’t feeling herself. Felicity groaned when she tried to move, but ended up closing her eyes and holding herself still.

“Twenty-two percent.”

“Close.”

“Seriously and that’s it? You just inject her with nano robots and program them with your tablet to do whatever you want?”

“That’s fairly simply put.”

“Side effects?”

“I’m sure.”

“Right now, all we care about is a healed Felicity.”

Without being able to push herself farther than just opening her eyes to slits, she just tried to relax. The world around her was still fuzzy. Nothing was clear. Nothing made sense. It didn’t FEEL wrong though. There was a comfort in that room. Maybe it was just because it was her bed…her bedroom…her home…or maybe it was the medicine.

It really could have been the medicine.

“You’re almost there,” a female voice told her.

Felicity felt her hair being pushed away from her face and when she focused on the person. She just stared. Blonde. Fair skin. That was pretty much all she could tell. There was kindness in her voice. It was familiar, but Felicity just couldn’t place it. For a moment, she swore that the woman looked like an angel.

Was she dead?

“Ray…” Felicity breathed.

“He’s here,” the female voice promised. “Just rest…we’re all here…together…all of us.”

Home.

Family.

Tomorrow…Felicity knew that she’d wake and the world could start spinning at full speed again. A smile settled across her face and she let her eyes slid closed once again. The pain was still there, it was more present than it had been before…but it wasn’t enough make her cry or scream. There was a whimper here and there, but that was it.

“Twenty-four.”

So, she let go. She thought about her family. All of her family. She thought about the last time they’d had a big family get together. Felicity focused on how much fun it had been. Thought about the food and the discussions. Eventually, sleep overtook her…and she didn’t fight it.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Been working on it for a while! I kept going "almost done" and then the page size just kept adding up! I've posted this on twitter and tumblr, but I figured I'd put it out here too...as soon as I finish with posting the three shorts I need to have done before I whip out the other two multi-chapter stories...I was wondering if people would like a schedule for updates? They'll be FIVE Arrow multi-chapter stories all going at once at that point, so I could do Monday through Friday. Thoughts?


	14. Oliver Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an Oliver POV chapter. Remember, sometimes there's some overlap with previous scenes, but I just think that that sort of enriches it when I can show it from someone else's POV and sort of fill in gaps that wouldn't normally be filled in. 
> 
> Also, I don't know why people keep freaking out about me putting Olicity and Raylicity tags on stories. I only put the ship tags on the story (and I do it at the beginning) if there's going to be that relationship in the story. I'm not going to tag something as Raylicity and then all of the sudden tag it ten chapters in that it's also Olicity because that's not fair to people (unless I just realize it that far in...which really normally doesn't happen).

It was early, but he’d wanted to get there early to try to help out. It wasn’t like he could sleep longer anyways, so he’d grabbed Diggle’s key to Felicity and Ray’s place and had headed over to make breakfast. The girls would be going to school and he wasn’t sure if he’d be escorting them or not, but he just wanted to do something nice. Felicity, Ray, and even the girls had been so kind and welcoming and it didn’t feel like there was really a lot he could do to pay that kindness back to them. 

Oliver was good at being quiet, so he tried to be extra quiet, not wanting to wake anyone. He knew that even at this time that it was likely that no one was up, though soon Ray and Felicity would likely rise in order to show and ready for the day…and shortly after that the girls would be up too. He was actually quite impressed with their family. Felicity and Ray seemed to have such a healthy relationship and the girls all seemed fairly well adjusted and happy. 

It was hard.

No matter what happened, he would always love Felicity. That didn’t mean that he had any ulterior motives when it came to her, though. Oliver had decided the moment he realized how happy Felicity was that he would do nothing to stand in the way of her happiness. If he hadn’t made the promise he’d made to her, he’d just disappear from her life… 

But he’d promised.

He didn’t break promises.

Especially not to her.

Pushing the key in, could already smell coffee brewing (so someone was up), he turned it and let himself in. Oliver concentrated his efforts on being quiet as he entered the penthouse. It wasn’t until the door was already closed and he’d turned around that he noticed that he wasn’t alone. 

It was like a nightmare.

Felicity who was still clad in pajamas was there facedown on the floor, he was there checking for her vitals a moment later. “Felicity? Felicity?” he called. Oliver waited, but was thankful for a pulse and to visually see that she was breathing. Carefully, he rolled her onto her back and checked her over.

No response to his calls.

No response to touch.

No bleeding.

No appearance of an injury.

She hadn’t been feeling well, but Oliver didn’t know why. It had been clear to him that pretty much everyone else knew, including John and Lyla, but no one was saying anything to him. He hadn’t pushed because really, he felt like Felicity should be the one to tell him…if it was something that she wanted. Now, though, he had no idea why she was passed out on the floor and he was fairly certain from the lack of other sounds coming from the rest of the penthouse that Felicity had been the one to start the coffee. That meant that no one else was going to walk out there and he really didn’t want to have to leave her…but at the same time, he really didn’t want to wake up the girls screaming for help. He couldn’t leave Felicity, though, and Oliver had no idea what kind of sleeper Ray was. All he knew was that right now, they needed to get Felicity help.

Finally, he got up and moved down the hallway to Felicity and Ray’s bedroom. He opened the door and found Ray still asleep in the bed. “Ray! I need you!” he said loudly as calmly as he could. “You’ve got to get up! It’s Felicity! We’ve got to call nine-one-one!” He didn’t wait, though, and moved back down the hallway to sit with Felicity. 

He really needed to get a cell phone. If he’d had one, he would have just called. It was one thing that Oliver just didn’t feel like he’d needed. Not yet. Maybe it was because he didn’t feel like he exactly belonged back there. Maybe it was because he felt like he was a ghost. Whatever the reason, he didn’t know where the landlines (if they had any) were in the penthouse. Even though he’d spent some time there, he’d really not taken a lot of time looking around. 

Attention on Felicity, Oliver checked her vitals again. 

Fear.

Concern.

Love.

Emotions flooded him like crazy and he found himself almost swallowing them back. Right now, he couldn’t have those emotions. It felt so foreign to him to even FEEL in the first place. It was because it was Felicity. She’d been his anchor, the one thought that had gotten him through the last five years, that had to be why he couldn’t stop his feelings. 

He wouldn’t lose her.

He couldn’t.

Looking over his shoulder, he saw Ray just standing there. 

“We have to call for an ambulance,” Oliver told him. He was trying to remain as calm as possible, but Ray was just standing there. Was he in shock? Likely. Oliver felt like he needed to give him information just the same. “She’s breathing, but she’s not waking up…” He just stared at Ray. He wanted some more information. Maybe if he knew what was going on, he could help some how. “Has this happened before? It might have something to do with the pain she’s been experiencing.”

Instead of answering him, Ray moved to the kitchen and pulled out a phone from a spot that Oliver was a bit surprised. He’d been over there, he’d never seen a phone over there. Ray was calling for help, though, and right now that was all that mattered. He could get answers later. Oliver shifted his attention back to Felicity. He didn’t need to know what Ray was saying, all he needed to know was that help was coming.

It needed to get there fast.

“How did you get in?” Ray asked.

Right now, Felicity seemed the same, so he took that as okay. He looked up at Ray. “Diggle gave me his key, since I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be here this morning to escort anyone anywhere… I knew Felicity didn’t feel well last night and I figured that if I made breakfast, that might make things easier on all of you…” Oliver explained. “What’s wrong with her?”

As much as he wanted to wait and let Felicity tell him what was wrong with her, he felt like this was something that needed to come out. He couldn’t be the only one NOT to know. How bad was it? Should he worry? An ambulance was coming and Felicity wasn’t waking up, so he felt like he HAD to worry. Whatever it was, it was time that they let him in on it. 

“Last year, she was in a bad car accident,” Ray told him. 

A car accident.

That led to more questions, but Oliver didn’t ask them. He figured that he could always ask later and if he couldn't ask Ray or Felicity, then he figured he could ask Diggle. It was really clear that he was the only one that DIDN’T know what was going on. 

The scars that Ray revealed a moment later made Oliver feel ill. It wasn’t that they disgusted him, he just felt so bad because he didn’t know anything about them. He had imagined something like a broken arm or something like that, but not this. Scars were splattered all over her stomach, they weren’t huge…they were actually quite small but they seemed to be everywhere. Before he could say anything, to force anything out, Ray was speaking again.

“There are more…but you understand,” Ray continued. “Her doctors have painted her a picture she’s just not ready to accept…but I don’t think we should have to. There’s internal scar tissue from the surgeries she had to have…it seems like a lot…we’ve tried everything to alleviate it…”

Honestly, he didn’t know what to say. All he could do was to stare and try to process it. There was no way that John and Lyla didn’t know about this and really…he was glad. Felicity deserved to have people to vent, ask advice from, and confide in. That obviously couldn’t be him, so he was glad all of the sudden that they’d known. That they’d been able to be there for her in any way possible.

“She’s going to be okay though, right?” Oliver asked, finally getting out words.

“She has to be,” Ray whispered sadly.

Oliver was trying not to go worse case scenarios, but a voice made him worry in a different way suddenly. In that moment, he wasn’t worrying about Felicity but rather her children. Obviously, this was something that they’d tried to keep quiet and even if the girls knew about the car accident (how could they not?), but he suddenly understood why Felicity hadn’t been making a lot of fuss about her pain. She hadn’t wanted the girls to worry. 

“Dad?”

Etta Palmer stood in the hallway dressed in her school uniform. Sirens sounded a moment later. Oliver didn’t know how Ray had to feel in that moment. How did you know what to tell your kid? How did you make it better when you didn’t even know if it was really going to be okay? How did you say the right words?

“She’s going to be okay,” Ray spoke up a moment later and sounded fairly confident as he spoke to Etta. Suddenly he was looking back at him. “Quentin. Donna. Someone. Someone needs to stay here with the girls.”

All he wanted to do was to go with them, to go with Felicity to the hospital. To know as soon as Ray did that she was going to really be okay. Oliver knew that that wasn’t what Felicity needed. She really needed the girls watched over and right now, Ray needed to be with his wife. That mean that he needed to do something that needed to be done, even if it wasn’t his first choice.

“I’ll stay,” Oliver volunteered. “I’ll ask John and Lyla to come over… Donna and Quentin should be at the hospital with you.” It only seemed right. This was RAY’S family, Felicity was HIS wife. Oliver knew that he needed to do the right thing, to be a good friend. 

There was a loud and hurried knock at the door and Oliver let the EMTs in. As he guided them the short distance to where Felicity was, he noticed that Alex and Clara were now standing in the hallway behind Etta. So much for keeping the girls from seeing Felicity like that.

“You just found her like this?”

“Yes,” he responded, turning his attention to the EMT. “She hasn’t been feeling well.”

As the EMT looked over Felicity, Oliver stood back and just let Ray answer the questions. He loved Felicity and he needed to do this for her. He needed to be her friend…to be THEIR friend. He could do that. It wasn’t going to be an easy thing though.

“Can he ride along?” Oliver suddenly spoke up since it seemed like they were getting ready to get Felicity out of there. It was what Ray needed and what Felicity would want. No matter if it turned out to be minor, Ray should still be there when Felicity woke. He caught one of the EMTs nodding in response and he nudged Ray towards the hallway. “Go throw on clothes, Ray.” Ray had been in just boxers, but of course he’d just rolled out of bed. “I’ll make the phone calls.”

A couple of minutes Ray emerged disheveled and mismatched. It didn’t matter, but Oliver watched as he approached the girls. All of them were worried even though they hadn’t spoken. How could they not be? He’d watched them with Felicity and Ray. In that family, they didn’t care about labels the world put on people. The Palmers didn’t seem to believe in biological, adopted, step, or halves (if they had all of those)…all they believed in was loving those that were your family. Those girls, they were all the same in Felicity and Ray’s eyes…and the girls adored them.

“Are you going to be okay staying here with Oliver until Uncle John and Aunt Lyla get here?” Ray asked them, his hand reaching out and touching them each in turn.   The girls nodded quickly in response, looking like they were all trying to remain calm, but Oliver swore that he saw tears forming or caught in their eyes. They were worried. Oliver didn’t miss the fact that Alex looked over at him for a brief moment before turning her attention back to Ray.  Ray continued with the girls, “If Liv wakes up before they get here—“

“Don’t worry,” Clara said quickly. “Just go. Text us when you know something.”

“And tell Mom that we love her,” Etta added a moment later.

That was enough to push Ray towards the door. The EMTs had Felicity strapped and prepared to take her out of the penthouse on the gurney. Oliver still wished that he could go with them, but he knew that that wasn’t his place. He had calls to make. He had things to explain. Suddenly, Oliver wondered if Donna and Quentin both knew all of the details, there was no way that they couldn’t know about the car accident…but he wondered if they knew the others…

“Thank you,” Ray told him, full of sincerity and gratitude. 

Oliver watched them leave and then turned to the girls. He needed to make phone calls, he just hoped that the girls had the phone numbers somewhere, at least now he knew where the phone was? The closest to having experience with girls that age was Thea. God, he wished that she was there right now. He knew that she’d know exactly what to say and do, even if she wasn’t a mother quite yet. Thea would know how to talk to them.

“Uh—I need to call some people, but I don’t have the phone numbers,” Oliver admitted. 

“You don’t have Uncle John’s phone number?” Alex questioned. 

“No,” Oliver said. “I don’t have a phone—“

“WHOA!” all three girls responded in various stages of disgust all of the sudden.

Oliver felt like he needed to say something. “Felicity…your mom…she’s going to be okay…”

“You can’t know that,” Alex argued, anger flaring in her. Oliver just stared at her for a long moment. He hadn’t known the girls long, but in that time…he’d felt like perhaps Alex (and even Liv) were the ones that were most comfortable with him. This response though, it almost pushed him back, shocked him, and scared him. Should he even be there? Should he keep his promise to Felicity? Was it fair? “You CAN’T know that!”

“Alex,” Clara said quietly and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. 

Etta was the one who stepped forward, handing him her tablet. “It has everyone’s number in here…it’s under contacts here,” she said as she tapped the screen for him. She motioned towards the kitchen. “And the phone is in there…”

“I should check my phone,” Clara said as she dragged Alex with her towards the girls’ bedrooms. 

Oliver didn’t know what to say, but he took the tablet with a nod to Etta and headed to the kitchen to start making the phone calls. All he wanted to do was to break down, but he knew he couldn’t. He made the phone call to Quentin Lance first and was thankful that he was able to tell Donna, since they were together. Donna Smoak had been one less person for him to explain this all to. From the sound of it, she didn’t know all of the details, but Quentin had or at least it sounded like he knew more. The call to Diggle was a bit easier because he didn’t really have to explain anything, he just told him that they were coming. When his voice had cracked and he’d broken down for a moment, which he only allowed because the girls were nowhere in sight, he knew that he didn’t have to say anything.

It was Felicity.

Diggle knew how he felt.

He and Oliver weren’t ones to shout their feelings from the rooftops, but Felicity…she’d changed him. Diggle knew that. She’d been so many things to him. If it had been Ray, he would have been able to hold it together…he’d have just worried about him being okay and Felicity being okay to make it through it. But it was Felicity. He couldn’t stand the thought of her being taken away from that world. 

“She’s going to be okay, Man,” Diggle told him. “What are the girls doing?”

“I think they went back to their rooms…”

“Make them breakfast…we’ll be there in ten minutes.” 

Oliver was about to hang up.

“And Oliver? Just be honest with them…they’ll know if you’re lying to them. Those girls have been through a lot, this isn’t the first time that they’ll be worried that they’ll lose Felicity…or a parent…”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

“You okay?”

“No.”

“Would it make you feel any better if I pretend to go into false labor?” 

Oliver just stared at Lyla and then they were both grinning a moment later. “I really don’t want that…”

“Good, because even pretending to go into labor is hard work,” Lyla told him. “I might have used this pregnancy to my advantage to get out of a couple of meetings…” When Diggle emerged with the girls all dressed and ready, Oliver and Lyla looked over at them. “Are we sure this is a good idea, Johnny?” 

“No,” Diggle admitted. “But they’re insisting…”

“Dad texted and said that mom’s awake…that they have to wait for the doctors,” Clara announced. “Grandpa and Nan are there…they said mom’s fine…”

“Of course, they’re probably just saying that to appease us until the doctors actually see mom,” Alex said. “But we all need a distraction…so either someone walks us or we walk ourselves…”

“That is, if you’re going to be okay with Liv,” Clara said quite seriously.

Oliver looked to Lyla and Diggle for guidance. After all, they were the ones that Ray expected to be in charge of the kids, he was only a place holder until they got there. He really wasn’t in charge of anything or anyone. 

“Sara and Mateo can play with Liv, she’ll be fine,” Lyla spoke up.

“Come on, I’ll walk you,” Diggle told them.

Oliver waited, unsure if he should go or stay. Instead, he looked towards Diggle for clues. From what he was seeing, it seemed like he should stay there. He wasn’t sure if that was better or not, but he knew that right now the girls were all in a delicate state and Diggle knew them all better. Once they were out the door, he looked to Lyla.

“John’s going to have to explain the situation to the school officials and I doubt that you’ve been added to their school electronic cards yet,” Lyla explained. “Even though John and I live out of the country…we’re on there. I think Thea and Roy are even on them.”

“Right,” he said with a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. He’d gotten there early in order to do a good thing, to make the family breakfast…and the whole day had gone to hell. Oliver sat on the edge of one of the chairs and just looked at Lyla. “What do I do?”

“What did you come here to do?”

“Make breakfast.”

“You did that.”

And he had.

Oliver didn’t think he’d ever felt so worried about people being okay with his cooking in his whole life. He just hadn’t wanted to make anything worse. He’d felt better having John and Lyla over, but at the same time…he felt like having them there meant that he wasn’t trusted or like he couldn’t do it. Though, he’d reminded himself that these girls weren’t used to him and in all honesty, he didn’t KNOW if he COULD do it. Be a bodyguard, protect them, he could do that…but be a surrogate parent (even if for a short period of time), he was at a loss. 

“I was going to escort the family wherever they needed to go.”

“You’re on Liv duty now, I think,” Lyla told him. “She’s pretty easy…and she enjoys hearing Arrow stories…so I think you might just be the man for the job.”

“But right now she’s play with Sara and Mat—“

“Mateo,” Lyla supplied.

Oliver nodded. He’d get it. He’d remember the name. It was all so new and he suddenly felt like those five years had somehow been robbed from him. Here he was and Felicity and Ray had four kids…and then Lyla and John had two, almost three…and then Thea and Roy were expecting. Having kids wasn’t for everyone, he knew that, but he suddenly felt like he was missing that in his life. “Right. Mateo.”

“And just so you can start learning this one’s name,” Lyla said as she rubbed her belly. “It’s a boy. John and I decided we’re going to name him Andy.”

A smile spread across his face. Andy had been John’s brother’s name. The brother who had been killed by Deadshot, which had been ordered by HIVE. He didn’t know if Diggle ever got to further pursue anything on who wanted Andy dead. He knew that he could ask Lyla, but now didn’t seem like the right time. “I won’t forget that…”

“I didn’t think you would.”

“So…do I go and play with them? Leave them alone?”

Lyla smiled at him. “If you go in there, just be prepared to dress up…or play tea…or be a princess…”

“Do they WANT me to play with them?”

The smile didn’t leave her face. “You’ve got a lot to learn about kids, but I think you’ll pick up quickly…and let me just tell you…you’re in a house full of kids that are going to tell you if you’re welcome or not. If Liv, Sara, or Mateo have had enough of you, they’ll tell you to get out. As long as you don’t push them when they tell you that they’re done with you, you’ll be fine.”

“How old are they?”

That only seemed to amuse Lyla more. “Just remember whose kids they are…”

“I suppose that it’s better to have kids that are intelligent and know how to speak up…” Oliver said. “Though these kids…all of them…they’re going to be heads of companies…world leaders…”

“I’m hoping…these strong and intelligent and kind and beautiful children are going to help bring about world peace…like the actual kind…TRUE world peace…”

World peace.

It was something that women in beauty pageants said that they hoped for, but it didn’t seem like something that was really tangible to him. He’d seen all of the horror and ugly in the world. He’d seen death at every corner of the world. It was hard for Oliver to even think of such a beautiful world, one filled with peace, but as he stood there…he realized that that was a lot like how Ray and Felicity had transformed Starling City…they’d given it a new name…but they’d also given it new life and purpose. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Ray had returned home with Felicity, Quentin, and Donna. It had been clear from the looks on Quentin and Donna’s faces that they weren’t pleased and Felicity just seemed exhausted. Oliver wanted to ask questions, but he didn’t feel like he could. He didn’t miss how Ray had his arm around her and Quentin seemed to be steadying her on the other side. They hadn’t even seemed to have been gone long enough, so Oliver really wanted to ask the questions that were weighing on him.

Was Felicity okay?

He waited, though, trying not to go after them to seek out the answers he so desperately wanted. It was getting closer to the time that the girls got out and Oliver felt like he needed to get out of that penthouse. He didn’t feel like he was needed there anyways. Everyone else seemed like they had everything under control. Heading for the door, his hand was on the knob when he was stopped before he could make his exit. 

“Oliver, where you going to? Ray wants to see you,” Quentin said.

Oliver turned around to see him motioning back to the bedroom. John was sitting on the couch with Lyla and he noticed Donna was peeking in at the kids playing. “I was just going to—“ he said as he motioned to the front door.

“I’m going to tell you what you’re going to do,” Quentin told him. “You’re going to get your butt down that hallway and see what Ray wants…”

Being on the wrong side of things with Quentin Lance was never a good thing. Oliver had had A LOT of experience in that field. Quentin Lance had never been his biggest fan, but he really didn’t feel like having a huge blow out with him was appropriate. So, Oliver just turned and headed for the bedroom. He passed Liv’s bedroom and smiled at the sight of Liv, Sara, and Mateo dressing Donna up for a tea party. He had no idea how those kids kept themselves so well entertained. 

At the end of the hallway, he lightly knocked on the door and entered when Ray opened the door. Felicity was tucked into bed, she looked exhausted but she was awake. She smiled at him and he couldn’t help but smile back. “Hey,” she whispered.

Ray shut the door behind him and Oliver ventured a few steps further. “Hi.”

So many questions spun through his head.

Oliver looked between Ray and Felicity and just didn’t know what else to say. He’d realized in those hours at the house that he really didn’t know where he fit in in that family. It was going to take time…or so he hoped. To him, he realized…it felt like whenever he took a couple of steps forward, he’d end up taking five steps back. They’d offered him a place…a place within a family he’d once been a part of (one that had changed, but had stuck together even after he’d disappeared)…and they’d offered him a purpose. 

There was a real problem though.

A problem inside of him.

Something he’d battled before.

Could he be Oliver Queen?

Could he live this life?

“I know that I really haven’t given you much of an update about what happened,” Ray spoke up first. “I’m sorry, I—“

“You don’t have to apologize, Ray…I’m just glad that Felicity’s okay,” Oliver said quickly, holding up a hand to indicate that it really was okay. “Really…”

“I never expected to end up in the hospital or else I would have told you,” Felicity explained. Her voice was weak and she looked so exhausted, he didn’t know how she was able to form words. “Well, told you sooner… I was going to, it’s just—“

“It’s okay…” Oliver said gently. He’d been out of the pictures for five years and it wasn’t like they could all just go back to how things were before. The last week or so had changed drastically for that family… “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I’m NOT okay,” Felicity said.

Oliver watched as Ray sank down to sit on his side of the bed, he was facing the bathroom, his back was to Felicity. There was something that was going on. Ray had briefly explained what had happened, but obviously there was more. “But you’re home,” he said slowly. He wanted to understand. 

“The doctors can’t do anything, not really…”

“It’s all ‘maybes’ or ‘this could make it worse’ or options that just aren’t options,” Ray rattled off with a sigh.

“In my opinion…” Felicity added. 

He didn’t miss the looks on Felicity and Ray’s faces. “There have to be others…specialists…” From what he understood, this wasn’t life threatening, but it was definitely life altering. What if it was just getting worse? How bad could it get? “There has to be another way.”

“There is,” Felicity told him, her voice was full of hope. 

The look on Ray’s face told him that he was terrified. That didn’t comfort Oliver at all. He didn’t even know what this other way was and he hoped that it wasn’t to just do nothing. Oliver couldn’t just sit back and watch her suffer…

“There’s nano tech…” Felicity said. “We used it before…”

“We should get John,” Ray spoke up. “If we’re going to do this…we’re going to need his help…” He got to his feet and made his way out of the room, leaving them alone. 

Oliver waited a moment before saying anything else. “Ray doesn’t like this idea.”

“It’s technically, experimental,” Felicity supplied. “And Ray’s afraid of what could happen…he flatlined for a moment when we used it on him before…and the hospital won’t let us use it there, so there’s not that additional monitoring in place…”

“Are you SURE you want to do this?

“Yes.”

She was confident in this decision and Oliver knew that once Felicity set her mind to something, she likely couldn’t be deviated from it. “What are the risks?”

“Death? Pain? It not working at all? Something unforeseen going wrong?” Felicity shot out. “We’ve only done this once…and that was a bullet…just one…”

“A bullet?”

“Ray took a bullet for me,” Felicity explained. “It was a long time ago…and where it was lodged…the doctors said that if they removed it, it would likely kill him…and if they left it, it would kill him…”

“He’s a good man.”

“He is,” Felicity said. “But he’s scared…he’s scared it isn’t going to work…possibly not the way we want…or that it could kill me…” She was quiet for a moment. “I can’t live like this, Oliver… It’s more than just pain…” Her voice got quiet and she started to play with the blanket covering her. “The doctors don’t think that I’ll ever be able to get pregnant if we don’t do something…and even though I have four beautiful girls, maybe I might want another…”

And all he could think was that she should have as many children as she wanted. Alex, Clara, and Etta might not be biologically hers…but they were beautiful, intelligent, and kind young women…and then Liv, that little girl was smart and just such a ray of sunshine and love. Why shouldn’t there be more people like Felicity in the world? 

World peace.

That’s what Lyla had talked about and as he thought about it…she was right. Those kids, they could all lead them into world peace. As he watched her, he also understood why things hadn’t just been told to everyone. She didn’t want the girls to worry, but at the same time he knew that they were so smart. Oliver slowly moved closer. “What can I do?”

“Be here?” 

“What is going to happen?” 

Felicity smiled up at him. “The nano tech is going to scan my insides…and we’ll figure out what area would be best for them to start their attack first… They’re controlled from a tablet…”

“You said it might hurt?”

“Ray wanted to somehow sedate me, but I guess he was texting John about it…and he said that he’d just do pain killers…” Felicity explained. “John made sure that we all made it out after everything was said and done with Team Arrow… We just figured he was the one to ask. To keep things quiet, to keep from bringing in someone from the outside.”

“It’s smart,” Oliver agreed. “I just don’t know why you want me to be here…”

“Support.”

“I can do that.”

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

After the first twenty-eight percent, Oliver had been sent out of the room for a bit. Felicity and Ray had needed to talk and he thought that was smart. Ray was having a hard time, that was clear, but Oliver couldn’t fault him for that. Oliver was having a hard time now running the nano tech, to continue its progress on breaking down the scar tissue inside of Felicity, but he was better at holding it inside. 

It was Felicity.

Whenever he felt like it was going to be too much or when his emotions were going to betray him, he just tried to remember that THIS was what Felicity wanted. This was going to ensure her future happiness. This might not bring about world peace, but it would bring about peace for HER. 

This was probably better, he thought, as he watched as Ray held Felicity. She would let out little cries and other indications of pain. Her hands would ball up his shirt in her hands, Felicity deserved to have that comfort and Ray deserved to not feel like he was the one causing her the pain. 

She was going to be okay.

It hit him right there.

They were all back together.

Team Arrow.

Together, united, Team Arrow could never not do something.

They were together.

They were standing united on this front.

They would get this done.

Felicity would be okay.

It hit him as he thought about it. He thought about everything that had happened since he’d first seen Felicity from afar after five years. He thought about even though it was complicated, how he’d been so happy to be back…to be around the people who he’d loved as family…the people who accepted him even when he wasn’t sure who he was. The people that were everything to him. The people that he didn’t want to fail.

He was Oliver Queen.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to include a female mystery POV...so start thinking now ;). After that, we'll be back to Ray and then Felicity!


	15. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mystery Female POV Chapter (guesses?)
> 
> This is probably also the shortest chapter for this story! I hope you still enjoy!

Her trip had been filled with things that she hadn’t ever thought she’d see.  It was like she’d magically found herself on a trip that she’d always loved to go on when she was younger (though she certainly wouldn’t have appreciated it as she found herself now).  Backpacking across foreign landscapes was breathtaking and the only thing she had to record it was a journal that had been such a pristine bright blue when she’d started the journey, but now was scraped here and there and green from when she’d used it to sit on in grassy fields stained some of the areas.  It had a series of rectangles embossed in it.  She’d always thought that it looked sort of like a door.    
  
She didn’t know why she loved that color so much.  Her first memory upon finding herself in an unknown land had been confusing.  She’d sworn that she’d seen a blue box in the field, but when she’d blinked and had been more with it, she’d found that she’d been wrong.  The nightmares didn’t help things.  For the first month on her trip across…well, she wasn’t even quite sure where she’d started her journey from.  She’d felt like she was on some kind of drug induced hallucination state.    
  
One day, she’d woken up and she’d just sort of snapped out of it.    
  
The dreams and nightmares were still there, though.  Things that were jumbled and just didn’t make sense.  All she had were feelings that she knew she had to take as warnings, that they were there for a reason.  She knew that she’d somehow lost time.  All she’d wanted to do was to reach out to people, but every night…she’d heed a warning from an armor-clad ancient Roman.  He’d tell her that right now, she had to journey on…that she’d know where to go and who to trust.    
  
It had been a beautiful adventure.    
  
Even though she’d been on her journey for some time, she’d only had what she could carry (which wasn’t much).  She had a backpack, one that was made of naturally woven colorful cloth with a flap that could be secured shut with a tie.  It was just big enough to carry her pen, journal, a reusable water bottle, a change of warmer weather clothes (which included socks), a knife (which she had made herself along the way in a village and she kept rolled up in the blanket she carried), and then there was normally a bit of food.  It was just enough for her.  The bare minimum was all she needed.  
  
There had been even a few times where her internal self (or maybe it was that pesky Roman) had warned her.  It really had been an internal ‘danger!  Danger, Will Robinson!’ kind of warning.  Every time, it had been right.  Her instincts, she knew were good, but it was hard to focus on them when there was a chunk of her memory gone.    
  
Today, she had found herself in a rural area, like so many that she’d passed through.  Her plan the day before had been to keep moving westward, but something stopped her and forced her down a different path.  By the end of the day, she’d come to a village where a new schoolhouse was being built.    
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   

 

“Are you sure about this?” she asked.  
  
“Are you?”  
  
Roy spoke up now.  “I’ll tell you what…I sure as hell aren’t…”  
  
They were on a flight.  She still didn’t understand why she had to go, but her instincts were telling her it was the right thing to do.  The flight was long, but then they were a long way from Star City.    
  
Home.  
  
It was once home.  
  
Was it still?  
  
They were going home because Felicity had made contact and had asked them to come.  Apparently Oliver was alive, he was there in Star City.  There was concern for Oliver and his wellbeing, which was why they were all going.  It was why they were all temporarily leaving the lives they’d been leading behind.    
  
Was it really temporary?

  
  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

  
When they showed up to see everyone, what she saw wasn’t what she expected.  Felicity was there laying on the bed, Ray holding her, Felicity’s fists stark white and balled up with Ray’s shirt inside of them.  She was in pain and without any REAL information on what was going on, her first response was that they needed to get her to a hospital where she could get help.  
  
“Twenty percent,” Oliver said.  
  
“She looks pale—“  
  
“That’s just because she’s not out in the sun all the time like you!” Roy said, obviously he was trying to keep the situation not so serious It wasn’t working, though.  It was tense and it couldn’t be any more serious than it was.  
  
“Shh…she’s sleeping,” Ray whispered.  She really wasn’t sure who looked worse: Ray or Felicity.  As far as she knew, Ray hadn’t been injured, but if you were just judging by his face…you would have thought differently.  Ray was likely in more pain than Felicity actually was…which was pretty terrifying.  
  
“She would WANT to see us!”  
  
“She would want to see ME,” she said.  
She took in Felicity, she was barely keeping her eyes open.  Felicity really did look terrible.  They’d only been told the cliff notes version of what had happened to Felicity, but she hoped that this worked.  It was amazing to her that Felicity only seemed to somehow look more beautiful even though it had been so long since she’d seen her, even in the pain she was in…she looked like an angel.  Felicity groaned, closed her eyes, and then went still.    
  
Oliver announced the progress again.  “Twenty-two percent.”  
  
“Close,” she said quietly as she stared at Felicity.    
  
It had been too long.  
  
God, how could you miss a person so much?  
  
She’d missed Felicity.  
  
She was like a sister.  
  
“Seriously and that’s it? You just inject her with nano robots and program them with your tablet to do whatever you want?” she asked curiously.  
  
“That’s fairly simply put,” Ray responded.  In that moment, his voice seemed to calm.    
  
To her, it seemed like Felicity had passed out.  Felicity had gone completely still and everyone else in the room had quietened down and had kept themselves in one place.  She was still curious, though…and concerned.  “Side effects?”  
  
“I’m sure.”  
  
“Right now, all we care about is a healed Felicity,” Oliver spoke up.  
 She watched as Felicity’s eyes barely opened.  Felicity’s eyes showed a whole lot, but right now it seemed like Felicity was just out of it.  She wasn’t surprised, though.  Having robots going through your body trying to destroy scar tissue inside of your body couldn’t be comfortable (well, not until it was all over and you had some time to heal).  If Ray was a good husband, he had everything that Felicity might want on hand and ready the moment it was asked for.  
  
“You’re almost there,” she whispered to Felicity as she pushed hair out of Felicity’s face.  All she wanted to do was to hug her, instead, she took a step back and ran her fingers through the ends of her hair, which she had braided and over her shoulder at the moment.  She was getting nervous and she was getting anxious.    
  
Was this going to work?  
  
Would Felicity be okay?  
  
“Ray…” Felicity breathed.  
  
“He’s here,” she promised when Ray didn’t speak up. “Just rest…we’re all here…together…all of us.”  Ray looked like he was having a hard time keeping it together, but he was.  He was a good man.  She didn’t know him really, but he was a good man.  That much, she could tell.  
  
It almost felt like home.  
  
Almost.  
  
She really did want to hug and hold Felicity and make sure she knew that she wasn’t alone, that her family was there, and that everything was going to be okay.  Soon enough, though, she reminded herself, Felicity would know that truth.  A smile spread across Felicity’s face as her eyes slid shut and she just hoped that that meant that she didn’t feel as much pain.  A whimper escaped Felicity’s lips, but it wasn’t as bad as before.    
  
“Twenty-four,” Oliver announced.  
  
“She’s still breathing, right?”  
  
“Yeah,” Ray said and seemed to be relaxing.  “I think she’s asleep…”  
  
“It’s almost over,” she said.    
  
It was a relief.  
  
They hadn’t even been there for every treatment, but that one treatment…it had been enough.  She just hoped that the treatments worked, not only for Felicity’s sake…but for Ray’s as well.    
  
“Twenty-five percent,” Oliver said.  “That’s it…that’s all of it…”    
  
It was weird seeing Oliver controlling the nano tech, but she could see that it was better this way.  It gave Ray the chance to comfort Felicity.  “We should give them some space,” she spoke up.  She moved towards Oliver and threw her arm around him.  “We have a lot to catch up on…”  
  
“You have no idea.”  
  
“Long stories that include five years away, they’re your niche…” she said and looked back at Ray and Felicity in their bed before looking back at Oliver.  “I think we have time.”  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
TBC…  
  



	16. The Long Night

Holding his wife was the best thing in the world, especially knowing that the pain was over with.  It still hurt him deep down to know that she’d been in such pain.  Ray’s fingers ran through her blonde curls.  It was quiet and he knew that he really should really leave the bedroom to check on everyone.  They had guests, ones that he’d forgotten were supposed to show up…but he couldn’t bring himself to leave her side.    
  
“You know,” he said quietly as he continued to stare at her as he laid on his side, his fingers playing in her hair.  “Sometimes this still feels like a dream to me…  This world that’s seemed so perfect…  You…  Our girls…  This family we’ve built…”  He paused for a moment.  “And sometimes I think it’s good that we remember how far we’ve come…  How hard sometimes it was for us to hope for this…”  Ray pressed a kiss to the side of her head before resting his forehead against hers.  “YOU, Felicity, you were always the hope…for all of us…whether you knew that or not…”  
  
Knowing what he did now, he knew that that was true for all of them…even Oliver.  Felicity had lit that dark world and shown them that there could be a Star City.  She was the real reason why their lives were as perfect as they were.  He wouldn’t have been able to do it without her, he wouldn’t have been able to love again if she’d not let him.     
Felicity was everything.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashback - Four Years Before  >**  
  
  
“You know that the Arrow wouldn’t have allowed for this,” Laurel spoke up.  “Not…that I’m complaining.  I think it’s a good idea.  It’s the RIGHT plan moving forward.”  
  
He saw how she reacted when Laurel had said that.  No matter how much time passed, whenever the Arrow…whoever he was…was brought up, especially in this manner, an immense  sadness hit her and she would turn away so that she thought no one would see it.  He saw it.  He always saw it.    
  
“Team Flash are certainly a helpful bunch,” Ray said as he rolled the chair he was sitting in over to sit next to Felicity.  She looked at him, but they never talked about the Arrow…or how she always reacted.  Ray had always told himself that when she was ready, she would.  Until then, he’d be there for her.  He’d always be there for her, for as long as she’d let him.  “I mean, I don’t know what their thoughts are on our little project…”  
  
“You mean saving the city?” Roy asked.  
  
“Well, the city is pretty well saved now,” Thea pointed out.    
  
“She’s right,” Diggle said.  “Mostly what’s left is just riffraff, but the Glades…that’s what needs to be saved still…”  
  
“And we’re working on that at Palmer Technologies,” Felicity spoke up.  Her fingers flew across the keys and she had a display up for everyone to see of what they’d gotten completed.  “Part of this is going to just have to be the city WANTING this change…”  
  
“Cisco, Caitlin, and Barry, though…I’m sure they’d help us with the last steps, even if that means just being here as friends helping,” Ray said.  He’d felt like he’d made this instant friendship with those three and he just thought that they were great.  Any collaboration with them was always something that he welcomed.  Actually, Cisco had helped them with some of the Palmer Technologies projects and he’d offered all of them jobs with Palmer Technologies if they ever wanted them.  
  
Felicity looked away for a moment, downward, away from anyone’s eyes and away from the screen.  “We do need all the help we can get…especially if we’re going to stay on schedule to go back to living life…like normal people.”  
  
“Let’s face it,” Diggle said.  “None of us are ever going to be normal.”  
  
It was true.  
  
Felicity looked up now, looking at Diggle.  “But we have to all promise that THIS…THIS family is going to always stand.  No matter what corner of the world we end up at…we’ll always be family.”  
  
The word promise was murmured from everyone’s lips and there was no doubt that these people would keep good on their word…and if they didn’t, then he knew that Felicity could track them from a computer with just a dozen keystrokes.  If people thought that they should worry about the trained warriors of the group, they were wrong, Felicity could topple whole governments if she wanted to…with keystrokes.  It wouldn’t take arrows, blades, or guns…  
  
“Right, so…do we go to them or do they come to us?” Ray asked as he looked around.  They’d always gone to Central City, but he KNEW that Team Flash had come to Central City in the past to help out Team Arrow.  “Or do we teleconference?”  Teleconferencing was what he’d pretty much been doing with Cisco so far.  It had worked, but it just wasn’t the same as being in the same room with people.  
  
“Cisco touches things…I’m just forewarning you,” Roy said as he held up his hands in defense.  “I like the guy.  Good instincts.  Smart.  Makes great gadgets…but just so you know…”  
  
Ray smirked.  “He’s just a hands on kinds of guy…  I can handle that.”  
  
“And it gets a little crowded,” Diggle added.  “And…drafty…”  
  
Felicity smiled that time.  “I’ll make sure that I get some paper weights, so papers don’t go flying…and maybe some more chairs…”  She looked to Ray.  “Maybe we can use your—our—workshop?”  It melted him how she looked at him when she wanted something.  Seriously, there was no denying Felicity Smoak.  How could anyone say ‘no’ to her?  Ray had no clue.    
  
He just nodded before finally pushing the words out.  “Yeah…yeah…of course…whatever we need to do…  There’s plenty of computers and work space at Palmer Tech.”  
  
“I think it’s settled then,” Diggle said.  He sighed and shook his head, his arms still firmly crossed over his chest.  “Man, I can’t believe that soon enough…we won’t be doing all of this anymore…”  
  
“How are we possibly going to occupy our time?” Felicity asked as she spun in her chair.  
  
Ray smiled.  “I’m sure we’ll all figure it out…”    
 He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Felicity.  He loved her and though things were good between them, whenever they were down there in the Foundry, he’d find himself doubting the future.  He didn’t know why.  Maybe it was because there were reminders down there of a man she loved and he’d see the sadness take her and he’d feel like there was no way that he could ever be that person…but then she loved him.  They were moving forward.  That was something, wasn’t it?  Ray just hoped that their vision of the future wasn’t completely something that couldn’t be accomplished.    
  
“We will,” Felicity finally said softly.  Ray caught her looking at him, a smile on her face.  
  
Hope.  
  
There was hope there.  
  
For the future.  
  
In Felicity.  
  
Felicity WAS hope.  
  
  
 **< /Flashback  >**  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Felicity mumbled in her sleep.    
  
He’d always thought it was adorable, even more so when he didn’t understand it.  There was something so comforting about hearing her talk in her sleep though.  He didn’t care if he was slurred or he just didn’t understand it, it meant that she was feeling better.  All he kept thinking was that he could have lost her.  How it would have been HIS fault because it had been HIS nano tech and HE had been the one to bring it up.  No matter how good his intentions or how much she’d agreed…it would have been on him.  Ray wondered if she realized the negative and worrisome thoughts that kept trampling his mind because it seemed like whenever he’d allow one of them to swallow him whole…her murmurs would pull him back to reality…to her.    
  
It was nearly four in the morning and he’d not left her side.  He couldn’t.  Ray watched as she took every breath, every tiny movement, and how her hair slid slowly from where it had been before.  She’d been sleeping mostly peacefully.  The murmurs and mumbling had so far been the only change in that.  He’d checked the tablet a few times, just to make sure that everything was being reported back as still good.  There was no new growth of any kind and from what the nano tech was reporting back, everything looked as good as the last time he’d checked it.    
  
“Ray,” she whispered at one point.  
  
A kiss was pressed against her forehead and he allowed himself to relax a bit.  “I’m here, Felicity,” he promised her.  “I’m here…”    
  
Her thrashing and cries were what brought him out of him dozing off.  Ray swore he’d just been awake and a glance at the clock had told him the same.  It took him a moment to really take in what was going on, this was something that he hadn’t seen or heard in years now.  It was a kind of nightmare, one that had been reoccurring when he and Felicity had rekindled things…before they were married.    
  
“No, please…please.  Don’t join the League!  Stay!  Stay with us!  Stay with ME!”  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashback - Four Years Before  > **  
  
  
“You can choose to stay!  We’ll figure out another way!” Felicity yelled as she tossed about.  “No!  Don’t!  Please!”    
  
This was a reoccurring nightmare and a reoccurring wake-up for Ray.  Every night, she’d scream in her sleep, thrash, cry, plead, and whimper.  Every night it was always the same.  Ray would wake up, at first he’d always panic until he realized what was going on.  Even when it was something that had been happening for months now, ever since they’d decided to live together.  The decision, he was still certain, had been made mainly (at least, at first) because she was able to sleep for some portion of the night when she was with him.  When she had been home alone, she’d scare herself and stay up all night in fear of experiencing it all over again, that’s what she’d finally broken down and told him.  
  
“Shhh…” he tried to comfort as he pulled her into his arms, turning her over until his lips pressed against her forehead.  “You’re safe, Felicity…”  
  
“No…we’re never going to be safe,” she mumbled back.  
  
Sometimes she seemed to be replying, but he knew that she really wasn’t replying to him.  She was replying to the nightmare.  Ray wished that he could somehow take the pain and the nightmares away from her, but he knew all too well that it was something that everyone had to work past on their own…at least until they allowed themselves to let others in.  
  
He’d let her in.  
  
She’d started to let him in, but there were still things she kept from him.  He was okay with that.  Ray was certain that others wouldn’t understand, but he was a man who trusted and believed.  He had faith in humanity and he saw what they could become.  That’s why he was so invested in Star City.  He knew that they could be more.  
  
As he held Felicity, he knew that THEY could be more, too.  
  
Felicity clung to him, crying.  Mumbling into his chest as he held her tighter.  Ray rocked her gently and just told her that she was safe and that it was alright, that he was there and he wasn’t going anywhere.  He looked over and saw the clock read right after four in the morning.  This was the second nightmare she’d had since they’d gone to sleep, he swore that they were lessening though.    
  
When he looked up, tear filled eyes were looking up at him.  This was something that went on every night, she’d feel guilty and embarrassed even though he always told her that she didn’t need to feel either.  All Ray wanted to do was to lessen it as much as he could and be there for her.  He loved her.  He’d do anything for her.  
  
Anything.  
  
“I’m—“  
  
“I know,” Ray whispered as his fingers ran along the side of her face.  “But you don’t have to be sorry…”  He was quiet for a moment, his arms holding her and keeping her safe.  “Was it the same nightmare?” he finally asked.  
  
Felicity nodded and pushed away tears.  “But I saw him…on some snowy mountain like Merlyn said…a sword through him…and then he was just falling…and falling…and I kept trying to reach him,” she recounted a moment later.  Normally, her dreams were about begging the Arrow to stay.  He was the man that she’d loved, the man that she’d grieved.    
  
“Being in the Foundry probably doesn’t help things,” Ray said quietly and gently.  He meant well, but he knew that she wouldn’t take it right.  The thing was that Felicity stared at the Arrow costume on the mannequin in the glass case for hours…  The sword that apparently killed the Arrow was still blood stained and stored in the Foundry.  There were so many reminders of the Arrow and how he’d been killed.  There was no way that that was healthy, but he knew that grieving and coping had to be done by everyone in their own individual way.  “But I know that right now,” Ray said and paused, trying to think of his words before they spilled from his mouth.  “I know that right now that’s not an option…and of course,” he continued as he held onto her, pressing a kiss to her temple.  “I would never want you to FORGET the Arrow.”  
  
He didn’t think she ever could.  
  
The Arrow had been an important part of her life, she’d made that clear.  He never wanted to change Felicity, whatever she’d gone through in her past had made her the person that he loved.  All he could do was be a good friend and be there for her when she needed him.  Ray was more than okay with that and always ready when she needed him.  No time was inconvenient when it was Felicity Smoak.  
  
“The city shouldn’t forget him either,” Felicity whispered.  
  
“Are you proposing an addition to the Star City Project?” Ray questioned.  “Not sure if an Arrow statue would be appropriate since technically…he and his team are all considered vigilantes…”  
  
“Technicality…”  
  
“We’ll figure some way to honor your friend and his memory, I promise you,” Ray told her.  “But right now…I think both of us need to think about sleeping again…  Big proposal in the morning.”    
  
“We’ve got it.”  
  
“We do, but you know how I get when I have too many cups of coffee before ten.”  
  
“You have a limit.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Felicity smiled at him.  “You have a limit.  After so many cups, I give you decaf.”  
  
“I…thought…it didn’t taste right yesterday afternoon,” Ray said.  “But I had convinced myself that I might have killed off some taste buds from the first cup of the day yesterday since I didn’t really test to see if it was cooled…”  
  
Distractions were good when Felicity woke up from a nightmare, but he didn’t know if he was distracting her or if she was distracting him.  The whole thing seemed to confuse him suddenly.  He didn’t mind it, though.  All he cared about was that they were there together and that she seemed to be doing better.  
  
She was beaming and then patted his shoulder.  “Don’t worry…we’ll get through the proposal and it’ll be fabulous…”  
  
“We still need sleep.”  
  
“We do,” Felicity agreed.  “But right now…I’m not sleepy…”  
  
“Oh,” Ray replied with a bit of a frown.  He had hoped that she’d actually catch up on some sleep since she’d pretty much passed out once her head had hit the pillow.  The look she was giving him, it suddenly hit him with a ton of unspoken words.  “Oh!  Oh…”    
  
  
** < /Flashback >**  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Her shouts had calmed and her cries had melted into whimpers.  So far she’d still not woken from the nightmare.  Ray was just glad that there hadn’t been any knocks on the door in concern.  He really thought it was important for everyone to sleep.  Plus, Ray knew that Felicity really wouldn’t want everyone to worry or fuss so much over her.  She would get it in the morning whether she wanted it or not.    
  
Ray found himself a little unable to sleep and reached out to grab his phone from the nightstand.  He had missed text messages, frowning deeply, he realized that the phone had to be on silent still.  He must not have ever taken it off.  The first couple of messages were from John just letting him know that everyone except Donna and Quentin had left to go to the hotel.  Donna and Quentin had stayed behind to sleep on the pull out couch, just in case they were needed for any reason.  Even though they’d pretty much banished Donna Smoak from sleep overs, he was suddenly thankful that she’d stayed (and Quentin, too).    
  
There were other missed messages, though.  Ones that were from the girls.  He hated the fact that he’d missed those ones most of all.    
  
  
 _ **Clara:** Liv’s in bed.  Don’t worry, we all went in and made sure that we told her an Arrow story and then some more…until she fell asleep.  Is Mom okay?_  
  
 _ **Etta:** Do you still want us to go to school in the morning?  We really want to, but we won’t if you and Mom want us to stay home tomorrow.  We’ll get up, in case we can still go, just leave us a note.  Is Mom okay?_  
  
 _ **Alex:** Is Mom okay?  I can’t sleep.  She’s going to be okay, right?  We’re old enough to know the truth of things.  Is that why everyone came now?  Is there something serious wrong?_  
  
  
  They had wanted to protect the girls, but the girls were so smart and so strong and so sweet.  He knew that if he texted them back that all three of them would hear their phones go off and would wake to read it.  He wanted them to sleep.  They all needed their sleep.  Ray couldn’t be prouder of the young women they were becoming.  
  
Ray sighed deeply and then looked over at Felicity.  She’d completely calmed and was back to sleeping.  He wouldn’t be far and he wouldn’t be long.  Slowly, he inched out of bed until he was on his feet and headed for the door.  His plan was to leave the bedroom door open and check on all of the girls.  With every step, Ray found himself looking back at Felicity’s still form.  She was now perfectly cradled between pillows and blankets.    
  
She was fine, he told himself.  
  
Finally, he moved out of the room and pushed himself out into the hallway where the girls’ rooms were.  He moved quietly, trying to be mindful of the fact that Donna and Quentin were still there.  He was even still dressed in slacks and a button-up shirt from the day before.  He’d unbuttoned the top buttons of the shirt, but other than that…there were just a lot of crumples and wrinkles.  The suit would survive, he wasn’t worried about it.  He just realized in that moment how uncomfortable he was in it.    
  
His hand was on Alex’s bedroom door when a sound from the living room caught his attention and a smell.  Ray moved away from the hallway and ventured towards the living room and kitchen. Donna, like Felicity, was fast asleep in the middle of the pull out bed in the midst of pillows and blankets.  He found Quentin in the kitchen busying himself with the coffee maker.  Even though he knew that he really needed to try to push himself to sleep a couple of hours, Ray knew he could make it through the day on what little sleep he’d already had.  It wasn’t going to be his BEST day, but he’d make it.  The emotional toll was what had really fatigued him.  Coffee, though, was going to help him make it through the day.  He would just end up being a bit hyper by lunchtime.  It was a good tradeoff.    
  
“Make enough to share?” Ray asked.  
  
“Geez, Son!  What are you trying to be?!  The damn Arrow?” Quentin complained, jumping a bit, and let out a few curses that Ray couldn’t quite make out.  “Make some damn noise before you sneak up on someone…”  
  
“Sorry,” Ray mumbled.  “I was just going to check on the girls and I noticed you in here…”  
  
“How is she?” Quentin asked as he pulled down another Palmer Technologies mug for coffee.    
  
“She’s sleeping,” Ray responded.  “She seems okay…physically…but she was having a nightmare—“  
  
“I heard, but it didn’t seem to last long.”  
  
“It didn’t,” he said quietly and entered the kitchen.  He leaned against the island and rubbed his face.  Ray let out a sigh.  “She used to have this nightmare before…”  
  
“Yeah, I’ve seen it before…”  
  
“You have?”  
  
“Felicity doesn’t know,” Quentin told him.  “I knew she’d be embarrassed if she knew that I knew…”  
  
He was right.  Felicity was always trying to be so strong.  That didn’t mean that she would hold in her emotions and be cold or stoic, but she didn’t like to not be in some kind of control.  Quentin, though, was practically Felicity’s dad…at least for as long as Ray had known them.  Lance was equally as protective and loving of Felicity, it was really a beautiful thing.    
  
“She’s not had one of those nightmares for years now…but I think it’s because of all the pain…the fact that so many people from her past…from THAT time…they’re all here all of the sudden…I think that sort of triggered it.”  There really was nothing else that Ray could think of that could have been the cause of the nightmares.  It had to be the stress of the nano tech, the pain, and everyone being there…    
  
Lance handed him a mug of coffee and Ray sipped it and then cringed.  He wondered if Quentin was the one who made the coffee…well, anywhere.  It wasn’t quite right, but it wasn’t bad enough to pour down the drain.  He needed it.  “That’s—“  “Strong?” Quentin smirked.  
  
“Yeah,” Ray said with a cough and then forced another swallow of the coffee.  This was his first cup, but there was going to be a lot more cups before lunchtime.  “Thank you for this,” he said as he lifted the mug before taking another forced sip.  
  
“You were going to check on the girls…and then our girl…and then hopefully an hour or two of sleep,” Quentin told him.  He actually sounded a lot like a dad in that moment, parenting him even.  Ray actually sort of enjoyed that, he’d never had a good or positive relationship with his own father.    
  
Ray smiled and nodded.  “You’re right.  I better get to that.”  
  
Quentin took his mug and filled it up for him.  
  
Taking that moment, he turned towards the island and pulled open a drawer to pull out a notepad and a pen.  He scrawled a note for the girls letting them know that he was fine with them going to school, as long as they were escorted there, or if they stayed home.  It was up to them.  Ray wanted them to be comfortable with the decision.  He left it there on the island counter for them to find in the morning.    
  
“Leaving it up to them, huh?”   
  
Ray nodded and took the offered mug, grateful for the coffee and the talk.  “They texted me.  My phone was on silent.  They’re all worried.  They’re afraid something’s seriously wrong with Felicity.  That that’s why everyone’s here now.”  
  
“They’re smart girls.”  
  
“They are,” he agreed quickly.  “But I’ve realized that sometimes…THEY really need to be the ones to make these kinds of decisions,” Ray explained.  “You had Laurel and Sara…  You must know what I’m talking about.  How as a parent, you can’t always tell them what you think they should do—“  
  
“Right,” Quentin said nodding.  “I think it was a harder lesson for me to learn.”  He sighed.  “You can tell them to do something that you THINK they should do, but then they’re going to resent you for it because they weren’t prepared or ready…or whatever the case may be.”  
  
That’s how he felt.  “I just don’t want them to HAVE to go to school and then worry the entire day,” Ray said.  “If they’re at school, then I want them to be able to focus.”  His girls were smart and they were strong…and they DID need to use their brains and hearts and figure out what was right for them.  They were all old enough that he and Felicity KNEW that they could trust them.  It wasn’t just for their age, but for their maturity and from experience…knowing them and raising them for as long as they had.  They were good kids.  
  
“You’re right.  You’re exactly right.”  
  
Ray tilted his head slightly and gave him a smile.  “See you in a couple of hours.”  
  
“I’ll be here.”  
  
He headed back down the hallway and checked in on all of the girls.  At first, he started to panic because he found that Etta and Alex weren’t in their rooms, when he moved to Clara’s room…she wasn’t there either.  Ray found them all in Liv’s room.  Alex was in Liv’s bed, her arm around her as they slept.  Etta was curled up on the other side.  Clara was asleep in the glider, her feet propped up on the ottoman.  All the girls, they were all together.    
  
Ray noticed that Clara was hugging a bear, she was dressed in her pajamas and a blanket was over her lower half.  He kissed her forehead and moved to better tuck in the other three girls who were all sound asleep.  In turn, he kissed each one.  They would only sleep a bit longer, but he hated the fact that something had happened where all the girls had decided to sleep in the same room.  Had they heard Felicity?  Was that why?  Whatever the reason, it warmed his heart at the same time.  
  
After carefully closing the door, he made his way back to his bedroom and then to bed with Felicity.  She was still fast asleep, she seemed serene.  Ray had taken a moment to strip from his slacks and button-up shirt however.  Now feeling a bit more relaxed and comfortable, he wrapped his arms around Felicity and tucked in for a bit longer.  There was a quarter cup of coffee left on his nightstand, but he’d had enough of Quentin’s coffee for the time being.  Ray pressed his nose to her cheek and took a moment to savor her scent.  He closed his eyes and just focused on the sound of her breathing until it gently lulled him to sleep.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
TBC…  
  



	17. Family Restored

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to follow me on tumblr @shannyfishwriter and twitter @shannyfish! Also, you can always chat with me on either! :D

There was a gentle music that played all around her.  At first, she hadn’t even been aware of it.  Slowly, though, it had broken into her consciousness and slowly dragged her out of it.  It was an array of light tapping that had no pattern, the low hum of chatter in the distance, and the sweet sound of laughter.  As she came to, Felicity realized that the tapping was Ray in the shower while the rest was the remainder of the house being up.  Her head slowly rolled to the side to take in the time.  It was early, but not overly so.  The girls would be up getting ready for school.  That meant that she needed to get up as well.    
  
Ray should have woken her.  
  
He was likely letting her sleep.  
  
Exhausted.  
  
God, why did she feel like she needed so much more?  
  
Slowly, she moved; carefully she tested her limbs before stretching a bit.  Although a little achey, she wasn’t in pain.  Felicity just stared at the clock, not really wanting to move.  She was tired and her lids were heavy.  One thing that she remembered was that she HAD gotten a lot of sleep in the last few days, so she didn’t understand why she was so exhausted.  She was, just the same.    
  
Girls were obviously up, but it was the sound of Liv that really caught her attention and made her feel even more like she needed to get out of bed.  As she lay there on her side staring at the clock, hoping that energy would surge into her.  She was fairly sure that Ray had just gotten in right before she’d woken.    
  
She NEEDED to get up.  
  
It was one thing for the older girls to be up and getting themselves ready, but Liv as too little.  With no idea as to really what had happened the night before, she forced herself out of bed.  Slowly, she stretched and as she sat upright in bed, her legs hanging over the edge of the bed until her toes touched the wooden floor, energy started to strike through her body.  Slowly, she felt more awake with each stretch and each movement.    
  
Not feeling the need to change for breakfast, she just grabbed and put on her bra under the tank top she was wearing before grabbing the floral silk robe not far from her bed.  Fingers combing through her hair, she grabbed a hair tie from the nightstand and swept it all up into a mess on top of her head before retrieving her glasses.    
  
Moving from the bed, she padded to the door, rubbing her face as she went.  The water was still running in the bathroom, so she made sure to shut the door behind her in case Ray stepped out of the bathroom unclothed.  Staring down the hallway for a moment, she listened to the voices that seemed to be coming from the kitchen.  From the voices, she knew that it wasn’t just the girls.  Her mother, Quentin, and others were gathered down the hallway for breakfast.  That wasn’t all though, there was definitely coffee brewing.  
  
She needed coffee.  
  
She REALLY needed coffee.  
  
Slowly, she walked down the hallway and just took in the laughter and the voices.  It made her feel better.  It made it feel more like home.  Not that it hadn’t, but their lives had been upsetted since Oliver had returned, things had been bumpy…but it was lovely to have their home full of laughter and chatter once again.  It was like things had settled back to normal.  She listened from the hall, moving slowly.    “So, you were…resurrected?”  Clara asked.  She sounded hesitant to use the last word, Felicity noticed, but resurrected wasn’t a word you normally used in common conversation.    
 Etta spoke up just then.  “Because our mom said you were killed—“  
  
Killed.  
  
Who were they talking to?  
  
Her head spun as she tried to put together a list of possibilities.  
  
Oliver?  
 A familiar female voice interrupted, “I don’t know—“     
A woman?  
  
Her mind worked to come up with a name.  It didn’t help that her brain wasn’t exactly working perfectly yet.  There was still a fogginess in her thoughts.  Felicity really couldn’t think clearly and it was even more frustrating because a name wasn’t coming to her.  
 Clara questioned, “Are you a phoenix?”    “No, she’s the Canary…” Alex said so simply.  
  
“Tell us stories!” Clara practically begged.  “We love stories!”  
 They all loved stories.    
  
Curiosity got the best of her.  Had Quentin made other calls?  Did they have a guest from Central City?  She hadn’t wanted to pull anyone else into it, not until Oliver and Thea had had a chance to talk at the very least.  
  
Felicity paused at the end of the hallway, leaning against the wall and just watched everyone in the kitchen.  If she hadn’t been supported against the wall, she would have likely lost her legs, when sparkly blue eyes met hers.  Blonde hair.  Blue eyes.  Bright smile.  She’d thought that she was an angel or a hallucination, but she was there…she was real.  
  
“Sara,” she breathed.    
  
“Mom!” all the girls shouted together and were rushing towards her.    
  
All Felicity could do was stare at a beaming Sara as she found herself being bombarded by hugs from all four girls.  Liv was hugging her upper thigh, she found a way into the hug huddle.  It was a huggle.  Her mind still couldn’t grasp the fact that Sara was there…alive.    
  
Sara Lance.  
  
The Canary.  
  
She’d passed on the stories of The Canary to her girls.  Behind Sara, she saw Quentin and her mother.  There was something different about all of them, a happiness.  Felicity remembered when Sara had first been introduced to her that all Sara saw herself as was a murderer while Felicity always saw her as a strong woman.  Like an Amazonian.  She’d seen light in her friend when all Sara had seen was darkness.  This happy Sara, this was the woman that she’d loved from the start, that had been her friend, her sister, her family…  
  
The girls moved away and Sara finally approached.  No one saying anything, but everyone so happy with Sara being there…with Felicity being up and awake.  It really was a family reunion.  Tears fell from her eyes and her arms wrapped around Sara, Sara held her tight and it was like the world went quiet and still around them, but the colors somehow seemed to turn intensely vivid.    
  
“I missed you,” Sara told her as she held her.  
  
Felicity held tight and swayed a little.  “I missed you, I thought…  I mean, you were…and we…”  She pulled back and stared at Sara for a long time.  “I’m not hallucinating, right?”  
  
Sara laughed at that.  “Definitely not hallucinating..they’re not even giving you any good pain killers.”  
  
 “You’re not hallucinating,” Quentin spoke up all too calmly from behind Sara.    
  
Her eyes flitted to him for just a moment before she looked back to Sara.  Even though she’d just embraced Sara, she found herself flinging her arms around the woman again and clinging to her.  Felicity’s head on Sara’s shoulder as her fingers dug into the smooth fabric of the bright blue shirt Sara was wearing.  She squeezed her eyes shut as tears fell down her cheeks once again.  It felt like a dream, one where she was going to wake and find out that everything was just that…a dream.  “I MISSED you, Sara…”  
  
Sara turned and kissed her check and just held her tight for as long as Felicity needed it.  “And it seems like we have a lot of catching up to do…”  
  
After another minute, Felicity released her and took a step back.  She still couldn’t believe that Sara was there, alive and well.  “We have SO much to catch up on.”  
  
“So, I hear we’re going to be sisters…officially even.”  
  
Sisters.  
  
Officially.  
  
I took her a minute.  Felicity had always thought of Sara like a sister and Quentin like a dad.  Officially.  She meant something else.  Her eyes darted back to where Quentin and her mother were standing.  It was about damn time—  
  
“We hadn’t told her yet,” Quentin spoke up.  
  
“Oops…”  
  
This was something that she really wasn’t upset about, she was happy for her mom…and Quentin.  Felicity didn’t want to leave Sara just yet, but she knew that it was proper to congratulate her mother and her stepdad-to-be.  Really, Quentin already was like a dad to her, this was just going to REALLY make things official.  She moved to them and hugged her mother first.  “Congratulations…I’m so happy for you two…”  Her mother showed her the ring and squealed a bit.  This day was just getting better and better.  She hugged Quentin next.  
  
Quentin started to apologize, “Sorry we didn’t tell you first—“  
  
“No,” Felicity said quickly.  “No.  I am happy for you both.  I really am…  I know that there’s been a lot going on lately and sometimes even when it doesn’t seem right…it’s the right time…”  
  
And it was.  
  
They’d waited this long, why wait longer?  
  
They separated and Quentin just stared at her for a long moment.  “You know, you’ve always reminded me of Sara…”  
  
“I—“  All Felicity could think was that she was nothing like Sara.  She was no hero.  She was no warrior.  That wasn’t her strength.  She loved Sara and thought of her like a sister, but they were both so different.  Nothing seemed to relate her with Sara—  
  
“You both are so special and so full of light…and life…” Quentin started to tell her.  “And you’ve both always been so kind…”  
  
“Mom!  Will you tell us all the Canary stories again?” Alex asked.  
  
Felicity turned to see the three older girls seemed so excited about this prospect.  It really had been a while since anyone other than Liv had asked for a story.  They were all old enough that they could read…and they each had their own libraries.  Stories, though, about the Arrow…about the Canary…about Arsenal…about the ATOM…or even about The Flash (even though he was still running around) weren’t something that had ever been chronicled.  She took in the girls.  They were all dressed for school in their uniforms.  Even Liv, who was bouncing in her seat next to Etta now, was dressed.  “I promise, but…”  
  
“But maybe we should let your mom take a minute,” Sara spoke up.  
  
“She’s right,” Ray said as he came up behind the girls.  He was dressed, but his hair was still wet.    
  
Smiling, Felicity moved towards Ray.  “I don’t think you’ve ever officially met Sara,” she said as Ray put an arm around her and pulled her close.  She motioned to Sara.  “Ray Palmer.  Sara Lance.”  
  
“But I’ve heard so much about you, we might as well have known each other these past five years,” Ray said with a charming smile as he extended a hand.  
  
Smirking, Sara shook his hand.  “I’m afraid I haven’t heard much…but I’m sure that’s going to change.”  She paused for a moment.  “It seems like not much has changed around here…”  
  
“Oh, a lot has changed,” Felicity told her with a lot of conviction.  It had been a long time and there had been so much that had changed…not just in the city, but in all of their lives.  “A lot…”  
  
“You know, why don’t I walk the girls to school?” Ray offered.  
  
“Dad, do you know what time it is?” Alex asked as the girls moved back to their plates and the food on them.    
  
Felicity was a bit amused as Ray looked around for a clock.  He’d likely half panicked when he’d found the bed empty after getting out of the shower.  It would explain why his tie wasn’t knotted correctly and all askew.    
  
“Uh…” Ray mumbled.  
  
Etta held up a finger.  “Also, I thought that it was OUR choice as to whether or not we went to school?  She held up a piece of paper with Ray’s writing on it as proof.  
  
“AND!” Clara said quickly.  “I thought that escorting us to school—“  
  
“And terrifying all male classmates,” Alex added.  
  
“Was now Oliver’s job?”   
  
Before Ray could respond, there was a knock at the door.  Felicity wasn’t sure what the plan was and it was clear that Ray didn’t seem to know either, but he headed to the door to answer it just the same.  She moved to the small table and the girls and Sara made a spot for her.  “Please tell me there’s more pancakes,” Felicity half pleaded quietly to the girls.  They all giggled.  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered,” Sara told her before getting up from the table.  Quentin helped her in the kitchen and Felicity was fairly sure that he was the one responsible for the breakfast.  He’d made breakfast for her in the past, though it was normally as a dinner.  Nevertheless, she appreciated it (as she knew the girls did as well).    
  
They had more visitors and Felicity wasn’t quite sure if she was ready for them when they entered, but that didn’t make her any less happy to see them.  Thea, Roy, and Oliver were all there.  They all looked happy and she was glad.  It had been too long since Thea and Oliver had been together.    
  
Sara sat down next to her, sliding a plate full of breakfast and a rather large looking mug of coffee.  “Thank you,” Felicity breathed as she took it all in.  This was going to be a rather long day and she really was going to need breakfast to make it through it, a REAL breakfast…one that would likely end up not making her hungry for lunch later.  Normally, she would greet their guests, but it was obvious that Ray had it under the control as he took turns hugging Roy and Thea and apologizing for something.  
  
“Mom,” Clara said quite seriously, but quietly and almost conspiratorially.  “Does this mean that you guys are like…getting the band back together…so to say?”  
  
“Just because Oliver, Roy, Sara, and your dad are all in one location—“  
  
“Wait, did you ever have a spiffy superhero name?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“That’s not really true,” Ray said.  
  
Felicity glared at her husband briefly.  
  
“Really?” Oliver questioned.  
  
“Cisco gives everyone names, remember?” Roy offered.  
  
“I kept telling them that I wanted to join the team…right at the very end,” Thea spoke up.  “I wanted to be called the Red Arrow.”  
  
“That got vetoed,” Roy explained.  “Cisco preferred Speedy, after hearing that that’s what you called Thea.”  
  
Thea crinkled her nose.  
  
Oliver just let out a laugh and they all moved towards the table.  Oliver’s had was on her shoulder.  “How are you feeling?”  
  
“Better.  Though, I feel like I missed a lot…” she explained.  Felicity had called Thea and Roy and asked them to come.  She’d explained to them about Oliver, so that Thea wouldn’t go into some kind of state of shock.  Never had she expected Sara to be there.  She was honestly still reeling from that beautiful reality.    
  
“How about we hear about this name that Cisco gave you?” Oliver suggested.  
  
“Yeah, that’s not going to make me feel better,” Felicity grumbled as she poked at her pancakes.  
  
“This is one story that I can actually tell!” Ray explained excitedly.    
  
“Wait..YOU’RE going to tell an ARROW story?” Etta asked.  “Properly?”  
  
“I guess you’ll have to be the judge at how properly I tell it.”  
  
He seemed so excited about this moment that Felicity just couldn’t take that away from him.  It had only been her code name for such a short time, she’d actually forgotten it until the questioned had been posed.  Felicity knew that their histories were different and as she thought about it…their stories might never make it to paper and pen or print…but there was a sort of oral tradition in their group.  So, she didn’t stop Ray.    
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashback - Three Years Earlier  >**  
  
  
“Oh Man!  I can’t believe that in less than a month, you guys are all throwing in the towel!”  
  
“Life goes on,” Felicity told Cisco, who had been roaming the Foundry.  He’d wanted one of Oliver’s arrows as a sort of souvenir, but Felicity had told him that he couldn’t touch any of Oliver’s things.  No matter if they were retiring or not (or if Oliver was dead), they were still Oliver’s.  
  
“I mean, I guess…”  
  
“Haven’t you ever thought about life outside of Team Flash?” Felicity questioned.  
  
Cisco shrugged.  “What are you going to do?  Marry Ray?”  Before Felicity could react to that, Cisco was speaking again.  “I’m invited to the wedding, right?  All of us?”  
  
Blush filled her cheeks.  Her relationship with Ray had been something she and Caitlin had talked about many times on the phone, only for her to find out later that it had been on speaker on Caitlin’s end and Cisco had been listening the entire time.  “Ray and I haven’t really talked about THAT.”  
  
“We haven’t talked about what?”   
  
They both looked towards the top of the stairs as they heard Ray starting down them.  Felicity was certain that he hadn’t actual heard the topic of her conversation with Cisco and was just playing dumb.  That just wasn’t his style or his forte.  She loved him more for it not being part of his wheelhouse.  “Uh…” she tumbled.    
  
“I was just hoping that you would take the ATOM suit out one more time before you guys put everything away for good,” Cisco said by the time Ray got to the bottom of the stairs.  He immediately moved towards Ray, to help him with the bags of food.  “Speaking of the ATOM suit, what exactly are you going to do with it once you guys…retire?”  
  
“You can’t have it,” Felicity told him, getting a little irritated.  
  
“What are you going to do with it?  Lock it away in some storage locker?  What’s the good in that?” Cisco questioned.  “Think of it…back at STAR Labs,” Cisco told them as his hands waved out in front of him, as if he were framing a room.  “All of your gear…on display…for me to enjoy on a daily basis…”  
  
“No.”  
  
“You do realize Team Arrow—“  
  
“No, Cisco!”  
  
“Geez!  What’s your problem?” Cisco asked.  
  
The truth was, she was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that Team Arrow was going to be over.  Sara had just turned three and John and Lyla had just broken the news to them that they’d be relocating after the first of the year.  Everything was changing so quickly.  Felicity knew that the Foundry would have to be in the past, but that didn’t mean that everything needed to be given away.  Roy and Thea had already left and Felicity had made sure that Roy’s Arsenal suit was already in the case next to the Arrow and Canary suits.  Felicity had planned on putting all of the suits into cases and storing everything that was Team Arrow down there.  So far, it seemed like her project would end up making it her own museum on possibly the best and most exciting part of her life.   
  
“John and Lyla are moving to Europe,” Ray supplied.    
  
Felicity glared at him.  She didn’t like him to blame her mood on that, but really…that was a big factor in it all.  It felt like slowly, everyone was leaving her.  She kept waiting for Ray to say that they needed to break things off…or to leave on some extended trip.  It was just all so hard.  Maybe it was because everything had been going so well for them all.    
  
“Or,” Ray said quickly.  “Perhaps because she never got to have a code name.”  
  
Cisco’s eyes seemed to be sparkling suddenly and he seemed to be almost bouncy at this.  It wasn’t true, though, Felicity had never wanted a code name.  She was fine with just being the brains at the computer.  She was completely okay with that.  Plus, enough people out there in the world knew who Felicity Smoak was…she didn’t need a code name to put out there, too.  Things were about wrapped up.  No need for code names anymore.  
  
“I’m going to have to think on this one,” Cisco told Ray.  “I’ll certainly think of something though!”  
  
Felicity shook her head and was saved from possibly snapping at Ray and Cisco when John joined them, dressed in all black.  “How was the patrol?”  
  
“Same.  Nothing.  Police has pretty much gotten most of the crime…  It’s all little stuff,” Diggle explained.  “Please tell me that you’ve gotten me a burger…Lyla’s trying to put me on some kind of kale diet…”  
  
“I’ve got you covered,” Ray said as he pulled a wrapped burger from one of the bags.  “Just don’t tell Lyla I gave it to you…she’s frightening.”  “I’ve noticed that MOST women that I know are frightening,” Cisco mused.  
  
“Good,” Felicity told him with a smirk as she joined them at the table as Ray started to distribute food.    
  
They were in the middle of their dinner when Cisco’s finger suddenly pointed upward and he started to mumble with his mouth full.  When no one could understand him and everyone just stared at him, confused, Cisco swallowed and then spoke again.  “Oracle.”  
  
Oracle.  
  
She didn’t hate it.  
  
“Oracle what?” Diggle asked.  
  
He hadn’t been there for the whole ‘Felicity needs a code name’ shenanigans.  Felicity was fairly sure that he would have just sat down, amused, and wouldn’t have helped her out.  Right now, though, she didn’t mind the code name.  She wasn’t sure if it really fit, but it didn’t matter at this point.  Team Arrow was about done.    
  
“Felicity’s superhero code name,” Cisco supplied.  “I could give you one.”  
  
“If you say Black Driver—“  
  
Felicity couldn’t hold back the giggles.  That had been Diggle’s cover when he first met Oliver and for the first year…and into the second.  It had been a running joke between them and she couldn’t help, but laugh.  It was a good kind of laugh.  A good memory.    
  
“I wasn’t,” Cisco said quickly.  
  
“I don’t need a code name…or a costume,” Diggle told them all seriously.  
  
  
 **< /Flashback  >**  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
“Cisco always did have a way with code names,” Oliver commented.  
  
“You always hated it,” Felicity reminded him.  
  
“True.”  
  
The girls were off at school.  Ray had walked them while Quentin and Donna had left with Liv for a portion of the day.  John had joined them and it was like they’d really gotten the band back together.  They were really just missing Ray and Laurel.  Ray, though, HAD to go in for at least half a day.  Laurel, on the other hand, was something that both Quentin and Sara were considering.  She understood.  There had been many times in Sara’s life where she was declared dead.  That had been a lot for Laurel to live with.  They didn’t think it would be good to bring Sara back into her life after everything…  
  
“You know, is five years like your guys’ thing?” Roy asked as he motioned to Sara and Oliver.  
  
Oliver had been gone five years after the Queen’s Gambit had gone down.  
  
Oliver had been gone five years after Ra’s al Ghul had ‘killed’ him.  
  
“Six is Sara’s thing,” Oliver corrected.  
  
Sara had been gone six years after the Queen’s Gambit had gone down.  
  
Sara had been gone six years after Malcolm Merlyn drugged Thea and made her kill Sara.  
  
There was just laughter in response.  “Let’s just agree that we don’t go five or six years without seeing each other anymore,” Felicity told them.  She had realized that Sara and Thea seemed fine with each other, it was obvious that they’d all been there the night before when she’d been completely out of it when she’d been undergoing her final nano tech procedure.  It wasn’t something that she wanted to bring up, though. It was something she could ask Oliver or John later on.  
  
“There’s so much that I’ve missed,” Sara commented.  “Look at all of you…happily married…”  
  
“We’re not married,” Thea and Roy said together.  
  
Diggle laughed.  “Yeah I said that…just wait…”  
  
“So, we have news…” Thea started.  “We’re expecting.”  
  
There was excitement between all of them.  She, of course, already knew and so did Oliver (since she’d told him).  That didn’t mean that she wasn’t excited.  She was.  There was a showering of voiced excitement and congratulations.  Thea hugged her.  “I’m happy for you.”  
  
“You told Ollie, didn’t you?” Thea asked quietly as they hugged.  
  
“Yeah…I didn’t think that he needed more of a surprise…like I told you about him being alive before you got here,” she explained.  
  
Thea pulled back and just smiled at her.  “Five years later…and still taking care of all of us.”  
  
Felicity shrugged.  She was always taking care of them, trying to keep them together.  It had been a struggle at first five years ago and sometimes it still felt like it was.  It wasn’t as easy.  They were all so far apart.  “I can’t help it…  We’re family, right?”  
  
“Speaking about family,” Sara spoke up.  “And since we’re going to be sisters…and this is a safe environment…but mainly because Ray isn’t here.  I need to ask a question.”  
  
Diggle was already shaking his head and blowing out a huff of air.    
  
“What question?” Thea asked.  
  
“Why aren’t you married to Oliver, Felicity?” Sara questioned.  “You two were in love with each other, but kept denying it.  Oliver, you never felt like you were worthy or—“  
  
“I was stupid,” Oliver responded before she could.  The question caught her off guard, but so did Oliver’s response.  She hadn’t expected such a blunt question.  It was personal, but at the same time…she had been right, this was a safe place to ask it.  “And then Malcolm Merlyn, he—“  
  
“He screwed everything up,” Thea finished and a veil of sadness and darkness seemed to cover them all.  
  
They couldn’t dwell.  
  
“There’s no more Malcolm Merlyn,” Felicity said as she looked to Oliver, who nodded firmly.  “And there’s no more Team Arrow.  There’s no more of that darkness in this city…in OUR city that we fought so hard to keep safe…”  
  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to—“ Sara started to apologize.  “Ray seems like a really good guy.”  
  
“He is.”  
  
“He’s a good dad, too,” Diggle spoke up.  “I don’t know how he loves all of those girls as much as he does…  Those older three…they plot and plan…they’d drive me crazy!”  
  
Felicity let out a laugh.  “You’ll be at teenage years soon enough,” she teased.  “Then you can get back to me on how easy it is to handle.”  
  
“They’re really good girls,” Sara spoke up.  “Smart.”  
  
“Oh, they’re crazy smart,” Diggle vouched.  
  
Oliver was laughing now.  “They put together a presentation to try to convince Lyla and John to stay in Star City.”  
  
“It was damn convincing, too!”  
  
“Our next generation of leaders!” Thea told them all.    
  
“I’d vote for Alex,” Roy spoke up.    
  
The girls were all amazing.  She was certain that Sara would fall in love with the girls given some time to spent with them (well, more than she’d already spent).  Felicity was so proud of them and was glad that they seemed to be doing well with everything.  The stories had been, in part, her way of coping with the changing world and the pain of the time…  They had probably ended up making all of this, everything that had happened, easier for the girls.    
  
“Speaking of the girls,” Thea said.  “Felicity has already taken care of naming a child after you, Ollie, so don’t get your hopes up.”  
  
Oliver let out a laugh.  “Never actually even considered that.”  
  
“There’s always…Jonas,” Felicity threw out there, reminding them of Oliver’s middle name, she scrunched up her face a bit.  
  
“Yeah, you got Liv…and Sara got…SARA,” Thea reminded.    
  
“And WHEN do I get to see her?” Sara asked Diggle.  “In more than pictures?”  
  
Felicity let out a laugh of her own.  “Maybe we need to have some kind of family BBQ.”  
  
“I like this plan!” Roy enthused.    
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Felicity couldn’t bring herself to miss out on an entire day of work.  It didn’t seem fair to let Ray take all of that on.  It seemed like Ray was taking on so much more lately and she just couldn’t be okay with that.  “You sure about this?  Ray said—“ Quentin started to argue.    
  
“Yes, I’m certain,” Felicity replied.  “I’m just going to go in for a couple of hours—“  
  
“We could watch Liv a little longer,” Donna offered.  
  
“You two really haven’t had a lot of time together,” Felicity pointed out.  “Liv can color in my office or play on—“  
  
“TABLET!” Liv cheered as she jumped up and down.  A moment later, the little girl with bright blue eyes and a mop of hair made up of blonde ringlets was tugging on her skirt.  “Mama, we go to Pammer Tech?”  
  
“What about the other girls?” Quentin asked.  “Didn’t everyone go to the hotel?”   
  
He was worried.  
  
She knew why.  
  
There was so much going on right now.  Broken Windows.  Death threats.  Resurrections.  Blasts from the past.  The truth was, Quentin and Donna needed their time to process it all, too.  Sara was alive, she was back in Star City, and Quentin really needed to be able to spend some time with his daughter that he’d lost so many times.  Even her mother needed to have some time to get to know Sara.    
  
“I’ll text them,” Felicity said.  “Have them walk over to the company.”  
  
“On their own?” Quentin asked.  
  
“We can’t be afraid forever.”  
  
“But we can be cautious for a little bit longer,” Donna reminded.  
  
That was true.  
  
“I could have an officer escort them over,” Quentin offered.  
  
“No, no,” Felicity said as she waved a hand about.  “Ray or I will meet them and walk them over…  We might even be done by then.”  
  
“That’s an hour.”  
  
Felicity shrugged.  “I told you that I was going over to just check e-mail mainly…”  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
The assistant wasn’t at his desk.  Felicity just watched Ray for a moment, Liv was distracted or she would have likely given them away.  She tilted her head and just watched him for a long moment.  Ray kept looking over at his phone, tapping at the screen.  Likely, he was checking it to make sure that no one had called or texted that there was a problem at home.    
  
Felicity bent down to Liv and whispered.  “Why don’t you scare Daddy?”  
  
Liv’s eyes lit up.  “Dinosaur?” she asked.    
  
Smiling, Felicity just nodded and watched as her daughter crouched down and put her arms out and slowly entered Ray’s office.  It was funnier to watch since Liv was dressed up in a frilly light pink dress that had a tutu type of skirt and was accessorized with a huge matching bow in her curls and sparkly shoes that lit up with every step.    
  
“ROAR!!!!” Liv shouted and popped up right by Ray’s desk.  
  
He was actually caught off guard.  He hadn’t been paying attention and jumped, nearly looking like he was going to fall backwards in his chair.  Ray just stared at Liv for a moment and then broke out laughing.  “It’s a surprise dinosaur princess!”   
  
Liv ran into his arms and was up in his lap in a blink.  “Hi Daddy.”  
  
“Hi Princess.”  
  
“Mama here, too,” Liv informed him and motioned towards where she was standing.  
  
When Ray looked towards her, she entered his office, standing in the doorway for a moment…her hand on the doorway as she paused.  Felicity crossed his office and moved to where he was sitting.  “I hope we’re not interrupting…”  
  
“No,” Ray said.  “No…  I’m glad that you came.  You’re feeling okay, right?  You’re not—“  
  
A smile brightened her face and she leaned in and kissed him, maneuvering around Liv on his lap.  “I feel just fine…”  
  
“Did you drive here?”  
  
Felicity was amused by his question.  Their home was hardly far enough for them to consider doing anything except walking, unless they had rain.  “I seem to remember that my van hasn’t been returned to me yet…  I could have likely gotten the blood out of the back of the van faster than—“  
  
“Oh,” Ray said and it was like realization had set in.  “Right.  I was having it…detailed.”  
  
“Detailed?”  
  
“There wasn’t just blood…there were bullet holes…and bullet fragments…”  
  
“I’m actually fairly proud of you for not just buying me a new one,” she told him.  
  
“Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind,” Ray commented as he pulled her, so that she was half on his lap.  He was now balancing her and Liv.  Felicity just grinned down at him and kissed him again.  “Though, I might also have asked for other modifications…”   
  
Shaking her head, she knew it.  It couldn’t be THAT easy.  “Oh?  Safety modifications?”  
  
“Completely for safety…it’s not like it has tasers or guns or anything that pop out…Quentin was trying to suggest that…but it sounded a lot more like a tank…” Ray shrugged.  “I didn’t think we needed to go THAT far.”  
  
“So, what ARE these modifications?”    
  
“They’re changing out the window glass.  You know how far technology has come…  Bullet proof glass that’s the same width as the stuff that was already part of the van.”  She knew that that was true.  “And then I’m having them putting in some shielded reinforcements into the panels of the van itself, so if someone shoots at you again…if anyone’s inside the van…it’s going to take a lot more than a bullet to breach it.”  
  
She hated to think about that, but she understood where he was coming.  Felicity also wasn’t going to argue with it.  “Just please tell me that it’ll be the same color as it originally was.”  
  
“It will be, I promise…”  
  
“Thank you,” Felicity told him with a bright smile as her fingers danced along his shoulder.  “For making sure that we’re okay…all of us…”  
  
“Always.”  
  
“And thank you for giving me all this time…with Oliver…with John…with—“  
  
“I’m just glad that you get to have another chance with them all,” Ray told her honestly.  “I see how happy they make you.  You and I end up so consumed with our lives that we don’t really have friends outside of our family…  You need this.”  
  
“So do you.”  
  
“I’m still rooting for the girls convincing the Diggles to stay here in Star City.”  
  
“I’ll have to put a bug in Clara’s ear about including Sara, Thea, and Roy into some kind of super presentation,” Felicity said somewhat seriously.  It WOULD be nice having everyone home.  Oliver was staying, at least she HOPED he was still staying.  She wouldn’t be crushed if he went and lived wherever Thea and Roy went…but she’d still miss him.  Ray was right, they were a huge part of her and they DID make her happy.  They weren’t all of her happiness, though, Ray and the girls…they made her happy.  Her mother and her marrying Quentin Lance made her happy.  Her lunches with Walter Steele made her happy.  So many things in her life made her happy.  Maybe it was more knowing that the people who had helped changed the city for the better…for the BEST even…that they actually lived in the city that they helped to create.    
  
Star City.  
  
Ray was the first to envision it.    
  
They were all working towards it, even before they knew it had a name.  It all started with Robert Queen’s little book of names…and it continued every day with her and Ray’s work at Palmer Technologies.    
  
“I’ll second that.”  
  
“I’ll help them with the bullet points.”  
  
Ray grinned so wide.  “You’re very convincing when you want to be.”  
  
“Only when I WANT to be?” she teased him as she stared at him.    
  
“I think you want to be…all of the time…”  
  
“So I am.”  Felicity leaned in to kiss Ray, but Liv beat her to it.  
  
“Me right here!” Liv complained a bit.  She hugged Ray, holding onto as much of his blazer as she could.  “My Daddy!”  
  
“Possessive.”  
  
“Can we go to the horses?”   
  
Felicity just looked to Ray, waiting for his response.  The truth was, she didn’t actually have e-mails to check.  She had checked all of that from her tablet at home and then her cell phone.  Everything was caught up, she just had hated to know that Ray was there all alone and worrying in his office.    
  
“Carousel it is!” Ray announced.    
  
“And ice cream,” Felicity chimed in.  
  
“And ice cream!”  
  
“YAY! YAY! YAY!” Liv cheered and jumped off of his lap in order to jump and do a very interesting dance of happiness.  
  
Felicity turned to Ray, giving him the kiss that Liv had blocked before.  She stared at him and remembered something.  “We also have to pick up the girls.”  
  
“I’m pretty sure that ice cream and carousels have no age limits…and if they do, then we’re in trouble,” Ray said.    
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
TBC…  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not already watching "Killjoys" on Syfy, watch it. Seriously, so good!


	18. More to Life

**Palmer Technologies**  
  
  
Quiet.  
  
It was something that Ray had gotten used to, lost, and then regained.  It was hard to be okay with the quiet, though.  Sitting at his desk, he found himself obsessively checking his phone and e-mail.  Nothing.  Felicity had been feeling fine and he’d been reactivating the nanites just long enough for them to do a full scan and them to come back with the verdict that she was fine…healthy…maybe even better than before.    
  
“You expecting a call?”  
  
A smile immediately spread across his face as he looked up from his phone to find his wife standing in his office doorway.  The girls were at school, Liv was at daycare, and everyone else was out doing things.  Life had to go on for the Palmer family, that was just how it was.  “I have apparently become too accustom to worrying.  I was just making sure I didn’t have a missed call or message,” Ray explained as he got up from his desk.  His phone was left behind on the desk, his blazer over the back of his chair.  He met his wife after just a few steps and drew her into his arms and squeezed her tight.  Even though it hadn’t been that long since he’d seen her, he’d still missed her.  
  
“I thought I’m the one who usually worries,” Felicity reminded.  “And too much.”    
  
He kissed her.  “You’re right…but that doesn’t mean that I can’t worry.”  
  
Felicity just smiled at him for a moment.  They moved into his office and she pulled him over to his couch, and this distraction from his work was more than welcome.  “I was just thinking that since I was all caught up and even ahead in the work that I could attend to, that maybe you and I could just sit and have some quiet time together…since it seems like we haven’t gotten any lately with everyone in town.”  
  
“I just have wanted to make sure that you don’t feel cheated being able to have time with them,” Ray explained.  “We would all love everyone to stay in Star City, but if they don’t…I don’t want you to feel like you lost out on time though.  I don’t want to say you’re HAPPIER with John, Lyla, Thea, Roy, Oliver, and Sara here…but you ARE.  There’s a light…a spark…that they bring out in you.  Something that I haven’t seen for a while…it’s nice to see.”  
  
Silence filled the room for a few minutes.    
  
“I think that you’re a different type of happy with them here, too,” Felicity pointed out.  “And you haven’t spent enough time with them.  You’ve sort of stepped back and let me enjoy having them home.”  
  
“Well, to be honest…they WERE your friends first.”  
  
Smiling at that, she shook her head a bit.  “True, but that doesn’t make them any LESS your friends.”  Felicity threaded her arm in the space between his and his torso before leaning into him, holding him close.  “It’s weird…you know?  Being happy when it’s quiet…business as usual for the Palmer family, but Ray…I’m happy with all the crazy, too…with everyone here…”  
  
“That’s because you were happy when you were balancing your life between Queen Industries and Team Arrow.  That WAS your life.”  
  
Felicity looked up at him.  “You know, if I’d never done all of that…I would have never met you.”  
  
“You wouldn’t have worked at Tech Village?” Ray asked her.  That’s where they’d first met.  He still remembered the horrible uniform.  Felicity could make the ugliest thing look gorgeous…but he really appreciated what she wore to the office…and he knew that her expertise was in far better use there.    
  
She seemed to sparkle at that question and then she shrugged.  “Maybe I wouldn’t have lost my job if I had still been in IT…and then you’d likely have never seen the full extent to my talents.”  
  
“I highly doubt that,” Ray argued with a smile.  He really had missed these quiet times.  He leaned in and kissed her cheek.  “I also am still thinking we should have that glass made for our offices,” he whispered with a sigh.  He knew that sex in the workplace was frowned upon, but he was the CEO and she was his wife (and also the VP)…and it was THEIR floor.  Sometimes he found himself longing to make love to her throughout the day and he was fairly sure that the assistant would balk at them performing such an intimate act in one of their offices with the glass walls.    
  
Felicity giggled and squeezed his arm within hers.  “Naughty…”  
  
“I can’t help it,” Ray argued.  “I find you absolutely irresistible.”  
  
“Patience is a virtue, my dear husband…” she whispered as her hand moved from his knee up his thigh.  
  
Ray sucked in a breath.  “Tease…” he scolded and pushed her hand away.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashback - 3 Years Before  >**  
 **1st Annual Star City New Years’ Gala**  
  
  
It was New Years’ Day.    
  
A new year.    
  
Team Arrow was done with.  Disbanded.  The Foundry had been packed up and locked up.  He knew that it had been hard on Felicity, but at the same time…there was a freedom and a different happy that he saw in her eyes.    
  
He and Felicity were attending the gala together, which wasn’t unusual since they were ALWAYS together.  They’d taken things forward and had never looked back after that point.  Felicity was wearing a gorgeous gown.  He’d heard in great detail about it even before he’d seen her in it.  So, Ray knew all the details.  It was couture.  The top was a strapless corset that laced up in the back that was white and embroidered with silver thread and Swarovski crystals so heavily that it made the top look silver instead of white.  The skirt was a full ballgown skirt and it went from a silvery sky blue color and by the time the hem of it hit the floor it was a deep navy blue, the embroidery lessening as it fell from the corset line.  The ombre effect was even more stunning in the light of the ball room they were in.  Her hair was down in curls and she just looked happy to be there.    
  
They’d come together, but she was taking half of the room on behalf of Palmer Technologies.  It was something you had to do when you ran a company and were attending such an event.  He had the other half, just making an appearance and hearing what people had to say…but he kept finding that he was looking back over to where she was.    
  
“Thank you all for gathering together with us,” the mayor said at a podium at the front of the room.  “Today is the first day that we start calling our city STAR CITY!”  There was a huge crowd reaction, a cheer of joy and happiness and celebration.  “We’ve been through a lot over the years and I have to say that I couldn’t be prouder of what our city’s become.”  
  
Ray made his way over to Felicity, there was no chatting during the mayor’s speech and he just wanted to be near her.  He easily found her and took her hand as he stood close by her side.  It had been so difficult for him to be on the other side of the room from her, he couldn’t imagine NOT having her in his life.  
  
Everyone else from Team Arrow had left, but she’d stayed.  She’d stayed with him.  They were living together, but Ray kept feeling like they needed to more forward again in their relationship.  Everything between them always seemed so perfect and happy, so why not?  Ray had prepared for this night, but now he found that he was nervous as he focused all of his attention on her as the mayor continued to speak.  Ray knew what he was saying, it was all about how the city had been turned around and how so many people (and the police) had come together to make it happen.  All he could see in his world, though, was Felicity.  
  
The custom ring box weighed heavily in his jacket pocket, it also jabbed him a bit in the ribs.  He’d bought it a couple months before, but he’d been waiting for the right time.  Right now, it seemed like such a good time…new year…and all that.  He was sweating, his head was pounding, he could feel every beat of his heart as it sped along feeling like it was going to thump out of his chest, and his hands were shaking slightly.  He just couldn’t seem to calm his nerves.  He knew that she could really only say two things and he was prepared for both, but it was like…the moment was here…and he couldn’t bring himself to calm down enough to do anything except go on with the night.  
  
So, the wooden ring box weighed in his jacket pocket and jabbed into his ribs for the remainder of the evening.  Through speeches, dinner, and dancing.  Not even on the way home could he think about bringing it up.  Every time he did, he felt as if he were going to pass out and his heart was going to beat right out of his chest…all at the same time.  He tried his best to seem like nothing was wrong, though.  Felicity had asked him a couple of times if he was feeling ill, but he’d waved it off and just told her he was stressed trying to remember people’s names, details, and the right faces.  It was a lie, but it was an insignificant one…it still bothered him and only seemed to make his anxiety worsen as the night went on.  
  
“There’s my girl!”   
  
Ray suddenly snapped out of it just in time to watch Captain Lance embrace Felicity.  Lance was dressed in his dress uniform and seemed rather happy to see her.  He knew that Felicity and Lance were close, but he couldn’t help but always feel a little terrified while around the captain.  He’d never been particularly warm towards him, but he wasn’t sure if that was him being protective of Felicity or that he just wasn’t a welcoming person.    
  
“Happy New Year, Captain,” Ray said with a nod and extended his hand.    
  
“You look nervous, Palmer,” Quentin commented as he just stared at him.  
  
Before anything more could be said, Felicity had her arm on Quentin’s and was patting it.  “You two behave…  It’s a happy evening, right?  We’re here to celebrate.  I’m going to get a drink, how about you two?”  
  
“Water would be splendid,” Lance told her.  
  
“Ray?”  
  
Ray couldn’t even bring himself to say anything, in full force of the glare that he was receiving from Lance.  “Uh…” he stumbled.  
  
She patted his shoulder and just smiled.  “Don’t worry, I’ll bring you back something.”  
  
There they stood in uncomfortable silence.  Ray didn’t know what to say to the older man, whenever he tried small talk it never went well.  He really wanted to get things out in the open and ask Lance to just be blatantly honest with him, but this was really not the time or place.  It did make him feel like maybe he should have pushed to be in good terms with Lance, though, before the proposal.  He knew that Lance wasn’t Felicity’s father, but he acted like one…and sometimes Ray wondered if Lance realized he wasn’t.    
  
“You’re awfully nervous,” Lance put out there.  
  
“Does it really show?” Ray questioned with a heavy sigh before running his fingers through his hair.  That only made him more nervous.  
  
“Unless you’re sick or something.”  
  
“Nope,” Ray said as he ran the palms of his hands down the sides of his palms to try to keep them cool and dry.  “Nerves.”  
  
“About Felicity?”  
  
“Yes.  No.”  
  
“You make her happy.”  
  
Ray was quite taken aback by Lance’s words and he looked over to him suddenly with confusion.  “Are we having an actual conversation?”  
  
“Yeah, I guess we are.”  He paused for a moment.  “I like you Palmer,” Lance told him.  “But Felicity’s like a daughter…and I have two daughters, so I know what it’s like to watch your daughter’s heart break…and I’ve experienced loss…more loss than I’ve ever wanted to experience.”  He paused for a moment.  “So, you can understand my being weary…”  
  
“I’m not going to hurt her…or break her heart,” Ray told him quietly, his attention completely on Lance.  He’d already talked to Diggle about this, who told him not to talk to Donna because there was going to be no way she’d be able to keep it a secret.  John Diggle had been the person that had known Felicity the longest in Star City that he could contact, which is why it seemed so right to talk to him.  “I would do anything for her…give her anything…”  
  
“Good,” Lance said with a sigh.  “Because she’s come a long way…she’s been through a lot, but let me tell you…one thing that I know…she deserves everything in life…and she deserves to be in love and happy…”  He stared right at him.  “Do you love her?”  
  
“Yes,” Ray replied quickly and with passion.  “I love her…I have for…so long…”  
  
Lance nodded for a good long moment.  “Good.  You BOTH deserve to have that in your lives.”  
  
Silence.  
  
He noticed Felicity heading back to where they were standing, trying to balance three glasses.  Lance stepped closer to him, his shoulder brushing his.  Ray looked over and was going to take a step away, not used to having someone other than Felicity in that close personal space.  
  
“Is that ring heavy?” Lance whispered.  
  
Ray looked around, as if other people would have been able to hear the hushed question.  “Is it that obvious?”  
  
Lance shrugged.  “I proposed once.”  
  
“I don’t think I can do it tonight.”  
  
“It took me a while to propose to Dinah…”  Lance sighed.  “You’ll know when it’s really the right time.  Don’t be nervous about it,” he told him before patting his shoulder and moving to help Felicity with the drinks.    
  
Shocked, he just stared dumbfoundedly and waited for them to come back to where he was standing.  Felicity looked concerned when they rejoined him, but she held out the wine glass and he accepted it.  Ray took a quick sip and realized as he really took in everything Lance had said…he felt better.  It was, he realized, as if getting a father’s blessing.  That’s what it felt like anyways.  The only other person that he’d even talked to about proposing to Felicity had been Walter Steele, who he knew she was close to…but Lance was definitely more like a father figure to her.  He was fiercely protective of her.    
  
You’ll know the right time.  
  
All he knew was that right now, it wasn’t the right time.  Not yet.  So, Ray sucked in a breath and brightened his smile, but that only seemed to force further concern on to Felicity’s face.  “You doing okay?” Felicity asked him.  
  
“Actually…better…yeah…”  
  
“Oh-kay…”  He watched as Felicity sipped her wine and looked around.  “We should probably get to making our way through the room.”  
  
“You aren’t going to take the time to enjoy tonight?” Lance asked.  “I know you two didn’t go out last night…”  
  
“Stalking us?” Felicity teased him.  
  
Lance laughed in response.  “No.  I just drove by and saw your cars.  Smarter that way, though.”  
  
“I’m fairly sure I was asleep before midnight.”  
  
“You were,” Ray told her with a smile.  He hadn’t cared what they’d done for New Year’s Eve…all he’d cared about was spending it with her.  So, they’d ordered in…watched movies…ate ice cream…and then passed out on the couch until Ray had gotten up and carried her to bed.    
  
“You two don’t worry about appearances…just…enjoy the evening,” Lance told them.  “Dance…actually EAT the food…drink wine…but don’t drive after.”  
  
Felicity was beaming at him and Ray couldn’t help but love what Lance was saying.  “Maybe you’re right…”  
  
“I am,” Lance told her.  “I’m not right about a whole lot of things, but THIS…this I’m right about.”  Lance patted Ray’s arm as he started to walk away from them.  “I’ll be back for a dance with her, though.”  
  
Ray wasn’t going to complain about that, though.  He turned to Felicity, who was sipping her wine once again.  “I think he’s right.  We never enjoy these things…  It’s the new year…and we worked hard to make this happen.  Let’s just forget the politics of it all and enjoy it.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
He took her glass and set both of them on the nearest flat surface he could find before leading her out into the middle of the floor.  Not many people were dancing, but Ray had decided it was time for them to take advantage of it.  All he wanted to do anyways was to hold her, sway, side step maybe, and enjoy the night in her close company.  He wanted to have quiet, uninterrupted conversations with her.  He wanted to kiss and adore her in public.    
  
The ring would wait.  
  
It wasn’t time yet.  
  
They could wait.   

 

 **< /Flashback  >**  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **Palmer Residence**  
  
  
“See how fun this is!” Donna squealed from Alex’s room, but could be heard from the living room.  
  
“I’m just happy that I’m not one of the ones subjected to whatever is going on in that room,” Felicity mumbled as they all sat on the couch.  
  
“No, we’re just going to be responsible for the therapy and counseling bills afterwards,” Ray teased with a smile.  He really was kidding, of course, but it was going to be an interesting night.  Donna had wanted to give the girls makeovers and he and Felicity had been surprised and then just muttered something about it being up to the girls (and he didn’t think that they’d agree, though maybe they didn’t think they really had much of a choice).    
  
Felicity sighed and shook her head.  “I came out the other end alright, right?  They can survive ONE makeover.”  
  
Ray just beamed at her and pulled her closer before kissing her forehead.  “You turned out splendidly.”  
  
The doorbell rang and Ray knew that everyone else was there.  Quentin had suggested that people take some time to really get reacquainted.  So, the women (sans the girls and Donna) were going to go out for a girls’ night while everyone else stayed and babysat.  Felicity had voiced concerns, but then he’d reminded her that Liv (even though just two) was very good at taking charge when it was necessary.  It was true, Liv could make the whole room stop and do what she wanted.    
  
“Are you sure about this?” Felicity asked.  “It’s not too late to back out.”  They walked to the door together, Ray’s arm around her back.    
  
He picked up her purse and her coat along the way, he didn’t want her to feel like she needed to stay for him.  He was an adult and he would be surrounded by OTHER adults, he really wasn’t that worried.  The kids would likely play in either Alex’s or Liv’s room…so really that just left everyone else to hang out in the living room.  Not that big of a deal.  They were going to order pizza.  Everything was practically taken care of.    
  
Opening the door, he practically pushed Felicity out the door and handed her her things.  Ray didn’t want her to have time to have second thoughts right there at the door.  Simultaneously, though, he welcomed in Oliver, Roy, Diggle, Mateo, and little Sara.  “You ladies all have fun.  Don’t worry about anything.”  
  
“You have a babysitter, right?” Thea teased.  
  
Sara laughed.  “Yeah, my dad…”  
  
“Who is terrifying…pretty much all of the time,” Ray admitted.  
  
She continued to laugh.  Sara shook her head.  “He has a talent at that.  Have fun.”  
  
With that, Felicity had left with Thea, Sara, and Lyla.  Ray hoped that they had a good time.  Felicity really didn’t get to have a girl’s night out too often and when she DID get one, it was normally with their teenaged and pre-teen children.  Going out with adults was really the real deal of going out.    
  
“So!  What are the plans?” Roy asked.  
  
“Babysitting?” Diggle put out there.  
  
Sara and Mateo seemed to instantly vanish into Liv’s room, which was where not only Liv was…but Quentin as well.  The other girls were apparently still in Alex’s room being made over by Donna.  Ray thought about checking on them, but he had a feeling that that might be more frightening than not knowing.    
  
“The kids should be fine,” Ray said.  He was fairly sure that Roy was the only one who was really genuinely concerned and didn’t understand the plans for that night.  “They’ll come out to eat, but then likely hide away in their rooms playing.”  
  
“Pizza and movies?” Oliver questioned.  
  
“That was the plan that I had prepared for.  Just wasn’t sure what kind of pizza everyone liked, so I was waiting to put in the order,” Ray explained.  He’d gotten in the habit of ordering everything extremely early in the day and just scheduling the delivery time.  It just had worked out easier that way because if he ordered and scheduled lunch at breakfast, then if he got too busy at work and forgot about it…the delivery of his food would remind him that he needed to take a couple of minutes to sit down and actually eat.  Though, that didn’t mean that he still didn’t get distracted by projects…or Felicity.  
  
“Why don’t I go and check on things?” Oliver suggested.    
  
“Donna might somehow convince you to take your shirt off,” Diggle teased.  
  
Oliver shook his head, but they were all smiling at the truth in that.  “Lance is here, right?”  Ray nodded.  “I better keep it on then.”  
  
Diggle patted his shoulder.  “Come on, I’ll help you order the pizzas.  I think I can remember exactly what kind everyone else likes.”  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **< Flashback - 3 Years Before  >**  
 **Miller E. Grant Charity Ball - Central City**  
  
  
“I’m glad that you talked me into staying for a couple of days,” Felicity told him with a smile.    
  
Originally Felicity had argued that they’d have to get there a few hours before the ball and then drive back late that night once the ball was over.  She kept insisting that they needed to be back for Palmer Technologies and on and on.  Ray had finally figured it out, though.  It was because even though Team Arrow had disbanded, Team Flash was still alive and going strong…and he hadn’t heard her talk about or talk to any members of that team for some time.   Felicity loved every single member of Team Flash and he knew that she especially loved talking to Caitlin, so why wasn’t she talking to them?  He’d confronted her on it, she just felt like maybe they wouldn’t have time for her or they wouldn’t have things to talk about.    
  
“I’m glad that we’re going to have lunch tomorrow with Barry, Cisco, and Caitlin.”  
  
Felicity nodded as she stared at him, her arm wrapped around his as they entered the main ballroom.  “Me too.  I’m really looking forward to it.”    
  
Ray thought it would be good for her…for both of them.  Without Team Arrow, they were both a bit TOO consumed with work (he’d heard that that was a thing, actually Felicity used to lecture him about that all of the time when she first came to know him).  The charity event they were at was a nice change of pace, too, mainly because it forced them to leave Star City.  It was a charity event in order to raise money for kids in need.  Any charity that involved kids always brought more people than any other type of ball.    
  
He was dressed in black tie attire while Felicity was stunning in a coral floor length trumpet gown that hugged her in all the right places.  The neckline dropped, but wasn’t too much.  The straps were made of beautiful beaded and stoned appliqué that continued in a scoop around the back of the neck to connect both straps.  The back was a mesh illusion as the appliqué formed a ‘V’ down her back, but then swept back up along the left and right towards the shoulders.  Felicity’s hair was swept up and beautifully woven on top of her head.  Tonight, though like always, Felicity was the most gorgeous woman in the room.  His phone vibrated in his pocket and he reached in to pull it out to see a text message.  “Ella and Paul are here,” Ray told her with a smile.  It wasn’t often enough that he got to see his sister and her husband.  This was an extra special treat to be able to share this kind of an evening with them, an adult only evening.   
  
“I’m also glad that we’ll get to see Clara and Etta,” Felicity told him as Ray guided her through the crowd.  “They’re really good girls.”  
  
The night went on and they spent much of their time with Ella and Paul and also, they were introduced to Bernard who was Alex’s father (Clara’s best friend).  It was nice to be able to meet him.  Ray felt like it was always good to meet parents of children, it always showed you so much more about them.  Spending an evening with all of them, it had been enlightening.    
  
“You don’t mind if I steal Felicity away for a little bit, do you?” Ray asked the table.  No one seemed to be complaining.    Felicity was looking curiously at him as she took Ray’s offered hand and got to her feet.  He led her through the ballroom and past the items to bid on.  “I was thinking that maybe we should—“  
  
“We’re not going to bid right now.”  
  
“No?”  
  
“No,” Ray told her with a bright smile.  He felt so carefree and he felt like tonight was just such a perfect night.  Nothing was weighing on him.  He could breathe and carry on like he normally could.  So, he took it as a sign.    He led Felicity to a small area that he’d noticed that no one had really been occupying.  It was a little corner that held a small art collection.  There weren’t many pieces, but they were all breathtakingly beautiful and the lamps that lit them were the only lighting in the room.  Ray was thankful that Felicity was taking a few moments to take in the quiet beautiful corner that he’d found, it gave him enough time to really take in what he was about to do as it all hit him hard.    
  
He was going to propose.  
  
Months before, on New Years’ Day he’d planned on doing it, but he hadn’t.  That day hadn’t been right, he’d been too nervous.  Tonight, though, it was definitely different.  It was right.  He was more than ready.  “Felicity, you and I have—“  
  
Before Ray could finish his sentence, though, the world completely changed around them.  The art that had once been on the walls were now in pieces and trapped in the space that he and Felicity were in.  He hadn’t lost consciousness and had crawled closer to Felicity.  He hadn’t been pinned, but he couldn’t figure out how to move her.  So, Ray just stayed with her and hoped.  “Come on, Barry…show up,” Ray said aloud.  Tears fell down his face as he waited for Felicity to open her eyes.  She was breathing and he didn’t think she was bleeding.  
  
He’d thought it was going to be the perfect moment.  It wasn’t.  He didn’t know what had happened, but he knew that it seemed like the building had come down on them.  It wasn’t until he and Felicity were being whisked away in lightning that it hit him.  
  
Ella.  
  
There had been hundreds of people at the ball.  When they were dropped outside of the building  where first responders were, all Ray could think about was that his sister had been inside.  It took him a moment, because the voices didn’t hit him right away.  He just stared where the building they’d just been in once was but now was crumbled to an incoherent mess.    
  
“Ray…”  
  
His attention immediately turned to Felicity, who was now on a stretcher, and he realized that a medic was checking him over.  “Felicity, I’m here…I’m here…”  
  
  
 **< /Flashback  >**  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
 **Heavenly Clothing**  
  
  
“I don’t understand why we’re here,” Roy mumbled.  “And why it was so important that I sit in this chair?”  
  
Ray just smiled.  “You and Thea are going to have a kid…so you need to learn how to do this, especially if that baby is a girl.”  This was apparently their version of a guys’ night out, they were supposed to be babysitting, but Donna and Quentin were watching the younger three.  Ray just felt like they all really needed to do this.  
  
“I still don’t understand.  Aren’t we just waiting for them to try on clothes?”  
  
“Even I understand this and Sara’s six,” Diggle spoke up.  
  
Oliver remained silent and Ray peeked over at him, making sure that he was doing okay.  He just seemed to be waiting.  He wasn’t sure whether he understood it or not, but Oliver DID have a little sister.    
  
Clara was the first to come out, absolutely beaming.  The girls wore their school uniforms so often that every once in a while Ray really enjoyed taking them out for a new outfit or two.  “Please tell me that you love this as much as I do,” Clara told them.  She was wearing a light blue dress that just looked beautiful on her, it wasn’t something to just wear on the weekend…but they went out to dinner to nice places where she could wear it.    
  
“It’s beautiful…YOU’RE beautiful,” Ray told her.  
  
When Clara twirled and bounced a bit, he watched the others.  Diggle seemed amused, Roy seemed confused, and Oliver just seemed happy.  “I still don’t get it,” Roy muttered.  
  
Before Ray could say anything, Oliver spoke up.  “Go in and change into something else,” he said happily.  “And come out and look THIS happy.”  Clara just seemed even more bouncy as she left them and headed back into the changing rooms.    
  
Alex emerged next, seeming a bit shy.  She had never been a fussy child, not really caring what she wore.  She was always seemed to be willing to hand over he prettier dress to Clara (if it fit her and she loved it).  That was just always how Alex was.  So, this was always important…to get something that Alex felt was completely hers.  It was fine for Clara and Alex to like the same thing and even to share clothes, but sometimes you just needed something that was YOURS.  She was wearing a two piece dress that showed a small portion of midriff.  It was red, sleeveless lacy top that had a normal neckline, but then a semi-fluffy tulle skirt.    
  
“I know that normally we don’t show off skin like this,” Alex said as she touched the exposed skin.    
  
She was fourteen and on her, it looked fine.  It really wasn’t that large of a section of skin that was being shown off.  It was age appropriate as far as he was concerned.  She looked stunning and how she sparkled…he knew that she had to have it.    
  
“It’s perfect,” Oliver spoke up.  
  
“You think so?”  
  
Oliver nodded.  
  
Ray looked over and really thought that it was good for Alex to hear it from another adult.  She would worry about his and Felicity’s thoughts on the dress, but he was certain that hearing those words from Oliver meant a lot.  “He’s right,” he spoke up finally.  She was just really glowing and as much as he’d just love to send Felicity a picture of her in the dress, he knew that the picture wouldn’t do it justice.  “We’re definitely getting that dress.”  
  
“This is why we’re here?” Roy asked as soon as Alex was gone to change.  “Thea used to look like that—“  
  
“This is what you do when you’re a dad and you have daughters…” Diggle said with a smile.  
  
It might not seem like a lot, but it meant the world to the girls.  Ray was determined to ensure that those girls (all of his children, in fact, biological or otherwise) had a good childhood and grew up with as much confidence and self esteem…self love that he and Felicity could instill in them.  “To sit and a chair…and just watch them.”  
  
“Before you know it…they’re going to be going to their first day of school…and then suddenly they have a boyfriend,” Diggle said.  He looked seriously at everyone.  “And that starts a hell of a lot sooner than it did when I was in school.”  Everyone laughed.  “And then before we know it…they’re leaving us and going off to college across the country.  We have to hold onto these moments.”  
  
And Ray would.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
 TBC…  
  



	19. Stories Come to Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex's chapter

"Who do you think will come today?"

This was a question that they'd all been asking since Oliver Queen had been put in charge of not just escorting them to school, because it wasn't really Oliver's JOB...the parents were just super paranoid after the whole assassination attempt on the entire family. Really, anything was better than asking Grandpa to escort them...because he'd take it to the extreme. The last thing that any of them needed was some kind of freaking police escort to school...to be embarrassed in front of everyone. It was already hard enough to be the children of Ray and Felicity Palmer...well, mostly because they were all so intelligent. It was hard to be brilliant in general.

"I'm hoping for Oliver, I've been thinking of new questions to ask him," Alex responded.

"Questions? I didn't think to compile a list," Clara prattled on. "What kind of questions? How long is your list? Is there some kind of agenda behind your list?" She paused for a beat. "Besides knowledge...since knowledge is power."

Etta was sitting across the table from them eating a piece of toast as she read a very scientific looking book that neither of them had decided to inquire about. Since she was being quiet, they decided it was just best to leave her alone. It was just better that way. Otherwise Etta just wasn't going to stop them about whatever topic she went on about like a runaway train.

Alex shrugged. "I don't know if I'd say there's some kind of AGENDA behind them." She pondered that for a long moment. "Though, I mean...I sort of want to know about stuff that happened before...you know...mom and dad got together."

"You're talking about this love triangle...THING, aren't you?" Clara asked, getting a bit upset and a bit too loud. Out of all of them, Clara was definitely the more sensitive one. Alex still wasn't sure how her friend and sister wasn't in therapy after the whole shooting incident.

"Are you sure it's not a square?"

Clara was silent and it was obvious that she was going over that idea in her head. "Dad. Oliver." She paused for a really long moment and then her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. "OH MY GOD! You're not saying that Mom and THE FLASH?!"

...what?

The sound of Etta turning the page in her book seemed unusually loud. "You do realize," Etta spoke up a moment later. "IF Mom was in some kind of love...shape...and the Flash was involved...that would mean that we've met him before."

Mind blown.

"I'm starting to think that we live in some kind of crazy world of secrets," Alex muttered. It was weird to her. They'd been living in this perfect kind of world for the last few years. Ever since their parents were killed and they'd been brought to Star City, things had been so good. The hardest thing really had been her adjusting to things and reminding herself that she wasn't a burden or somehow unwanted. She was the only one who wasn't related to Ray. That made it harder sometimes, but she always felt a kinship to Felicity. So, sometimes she just liked to pretend that she was some distant relative of Felicity's.

"Keeps things a surprise that way."

She put a spoonful of yogurt into her mouth and savored the strawberry flavor as she consumed it. Meanwhile, Alex kept an eye on Clara. The girl was a genius at some things, but the social aspect of life was not one of them. She was definitely pondering, Alex was her best friend and she knew the pondering face. "We're never going to guess."

"What if we simply asked?" Etta suggested, never once peeking out from behind her book.

"Nah…"

Moments later, it was like a perfectly timed execution. Oliver entered the penthouse as Felicity came out to join them. "Good morning all," Felicity greeted.

"Morning," Oliver echoed.

"Who started the coffee?"

"Me," Alex said.

"You're an angel," Felicity told her and kissed the top of her head before she moved towards the coffee pot.

They were running behind that moment, not by a lot, but enough that Alex had known that getting the coffee going was going to help leaps and bounds. "I was wondering if I could ask a question?" Alex asked once Oliver had joined Felicity in the kitchen and they were both getting a cup of coffee. It was as if she had them both trapped. Captive audience and all of that.

"Who?" Felicity questioned a bit suspiciously before drinking down her cup.

"Twenty questions again?" Oliver asked.

"Actually...BOTH of you," Alex surprised them.

Felicity still seemed unsure about this. "I suppose…"

Alex beamed at her response. She, Clara, and Etta were already dressed in their school uniforms and were nearly done with breakfast...Felicity was already dressed, so it seemed like for the most part like they all had the time for questions. "Tell us about how you met Oliver."

The exchange between Oliver and Felicity, the looks and the body language. She didn't have to be an adult or some kind of genius to tell that there was a kind of tension between them. It was obvious that they still both loved each other. Alex had gotten over the idea of Oliver somehow stealing her mom and their family from them. She knew that that wasn't going to happen. He had, instead, been adopted into their family.

"Bullet ridden laptop," Felicity responded and then took a quick sip. "A really, really horrible story...that was a lie...a complete lie…"

"I thought it was believable," Oliver defended.

Felicity beamed then. "You said that you spilled coffee on it...and that you coffee shop was in a bad neighborhood…"

"Okay...so I didn't think it through."

"You didn't think through ANY of your 'cover stories' for your Arrow-y things…"

"I was the Hood back then."

There was something almost adorable about them going back and forth. "Wait...I thought you were the Arrow?"

"But before I went by the Arrow, the city called me the vigilante or the Hood."

Alex crinkled her nose. "That's ugly."

"I wasn't a fan either."

"How did Mom react when you told her that you were the Arrow?" Alex asked him. It seemed like a perfect lead in to that question.

Oliver was quiet and obviously deciding on what to say or maybe how to say it. It took him a good minute before he finally started his answer. "Actually...I didn't tell her...exactly."

"His mother shot him and then he crawled into the back of my car," Felicity explained.

"It wasn't as roomy as your van."

"He pulled back his hood and told me I knew who he was...and it was like all the pieces fell into place," Felicity went on as she just stared at Oliver as she spoke. "I had known that there was something wrong...but I trusted him...and it just all made sense."

There was something so nice about knowing more about Oliver Queen and his connection to their family...to Felicity. The way they stared at each other didn't bother her, she could see the love there. In the end, though, Alex knew that Felicity loved Ray. No matter the feelings she had for Oliver, their family wasn't going anywhere...it would just expand to include more.

"That sounds sort of creepy," Clara pointed out. Everyone looked at her and she just shrugged adorably. "What? It's true."

"It kind of is," Etta chimed in, still not looking up from her book.

Alex just smiled. "Didn't you say that when you and Dad first met that things between you guys was a little creepy?"

The way Felicity smiled, Alex loved that, it was like she was happy remembering that memory. It was a different type of happiness, though, almost like the purest form of it. "Yeah...yeah...I guess it was…"

Ray happened to wander into the common area at that very moment, Liv dressed and ready in his arms. He looked clueless. It always amused her, Ray Palmer was a genius (both of the parents were), but they'd have these moments of cluelessness. Maybe genius was more a superpower and you just had to know WHEN to use it, when to harness it. "What was what?"

"We were talking about creepy beginnings…" Alex filled him in. "Care to share how you and mom met?"

"We met through work," Ray said matter of factly.

"At work?"

Ray nodded quickly. "How's that creepy?"

"I was working on Tech Village when we first met," Felicity reminded him.

It was like the epiphany hit him like a truck. "Oh." He was quiet for a beat. "Oh!" Ray smiled at that and shook his head as he moved into the kitchen with Liv and started to go through the fridge. "I saw talent...and I just went after it...we just happened to fall in love later," he told them.

"There was that whole phase where I thought you might be stalking me," Felicity brought up.

Ray set Liv on the counter and was busying himself getting her Greek yogurt ready. "Well, that was...unfortunate that it was seen in that way, though to think about it...what was really harmed in the early stages of our...friendship...was MY technology."

Alex looked from Ray to Felicity, who was now beaming, as she waited for her to respond to that. No matter how their first meetings were, it was obvious that they were three people who needed each other and had been there at the right times in their lives. It was sort of like how Ray and Felicity had been there at the right time in her life...and had been willing to love her and take her in and treat her like she was their flesh and blood.

"We really weren't friends then."

"Wait," Alex said quickly as she looked between the two of them. "There was a time that you two weren't even friends?"

"We were sort of enemies, I suppose," Ray said with a shrug. To him, it didn't seem to faze him, likely because it was all in the past.

"You used my help in order to steal away Queen Consolidated!" Felicity reminded.

"Wait, Queen Consolidated?" Clara was the one to speak up now. Shock wasn't only hitting her, but Alex as well. They just exchanged looks and hoped that there was going to be a good explanation coming. That was one thing, at least they got questions answered from ONE of the adults...and there were a lot of adults they could ask since they were all in town.

Oliver just seemed amused at this point. "Before it was Palmer Technologies, the company your family owns...belonged to MY family. Queen Consolidated, but...I made some mistakes...being the Arrow and the CEO of a company just didn't mix well."

"But it was for the best," Felicity pointed out.

"It didn't feel like it THEN, but you're right," Oliver told her. "All I ever wanted to do was to save the city...and you both did that… Palmer Technologies did that."

"We all had a hand in it," Ray said as he hung out with Liv, who was still sitting on the counter, as she ate her yogurt and was surprisingly quiet. The little one must not have been ready to rise or else she'd have been running and bouncing and talking like crazy.

In a way Alex was confused, but then really...when it came down to it she knew that she was so incredibly blessed to have this special dynamic between Ray, Felicity, and Oliver. Maybe it was important to her because THIS was her family...and she'd found a sort of kinship with Oliver so she didn't want to let that go...or have him somehow estranged, so she was embracing their weird and complex relationship.

Her eyes found the time and took a quick sip of her juice. "And...you're all about to have a hand in making us late...because of all of this gorgeous distraction…" she said as she got up from the table. Etta and Clara were moving quickly at that announcement. None of them liked to be late. There were things they needed to do before classes began, lockers and socializing...and boy watching...and talking about things they didn't talk about in front of the adults. This was important and Alex wasn't about to miss all of that. She knew that she could always revisit this awesome conversation later on.

"Unless you've brought your bow and arrow and have that cool zip line arrow," Etta brought up as she looked to Oliver.

Oliver smirked in response. "It's called a jettisoning arrow."

"Did you bring it?" Clara asked, suddenly excited.

The adults all looked confused. "No?" Alex asked, already knowing the answer as she did away with her dishes. It was only moments later before all three of them were grabbing their packs for school. "Escort? Who's walking us?"

"That might depend on if there's an interrogation on the way," Felicity teased.

"They're just questions," Alex replied innocently as they headed for the door. She smiled over at her mom. Felicity put an arm around her and they were all off on their way for the day. It was sort of nice that they all left at the same time most mornings.

As Ray was locking the door, they all paused. "You know who's really good at interrogations?"

"Amanda Waller?" Etta guessed.

Oliver just stared at her. "How do you--"

"Mom told us ALL the stories," Clara told him quickly. "Heroes. Life lessons. Flawed characters. All of that."

"Flaw--" Oliver started to say and then shook out of it. "Your mom… Your mom is absolutely terrifying when it comes to interrogations."

"I can second that," Ray told them as he moved past them all, Liv's little hand in his as she hopping along. Apparently this morning her little sister was playing bunny and Alex suddenly wondered as they followed them how he'd gotten her to agree to go the day without her bunny ears.

Her mom.

Felicity Palmer.

VP of Palmer Technologies.

A badass? That really wasn't something that Alex had ever imagined, but then she'd seen her mom shoot a bow and arrow and be awesome. She supposed that maybe she needed to look at her mom and the world a little differently. Everyone could be a hero, that's what the stories always meant. That if the world needed saving that people could do it.

"Does this mean that we get to hear a story about mom interrogating bad guys instead of US asking questions?" Alex asked.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Flashback - Three Years Before**

**Central City**

 

The Evans were well off and connected. It was all because of her father, Bernard Evans, that's why he worked ALL the time...why he travelled SO much...and why, in general, he was SO busy. Their relationship was good, but they weren't the huggy type of family. In some ways it felt very business-professional-like, but she knew that not every family was like the perfect ones you saw on TV.

One of the things she enjoyed was when they got dressed up, it didn't matter if it was a charity event or even just out to dinner. It was just nice to get dressed up. Maybe it was because it reminded her of the pictures of parties her parents had attended when they were so much younger in the UK. They always had seemed so happy in those pictures and there was something special about them. Now, whenever she and her father got dressed up and went out, she always made sure she had a picture taken in order to remember the occasion.

Tonight there was a big charity event and Alex had assumed that she was going, per usual, but that wasn't apparently the case. He was a state senator and all eyes were on him at all times, so it was always a big deal when he attended events like that one. Alex had always assumed that he liked her going because in his heart he was still married to her mother. No matter how much time passed, he still loved her...so much that she knew that it hurt his soul and sometimes...she could see it in his eyes that it hurt him to look at her because she reminded him of her mother.

Her best friend's parents were even going...and her uncle and his girlfriend. Alex, Clara, and Etta had all made plans. She'd already received a text from Clara with many sad faces telling her that their parents had just informed them that they weren't going either.

Lame.

They'd even all color coordinated dresses. They'd all be wearing different colors, but they'd made sure that they'd look fabulous in pictures together, even if they were just selfies. This was something they'd talked about and planned for weeks now. In all honesty, she and Clara were looking forward to prying her Uncle Ray for information about whether or not his girlfriend, Felicity, was going to be 'the one'. It wasn't that they were nosey, they just really liked the woman. She was cool and smart and most of her outfit choices were great.

"I just don't understand WHY we can't ALL go," Alex complained as she sat on the edge of her father's bed as she watched him tying his bow tie. Black tie event, so bow tie was a necessity even though her father normally wore only ties.

"Just not this time, Kiddo," Bernard told her as he turned to her.

Alex got up and helped him with the tie. Luckily, tying all sorts of ties was an expertise she'd picked up out of necessity and youtube tutorials. Her father was absolutely useless with tying ties and he refused to use clip ons, he was a hot mess in that area. She supposed that that explained his very dull and boring and repetitive wardrobe choices. "But why?"

He shrugged. "I received an e-mail this morning telling everyone that this was an adults only event. Maybe they're worried about alcohol consumption by minors."

"Yeah, because if I wanted...at any of the other events we've been to...there's been NO WAY I could have ever gotten my hands on any," she said sarcastically. Alex hadn't ever been interested in more than a sip of alcohol and as soon as she'd had it, she'd not wanted any more. It was nasty and she had no idea how adults would torture themselves in drinking that stuff. It burned and she was surprised she hadn't gotten sick from it. He just looked at her and she knew that look. "Come on, Dad. You know that's BS. Why would they do it? It's an event FOR kids."

"You're right, you're right, but we're going to play by THEIR rules."

"Wouldn't want you to show up in the papers tomorrow with some kind of scandal that you took me," she dramatized and then frowned severely. Her father looked at her and she let out a sigh. "Sorry…" She looked down and wished that she'd been able to convince him to let her at least stay over with Clara and Etta that night, but he'd already made arrangements for her to have a 'nanny'. It was ridiculous and highly laughable. She didn't need to be looked after, not for a few hours.

Bernard sighed and approached her, putting his hands on her arms. She looked up and he was just staring at her. Her father was an older man, his dark hair was greying, and his eyes were almost a grey. "I promise that I will make this up to you," Bernard told her. "We'll go out to dinner with the Palmers...all of us...wherever you girls want to go. I know that Ray Palmer and Felicity Smoak are in town and you girls were all excited about them being in town, but I'll make arrangements for us all tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered and nodded.

"I should probably go...you know how I like to just sneak in with as little fuss as possible."

"I know," Alex said with a sigh and surprised him with a hug. "I love you, Dad." He patted her back and then pulled away before heading out without another word. He really wasn't one for affection or 'I love you's, but she KNEW that he DID love her.

She followed him out of his room and then headed for her room. She didn't want to interact with the lame 'nanny' that was there. So, Alex headed for her bedroom where her cell phone and her books were waiting for her. Clara had likely already texted her a full essay on how unfair this all was.

Clara wasn't wrong.

 

**/Flashback**

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

It was lunch time at Star City Metro Academy and the girls were sitting together boy watching. Normally they had a whole table of five other girls that sat with them, but it seemed like some of the classes were released late since there were a bunch of people missing. "How about Dylan?" Alex asked as she kept nervously playing with the hem of her skirt.

"Have you heard him in science?" Etta questioned.

Alex stopped and thought about it and then got really confused. She looked at her younger sister. "No, I don't have science with him…"

"But I do," Etta reminded. "And believe me, you don't need his lack of intellect holding you back."

"What if our soulmate is someone who just ISN'T as intelligent as us?" Clara put it out there. This was classic Clara. She'd always been the bright and cheery one, the one who always saw the silver lining, and was always the hopeless romantic.

"I'll pass."

Alex just smiled and thought it over a moment and then watched Dylan a bit too long as he walked to his table. His back was to her, so it was okay. Dylan Morris was two grades ahead of her, but that didn't matter. He likely didn't even know her name and she'd barely gotten out a strangled 'hi' one time they'd practically run into each other in the hallway, but that had been the full course of their interactions on any level. Nonetheless, she'd been smitten since then.

"Maybe it's just a crush," Clara told her and patted her free hand. "There has to be someone else out there."

"Maybe I want to be the smarter one in the relationship," Alex came back.

Silence.

"You're already of the female gender, which means you already ARE smarter," Etta spoke up.

It was odd because at home, Etta was always reading and staying out of conversations like these. Plus, she was younger than she and Clara were and was definitely not boy crazy. When they were at school, though, Etta always had opinions on everything.

"No matter," Etta continued a moment later. "Just...not Dylan Morris. You can do so much better."

"Have you SEEN him?" Alex questioned. Dylan Morris was like the son of a god. Green eyes, shaggy dark brown hair, freckles, and a smile that could blind. The fact that he was on the baseball team didn't hurt things.

"Nope...but I've seen his grades...that's enough."

"Have you been his partner in science before?" Clara questioned her little sister.

Etta sighed frustratedly. "I really don't need that kind of useless dead weight. Why would I subject myself to that kind of torture?"

"The hotness factor?" Alex attempted.

"I think not."

There was a sudden influx of people and that told Alex that whatever the holdup was in the other classes that they'd been finally dismissed. She was excited to talk over the prospect of Dylan Morris with Mandy, Evie, Carolyn, Lauren, and Madison. While they waited, she picked at her lunch. They always got salad bar because it was safe and you actually got to PICK what you wanted from it, it wasn't automatically dumped on your plate.

Madison and Evie arrived together and immediately sat down and leaned in. "Oh my god! You will NEVER believe what just happened!" Madison gushed.

"Eric knock your books on the floor?" Etta asked, her tone was bored, Eric Mitchell ALWAYS knocked Madison's books out of her hands.

"Actually...no…"

This immediately got everyone's attention. "Some guy stopped us in the hallway and handed us these," Evie filled in and pushed forward a tiny ziplock-type baggie that had a single green pill in it. "He said to try it. That it'll make school more enjoyable."

"Drugs? On campus?" Clara asked a bit too loudly. "We have to tell someone!"

"And what? Get suspended? Or worse?!" Madison asked. She shook her head disgustedly. "I'll just flush it after lunch… We'll get expelled if they catch something like this in our possession and then I'll be forced to go to...public school."

Alex wanted to cringe and make fun of that comment, but in that moment...she just couldn't. Drugs was something that had never been tolerated at the academy and something that had never been a problem. Actually, she was fairly sure that drugs in general in Star City were pretty near nonexistent. "Do you know what it's called?"

"Why?" Clara and Madison asked in unison.

"Because I might know someone who can look into it."

"Leave US out of it," Evie insisted.

"Done, but it HAS to have a name."

Madison turned over the bag. Neated printed on the other side in green ink was the name 'Veritgo'.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Flashback - Three Years Before**

**Central City**

 

The sound of her nanny freaking out and shouting "Oh my god!" in horror over and over again was what drew Alex out of her bedroom. She'd so far successfully kept to herself the entire evening up until that point. The nanny was located standing between the couch and TV. It was then that Alex saw what she was freaking out about and she felt like she was going to pass out. She reached out and grabbed the couch to hold her up.

The charity ball.

The event that her dad was at.

There had been a bombing.

The news reporter was behind a line of police tape with the mostly collapsed building in the background. Firefighters, paramedics, and police were running back and forth in the background of the shot and panic hit her hard.

Alex collapsed to the floor into a sitting position, tears running down her face. She felt like she couldn't breathe. The nanny rushed to her side and was saying something, but all she could hear was what the reporter had just said a moment ago.

"Nothing more is known about this bombing except that Central City Police have yet to report if there are any survivors."

Dad.

It hit her hard and when she could finally breathe and think…

Clara.

Etta.

Their parents.

Their uncle and girlfriend.

All of those people.

Charity events always brought people from all over, it wasn't just confined to Central City or the immediate area. Alex tried to focus and she could see that her nanny was panicking even more now and holding up her cell phone. It took her a minute to really calm herself and relax enough in order to HEAR her.

"We can call your dad," the nanny said.

Alex looked to the TV again. The newscaster was still reporting. They were talking about calling in emergency services from surrounding areas. She didn't know whether to take that as a good sign or not. Did they need it to recover bodies or to HELP survivors? "How long ago did this happen?" she finally forced out.

"Five...ten...minutes," the nanny said as she looked down at her phone and then was suddenly holding it to her ear and moving foot to foot. "He's not picking up...wait...his line is down...that could mean anything."

And she was right.

Her mind still went to the worst case scenario, though. She couldn't help it. Was that better than clinging to hope? Alex wasn't sure. Scrambling to her feet, she didn't even look at the nanny or talk to her. She just walked past him and hurried down the hallway to her room. Her phone was still where she left it on her bed. When she touched it, she noticed that there were already missed texts and messages, all of them from Clara and Etta.

Immediately, she was calling Clara back. She had glanced at the texts and all she knew from that was that they wanted to know if she had any news. She didn't. She was actually hoping that they'd heard something. "Clara? No. No. I haven't heard any--" Clara went on and Alex broke down again. "They HAVE to be okay! They HAVE to! There has to be someone we can call...they have to have a list...what hospital they're in…"

 

 

**/Flashback**

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

"You guys are quiet tonight."

Alex knew that she was right. This was likely the quietest they'd been since, well ever, but definitely since Sara had arrived. Her head was resting in the palm of her hand as she shuffled her food around on her plate with her fork. Tonight, only Oliver and Sara were over and normally she'd be super excited about it, but her mind was stuck on the events that had happened earlier in the day and she just couldn't let it go. "Just thinking..."

"Was school really THAT bad?"

"What are you talking about? They LOVE school," Ray spoke up. "Far too much."

"They HAVE been unusually quiet today," Felicity pointed out. "They haven't even read since they got home."

How was it that Sara Lance knew them so well already?

"Does it have to do with those boys?" Oliver brought up. "Because...I can have a word with them."

"A word?" Etta asked, perking a bit. "Are you going to dress in green with a mask or are you going to wear the suit?"

"Oh, he doesn't need the mask to frighten boys," Sara commented.

Alex just shook her head. "No, it's not that… Boys are stupid."

"That is not what you said earlier!" Clara suddenly exploded and actually stood up from the table and pointed at Alex. Everyone just stared at Clara for a long moment before she finally sat down.

"Maybe we need to be having a discussion about whatever happened at school today?" Felicity brought up and looked at all three of them.

Alex felt like Felicity was staring at her solely, somehow singling her out and pouring on the pressure. Suddenly, Alex swore that all of the adults were staring right at her. Maybe it was just guilt because she hadn't told them, hadn't told Felicity. Since she'd been in the family, something that was that serious had never come up, so Alex had never really been in that kind of situation. She hadn't been feeling like she was really keeping something from her parents, but she realized in that moment that she had. It wasn't something small, either. Before she could open her mouth and spill out what had happened, Clara was already on it.

"Someone was passing out drugs at school," Clara spit out with great speed. She looked immediately relieved once the words were spilled out onto the table.

Silence.

"Drugs?" Ray questioned.

Alex waited and watched as the parents exchanged serious looks. This hadn't happened before. The worst thing that had happened at school since coming to Star City had been when the three of them, on their first day of classes at Star City Metro Academy, in separate classrooms...had all 'disrespected' a teacher. Disrespect had apparently meant being smarter than your teacher, which Alex didn't understand. If she were the teacher and spouting something that wasn't true, she'd want to be corrected on it. What did her age matter? After that, their class schedules had all been adjusted to ensure that they were receiving a more 'challenging' education.

This.

This was different.

"What kind of drugs?" Felicity asked.

Shrugging, Alex spoke up this time. "Pills."

"The academy has a large age range of kids," Sara spoke up, almost shaking off all the worry. "Maybe it's just some kids selling their ADHD meds or something." She shrugged. "It happens. I'm sure that my dad can look into it and put a stop to it."

"The drug being passed around wasn't a medication that is prescribed to treat ADHD," Etta commented quietly.

Everyone immediately looking in Etta's direction. How was it that Etta knew these things? Alex had NO idea and didn't know whether she should feel like somehow Etta was intellectually superior or be more threatened by the fact that she seemed less affected by what had happened that day.

"How do you KNOW that?" Oliver asked.

Etta shrugged. "It was labeled 'Vertigo' and it didn't look like a common pill that you'd pick up in the pharmacy, it was gr--"

"Green?"

They all were nodding now.

"Vertigo?" Ray questioned.

Oliver and Sara both looked confused while Felicity was looking rather upset. Why was Vertigo such a big deal? Ray looked like he was piecing something together, but all Alex wanted was for them to say something. Was that meaningful? Did they have knowledge of Vertigo? Was there something that THEY should know?

"You didn't take it?" Felicity suddenly asked and the break in her voice was evident and Alex could tell that she was getting rather upset. She was looking at each of them in turn and they all just shook their heads. Abruptly, Felicity was up from the table and scooping up Liv before heading for the back bedroom.

Liv had finished her food and had been stealing olives from Felicity's salad. Now, no one was eating anything. No one moved at first, but then Sara was going after her. Alex wondered if she was upset with them or with Vertigo. She wracked her brain there in silence. It hit her quickly and with force. How could she have not thought of this before? "COUNT Vertigo…" she spoke up and then looked to Oliver to confirm.

"The story...oh my god," Clara mumbled. "Didn't you shoot him through a window?"

Oliver seemed to be thinking over his response. "Count Vertigo was the first...but there was another man who took the name and sold the drugs in Starling City." He paused for a moment. "Yes, though… He had your mom and he was going to kill her, so--"

"There was no other choice to make," Alex finished as she just stared at him. She immediately looked over to Ray. "She's okay, right? We didn't mean to upset her--"

"I'm sure she's okay," Ray said as he held up a hand. "You didn't do anything wrong." He paused for a long moment before standing up. It seemed like dinner was abruptly over. "Though," Ray added quietly with a long beat in between. "I DO wish you would have told us earlier...called from school even."

"Sorry," was mumbled almost in unison.

"What about the Vertigo?" Oliver questioned.

Alex looked at him. "What about it?"

"Where is it?"

"We didn't get any," Clara spoke now. "Our friends got handed a baggy with a single pill." She shrugged. "They didn't want to get in trouble, so they flushed them after lunch." Suddenly, Clara seemed worried. "Was that wrong?! Are we going to get into trouble--"

"We're FINE," Alex assured her and reached out and took her hand.

"Don't worry about things, okay?" Oliver said gently.

They just sat there, exchanging looks between the three of them. Dinner was definitely over. Alex watched Ray as he paced for a moment, as he kept looking back towards the hallway...towards the back bedroom. She felt awful. This was supposed to be such a nice dinner, too. She'd been so excited to ask Sara so many questions....questions about being the Canary, about resurrection, about her travels...about stories she could tell them about their mom. To her, Sara was this beautiful and powerful amazonian warrior princess.

"We'll clean up, Dad," Alex said quietly as she got to her feet.

Clara was immediately beside her. "Yeah, go ahead and check on Mom." She was quiet for a beat. "We could put Liv to bed, if you needed."

"I can help," Ray said a moment later, but it still wasn't quite convincing to Alex. He was immensely worried and she had NO idea in what state Felicity was in in the bedroom. "Just...I'll be back in a few minutes," he promised as he moved down the hallway.

Alex's head dropped and she started to stack plates.

"Felicity's fine," Oliver spoke as soon as Ray was gone. "She will be...she's been through a lot...she's strong."

Was she convinced?

Honestly, Alex wasn't sure. Continuing to stack plates and silverware, she just sighed. "Today WAS a good start to a day…"

"You all like questions," Oliver brought up. "Ask me something. You guys had to have questions for us. You knew that Sara and I were going to be having dinner here. Ask me something."

Everyone was quiet.

Oliver let out a sigh and Alex almost expected him to not even let a minute go past without speaking, but to her surprise...he remained silent. They all went about starting to pick up dinner and put things away when Alex suddenly thought of a question. She stopped and looked in the direction that Oliver was. "Why haven't you left?"

He stopped and looked directly at her. "Because I promised."

"I get that you're going to be our bodyguard now and that you're not going to whisk Mom away, but WHY are you still here?"

"Because I love her...and I promised her...and I promised myself that I'd keep her...and all of you safe."

And she believed him.

"Okay."

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


	20. This is Reality

Nerves were killing her this morning. It wasn't just about school, though...it MOSTLY was...she just hated going to school in general. It wasn't that she didn't like school because she quite liked it, it was just that even with all the uniforms and everything that she never felt like she fit in. It wasn't that it was a different school than the one she'd attended in Central City or really...anything. She'd kept telling herself that it was because she was a teenager. She was experiencing life differently than she had before...and she was somehow experiencing life differently than Alex, even though they were close in age.

The world was a hard place for a teenage girl.

Clara felt so self conscious all the time. They wore uniforms to school, so the whole getting the right clothes thing was done for her. Outside of school, Ray and Felicity...they'd buy her anything that she asked for. That wasn't it. It didn't matter if she did her hair or if Alex did it. No matter what, she just didn't feel pretty enough or...good...enough.

"Hey, you okay?" Alex asked.

Nodding, she knew that it was a lie, but she just didn't want to talk about it. Clara was an intelligent person and she'd read everything...online tutorials...everything about body shaming...and how women were still treated and shamed for their looks and their confidence severely lowered. None of it had made anything easier for her.

"You know," Oliver spoke up. "We have enough time…"

They were headed for Star City Metro Academy, walking like it was a normal day...though today their escort consisted of Oliver AND Sara. Alex was always one for questions, but Clara wasn't up for it that morning.

"Enough time...for what?" Etta finally questioned.

Clara checked her phone for the time. They WERE early, but not obscenely so. It wasn't like she wouldn't use that time wisely, there were always socializing and reading as options.

"Hot chocolate Donuts?" Oliver suggested.

"Trying to win points?" Sara half accused.

Oliver scoffed at her. "I already HAVE the job."

"Babysitter and escort extraordinaire to the Palmer children," Alex teased and made a rather grand moment with both of her hands. "You should have business cards made up…"

Normally, this would be where she'd chime in with something, but she just found herself unable to. Clara just wasn't in the mood for it. She kept looking around and everyone seemed prettier to her. Clara certainly felt like the ugly duckling.

"I'm in!" Alex said and bounced a bit. They'd had a serious discussion while getting ready that morning about the Vertigo problem at school. Alex had seemed so distracted about it the day before, but to Clara..Alex didn't seem AS bothered as Clara currently felt.

"I wouldn't mind a sugary treat," Etta spoke up.

All Clara could get out was, "I don't care."

And she didn't.

Not today.

A hand reached out to stop her. Clara looked over to see that it was Alex. "You SURE you're okay? Right now, you don't SEEM okay."

Clara noticed that everyone else had stopped and were now watching them. She really hated being watched and stared at, especially when she felt guilty. "I'm FINE. I told you."

"You just don't seem your happy, bouncey, giggly, klutzy, sparkles, and rainbow self."

Clara just blinked for a moment. Was that REALLY how she was seen? She quickly pushed that thought aside knowing that she was just being over sensitive and maybe a bit paranoid. "I just--"

"This is about yesterday, isn't it?"

"Yes," she finally responded. "I tried not to worry about it, but--"

"Is there something going on that we should know about?" Sara asked.

Clara looked over at her. "Maybe we should talk about this...someplace...less...public…"

"You sure?" Alex asked. When Clara nodded, Alex took her hand and squeezed it. "Okay. We're in this together like always."

So, they walked to the donut shop and found a place to sit that wasn't in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the morning service. Sara and Oliver approached the table and set down the hot chocolates and an assorted box of fresh donuts in the middle of the table before joining them. Before anything could be said, Clara reached out and snagged a brightly colored sprinkled donut and started to devour it before they could start talking. She wasn't sure if she'd want it after everything came out. There was so much guilt and worry inside of her.

They didn't ask right away and let them eat their donuts and drink their hot chocolate. Time ticked by, but Sara and Oliver waited...they didn't push. "If there's something going on, then you need to tell us...tell someone," Oliver finally said gently and lowly. Even though he obviously wanted them to talk, for HER to talk, it wasn't a push and Clara didn't feel like he was forcing her to give it up.

"Is it THAT obvious?" Clara questioned. This was something that she felt like she needed to know.

"Yes," Oliver and Sara responded in unison.

The three of them sighed.

"They're going to tell the parents," Etta commented as she flipped a page, not looking up from her book.

"Do you think we shouldn't?" Sara questioned.

Etta shrugged in silent response.

"They should know...obviously," Clara started to ramble. "Though I don't think it's really something they need to know as much as Grandpa."

"Well, we can tell my dad too," Sara told her.

"You guys all seem so close to Ray and Felicity, why would you keep something from them? It can't be THAT bad," Oliver said. "Is it because of all of us? Because we can give you guys more time without all of us around…"

"It's...it's…" Clara stumbled and looked over to Alex for help. Etta wasn't really ANY help hiding behind her book. "It's just that I feel--"

"Worried about what could happen when we tell you," Alex supplied.

"That we could get into trouble," Clara added.

"That WE should have done something when it happened."

"Guilt."

Silence.

"It's going to feel better if you just tell us," Oliver practically promised. "We're not going to judge...and we're not going to do anything that's going to make things worse…"

"Believe me, Ollie and I have probably done way worse," Sara said. She was obviously trying to make this easier, but Clara didn't feel like it was any easier.

"We were at lunch yesterday," Clara explained. "At school." She tapped her fingers on the table and found herself unable to look at anyone. "And--well, people were late…"

"We were out first," Alex explained. "So, we grabbed our table and waited for our friends."

"And when they came...they had these baggies that had a pill in them," Clara confessed. It was like a bus of guilt was hitting her and running her over back and forth as she spoke the next words. "They were DRUGS!" At the same time, it felt like all of the guilt and worry and everything that she'd been holding inside of her melted away. "Can you believe it? Drugs at OUR school?! That's...that's like never happened before."

"Let's not say never," Alex said quickly. "There's always been some people who supplied some students with over the counter stuff or like Adderall… It's always stuff that's supposed to give you an edge or help you concentrate or whatever… Academic achievement and all of that."

"Not that we've EVER taken anything," Clara put it out there quickly as her head snapped up.

"How did you know that they weren't something like Adderall?" Sara questioned. "And did your friends take any?"

Alex shook her head first. "No, they dumped them and flushed them… They were freaked. I mean, we'd get likely expelled and have that on our record if we were caught with drugs… Our friends aren't stupid. I think I only know ONE friend in our group who has taken something to help her focus and that was one time and it made her heart beat super fast and she never did it again."

"The pills," Etta spoke up, still hiding behind her book. "They were obviously not something that's prescription or over the counter just by the colors, the shape, the markings, and the bag was clearly marked. Why mark a bag with a fake drug name?"

"It was marked?" Oliver questioned.

"It said Vertigo," Clara said. "I mean, what kind of name is that?"

"I really don't want to take a pill that causes that kind of medical condition," Alex added. "Obviously they're not doing a very good job at advertising things."

"Actually, some of those symptoms are actually what you feel while on Vertigo," Oliver told them. "I've been drugged before...as the Arrow… But I also saw things...things that weren't there. One time I thought I was fighting myself. It's dangerous. This isn't something that you should have kept."

"You're not going to be in trouble for telling us, you may save some lives actually," Sara tried to assure.

"But everyone will know it's US that told," Clara explained. "What if someone retaliates or something?"

"Then they'll have to face me."

"You've already scared off half the boys," Alex pointed out.

"So, obviously...I'm not doing a very good job if I haven't scared them all off," Oliver teased.

"So, what's going to happen now?"

"You leave it to us."

"That's it?" Clara asked. "Who are you going to tell?"

"Ray, Felicity, Quentin, the Headmaster of the academy...the people who SHOULD know," Oliver told them. "But we can do it in a way that no one's going to be singled out...and no one's going to know WHO told. Things like this, though, you all REALLY cannot hold it a secret. It needs to be something you tell your parents…they love you and they're never going to be so upset with you over anything...believe me...I know them."

It made her feel a little better to hear that, but Clara supposed that she always still worried a bit about her place in the world and her place within the family. "We're late for school…" Clara pointed out.

"We'll write you a note," Sara told them. "Let's not rush."

So they didn't.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

They'd done something that none of them had done before.

They'd skipped class.

Not only that, they'd skipped school.

Clara knew that normally she'd be having a panic attack, but it had sort of been her idea. She'd really been joking, but then Alex had gotten on board and that had pretty much been their downfall. Etta was apparently just along for the ride since "she didn't have anything else better to do anyways" and "she really wouldn't be missing anything educational for that day". Whatever their excuses...they'd walked and taken public transportation all across Star City in order to get to their destination.

The Foundry.

It was like some mythical land, except it wasn't...because they'd been there before...and they knew it was real. Somehow, it still felt like something out of a fantasy as they looked around. Etta had found a place to sit on the floor in order to read, while she and Alex went to work looking to hook up computers and hope that the tech wasn't so old that it wouldn't be useful.

"We're going to get caught," Etta piped up as she continued to read from her spot on the floor.

"Accepted fact," Clara said quite confidently.

And it was.

They were going to be in so much trouble.

They'd skipped school.

Gone someplace that their parents wouldn't want them.

No one knew of their location or plan.

They were so getting grounded...for pretty much the first time ever...Clara supposed that wasn't so bad. That just meant that they'd be like normal kids. Or at least, that's what she gathered from the bits of television she'd seen about family dynamics.

"You know, if we were just going to research, there are about twenty different places we could have gone to...at LEAST...between here and school," Etta told them.

"Really? Twenty?"

"Okay, let's be honest," Etta told them and set down her book. "This is rather ridiculous. Besides being able to use pretty much any computer...ANYWHERE...we could have used our cell phones… You two just wanted to nose around…"

Clara stared at her sister and tilted her head slightly. "I'm so confused today…"

"I'm not!" Alex bounced and was spinning around in the computer chair down there. "And can I just say how much more awesome this place is without Oliver bleeding all over the place?!"

When Clara looked over at Alex, she was off of the chair and seemingly checking wires and making sure the connections were all in place. "We're going to be grounded for...forever… You realize what we're risking?!"

"I am hoping they won't be so cruel," Etta commented.

Clara sighed dramatically and suddenly wondered if they could sneak BACK to school and come up with some excuse that their teachers had just mismarked the absence or some such thing. "They're going to take away EVERYTHING good in our lives!" Clara flailed a bit as it sunk in. They really would be punished...and severely! "Our tech...and our BOOKS!"

The books!

Their worlds!

How would they survive?

Suddenly, there was a loud noise and a thundering sound. "I was thinking more...that I'll be your shadow twenty-four/seven."

All of them jumped and were turning their attention towards the stairs. Clara started to panic. Had they been followed? This place was supposed to be special and it was obvious that it was sort of a time capsule that her mother had kept, what if she'd screwed it all up?! She reached out nervously for Alex. What were they going to do?!

"I really am surprised that none of you thought that we'd find out," Felicity said as she and Oliver stepped into view on the stairs. She held up her phone for them all to see. "You all three carry a device...it's called a cell phone...and it has GPS…"

"Crap," Alex muttered quietly, so only Clara could hear.

"I did think of that," Clara said slowly.

"What? And you didn't say anything?" Alex questioned.

Etta had gone back to her book it seemed once she'd seen who it was. She had two cents to put in, though, as well. "It's smarter to keep the GPS enabled...think if something happened," Etta put out there.

"What if we were kidnapped?!" Clara added with an almost scared tone.

"That would never happen," Oliver said.

"We just wanted to do some research," Alex said and it immediately sounded insanely silly.

"There's the computers at school," Felicity pointed out. "Or your phones...or the computers at home…"

"We just couldn't stop thinking about Vertigo," Clara tried to explain. "All I know is that you guys...Team Arrow...you dealt with it before…" She shrugged. "I sort of hoped that you guys kept files with information that wouldn't be in news articles."

"This is probably how Diggle felt when your mom originally hired him to be your bodyguard," Felicity teased Oliver, who just seemed to smile, shake his head, and cringe all at the same time.

"I was horrible then," Oliver said.

"So, does that mean we're not in trouble?" Alex asked hopefully.

"No," Oliver and Felicity said in unison.

They were in so much trouble.

Goodbye, life.

Goodbye, books.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 **< Flashback - Three Years Before  >**  


Tears were running down her face as she only pulled her eyes off the screen long enough to check the text messages as her phone kept dinging. They were all from other kids that she knew had parents at the charity event. Everyone was asking if anyone had heard from their parents or if there was any kind of update.

There wasn't.

No one had heard anything.

Everyone was assuming the worst and it seemed like from what they were seeing on the TV that it was really all they could do. Their parents would have called them right away or had gotten word through, Clara was certain. There was too much damage to the building from what it looked like. The news had announced it as a bombing and Clara hadn't been able to think optimistically past that point, which was weird for her.

"They're gone," Clara whispered to her sister.

Etta was sitting right next to her and when Clara looked over to her, their hands still entwined, she couldn't fathom how her sister could just sit there glued to the newscast and not even shed a tear. Was she in denial?

"I know," Etta just replied back evenly and quietly.

"Etta--"

"I know the math," her sister finally replied just as evenly as their eyes finally met.

 

**< /Flashback  >**

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

"Something HAS to be done."

"We already talked to Captain Lance," Oliver supplied.

"And?" Alex prompted.

Silence.

"And nothing?!" Clara flailed. "How can there be NOTHING?! We're talking about DRUGS and children and...and our school is supposed to be SAFE!"

"They have to have more to go on," Felicity said. "It's not a problem that you can fix with a snap of the finger."

"The guy HAS to be on video," Alex argued.

"Right," Clara said as she pointed to Alex. "The academy has so many cameras--"

"They were hacked and those hallways...the feeds were cut," Oliver explained. "And we know that there were several suspects because they had a couple of students report it and they gave different descriptions."

Clara was quiet as she took that in. She'd been so worried about getting into trouble. It had killed her not to do something then, maybe that was why she felt like they HAD to do something now. She was quiet still as she asked the question, "Someone reported it?"

"Multiple people," Felicity replied.

"Oh…"

"Oliver and Sara explained that you all thought you would somehow get into trouble," Felicity said gently. She closed the distance between them, nearing her and Alex until her arm finally wrapped around them both. "You three know better than that…"

"We didn't want to be too much trouble," Etta uttered from her spot on the floor.

Clara looked over at her sister and just stared to cry. Her eyes even was tearing up, her book closed and in her lap. It was then that Clara realized that that was the deep truth. Even though they'd been this great family, deep down they knew that they were these three girls that had been basically FORCED into Ray and Felicity's lives.

What if they questioned things?

What if they just wanted Liv?

What if--

"Hush," Felicity whispered. "None of you are EVER going to be too much trouble." She kissed their heads. They'd had this same conversation before, but the fear was always there. Maybe it was because it had only been a couple of years...or maybe it was because of hormones. Clara wasn't sure, just that the worry was ever present. "You three are MY daughters. I have the papers and the matching surnames to prove it...let alone the albums of pictures…" Felicity pulled back and looked in between the three of them, her hands still touching both Alex and Clara's shoulders. Her look was serious and almost stern. "Nothing is ever going to change that...nobody is EVER going to take you away and I am NEVER going to WANT to give you up."

"You're sure?" Etta asked.

"I'm absolutely positive."

Clara beamed for the first time in nearly two days and attack hugged Felicity, nearly knocking her over. Alex wrapped her arms around them both a moment later.

"You three are still in trouble, though," Felicity reminded gently.

"Oh…" Clara groaned.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**< Flashback - Three Years Before  >**

 

It was late.

Well, technically...it was early morning.

Past two in the morning.

There was a knock at the door and their sitter answered it. Clara had expected police, who would finally be coming around to give the news. Clara had no idea if they'd even be able to identify all of the bodies or if they'd just have to go off of the list of people who were AT the event. Worry and fear twisted within her and there just weren't anymore tears or sobs that her body would allow.

She was numb.

They were orphans.

No mother.

No father.

No family.

No one in the whole world.

The sight of her uncle and his girlfriend was pretty much the best thing that she'd seen in several hours. She felt suddenly like she could breathe and that things were going to be okay. He was likely there to tell them that their parents were in the hospital and that they'd been hurt. Even though she couldn't cry anymore that didn't stop her from running and hugging Ray. She held on and just waited for him to say something. His arms came around her and held her for a moment. When she finally looked up at her Uncle Ray's face and Felicity's, it was THEN that she realized that she'd missed a huge clue.

"No…" she denied. Both of their faces were red and they looked like they'd been crying for some time, coupled with the general look of sadness on their faces. "No!" Clara screamed at him. She really wasn't screaming AT him because she was angry, it was just that he was there.

"I'm sorry, Kiddo," Ray whispered.

It didn't help.

She was numb.

Clara just sucked in breath and then looked over to where Etta was standing behind her, she looked absolutely gone, like she was in a trance. "What happens to us?" Clara asked as she looked back to Ray.

"Don't worry about that now," Ray told her.

"I can't believe they're both gone," she whispered and found tears rolling down her cheeks even though her eyes were so raw and sore. A sob bubbled up inside of her and Felicity was pulling her into a hug then. Clara clung to her. "Please don't leave us too!"

"We won't leave you, I promise," Felicity told her as she held her.

Those words, they were like some kind of life line. Clara just didn't know how to function. How would the world work? How would she live? How would she and Etta continue on? They really didn't have family out there in the world beyond Ray...and he was an unmarried man who ran a large company.

"We'll take care of you."

"We will," Ray echoed.

Clara just buried her face into Felicity's dress and let it all out again. Everything that she thought that she'd already pushed out. She had told herself that they were dead, that they were gone, she'd KNOWN it for HOURS...but now...it was like she'd been grasping to hope without realizing it.

There was no hope.

They were gone.

Her parents were dead.

She and Etta were orphans.

How many others were as well?

What would happen to them? Clara just let all of the sobs and tears out and allowed Felicity to hold her. All she wanted to know was that in the morning, everything would be different...reset...even though she knew that wasn't going to happen. This wasn't some nightmare that would go away when she woke up, this was reality and it was ugly and dark and painful.

She didn't want to live in the world.

Clara couldn't.

There was just too much pain.

 

**< /Flashback  >**

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

"At least they didn't take the books away."

Clara looked towards the bookshelves. "I honestly think that there are just too many for them to realistically confiscate." She got up and walked to Alex's shelves. They all had bookshelves in their rooms, pretty much an entire wall, and they were all full. She and Alex had a lot of the same books, but then they shared and exchanged too. She just stared at them all. "You know, I don't think I've ever looked at all of these and actually THOUGHT about what these have meant to all of us."

"An escape?" Alex questioned as she joined her.

Etta was in her own room, reading, and trying to get through the book that she'd been working on since breakfast. She and Alex, though, had been sitting for the most part in silence since they'd been brought home. All of the adults were out in the living room discussing what they were going to do and what should be done. Clara didn't want to think about that now, though.

"They're all like a TARDIS, bigger on the inside," Clara told her.

Alex smiled in response. "You want weapons? We're in a library! Books are the best weapon in the world! The room's the greatest arsenal we could have! Arm yourself!"

Clara grinned in response. 'Doctor Who' was something that Ray and Felicity had introduced them to upon moving to Star City. It, like the books, had been part of the healing process. It had been their bonding time as they'd all actually sit down together, eat snacks, and have the best discussions. "You know, I remember the first book they bought us--"

"Me too," Alex said as her hand went out to touch the spine of the book on her shelf.

"I actually have a memory about every book on my shelf," Clara admitted. "How it helped me...what I learned from it...why I needed it at that time…"

"I guess I really didn't think THAT deeply about it."

"They've always helped us...and they've always accepted us…"

"I know."

"But we keep still worrying that they're just going to abandon us," Clara said. "Why?"

"I still have nightmares sometimes," she admitted.

Clara frowned. "Yeah, me too…"

They were silent, just staring at the books for a while before Alex sighed. "They DID adopt us, all three of us...legally...there are papers and everything...and matching last names…"

"I've been thinking about it since earlier...and I think it's because this has all been too perfect...felt like a dream…" Clara explained. "But this IS reality…"

"Vertigo still needs to be stopped."

"You're right," Clara said. "And we have a team of heroes out there...they HAVE to do SOMETHING, right?"

"I think they'd counter with 'we're retired' as their excuse."

"Maybe they just need to know that we STILL need heroes."

"Maybe…"

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be keeping an eye on my Tumblr for a posting of the Soundtrack of "Paths" :D


	21. Bottled Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Etta's POV

**Etta's Room - Palmer Residence**   
**Star City**

 

"They aren't doing anything."

"I thought they're all heroes," Clara said. "Aren't heroes supposed to do...hero things? Make things right that are wrong?"

"They're retired," Etta pointed out. "It's not like The Flash has ever gone and retired and then taken it back."

Alex shook her head. "That we KNOW of."

That was true.

It was hard to really know what to expect of the adults in their lives. After all, they'd just found this different side of them that they didn't know about before. "We shouldn't live with how things are," Etta said very evenly. "Why settle for the status quo of things when they're really not the status quo?"

"What are WE supposed to do?" Clara asked her younger sister.

Etta grabbed a tablet. "We've got the world at our fingertips," she reminded. "There has to be SOMETHING that we can do."

"We're teenagers--"

"We're the children of Ray and Felicity Palmer, I think that we can pretty much do anything," Etta reminded. Sure, Felicity and Ray weren't their biological parents, but no one ever seemed to realize that...there were just comments about how Felicity was far too young to have older kids. The thing was, their brains, for the most part...they worked the same when it came to things like researching and getting down to using technology.

"Normally we use those powers for good," Clara said.

"Yeah, the good of ordering clothes online," Alex added. "Or books."

Etta just stared at her two older sisters and then shook her head. "I'm being serious."

"We know."

"Don't you feel like you have to do something?"

"The adults know," Clara reminded her. "And Grandpa is going to get involved."

"Do you really think that's enough?"

"What else do you expect us to do?"

Etta was frustrated. Maybe it was just because the adults really weren't acting. A year ago, she wouldn't have expected more from them, but now that she knew that they were part of Team Arrow...that colored how she expected them to act. Not only that, but they knew what Vertigo was...they'd dealt with it before. "I don't know," she admitted.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Flashback - Three Years Ago**

**Central City**

 

Etta sat in her bedroom, boxes everywhere. Her desk chair was pretty much the only thing that was left that she could sit on in there. It was odd. It had been two and a half weeks since her parents had been killed. Two and a half weeks since everything changed. Etta had mostly steered clear of being in group gatherings unless she had to. It was too hard. There were too many friends who had lost their parents. There was too much sadness everywhere. She didn't want to hear from another person that they were sorry for her loss.

There was a light knock on her door and Etta turned, not saying a word. She'd realized the night before, before her bed had been broken down, that she hadn't talked to anyone in a few days...not since the funeral. The funeral had made it so final and Etta had felt like she just couldn't handle any of the emotions that came with grief or loss or anything else that she should be feeling. So, she'd tried to lock it all away. Her escape had been books. She'd probably read one or two every day in the last two and a half weeks. Luckily, no one had argued when she'd just left a piece of paper with titles and authors of books she wanted with her name at the top.

"I have your books."

She just stared at Felicity, who was standing in her doorway. Etta didn't say anything, though. She knew that they would be leaving soon, very soon. Tonight, they were staying in a nearby hotel as things needed to be packed into a moving van. She remembered that Ray had said something about looking for a place for them all to live in in Star City, but he was trying to get all of the legal paperwork wrapped up there in Central City first.

"We're ready to head over to dinner and then the hotel, though, so I figured that we could take the books to the car," Felicity suggested. When Etta just nodded and got up from her chair before grabbing the bag of things that she'd been asked to pack, she took the bag that Felicity held full of her books. "I know that you haven't wanted to talk...which is fine, but if you want to, I'm here...and Ray's here...you know that right?"

Etta knew that.

Maybe it was because even though they knew Ray pretty well, they didn't know Felicity as well...and this was all a lot to take in. Or maybe it was all of the questions that had started to accumulate in her mind lately that had put her off wanting to talk to anyone. Etta was fairly sure though that it all fell into the category of too much change, too fast, and having no control.

Etta finally just gave Felicity a nod. She still didn't feel like talking. She wasn't ready. Not just yet. Soon, but not yet. So, she followed Felicity out and gave one last look to her bedroom. This had been her home...had been the place that had held so many beautiful memories…

"We're going to go to sushi, I hope that's okay," Felicity told her and put her arm around her.

The thing was, it was hard to be angry. The truth was, Etta didn't even WANT to be angry, but at the same time...she felt like she needed to be. She hadn't cried, not since that first night they'd come and told them that their parents were dead. It was like she'd completely shut down and she could feel the build up of emotions inside of her and she just wanted to let them out. She couldn't be mad at her parents, though, they hadn't planned on leaving her...leaving them. And there was no way she could be angry with Ray and Felicity, they'd been nothing but kind and understanding and willing to do whatever the girls felt like they needed done or what they wanted. And then there were her questions, the questions that she was afraid to ask.

Did she want the truth?

What if it was the tip of the iceberg?

What if it was too much to bear?

 

**End Flashback**

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Etta's Room - Palmer Residence**   
**Star City**

 

It was the middle of the night.

Emotions were whirling inside of her and she didn't know how to express them. It had been years that she'd been bottling up emotions and though, she'd pushed on with her life, those emotions had still been kept inside of her. She'd never really grieved for the loss of her parents. It had been one night of crying and that had been it. She'd never mourned the loss of all of her friends and the memories she'd made in Central City. She'd never asked the question that she'd wanted to ask so badly.

There was no control.

For some reason, the fact that none of the adults would do anything proactive about the Vertigo problem had brought up this lingering emotional hurricane inside of her. Etta just couldn't be there. She had to be somewhere else. She changed into warm clothes and packed her backpack with books mainly and had planned on adding in some snacks and a water bottle. All she wanted to do was to get away and have some time to think.

She needed to be in control.

She needed to be somewhere else.

Really, it wasn't just the Vertigo, though. Etta had received a text from one of her friends from Central City, Pax. She needed help and even though they didn't seem to be able to do anything about the Vertigo, she felt like she could help her friend. She could easily walk down to the train station, buy a ticket, get on a train, read her way to Central City, and then help her friend. Etta was certain that she could do that. That she could be in control of her own life for one day. So many people saw her as a small child because she was so young, but her intelligence she had always thought made her older than her actual biological age.

There was a thought of a note, but Etta couldn't bring herself to writing down everything she felt on paper...to explain what was actually happening. She didn't think she actually could.

Quietly, she made her way out of her room and to the kitchen to collect snacks and a water bottle. Etta was also going to grab money from the emergency jar. Maybe this wasn't really an emergency, but she needed it for this...she needed it for her mission. That was the best way she could think of it. It was something she had to do, something that she COULD do herself.

The emergency stash was kept in the kitchen in a cupboard in a container that had held those weird dried onion things that you always saw on holiday commercials. Etta had no memory of eating those things on green beans, but somehow they had the can. Lifting herself up on her tiptoes, she grabbed the can and pulled out about how much money she thought she'd need. She had grabbed a little extra, just in case. Etta knew that she also had an emergency credit card that she could use, but the limit wasn't high enough for the tickets she needed to purchase.

It only took her a moment to gather everything and arrange it in her backpack. Slinging it back onto her back, she pulled up her hood on her jacket and headed for the door. Etta went over in her head what she'd brought with her, what she needed, making sure those two things matched as she reached out to open the door.

A light flipped on behind her.

Etta froze. She waited. She could tell from how the light lit the room that it was a living room light, it wasn't a hall light or the kitchen light. So, she just stood there and waited. She couldn't be sure WHO it was. Her stomach twisted and she tried to think of what she was going to say. It wasn't like she could lie, but she could think of what was the best way to relay what she had planned on doing.

"It's a bit late."

It was Ray and he didn't sound upset or angry with her. He sounded tired and gentle. She turned and saw him sitting there on the couch, just watching her. He hadn't even gotten up. He was dressed in pajamas and she wondered if he'd been sitting out there all night long. Had he known that she was going to leave?

"I," Etta started, but just couldn't bring herself to say any of the other words.

Ray got up from the couch and headed over to her. "What's wrong?"

"You're not doing anything about the Vertigo," Etta said, but that wasn't it all.

He was quiet and crouched down in front of her. For a moment, Ray was silent and he looked down with his hands over his mouth and seemed to be thinking. "This," Ray said. "Isn't about the Vertigo thing." He was quiet. "At least not entirely." Ray was looking right at her now. His eyes seemed bigger and there was just something about them that conveyed that he could be told anything. "Were you going to run away?"

The only child that they'd ever really worried about that with had been Alex. She was fairly sure that once Felicity and Ray had realized that if Alex left, then Clara would too (who would give way more obvious warning signs) they stopped worrying about it. "No," she said. "But I do need to do something."

"Can you tell me what it is?"

Etta stood there in silence for a long moment. "I have to help a friend."

"At three-thirty in the morning?"

"I need to be on the first train."

"To where?"

"Central City," Etta told him.

"Who are you going to see there?"

Etta huffed and looked down, unable to look at Ray. "I needed to go and help Pax."

"The one with the purple hair?"

That brought her attention to him. In that moment, she realized that this was one of the things that made Ray such a great dad to them. It had been three years, but Ray still remembered that their friend Pax had purple hair. Slowly, she nodded. "Yes."

"She lost her parents, too," Ray said. "Doesn't she live with her grandmother?"

Etta nodded again.

"Why does she need YOUR help?"

Sucking in a breath, she just stared at him for a long time. "Her grandmother's about to die. She has stage four cancer and the doctors say she can die any day and she doesn't want to go to foster care."

"Does she have any other family?"

"No."

Ray was quiet, but when he finally spoke, it made her think. "What did you think you were going to be able to do for her?"

Etta had figured that she'd bring Pax to Star City. That was really all that she'd thought about. She had thought it was a good plan. It wasn't like they didn't have the room. They had rollaway bed things and there was a queen sized air mattress in one of the cupboards. She hadn't thought it was that big of a deal. "Bring her home?"

"Sweetie, I don't think that's really the answer," Ray said gently. "She probably wants to be with her grandmother." He paused for a moment. "And if you bring Pax here without her guardian's permission, you both could get in trouble." He was quiet for a moment again and his voice remained gentle. "We can't just take her into our family, Etta… You can't just decide that--"

"But you adopted Alex."

"You're right." There was a long pause. "But that was different."

"How?" Etta pushed.

"Alex had no one to care for her, you were all close, and the decision was made by ALL of us," Ray tried to explain.

Etta tried to take that in. Three years ago, when they were all forged into a family, they had all decided to be a family. Felicity had even decided on it before she and Ray were even formally engaged. Ever since they'd taken them in, Felicity and Ray had treated them like they were their own children. Maybe that was why she thought it was so easy to bring Pax home with her, that's just what she wanted for her friend. She knew that there had been a lot of children who had been orphaned or had lost a parent that life and some were luckier than others, but they...Alex, Clara, and her were the luckiest of them all because they had Ray and Felicity...they had been given a family that didn't push or force things but were one hundred percent theirs and never leaving.

"Pax is the same age as Alex," Etta explained. She had a lot of older friends that were closer in age to Clara and Alex because she'd been in higher level classes back in Central City too. "I don't think there are a lot of people looking to adopt a teenager."

"You're probably right," Ray said with a sigh. He was quiet and looked down for a moment and then looked back up at her. He pushed the dark hair from her face, his hand cupping her cheek. "I don't know how we're going to make it right, but I promise you, Etta...we will figure out how to make sure that your friend is going to be okay."

"Really?" she asked. Clara was shocked that that was so easy, but that the Vertigo issue hadn't been so quickly resolved.

"But we're going to discuss it in the morning...when the sun's up...and your mom and I've had a cup of coffee or two."

Etta just nodded for a moment.

"Why didn't you think you could come to us about this?"

Etta thought that over. She REALLY thought that over. For three years, she'd held everything inside. She'd gone about telling herself that everything was fine or going to be fine, to be happy and grateful for everything she had and was given. It had taken her a little time after they'd moved to Star City to really believe that, but it hadn't been like that the entire time. "I wanted to be in control," she finally blurted out. Tears started to fall down her face. "For ONCE, I wanted to be the one in control of my life."

Ray looked crushed and he looked confused all at the same time. "Etta…" he whispered. "Hey," Ray said as he brushed away her tears. "You KNOW that you can ALWAYS talk to me or Felicity."

"Sometimes it isn't so easy."

"This has to be about more than Pax," Ray said.

He was right.

"Will you always tell me the truth?" she asked him, staring at him and not letting her eye contact with him move. She wanted to watch his reaction and she wanted to know that he really meant it.

Ray was quiet for a moment. "We always try to tell you the truth. Why would you think that we wouldn't?"

"My last name has always been Palmer...the only one who had to be changed when we were adopted was Alex," Etta said. "Why is that? Why were our names always Palmer?"

"That's something that your parents decided when you and Clara were born," Ray said. "Your dad took your mom and my surname...which isn't traditional...but it's not unheard of…" He shrugged. "Do you want it to be something else?"

"No," she said quietly and pulled away. Etta looked to the side for a moment and wiped away some of her own tears before looking back at him. "I just...I wanted to ask before…"

"You could have," Ray told her gently.

She believed him.

"Do you want to stay up and talk for a little bit?" he asked.

Three years.

She'd kept it in for three years.

Etta finally just nodded.

"Why don't you sit on the couch? I'll make some hot chocolate and we can talk for however long you want and about whatever you want," Ray suggested. "Okay?"

He was being calm and gentle and understanding, even though he didn't know everything yet. Etta nodded again and moved towards the couch. She wasn't sure if she'd tell him much, but she'd definitely enjoy the hot chocolate, it wasn't like she could sleep anyways. She was just glad that the topic of Pax wasn't dropped, that they were going to bring it up later on.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Flashback - Three Years Ago**

**Central City**

 

This was it.

They were leaving Central City.

For good.

The truck was packed and plans were set for them to go to Star City with Felicity and Ray. Etta wasn't sure how it was going to work. She wasn't sure how it was all going to work with Ray raising three girls, but she hoped that Felicity stuck around. She liked her, but she would never really be her mother...just like Ray could never really be her father. She was glad that Alex was going with them, that Ray had agreed to that...well, they'd all agreed on it. It was still hard to leave everything she knew behind. It was hard starting over, but she'd told herself that once she got to Star City, that that was it...she was starting over. It was going to be like she was a new person. It was really the only way she could really figure out how to make it all work.

"You're going to keep in touch, right?"

"We definitely are!"

Etta just stood there and watched Clara and Alex hug Pax. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that they had to give up all of this. It was just easier to decide to start over. This was one of the reasons she liked books so much. She could just hide and get lost in books...and if she didn't like it, then she could just open another one.

Pax hugged her tight. "I'm going to miss you!"

"I'm going to miss you," Etta said as she hugged her. It was definitely the truth. She hugged her tight and for a moment, she held on for dear life. This was going to be her leaving her life there behind. Once they separated, Etta held out a gift for her friend. She'd pulled out one of her favorite books and presented it. It was the closest way of leaving a piece of herself with Pax and in Central City, the closest way to keep them together.

"I know we won't be far, but it already feels far."

And she was right.

Etta felt it too.

"We're lucky, though," Pax told her quietly.

Maybe she was right.

It didn't feel like it though.

Etta knew what Pax meant, though. They both had family to take care of them, not every Central City orphan had that to say. It was different, too, because she had Clara and Alex. Pax had no one else except her grandmother. There was something so nice in knowing that she wasn't alone and that she would never be.

"You can come and visit in Star City anytime," Ray told Pax.

Etta knew that Ray was a good person and when he made a promise or a deal or anything of that sort, that it wasn't something that he went back on. If he was offering what he was saying, then she knew that they could count on it.

Felicity was there at Ray's side now, holding onto his arm. "If your grandmother says you can come visit, then you call us and we'll make arrangements to make sure you can get to us. You have our contact info."

Pax nodded and just smiled. "I appreciate that."

"And we can come back and visit, too, right?" Clara asked.

"Of course," Ray promised. "You just say the word and we'll be out here for a visit."

The goodbye was hard. It was harder to say goodbye to the city itself, though. To leave it all behind. The friends she had there, she knew, could be kept in contact with through all forms of social media and texting. It was still hard to leave. To leave it all behind.

This chapter of her life was over, she told herself.

It seemed to drive only it home that thought as she looked back at Central City from the train window. It seemed to almost fade away the further the train moved.

 

**End Flashback**

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

**Palmer Residence**   
**Star City**

 

Etta woke late.

It was the weekend, so it wasn't like she needed to be anywhere. She could hide away in her room for as long as she liked, if that was what she pleased. Though, Ray HAD promised that they'd talk...all of them...about Pax and what to do.

Even though it was clearly early afternoon, Etta could smell the distinct aroma of breakfast. So, she figured that she'd also take advantage of that. It didn't take her very long to change and run a brush through her hair. She pulled it back into a ponytail and forgot about it. It was just one of those days, at least for the morning. If she found out that they were going to be going somewhere then she could always change and/or fix her hair.

She'd peeked her head into Clara's room, but hadn't found her or Alex on her way to breakfast. When the kitchen finally came into view, she just stood there and stared. Breakfast had been extended from the dining area and kitchen into the living room. EVERYONE was over. It wasn't just THEIR family, but it was everyone else that was in town too.

"There's the sleepy head," Lance commented.

Donna lightly smacked him. "Don't give her a hard time, Quentin! She needs her beauty sleep! Teenage girls need LOTS of sleep."

"She's only ten."

Etta just tried to slip into her spot at the dining table next to Clara, which was waiting for her. As soon as she sat down, there was a plate put in front of her. "Thank you, Uncle John," she said and smiled up at him before moving to devour the pancake breakfast on her plate.

"How late were you up reading?" Clara asked her.

Etta didn't respond, but stopped eating and just looked towards her sister. Had Ray said anything? Did everyone know what had happened?

"She wasn't up reading," Alex responded with an eye roll.

Etta just eyed her two sisters.

"Eat up," Oliver told them as he went past them. Etta watched him for a moment as he moved to the coffee pot to refill the mug he was carrying. "We need to get on with this meeting."

"What meeting?" Etta questioned.

"They're being SUPER mysterious," Alex told her.

"FAMILY meeting," Oliver said.

"Really?" Clara questioned as she looked around.

"We're ALL family here, right?" Ray spoke up.

Her parents were sitting on the couch with Liv and they'd been talking with Sara and Thea when she'd come out originally. When she looked over, they were still sitting there. It was nice, but it was a little weird to have THAT many people crammed into their penthouse.

"Yep," Alex said. Alex, Clara, and Etta were the last ones that seemed to be eating. "i consider all these crazy awesome people family."

"I'm starting to think this place isn't big enough for all of us, though," Clara added. "You know, if everyone's going to stick around...and we're going to have these family gatherings more often."

"And this doesn't even include Team Flash," Felicity added.

Forks suddenly clattered and all three girls were suddenly looking towards Felicity. "Does this mean that we get to MEET Team Flash?" Etta questioned.

"Perhaps, but we were going to talk more about that once you three are done," Ray said.

"Done!" they all shouted and pushed their not yet empty plates forward.

There was a chorus of laughter that rang out. "No, really...you three eat…we're going to have a lot to discuss and figure out."

In that moment, Etta was fairly sure that this wasn't all about Pax. This had to be about something else too. She was hoping that everyone else had decided to move back, that they'd all be living in Star City again. It had taken Etta a while to really fall in love with Star City and to feel like this was her family...but the moment she did, she just wanted to be around them all of the time.

There was no budging the adults on the issue, so the three of them had just sat there and ate in silence. It was probably the quickest that Etta had ever eaten. She just wanted to know what the family meeting was all about and why EVERYONE had been assembled there.

Finally, everyone gathered in the living room. People were sitting on all of the couches and chairs, others were sitting on the arms of things or on the sturdier higher tables next to the chairs. Some of them were just sitting cross legged on the carpet, which is where the three girls ended up sitting. Everyone's attention was on Felicity and Ray.

"We've come together because we have two missions in front of us," Felicity announced as she tucked her legs underneath her and sat up taller. With this movement, Liv seemed to slid more into Ray's lap. "One front will be seen to here in Star City while the other will be taken to Central City."

"And we've called...our buddy there?" Diggle questioned.

"Yes, but we haven't told him anything more than to expect us to use the lab."

"Quentin...and Mom," Felicity said. The 'Mom' part was obviously an addition. "The Diggles...Thea and Roy and I will all be working on the Vertigo problem here in Star City."

"You mean at school?" Clara asked.

"If it's going on at your school, then it's something that's about to become an epidemic throughout the city," Quentin spoke up.

That made sense.

Especially from what she'd read.

Vertigo was a dangerous drug.

It made sense, though, to take the fight citywide. To try to keep people from dying. To keep as many people safe. THIS was exactly what they'd all wanted. This was what they'd wanted to see. What they'd expected. Team Arrow, all of them...extended or otherwise...they were showing that they really were still all heroes.

"Sara, Ray, Clara, Alex, Etta, and I will be travelling to Central City in order to work with Team Flash in order to assess the current issue," Oliver said. "They have had closer eyes on their own city...we're not going to just be looking in on Paxton Monroe, but also all of the other children that were orphaned three years ago."

"We ALL get to go?" Etta questioned.

"One of us needs to stay here," Felicity explained. "To run the company...there are a lot of important meetings that we just can't cancel."

"What if I don't WANT to go?" Alex asked.

"If you don't want to, you can stay here...help us here," Felicity said.

"You have a couple of hours to think about it," Ray told Alex. "We'll be taking the six o'clock train."

"Why wouldn't you WANT to go?" Clara asked Alex.

"We'll be able to see everyone," Etta added.

Even though she'd vowed to leave behind that chapter of her life three years before, there was something about going home that made Etta want to see that old life. Sure, some of the girls she used to know, she still occasionally chatted with, but it was never anything super personal. They were more like bored buddies that just wanted to talk. Maybe she just really felt the need to see if she had really missed anything about Central City or that past life, if she'd made the right decision.

Alex just shrugged. "I just don't know if I want to go back there."

"That's absolutely fair," Sara spoke up. "But you DO have some time to think about it until we leave."

"Everyone going to Central City should pack a bag with a couple days' worth of clothing," Ray said.

"Everyone staying...well, we can start dividing up the work and devising how we're going to do this," Quentin spoke up.

The room seemed to split quickly and Etta found herself quickly going to pack. She was going to see Pax, which was really all that went through her head. Ray hadn't promised her that they'd be bringing her home with them, but at the very least they were going to go assess things. It wasn't even like they were going to just assess for Pax, but for all of the other orphans as a result of the bombing.

In a few short hours, she'd be back in Central CIty.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

TBC…


End file.
